November 26, 2008

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Wednesday, November 26, 2008        Edition: #3909
More From the Sheethouse!

The Mexican wedding of “The Hills” duo Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt wasn’t as ‘secret’ as first thought, as exclusive photos were pre-sold to “Us Weekly” and a 2nd ceremony for family & friends is already planned when they return from Cabo San Lucas (likely another ‘sell-out’) . . . According to UK tabs, foul-mouthed celeb chef Gordon Ramsey has been having an affair for 7 years with a ‘professional mistress’ (in Britain, even being a ho sounds posh) . . . The new Hollywood ‘odd couple’ – pint-size TV actor David Spade (“Rules of Engagement”) & plasticized “Desperate Housewives” star Nicolette Sheridan, spotted ‘full-on making out’ at her 45th birthday bash in an LA eatery (ew, icky!) . . . “My Name is Earl” star Jason Lee has revealed to Sydney’s “Sun Herald” that he secretly wed Australian Ceren Alkac back in July, the mother of his 2nd child whose name has not been revealed (likely because he mercilessly tagged his first spawn via another GF, ‘Pilot Inspektor’) . . . Tom Cruise says he & Katie Holmes would like to have a sibling for 2-year-old Suri but are waiting until Holmes finishes her current stint on Broadway before trying (BS translation: The shelf life of donor sperm is so brief) . . . And “Twilight” star Robert Pattinson admits he was forced to have major dental work before shooting the hit vampire romance movie because producers wanted him to have an alluring smile (actually, he badly needed a dentist simply because – he’s British!).

• Jonas Bros – Today they perform on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel); then tomorrow during halftime of the Thanksgiving Day NFL game in Dallas TX.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Pop singer-turned-country artist Jewel (“Perfectly Clear”) is a guest.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – John Mayer (“Belief”) performs.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Pop singer-turned-country artist Darius Rucker (“Don’t Think I Don’t Think About It“) performs.

• Amy Winehouse – Her rep confirms 25-year-old Winehouse has been admitted to the London Clinic (again) following a ‘reaction to medication’ (again). Word has it she may have suffered a seizure during a drug & booze binge triggered by a scrap with loser husband Blake Fielder-Civil.
• Britney Spears – Here’s an indication of how tightly controlled her comeback is: she says she’s now only allowed to go on dates if she is under the supervision of her assistant and/or members of her management team. (“Circus” indeed.)
• Led Zeppelin – They’ve posted a batch of rare concert footage on their YouTube channel. The videos are mostly bootlegs, converted from scratchy Super8 films of now-legendary shows during the 1970s.
• Madonna – “Page Six” reports that NY Yankee star & rumored BF ‘A-Rod’ will be joining her and her kids for Thanksgiving this weekend, much to the dismay of his ex- and his own kids.
• Paul McCartney – He says he’s okay with people downloading music illegally. Quote: “I don’t mind. It works out.” (BS translation: I couldn’t even burn the ridiculous stack of cash I already have … so who cares?)
• The Raconteurs – They’ve re-recorded the new single “Old Enough” as a bluegrass song featuring Nashville singers Ricky Skaggs and Ashley Monroe.
• Rolling Stones – 64-year-old wildman guitarist Keith Richards is considering releasing an album of covers that he’s recorded over the years, including tunes by artists as diverse as Judy Garland, Perry Como, Tammy Wynette, Fats Domino, and Jerry Lee Lewis. In an online chat he’s stated that he never planned it before but maybe now he might.

• “Australia” ( PG-13 War Drama ): Director Baz Luhrmann’s sprawling epic is set in northern Australia just before World War II. Nicole Kidman stars as an English aristocrat who inherits a ranch & Hugh Jackman plays the stock drover she relies on to help drive 2,000 head of cattle over unforgiving landscape. Russell Crowe was intended to star but balked over money.
NET: http://
• “Four Christmases” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Reese Witherspoon & Vince Vaughn play a married couple from 2 divorced families, meaning they’re stuck attending 4 separate Christmas celebrations … in 1 day. Co-stars Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, and Jon Voight, plus country singers Dwight Yoakam & Tim McGraw. Word has it the 2 leads did NOT get along on the set.
• “Transporter 3“ ( PG-13 Action Thriller ): Jason Statham is back as the guy who’ll deliver anything, anywhere. This time it’s the kidnapped daughter of a government official from Marseilles, France to Odessa, Ukraine. As usual, he has to deal with all manner of obstacles en route. If you like car chases, this is right up your alley … fast. This time he drives an Audi S8.

Switching lights off when not in use does save energy, but there’s a catch. Every time you flip the switch, the bulb takes a jolt of electricity which shortens its life. Studies by the Electric Power Research Institute in Palo Alto CA have found that turning low-energy compact fluorescent bulbs on & off at frequent intervals can shorten their lifespan by as much as 75%. Bottom line: It’s suggested you leave energy-saving bulbs on if you’ll be out of the room for 15 minutes or less. (Kids of nagging parents everywhere thank you for the comeback!)
– “New Scientist”

World-renowned chef & star of “Kitchen Nightmares” (FOX), Gordon Ramsay suggests these simple, turkey tips to help make your holiday nightmare-free …
• Test the Turkey – To ensure your turkey is cooked, skewer the thickest part of the thigh and check the juices. If they’re clear, the turkey is done; if they’re pink, the turkey needs more time in the oven.
• Baste the Turkey – To avoid the skin shriveling as it cools, baste the turkey as soon as it comes out of the oven.
• Rest the Turkey – Never slice the turkey straight from the oven. When the turkey is ready, cover it with tin foil and let it rest for at least 25-30 minutes. Resting the meat allows the juices to redistribute in the bird, making it moist and tender.
• Slice the Turkey – Use the whole bird. Carve the breast first and then start on the legs.
• Gravy – Don’t forget the pan juices from the turkey-roasting tray. It’s where all the turkey flavor is stored and makes a great base for your gravy.
– StarPulse News

A ranking of total vehicle sales since they went into production. The listed country denotes where the car was originally developed, although many have been built in several countries …
5. Ford Escort (20 million) … Great Britain.
4. VW Beetle (22 million) … Germany.
3. VW Golf (25 million) … Germany.
2. Ford F-series pickup (30 million) … USA.
1. Toyota Corolla (32 million) … Japan.

• Veterinarians in Tamworth UK have conducted emergency surgery on a dog named Taffy, after the 18-month-old Springer spaniel swallowed … his owner’s pants. The operation to remove the young boy’s pants was successful after 2 hours. It’s not the first time Taffy wolfed down foreign objects. In the past he’s eaten 300 socks, 15 pairs of shoes and the electronic key fob for the family car.
• As far as anyone knows, a pair of brothers in Ayapan, Mexico, are the only 2 people left in the world who speak the tribal language of Zoque. But there is a big problem … the brothers aren’t speaking to each other. So experts are afraid the language will die out. The Mexican Institute for Indigenous Languages is trying to patch up the differences between them in hopes of saving the dialect.

Nick Ede is a lifestyle consultant who penned “Pantology”, a man’s guide to choosing the right underwear. It’s quite a selfish thing but men really do take a lot of pride in what they wear underneath their trousers, he claims. And they don’t like to suffer. Everything has to be elastic enough but at the same time not tight. Men, he concludes, are very sensitive about their underpants. ([Co-host], for instance, demands they get laundered at least twice a year.)
– “The Independent”

• Wake Up Right – Paul Pearsall, author of “The Last Self-Help Book You’ll Ever Need”, suggests setting your alarm clock early but don’t get up when it rings. Lie there a few minutes and think about who and what is worth getting up for.
• Take Off Your Watch – In his book “In Praise of Slowness”, author Carl Honoré notes that we hurry up when we see a clock, which is why stores don’t have clocks … they want us to linger. He suggests you test this technique by going ‘watch-free’ on evenings and weekends.
• Listen to Relaxing Music – Your body synchronizes to the rhythms around you according to psychologist Sharon Heller, author of “Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight”. In order to chill, she says, you should look for music that’s paced to a relaxed heartbeat, about 60 beats per minute.
– “Natural Health Magazine”

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Pooch Pass’ – A transit pass for dogs. The Aspen, Colorado city council is considering issuing them to encourage dog owners to leave their cars at home. (“What a day! On the way to the mall, Muffins made a bus muss.”)
• ‘Renoviction’ – The mass eviction of an apartment building’s tenants because the owner plans a major renovation. (“The landlords couldn’t get away with raising the rent 1000% so they renovicted everybody. After they remodel, they’ll charge 10 times more.”)
• ‘Silent Run’ – The mass transfer of funds out of a troubled bank by online users. (To prevent a run on a bank these days, “It’s a Wonderful Life’s” ‘George Bailey’ would need a blog and texts.)

Just in time for Thanksgiving, here’s the lowdown on the big mowdown …
• Cardiologist James O’Keefe & his nutritionist wife Joan O’Keefe, authors of “The Forever Young Diet & Lifestyle” suggest ‘preventive snacking’ before a holiday meal. That way you don’t show up ravenous and inhale a tray of canapés. If you can’t snack, the O’Keefes recommend that you position yourself near the vegetable plate, where you can do the least damage.
• Eating the skin on a serving of roast turkey (dark meat) adds about 18% more calories to a serving without the skin.
• Ryan Nerz, media manager for the International Federation of Competitive Eating, warns that overeating during Thanksgiving dinner, without ‘proper training’, can result in illness.
• Nutritionists believe that the amount of tryptophan in turkey is insufficient by itself to induce sleepiness. Rather, it’s the traditional bread-potato-stuffing-pie Thanksgiving meal as a whole that triggers after-dinner lethargy.
• People on diets are 5 times more likely to gain weight during the holiday season than non-dieters. That’s according to psychologist Edward Abramson in his book “Body Intelligence”. (So on Thursday have a second helping … it’s for your health!)

A new UCLA study has found that surfing the web actually stimulates the part of the brain that’s responsible for decision-making and complex reasoning. That means web-surfing can be a mind exercise that’s right up there with other brain teasers that have long been known to keep us nimble of thought, such as crossword puzzles. These kinds of mental activities are particularly important for people later in life, as brain exercises can combat the brain changes that happen as we age. (This is the reason you hooked up with an 80-year-old on Lavalife.)

• If you throw an apple to a group of turkeys, they’ll play with it together. Kind of like football.
• Among the queries fielded by Butterball’s Turkey Talk-Line: “Can you pop popcorn in the turkey’s cavity and is it true you can tell the turkey’s done when the popcorn pops and blows the bird’s rear off?”
• Gravy can cause pancreatitis in cats & dogs.
• Frustrated by his inability to get his hands on the wishbone at family Thanksgiving dinners, Seattle WA businessman Ken Ahroni has founded Lucky Break, a company that sells breakable plastic wishbones.
• People who are susceptible to gout should avoid turkey, ham, and alcohol.
– “Adelaide Advertiser”

• After introducing yourself to the host, scan the room and zero in on the most animated group of 3-to-5 people.
• Reintroduce yourself to those who may have forgotten you but not by saying, “Remember me?”
• Don’t remain in one place. Mingle.
• Don’t try too hard to impress others by talking too much.
• Don’t discuss taboo topics such as politics, religion, illnesses, or personal problems.
• Don’t argue over minor details … even if you’re certain you’re right.
• Whatever you do, don’t abruptly end a conversation with a negative comment or a moment of silence.
– “Globe & Mail”

Chocolate is the number one food flavor in the world, beating vanilla and banana by 3-to-1.

1938 [70] Rich Little (Caruthers), Ottawa ON, impressionist who had perfected over 200 characterizations at the peak of his career/Canadian Walk of Fame (1998)

1939 [69] Tina Turner (Anna Mae Bullock), Nutbush TN, classic rock singer (“What’s Love Got to Do With It”) who came out of retirement to tour in ‘08/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1991)

1945 [63] John McVie, London UK, classic rocker (Fleetwood Mac-“Rumours”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1972 [36] Chris Osgood, Peace River AB, NHL goaltender (3 Stanley Cups-Detroit Red Wings)

1976 [32] Joe Nichols, Rogers AR, country singer (“Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off”, “Brokenheartsville”)

1981 [27] Natasha Bedingfield, London UK, pop singer (“Unwritten”, “These Words”)

“Tie One On Day”, celebrating the apron and the previous generations of women who have worn one. It was initiated by Ellyn Anne Geisel, author of “The Apron Book”. To participate, tie one on … and then tie one on (hic)!

1956 [52] 1st edition of TV game show “The Price is Right” (hosts have included Bill Cullen, Bob Barker and, currently, Drew Carey)

1994 [14] The Eagles’ “Hell Freezes Over” (referring to the band’s reunion after 14 years) reaches #1 on album charts

1896 [112] 1st ‘Football Huddle’ (University of Chicago players gather to discuss the hot babe in the 3rd row)

1952 [56] Canada’s 1st English-language hockey telecast as Foster Hewitt calls the play-by-play on CBLT-TV Toronto (Maple Leafs beat Boston Bruins 2-1)

[Thurs] US Thanksgiving Day
[Thurs] Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade (NYC)
[Thurs] Pins & Needles Day
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Fri] Sinkie Day
[Fri] Flossing Day
[Fri] Salesperson’s Day
[Fri] 2008 Gemini Awards (Toronto)
[Fri] Stay Home Because You’re Well Day
[Sun] International Computer Security Day
[Sun] “Britney: For the Record” (MTV)
This Week Is … Game & Puzzle Week
This Month Is … Epilepsy Awareness Month

• “I wonder what this does?”
• “Did he say the right or left leg?”
• “I’d feel a lot better about this if the dotted lines were pre-drawn like back at night school.”
• “Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!”
• “Hand me that … uh … that uh … thingy.”
• “Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.
• “Ya know, there’s big money in kidneys and this guy’s got two of ’em.”
• “Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?”
• “Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!”
• “OOPS!”

• Be thankful for small things to worry about, they give us practice for the big stuff.
• Be thankful if getting old and fat is the worst thing you have to worry about.
• Be thankful we don’t have to pay for sunrises or sunsets as we could never afford one.
• Be thankful for having too much work to do, that’s job insurance.
• Be thankful for friends even if they are aggravating. They probably feel the same way about you.
• Be thankful for uncertainty as it gives you more time to make a decision.
• Be thankful when you make a mistake that you can always blame on someone else … or the dog.
• Be thankful we don’t always get what we deserve as what we deserve might be worse than what we get.
– Thanks to Sheila Moss.

Who has the worst celebrity hair? (Donald Trump? Amy Winehouse? Tom Hanks? Kelly Osbourne?)

• In which sport are the shoes made entirely of metal? [Horse racing.]
• If the US Vice-President should die, who would be President? [The President.]
• How many times can you subtract 2 from the numeral 9? [Just once, then you’d be subtracting 2 from the numeral 7.]
• If you are standing on a hard floor, how can you drop an egg 3 feet without breaking it? [Drop it from more than 3 feet.]
• What is the only sport in which the ball is always in the possession of the defence and the offensive team scores without touching the ball? [Baseball.]
• If you take 2 apples from 3 apples, how many apples will you have? [The 2 you took.]

It’s the [your show], exceeding the legal fun limit on a regular basis!

Today’s Question: If a man goes to a female doctor for a checkup, studies show that he can expect THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: More time, an extra 2 minutes of professional attention on average.

Well done is better than well said.

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