November 25, 2008

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Tuesday, November 25, 2008     Edition: #3908
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

The FCC is asking the US Supreme Court to review Janet Jackson’s infamous ‘wardrobe malfunction’ during the Super Bowl halftime show back in 2004, in hope of reinstating a $550,000 fine levied against CBS-TV (an aging lady flashed for 2 seconds almost 5 years ago – let’s get over it!) . . . “Quantum of Solace” has crossed the $100-million box office mark faster than any other ‘Bond’ film (of course, it didn’t cost 15 bucks to get in back in 1962) . . . Former action movie star Steven Seagal has a new A&E reality series titled “Steven Seagal: Lawman” which will chronicle his little-known role as a fully commissioned deputy with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office in Louisiana for the last 20 years (he should be an expert – some of his movies were a crime) . . . Rumors are rife that in this week’s issue of DC Comics’ “Batman”, to be published Thursday, ‘Bruce Wayne’ will meet a grisly end, thereby putting a finish to the Caped Crusader’s 70 years of crime-fighting (gotta be a stunt – no way they’re killing off this golden goose!) . . . And Dr Pepper is making good on a promise made back in March that everyone would get a free can if Guns ‘N Roses released “Chinese Democracy” this year (seemed like a good bet after Axel Rose made false promises for 17 years), but they’re not making it easy – you have to log onto the official website and fill out a form to get a coupon that will be forwarded in 4-to-6 weeks (and expire shortly afterward).

• Barry Manilow – He releases the new album “The Greatest Songs Of the Eighties”, thereby adding to his collection of schmaltzy covers as defined by decade.
• Coldplay – “Viva La Vida – Prospekt’s March Edition” is released, a 2-disc package including their top-selling 4th full-length album plus the new EP entitled “The EP”.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – On the season 7 finalé, Miley Cyrus performs her latest single, “Fly on the Wall”.
• Good Charlotte – They’ve put a club-friendly twist on their greatest hits compilation, “The Greatest Remixes”, out today. It features new, dance-y versions of their best known tracks.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The Jonas Brothers are onstage.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Crooner Harry Connick Jr performs.
• Tom Jones – The 68-year-old crooner releases “24 Hours”, his first North American release in 15 years. It’s a retro-tinged album of mostly new material. U2’s Bono & The Edge guest on the track “Sugar Daddy”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – The Killers promote the new album “Day & Age”.

• Barry Manilow – Now he’s more than an entertainer … he’s a sentence. A judge in Fort Lupton, Colorado has been sentencing repeat noise ordinance violators to listening to music they don’t like. That includes Barry Manilow, Barney the Dinosaur, and actress Glenn Close singing opera.
• Michael Jackson – He’s reached a settlement with Sheik Abdulla bin Hamad Al Khalifa of Bahrain who was seeking the return of $7 million for reneging on a recording agreement. The sheik’s lawyer says the two sides have come to a confidential agreement that they will sign soon. No other details are being revealed.
• Reba McEntire – It looks as if she may be heading back to Broadway for a revival of the Cole Porter musical “Anything Goes”. The “NY Post” says she’s likely to play a nightclub singer in the stage production that first debuted in 1934.
• Wycliff Jean – He’s experienced the credit crunch up close & personal, losing possession of his home. He bought the Miami Beach mansion in 2004, taking out a $2 million mortgage. The property has now been placed in foreclosure and will be sold by Miami-Dade county officials December 12th.

• “A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift of All!” ( TV Special ): Sunday’s seasonal special is out on DVD, featuring performances by Elvis Costello, Feist, John Legend, Toby Keith, and Willie Nelson. Jon Stewart also appears in a duet with Colbert on “Hanukkah”. Proceeds from the DVD go to Feed America.
• “Fred Claus” ( Seasonal Comedy ): Vince Vaughn stars as the slacker older brother of Santa Claus (Paul Giamatti) who’s forced to work off his debt to society by making toys at the North Pole after landing in jail. Made by the same people who did “Wedding Crashers”. Co-stars Miranda Richardson, and a slumming Rachel Weisz.
• “Hancock” ( Action Comedy ): The storyline involves a public relations professional (Jason Bateman) who comes up with a plan to repair the shoddy rep of an apathetic, hard-living superhero (Will Smith) who’s fallen out of favor with the public. Co-stars Charlize Theron. Also comes in a ‘2-Disc Unrated Special Edition’.
• “Meet Dave” ( Sci-Fi Comedy ): Tiny aliens pilot a spacecraft that takes the form of a human (Eddie Murphy), while the captain of the ship jeopardizes his crew and their mission to save their planet when he falls for a beautiful earthling (Elizabeth Banks).
• “24: Redemption” ( TV Movie ): Sunday’s 2-hour TV movie, designed to bridge the gap between the 6th & 7th seasons of the “24” TV series, is released to DVD. The film finds ‘Jack Bauer’ (Kiefer Sutherland) trying to prevent an African warlord from recruiting children for his militia. Comes in an extended ‘Director’s Cut’. (Season 7 finally premieres January 11th-12th.)
• Also released today: “Beverly Hills 90210: The 6th Season” (vintage TV); “Composing the Beatles Songbook: Lennon & McCartney 1966-70″ (musical documentary); “George Carlin: It’s Bad For Ya” (comedy); “Gomer Pyle USMC: The Complete Series” (vintage TV); “Pink Panther Ultimate Collection”; and “Slap Shot 3: The Junior League”.


Here are some of the most common fibs from Dr Dory Hollander’s book “101 Lies Men Tell Women & Why Women Believe Them” …
• “What attracts me most is your mind.”
• “No, I don’t think you’re fat.”
• “Of course I’m listening to what you’re saying.”
• “We’ll split household chores 50/50.”
• “I could never lie to you.”
Ask listeners for common lies women tell men. (“I’m just going to the mall for half an hour.”)


Model-turned-fashion-writer Diane Irons reveals sneaky little secrets to looking your best, some of them tipped off by fashion models. A few highlights …
• Many models use toothbrushes to clean their lips. The bristles help slough off dead skin.
• Pepto Bismol makes the ultimate cleansing mask, especially for women with sensitive skin.
• Squeezing a capsule of vitamin E into your shampoo helps make hair healthier.
• Crisco makes a perfectly good makeup remover because it’s so easy on the skin.
• Birthday candles can be used to get a stuck zipper zipping again.
• Massaging coffee grounds on skin is an inexpensive way to make it suppler.
• Hydrogen peroxide and mild detergent will rescue a shirt scorched by your iron.
• Kitty Litter can be used as the base for a facial treatment. Just add mayonnaise and stir!
• Hemorrhoid cream is also a good facial cream because it reduces the puffiness under eyes and leaves a smoother, refreshed appearance.

Here’s some brilliant advice to combat tough economic times: since it only takes about a second to pick up a penny on the street, if you make finding pennies your full-time job you would be earning 60 cents a minute. That equates to $36 an hour, and an annual salary of $72,000. Working overtime and on your vacation could push your income to $100,000 per year. (Now you just have to find a street paved with pennies.)


A BS snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 56% of women, and surprisingly 23% of men, claim they have faked an orgasm.
• 51% of unhappy people feel they have too much time on their hands, compared to just 19% of happy people.
• 47% of us admit to talking to ATM machines.
• 37% of women say they could be happy in a sexless relationship.
• 33% of people who text message have sent texts to the wrong person by mistake.
• 32% of people on diets end up being heavier than before they started.


Here’s something you might not have considered – appearing in a ‘James Bond’ film can be a big boost for tourist locations. In fact, being featured in a ‘Bond’ film normally means a location attracts up to 50% more visitors over a 4-year period after the movie is released. If true, “Quantum of Solace” should create a so-called ‘Bond boom’ for the Antofagasta region of Chile; Baja California, Mexico; Bregenz, Austria; Colon, Panama; Lake Garda, Italy; Madrid, Spain; Siena, Italy, and Verona, Italy. (‘007’ was a truly frequent flier in this film.)


A new ranking of the most fantastic femmes …
5. Scarlett Johansson (overrated movie actress).
4. Gisele Bundchen (New England QB Tom Brady’s squeeze).
3. Angelina Jolie (not bad for a mom of a half-dozen kids).
2. Bar Rafaeli (actor Leonardo DiCaprio’s GF).
1. Karolina Kurkova (Victoria’s Secret).
– E!


“Oxford English Dictionary” has crowned its word of the year for 2008 … ‘hypermiling’, the attempt to maximize gas mileage by making fuel-conserving adjustments to one’s vehicle and/or driving technique. The word originated with a group of hardcore fuel efficiency enthusiasts who attend events such as the ‘Fuel Economy World Championships’. That’s where cutting edge hypermiling vehicles are on view, like the 136-mpg Prius which won the competition this year. (Shortly before the price of gas dropped 40%.)

The living are not even close to outnumbering the dead. It’s estimated about 60 billion people have died throughout human history. (Meaning, “Twilight” can have at least 75 sequels.)


1960 [48] Amy Grant, Augusta GA, country/pop/gospel singer with 6 Grammy Awards (“Simple Things”, “Baby Baby”) who’s sold over 22 million albums/Mrs Vince Gill since 2000

1963 [45] Holly Cole, Halifax NS, jazz/pop singer (“I Can See Clearly Now”, “I’ve Just Seen A Face”)

1968 [40] Jill Hennessy, Edmonton AB, TV actress (“Crossing Jordan” 2001-07, “Law & Order” 1993-96)/movie actress (“Wild Hogs”)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2007)

1971 [37] Christina Applegate, Hollywood CA, TV actress (“Samantha Who?” since 2007, “Married With Children” 1987-97)/movie actress (“Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy”)/breast cancer survivor

1976 [32] Donovan McNabb, Chicago IL, NFL quarterback (Philadelphia Eagles since 1999)

1981 [27] Barbara Bush & Jenna Bush (Hager), Dallas TX, twin daughters of George W Bush & Laura Bush

1983 [25] Joey ‘Jaws’ Chestnut, San Jose CA, #1-ranked competitive eater as ranked by the International Federation of Competitive Eating/his current records include 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes; 45 pizza slices in 10 minutes; 8.8 lbs of asparagus in 10 minutes; 182 chicken wings in 30 minutes; 103 hamburgers in 8 minutes; 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes

• “International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women”, observed by women’s activists since 1981 and declared an official UN observance in 1999.

• “Shopping Reminder Day”, marking 1 month until Christmas. Just what you wanted to hear, huh?

1986 [22] ‘King Kong’ is turned down as a candidate for a star on the “Hollywood Walk of Fame”

1949 [59] “Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer” 1st appears on music charts (while Gene Autry’s rendition is the most popular, 80 different versions of the song have been recorded and over 20 million copies sold)

1972 [36] 1st commercial ‘Coin-Operated Video Game’ (“Pong”)

1977 [31] David Steed balances stationary on a bike for a record 9 hours, 15 minutes

[Thurs] US Thanksgiving Day
[Thurs] Pins & Needles Day
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Fri] Sinkie Day
[Fri] Flossing Day
[Fri] Salesperson’s Day
[Fri] Stay Home Because You Are Well Day
[Sat] Electronic Greetings Day
[Sat] Square Dance Day
This Week Is … Better Conversation Week
This Month Is … Vegan Month


• Vary your vehicle’s speed inversely with the speed limit.
• Roll down your windows and attempt to ‘head-bang’ … while the news is on.
• Have conversation, looking periodically at the passenger seat, while driving alone.
• Occasionally wave a stuffed animal out your window or sunroof and make it dance.
• Honk frequently without any motivation.
• Wave at people often. If they wave back, offer an angry look and an obscene gesture.
• Laugh a lot … a whole lot.

Which has-been star would you like to see make a comeback?

Her nickname is ‘Mountie’ … because she always gets her man.

You are a believer in ‘propinquity’ or at least you’ve settled for it. Is it …
a. Living with as little exposure to sunlight as possible.
b. Living with little money and few belongings by choice.
c. Living close to your birthplace. [CORRECT. About 50% of us live within 50 miles of it.]

Today’s Question: The better looking you are, the more you will have THIS negative thing happen to you.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The more people lie to you about themselves (presumably trying to impress you).


Smile … tomorrow will be worse.

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