Monday, April 16, 2018 Edition: #6198

Sheet Happens!


★ One of the highlights of Saturday night’s Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony was when Howard Stern sang Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive.” During his induction speech for the band, Stern also took a shot at the Hall of Fame, saying, “It took years of pondering to decide that this glorious band that sold 130 million albums [should be let] in.  It’s over Jon. The dream has been re-launched — not the dream of owning a football team…that was ridiculous”.  Stern got serious, too, saying, “My friends, they are finally getting their due and it’s about time…Thank you from the bottom of my heart for making uplifting music and putting a smile on my face.”
★ Will Ferrell got into a car crash on Thursday night which left him and two passengers in need of help, after a vehicle side-swiped them and caused their SUV to flip over. Emergency first responders made it to the scene, and although one passenger was reported to have been bleeding profusely, everyone was OK. According to reports, another driver fell asleep at the wheel and drove into Ferrell’s vehicle. Ferrell issued a statement thanking medical professionals.
★ Helen Hunt and Paul Reiser are working together to develop a revival of their hit 1990s sitcom “Mad About You”. Last year, reports suggested producers at Sony Television were in informal talks with the two to launch a reboot of the show almost two decades after it went off air. Late last week, Hunt confirmed she and Reiser are working to get the potential revival right, but it isn’t in development yet.
★ Gabriel Luna, who played Ghost Rider on Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., has landed the coveted role of the Terminator in James Cameron’s action film reboot. Director Tim Miller and Cameron, who is producing the remake, have announced Luna will lead the cast in the role that helped make Arnold Schwarzenegger a household name. Paramount is hoping to roll the film out in November, 2019.
(And if they do a sequel, presumably “he’ll be BACK!”)
★ Marvel comics legend Stan Lee has filed a fraud lawsuit his former manager, Jerardo Olivarez, alleging that Lee was bilked out of a “tremendous amount of money” through unscrupulous behavior – and even had his blood taken from him without his authorization, to be sold as a collectible. The suit says Olivarez had a nurse inject Lee with a syringe and extract numerous containers of blood, which Olivarez later had sold in Las Vegas for thousands of dollars.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Rob Lowe, Michelle Wolf, Jorja Smith
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Robert De Niro, Bridget Everett, Rex Orange County
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Elisabeth Moss, Charlamagne Tha God, Nell Scovell
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Kelly Clarkson, Kal Penn, Jim Riley ( R )
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jeff Daniels, Tracee Ellis Ross, CAM
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Timothy Olyphant, January Jones
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Stassi Schroeder, Brittany Cartwright ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Mariska Hargitay
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Parker Posey, Pentatonix
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Tracee Ellis Ross, Jason Aldean
• “American Idol” (ABC): Twelve of the top 24 finalists perform duets with celebrity partners at Academy LA in Hollywood.
• “Scorpion” (CBS): Season finale.
• “Stanley Cup Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Boston vs. Toronto, Tampa Bay vs. New Jersey, Nashville vs. Colorado, Anaheim vs. San Jose
• “NBA Playoffs” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Miami vs. Philadelphia, San Antonio vs. Golden State

• Coachella – although he wasn’t the most anticipated act on the bill, the little yodeling kid who stole hearts in that viral video performed at the most popular music festival in the world. 10-year-old Mason Ramsey hit the stage on Friday, and a sea of festival goers absolutely lost their minds. Perhaps Mason’s biggest fan of the day was Justin Bieber, who danced around in a Hawaiian ensemble and even got a selfie with the yodeling phenom.
• Katy Perry – has introduced a line of fruit scented sandals to her Katy Perry Collections footwear range. The brightly colored scented jelly sandals are called ‘The Geli’ and are available in lime, cherry, grape and strawberry scents.
• Kanye West – has returned to Twitter, almost a year after he deactivated his account, but has yet to post anything on his profile. He made a similar comeback to Instagram on Valentine’s Day when he shared snaps of various famous couples in a tribute to Kim Kardashian West.
• Joe Jonas – jokes that he has ”permanent hearing damage” from screaming fans during his time in the Jonas Brothers. He was a member of the group alongside his brothers Nick and Kevin from 2005-13, and says he ”absolutely” suffered damage to his hearing thanks to the thousands of screaming fans he used to encounter every day.
• Huey Lewis and the News – have canceled all their scheduled 2018 shows due to Huey Lewis’ “hearing loss”. Lewis says that doctors think he has Ménière’s disease, which is an inner ear disorder that causes symptoms like vertigo and tinnitus, as well as hearing loss. He hopes to perform in the future. (BS FAST FACT: Huey Lewis collaborated with hard rockers Thin Lizzy in the early part of his career, including playing harmonica on a live album under the name “Bluesy Huey Lewis”)
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – Flea’s memoir, “Acid for the Children”, will be published on Sept. 25. The 400-page hardcover title will sell for around US$28.
• Black Crowes – former frontman Chris Robinson says he attempted to start a new supergroup with Stone Temple Pilots’ Dean and Robert DeLeo. He says, “We sat down and tried to write some songs and stuff and had a nice time, but nothing really came of it.”
• The Police – former guitarist Andy Summers will headline a charity concert on Friday to benefit musicians that were affected by the fires in Northern California. “Play It Forward” at the Luther Burbank Center for the Arts in Santa Rosa, CA will also feature L.A. Guns’ guitarist Tracii Guns and Michael Jackson’s lead guitarist and Jeff Beck collaborator Jennifer Batten.
• Dierks Bentley – will release his ninth studio album “The Mountain” on June 8th. Bentley co-wrote 10 of the 13 new tracks and says he conceived the new music while visiting the Rocky Mountain resort town of Telluride, Colorado. Brothers Osborne and Brandi Carlile make guest appearances.
• Reba McEntire and Brooks & Dunn – are extending their residency at The Colosseum at Caesars Palace with a series of new dates in 2018. They’ve added 12 shows to Vegas for fall and winter, following the handful of dates they already have planned for August.

If there’s one thing job seekers hate, it’s the dreaded salary question: “How much did you make in your last job?” Or “What is your current salary?” But there’s a growing movement across the US to ban employers from asking candidates about their salary history. And it is a difficult question to answer, because if you answer honestly, you might get low-balled when it comes to your starting salary. Tell a little white lie, and you risk getting caught and humiliated. The question is being banned in some states in an effort to eliminate gender wage disparities. California, Oregon, Delaware, Massachusetts, New York City, Philadelphia and Puerto Rico have all outlawed employers from inquiring about a candidate’s salary history.
(I’m never afraid to discuss what I earn in a job interview. What I AM afraid to discuss what I’m WORTH!)
(I lied about that question once. The problem was, I was being interviewed by my boss for another position in the company!)

You’ve seen then…and then quietly backed away. The dreaded ‘warranty void if removed’ sticker. Well, today is freedom day, because the Federal Trade Commission in the U.S. has put six companies on notice that their warranty practices violate federal law. That’s right, you can tear that sucker right off all of your electronics, open them up, play around, take them apart, and as long as you can put them back together correctly, the manufacturer still has to honor their warranty. And it makes sense. If you buy a car with a warranty, take it a repair shop to have it fixed, and then have to return the car to the manufacturer, the car company isn’t legally allowed to void the warranty because you took your car to another shop. The same is now officially true of any consumer device that costs more than $15. The FTC hasn’t said which companies have been issued notices, but Sony and Microsoft include warning labels telling customers that breaking the seal voids the warranty on their products, and Apple routinely tells customers not to use third party repair companies or aftermarket parts.
(But based on history, maybe it’s better for me to leave that baby on there anyway!)
(Do you get the feeling that one of those stickers lies buried deep beneath Mark Zuckerberg’s bizarre haircut?)
(Next on the hit list: The legendary mattress “Not to be removed until delivered to customer” sign!)

One of the great simple pleasures in life is stepping out of the shower, grabbing a freshly laundered towel, and sinking your face into its fluffy softness. But sometimes, the towel just isn’t soft enough. And I’m not talking about that one that’s been in your gym bag for 6 months. How can you get extra-soft towels in your home…every time? For one thing, consider ditching the fabric softener. I know! But the chemicals in fabric softeners can actually damage towel fibers over time, making them stiffer and less absorbent. Instead, try placing a clean tennis ball or wool dryer balls in with the load to give your towels a thorough fluffing. Or at least try skipping the softener every few washes to extend the lifespan of towels. Also don’t over-dry them—remove towels from the machine while there is still a little moisture in there. And as for detergent, try using half the amount you would use for a normal load, or swapping it out for vinegar every once in a while. These tips should get you hotel-soft towels in no time.
(Obviously they haven’t been to some of the hotels that I’ve stayed at!)
(I’m just happy if my towel isn’t able to stand all by itself!)
(Do I sound like a Cro-Magnon man if I say that I’ve never really noticed that some towels are softer than others…)

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 11% of adults say they have put their smartphone on top of their car and driven off.
• 60% of adults say they can’t remember their first kiss.
• 65% of single people say they wouldn’t date someone who is over $5,000 in debt.
• 34% of adults say they don’t break sweat when they go to the gym.
• 44% of adults exaggerate about how often they floss their teeth.
• 77% of women say they expect their man to know when they’re angry…..even when they say everything’s “fine”.


1947 [71] Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, [Lew Alcindor], NYC, retired NBA superstar (Milwaukee Bucks, LA Lakers, 6-time NBA MVP, 19-time All-Star, 6-time champion)/current contestant on “Dancing With the Stars” all-athletes edition

1952 [66] Bill Belichick, Nashville TN, NFL head coach (New England Patriots since 2000, Cleveland Browns 1991-95)/3X NFL Coach Of the Year/6 career Super Bowl championships

1964 [54] David Pirner, Green Bay WI, alt-rock singer-guitarist (Soul Asylum-‘Runaway Train’, ‘Misery’)

1965 [53] Jon Cryer, NYC, TV actor (‘Alan Harper’ on “Two-and-a-Half Men” 2003-15)

1965 [53] Martin Lawrence, Frankfurt-am-Maim, Germany, movie actor (“Big Momma’s House” films, “Bad Boys” films)

1971 [47] Peter Billingsley, New York City NY, movie actor (“A Christmas Story”) Producer/(“Iron Man”)

1976 [42] Lukas Haas, West Hollywood CA, movie actor (“Lincoln”, “Inception”)

1984 [34] Claire Foy, Stockport England, movie actress (“Queen Elizabeth” in “The Crown” since 2016)

1993 [25] Chance the Rapper (Chancellor J Bennett), Chicago, IL, rapper (DJ Khaled featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper and Lil Wayne – ‘I’m the One’)

2002 [16] Sadie Sink, Houston TX, TV actress (“Max” on “Stranger Things” since 2017)

• “Eggs Benedict Day”, a day to enjoy heart-attack-on-a-plate – poached eggs, topped with back bacon, served on toasted English muffins, and slathered in Hollandaise sauce … made of even more egg-yolks and butter. (One origin story has it that Lemuel Benedict, a Wall Street stock broker, wandered into the Waldorf Hotel in 1894 and, hoping to find a cure for his hangover, ordered “buttered toast, poached eggs, crisp bacon, and a hooker of hollandaise”. The restaurant decided to put it on the menu but substituted ham for the bacon and an English muffin for the toast. They probably didn’t supply the “hooker” either…)

• “Healthcare Decisions Day”, designed to inspire and educate the public and providers about the importance of advance care planning.

• “Boston Marathon”, one of the oldest and most prestigious annual running events.

• “Save the Elephant Day”, to raise awareness of threats to their future in both Africa and Asia, ranging from poachers and traffickers to loss of habitat. At its current pace, ivory poaching could make the African elephant extinct within decades, according to “TIME”.

• “Wear Your Pajamas to Work Day”, an annual event begun as a promotion for a pajama-maker that’s evolved into another fun excuse for office hijinks.

• “World Voice Day”, initiated in 1999 as a worldwide celebration of the phenomenon of voice as a tool of communication in our daily lives. Related events include concerts, symposia, and open houses at voice clinics, TV shows, and radio programs. (What celeb has the greatest voice…aside from Gilbert Gottfried?)

[Tues] Bat Appreciation Day
[Tues ]Blah, Blah, Blah Day
[Wed] Amateur Radio Day
[Wed] Animal Crackers Day
This Week Is… Boys & Girls Club Week
This Month Is… International Guitar Month

2005 [13] “Survivor: All-Stars” winner Amber Mariano weds “The Amazing Race” star Rob Mariano in the Bahamas

2005 [13] Billy Joel enters rehab for the 2nd time, ostensibly for ‘gastrointestinal distress’ but in reality to treat alcoholism

2007 [11] Carrie Underwood’s ‘Before He Cheats’ wins “Video Of the Year”, “Best Female Video”, and “Best Video Director” at the fan-voted CMT Music Awards

2010 [08] Lady Gaga breaks the YouTube record for ‘Most Views’ for an artist, logging more than 1 billion

2009 [09] NY Yankees play their 1st official game at the new Yankee Stadium in the Bronx (Kelly Clarkson sings the anthem; Hall of Fame catcher Yogi Berra throws out the 1st pitch)

2002 [16] 6 foot-11 inch Jon Rauch of the Chicago White Sox becomes ‘Tallest Player in Major League Baseball History’ (tallest active players? Currently, four players are listed at 6′ 8″, including Detroit’s Doug Fister. Shortest? Houston’s Jose Altuve: 5’6″)


✓ According to a U.K poll, one in 10 pet owners secretly love their pet more than their significant other.
✓ Cats won’t eat certain food because they perceive bitterness at the molecular level, allowing them to detect bad ingredients with precision.
✓ It’s thought that the phrase “Feeling groggy” comes from the 17th century, when grog—rum mixed with water—was what sailors drank on ships.
✓ Sitting too much can thin the part of your brain that’s important for memory.
✓ Apple had 12 of their employees arrested last year for leaking information, according to a leaked memo.
✓ Oklahoma’s official state vegetable is the watermelon…which is a fruit.

• Do I have to claim the money I was paid “under the table”?
• What’s the best detergent for laundering money?
• What did you do with the money I gave you last year?
• If you are late giving me my refund can I penalize you?
• Can I get my refund in Bitcoin?
• Can I pay my taxes with a postdated check from a Nigerian prince?
• Do you have an “it’s complicated ” option in the part about marital status?
• If my dog does his business in the basement, can I deduct that as office space?
• How exactly do you expect me to pay you a penalty if I couldn’t pay my taxes to begin with?
• Can you remove me from your mailing list?

Who decided to call it a paternity test and not a pop quiz?

What was the first computer game you remember playing?

Which music artist is NOT a Rock Hall of Fame inductee?
a. Michael Jackson
b. Bon Jovi
c. Twisted Sister [CORRECT]
d. Neil Diamond

The word “stalemate” to designate a no-win situation has its origins in what game?
a. Tic-tac-toe
b. Chess [CORRECT]
c. Cribbage
d. Parcheesi

Question: Over the course of a typical career, you do THIS over 6,000 times.
Answer: Attend a meeting.

A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool.

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