April 19, 2012

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Thursday, April 19, 2012        Edition: #4731

Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

Actor Ryan Gosling has become the subject of the latest celeb death hoax, Global Associated News reporting yesterday that he died while filming a movie in Kitzbuhel, Austria (unfortunately, he was alive and well in LA at the time) . . . Simon Cowell has confirmed he’s in talks with Britney Spears about becoming a judge on the “The X Factor” (FOX), the stumbling block not money but her demand for an ‘out clause’ if she wants to quit after a single season (we wouldn’t bet on the show making it to a 3rd season) . . . Meantime, journalist Tom Bower’s upcoming unauthorized biography, “Sweet Revenge: The Intimate Life of Simon Cowell”, reveals that Mr Picky insists on having back toilet paper in his Beverly Hills mansion (whoa, this is waaaay TMI) . . . A source tells “Life & Style” that Brad Pitt actually proposed to Angelina Jolie at Christmas, but they kept it secret for months because she wanted to focus on promoting her directorial debut, “In the Land of Blood & Honey” (actually, the news might have given the film a much-needed boost) . . . Pop singer-turned-fashion maven Victoria Beckham is said to be planning to launch her own lifestyle website (we can only hope it’s as exciting as Gwyneth Paltrow’s ‘Goop’) . . . 39-year-old actress Cameron Diaz tells “InStyle” she may consider adopting children in the future (because she hasn’t made it past a couple of months into a relationship yet) . . . 25-year-old “Twilight” heartthrob Robert Pattinson is reportedly so insecure about his chest that he got upset when pictures of him paddle-boarding shirtless hit the media (he’s likely just intimidated by his ripped co-star Taylor Lautner) . . . And conservative advocacy group Parents Television Council has taken aim at James Van Der Beek’s new sitcom “Don’t Trust the B— in Apartment 23”, which debuted on ABC-TV April 11th, branding it a ‘new all-time low for television’ (wow, now that’s saying something; worse than “Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?” … “Osbournes: Reloaded” … “Jerry Springer Show” … “Hee Haw Honeys”?).


• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – LMFAO (“Sorry for Party Rocking”) perform; “Idol” 8th season winner Kris Allen (“Thank You Camellia”, out May 22nd) performs; the finalists face elimination.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Bon Iver (“Bon Iver, Bon Iver”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Kasabian (“Velociraptor”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Young the Giant (“Young the Giant”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Cesar & David (Los Lobos); Robert Randolph (“We Walk This Road”); Taylor Swift (“Speak Now”). Rerun.


• Guns ‘N Roses – Axl Rose says he’s ‘humbled and blown away’ by the ‘overwhelmingly positive response and public support’ for his decision to decline induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. (It takes a really warped mind to derive that interpretation from 6,000 people booing him.)
• Jack White – His highly-anticipated new solo album “Blunderbuss” doesn’t arrive in stores until next week but it’s already streaming for free via iTunes. He tells NPR he composed one of the tracks spontaneously, when he had 6 session musicians in the studio and no tune to play.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s reportedly planning a massive 60-date world tour, with Enrique Iglesias as the probable co-headliner. It’s expected to kick off in South America this June, then tour North America, Europe, and Asia as well. Specific dates have yet to be announced.
• Lee Brice – His former #1 country single, “A Woman Like You”, has just been certified gold by the RIAA for sales of more than 500,000 digital downloads.
• Leonard Cohen – His ex-manager Kelley Lynch has been sentenced to 18 months behind bars and 5 years probation for breaching restraining orders and harassing the 77-year-old singer. She’s likely to do much less jail-time due to prison overcrowding in California.
• Michael Jackson – His former bodyguard, British martial arts expert Matt Fiddes, has launched a legal bid to prove he’s biological father to Jackson’s youngest son, known as ‘Blanket’. He claims to have provided Jackson with a sperm donation in a London hotel a year before Prince Michael Jackson II was born in 2002. He says he wants DNA testing so he can have visitation rights. (Uh, the kid’s 10 … where have you been all this time, dude?)
• Soundgarden – Their new single “Live To Rise” is now available as a free download for a limited time (through Tuesday) via the iTunes Music Store. The song appears on the upcoming soundtrack to “The Avengers” (opening in theaters May 4th).
• Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers – Tonight they begin a North American tour in suburban Denver, Colorado. The trek precedes their first tour of Europe in 20 years. In related news, police have recovered the band’s recently stolen guitars and arrested a 51-year-old man who pawned one of them in a shop for just $250. The 5 guitars are worth circa $100,000.
• Tupac Shakur – The late rapper’s buzz ‘performance’ at Coachella was created by Digital Domain Media Group Inc, which did special effects for the movie “The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button”. The illusion is technically not a hologram since it isn’t 3-D, but a 2-D projection off angled glass, a stage technique that has been around since the 1860s. Dr Dre and Snoop Dogg are considering a tour that would include the virtual Tupac. (Nice way to jump-start their careers.)


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “All You Need is Kill” – Tom Cruise stars in this sci-fi thriller about a soldier in a war against aliens who finds himself reliving his last day over and over after being killed. But by going through these time loops, he eventually becomes a much better soldier. Emily Blunt is in talks to co-star. Based on the graphic novel of the same name.
• “The General” – Darren Aronofsky (“Black Swan”, “The Wrestler”) is directing this bio-film about George Washington, which will focus on an as-yet-undisclosed portion of the former US president’s life. The film is said to be in the vein of Clint Eastwood’s “Unforgiven” and not a straightforward historical drama.
• “Live By Night” – 37-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio is set to produce and star in this story about gangsters who run rum from Cuba to Boston during the Prohibition era. It’s a screen adaptation of the novel by Dennis Lehane, who also wrote “Shutter Island” (made into a DiCaprio movie), “Mystic River”, and “Gone Baby Gone”.
• “Manhunt” – Gerard Butler is in advanced talks to star in this action thriller about a team of FBI agents trying to track down their most wanted man in the North Carolina wilderness. The 42-year-old actor, who entered rehab for prescription drug problems in February, would play the role of a reluctant bear hunter who’s coerced into helping catch the elusive killer.
• “The Way, Way Back” – There’s a “Little Miss Sunshine” reunion on the horizon, as Steve Carell and Toni Collette are joining Sam Rockwell and Allison Janney in this indie drama which follows a teenage boy who struggles to find himself during Summer vacation as he comes to terms with his inattentive mother and cheating stepfather. Filming starts this Summer.


“Forbes” magazine’s latest annual ranking of rap fortunes …
1. Rap mogul and entrepreneur Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs …$550 million.
2. New dad Jay-Z … $460 million.
3. Coachella Festival headliner Dr Dre … $270 million.
4. Cash Money Records boss Bryan ‘Birdman’ Williams … $125 million.
5. Virtually retired 50 Cent … $110 million.
(Net worth of the top 5 … a little over $1.5 billion.)
– WENN.com


When you’re faced with an unexplained medical problem, it seems easier and quicker to go online for answers rather than wait for a doctor’s appointment. But British researchers have found that 1-in-4 women has mis-diagnosed themselves online, then bought the wrong product to try to cure their illness. 1-in-10 have then endured unpleasant side effects after self-medicating. So be forewarned, the study concludes that online research often provides a less than accurate diagnosis. (Hmm, maybe Uncle Ted isn’t pregnant.)
– DailyMail.co.uk

In another sign of a potentially improving US economy, a new Ginger Consulting poll shows that so-called ‘alpha females’ – influential, ahead-of-the-curve women who are 6 months to 2 years in front of market trends – are ready to add everyday luxuries back into their lives. New clothes top the list, followed by spa services, eating out, and gym memberships. The findings signal that relief may be in sight for retailers, since women influence over 85% of all sales in America. (How do you know if you’re an alpha female or just really, really weird?)
– BusinessNewsDaily.com


New research from the Universite de Bretagne-Sud in France finds a link between tattoos, piercings, and alcohol consumption among young people out for a good time. The study suggests that sporting a single tattoo doesn’t indicate much of anything, but if you’re both tattooed and pierced, you’re more likely to be someone who enjoys going out and getting plastered. (What’s really scary is some nightclubs now have body-art shops on the premises.)
– Miller-McCune.com

Most people talk to themselves once in a while, many do it on an hourly basis. Previous research has found that self-directed speech in children can help guide their behavior (talking themselves step-by-step through tying shoelaces, for instance). But can talking to oneself also help adults? In a word, yes. A recent study has found that self-talk can help when you’re searching for particular objects. Saying the object’s name can actually help you find it more quickly. (One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.)
– ScienceDaily.com


Browsing is a method of human education, experts say, and it’s the opposite of searching. Searching is precise, browsing is imprecise. When you search you find what you were looking for; when you browse, you find what you were NOT looking for. Search corrects your knowledge; browsing corrects your ignorance. Search narrows; browsing enlarges. It does so by means of accidents, unexpected adjacencies, and improbable associations. (The difference between how men and women shop … men search; women browse.)
– “New Republic”

• Anything you do that takes 20 minutes each day will end up using a year of your life in the average lifetime.
– eHow.com
• A survey of women 18-to-20 finds 71% are more at ease being seen naked by a lover than by a girlfriend. That may be because women compare their bodies with those of other women and often end up depressed.
– “Mademoiselle”


1968 [44] Ashley Judd, Granada Hills CA, TV actress (‘Rebecca Winstone’ on “Missing” 2012)/movie actress (“Divine Secrets Of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood”, “Kiss the Girls”)/autobiographer (“All That is Bitter & Sweet”)/daughter of country singer Naomi Judd/sister of Wynonna

1969 [43] Jesse James, Lynwood CA, TV personality (“Jesse James Is a Dead Man” 2009, “Monster Garage” 2002-06)/motorcycle builder (West Coast Choppers)/wed to actress Sandra Bullock 2005-10/formerly engaged to tattoo artist Kat Von D (2011)

1978 [34] James Franco, Palo Alto CA, movie actor (“127 Hours”, “Milk”)/failed Academy Awards co-host (2011)  COMING UP: “Spring Breakers”, co-starring Selena Gomez and Vanessa Hudgens (2013).

1979 [33] Kate Hudson, LA CA, movie actress (“You, Me & Dupree”, “Almost Famous”)/actress Goldie Hawn’s daughter/former wife of Chris Robinson (Black Crowes) 2000-07/now partner of Muse frontman Matthew Bellamy

1981 [31] Hayden Christensen, Vancouver BC, movie actor (“Jumper”, “Star Wars: Episode II-III”)

1987 [25] Maria Sharapova, Nyagan, Russia, former top-ranked women’s tennis player/one-time highest-paid female athlete thanks to endorsement deals/’Forbes Celebrity 100’ (2011)


• “Garlic Day”, saluting the ‘stinking rose’ that has been cultivated as long as history has been recorded. It’s been said that if you rub a clove on garlic on your partner’s feet at night, you’ll taste it on their breath the next morning. (Why you’d actually want to do this, no one knows.)

• “Hanging Out Day”, promoting energy conservation by using a clothesline instead of an electric dryer.
NET: http://www.laundrylist.org

• “High Five Day”, celebrated annually on the 3rd Thursday of April, when we’re encouraged to freely exchange high fives without inhibition between all genders, races, social classes, and heights.
NET: http://www.nationalhighfiveday.com


1987 [25] “The Simpsons” debuts as a cartoon short between skits on the 2nd episode of “The Tracey Ullman Show” (FOX)

2002 [10] Nia Vardalos’ surprise-hit comedy “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” is released in movie theaters (the $5-million pic eventually grosses some $240 million)


1988 [24] Former pop singer Sonny Bono (Sonny & Cher) is sworn in as mayor of Palm Springs, California (in 1998, he skis into a tree and dies)

2005 [07] Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger is elected Pope Benedict XVI


[Fri] “Chimpanzee”; “The Lucky One”; “Think Like a Man”; “To The Arctic 3-D” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Husband Appreciation Day
[Fri] Pot Smokers Day (4:20)
[Sat] Record Store Day
[Sat] Auctioneers Day
[Sat] Bulldogs are Beautiful Day
[Sun] Earth Day
This Week Is … Pet ID Week
This Month Is … International Guitar Month


• Underwear swap with grounds crew.
• Shave a player’s legs night.
• Your wife’s nude photo on Jumbotron night.
• Oldtimers’ widows vs Triple-A All-Stars.
• Players adjust your cup night.


☎ If the Tupac ‘hologram tour’ actually happens, will you buy a ticket?


Which was the first city to reach a population of 1 million?
a. Rome [CORRECT. Ancient Rome in 133 BC.]
b. Cairo
c. Istanbul
– HaLife.com


If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee … that will do them in.


Question: The average person does THIS 22 times a day at home.
Answer: Open the fridge.


Laugh at your problems … everyone else does.

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