Thursday, April 21, 2016        Edition: #5714

Can You Believe This Sheet?

★ Michael Strahan is leaving syndicated morning TV talk show “Live With Kelly & Michael” which he co-hosts with Kelly Ripa to work full time on “Good Morning America” (ABC). The former NFL star has worked a couple of days a week at “GMA” for the past 2 years, but now he’s joining the show’s regular cast that includes Robin Roberts and George Stephanopoulos. Strahan will remain as a co-host on “The NFL on FOX” on weekends. Kelly is reportedly ‘livid’ after she was not informed ahead of the announcement. (Why’s he work so hard? Alimony.)
– AP/
★ Get ready for “Game of Thrones” (Season 6 debuts Sunday) by signing up for a fantasy league. The idea was first hatched last season and it turns out that rendering an exciting, entertaining, frequently violent, and misogynistic TV show into a series of spreadsheets inspires intense participation. Players draft a ‘team’ from the show’s 60 characters, then earn points based on how many kills, how many one-liners, how many seconds of gratuitous nudity, etc. (What a stupid, delightful waste of time this is going to be.)
– “The Verge”
★ And Swedish artist Anders Weberg has made some 300 films but his final project, the experimental film “Ambiancé”, promises to be his longest. The running time: 720 hours … 30 days. As befitting a movie of that length, Weberg has just released a promotional trailer for the film that runs 7 hours and 20 minutes.  It shows a continuous shot of a pair of performance artists on a beach in Sweden. Weberg says the full picture will be screened only once, beginning December 31, 2020 and will then be destroyed, making it “the longest film made that doesn’t exist”. (This guy once created a 10-hour film of paint drying … no BS!)
– “The Independent”

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Josh Ritter (“Josh Ritter”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Alessia Cara (“Know-It-All”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – M83 (“Junk”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – 9th Wonder & Murs (“The Final Adventure”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – The Strumbrellas (“We Still Move on Dance Floors”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Zayn (“Mind Of Mine”).

• Blake Shelton – He’s scheduled a Fall tour to promote his upcoming new album “If I’m Honest”,  which drops in May. Tour dates begin September 9-10 in Oklahoma City OK.
• DJ Khaled – He’s announced he’s opening for Beyoncé on her “Formation” tour, which kicks off April 27th in Miami FL.
• Dierks Bentley – He’s set to jump to the top of the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart next week with “Somewhere On a Beach”, knocking off Tim McGraw’s “Humble and Kind” which falls to #2.
• R Kelly – Tonight he hits the road with his “Buffet Tour”, beginning in Cincinnati OH and running through June 11th in Atlanta GA.
• Rascal Flatts – “I Like the Sound of That” tops this week’s ‘Billboard Country Airplay’ chart, thereby ending an arduous 31-week trek to #1.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Guantánamo Diary” – British actor Benedict Cumberbatch (“Sherlock”) is making his debut as a feature film producer with this true story of suspected terrorist Mohamedou Ould Slahi, who’s been imprisoned at Guantánamo Bay detention camp since 2002 without ever being charged with a crime or being able to defend himself in court. The film is based on Slahi’s memoirs.
• “Jurassic World 2” – JA Bayona, the Spanish filmmaker who broke through with his gripping tsunami drama “The Impossible”, has signed on to direct the upcoming sequel to “Jurassic World”, the $1.6 billion juggernaut that relaunched the rampaging dinosaur franchise. Stars Chris Pratt & Bryce Dallas Howard are expected to return in the June 2018 release.
• “Kolma” – Actress Daisy Ridley (“Star Wars: The Force Awakens”) is in talks to star in this fantasy thriller based on a 2003 Israeli TV movie. It follows a 22-year-old woman who is in a car accident that kills her boyfriend. Decades later when she dies, she’s given the choice of returning to the day of the accident as a 22-year-old or being reunited with her man.
• “Thor: Ragnarok” – Actress Tessa Thompson (“Creed”) is joining the superhero universe in this 3rd instalment of the franchise, reportedly playing Chris Hemsworth’s love interest. Her character will be a superhero, but details surrounding her name and powers have not yet been revealed. The movie is scheduled to begin filming in July for release in November 2017.
• “XX” – Singer-songwriter St Vincent (Annie Clark) is making her directorial debut with this upcoming all-female horror anthology film. Each of the instalments will not only be directed by a woman, but will also feature female leads. The directors will be given full creative licence with the storyline, as long as it involves a female protagonist. Filming begins this Spring.

Here’s more on that planned October festival from the organizers of Coachella. The 3-night event would also take place at the Empire Polo Field in Indio CA. If it comes together, the running order would be as follows …
October 7 – Bob Dylan and The Rolling Stones.
October 8 – Neil Young and Paul McCartney.
October 9 – The Who and Roger Waters.
– “Los Angeles Times”

You’ll sleep better by losing the booze. While alcohol may help you fall asleep faster, it prevents you from getting the deep, restful REM sleep that’s important to your overall health. How can you get better sleep without drinking a nightcap or two?
✓ See a doctor to rule out any underlying sleep conditions like sleep apnea.
✓ Get regular exercise.
✓ As well as alcohol, avoid nicotine, caffeine, and heavy meals before bed.
✓ Reduce your screentime; try listening to music or reading before bed instead.
✓ Keep your bedroom cool and dark.
– Excerpted from “This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life”, by Annie Grace

Facebook is exploring new ways for individual users to profit from their posts on the network. A user survey distributed this week hints at a broad range of ways that users could make money or promote a cause, including a ‘tip jar’, branded content, and taking a cut of the ad revenue Facebook earns from posts. It’s unclear whether Facebook is considering making these options available to all users. Up until now, Facebook has not offered individual users any way to earn money by posting on the social network. (There are a lot of pages on Facebook we’d be pleased to pay a fee NOT to be notified about.)
– “The Verge”

Late Queen frontman Freddie Mercury had one of the most memorable voices in music, and now researchers have unlocked some of the mystery behind it. For one thing, his vocal chords moved faster than normal. But the bigger part of the puzzle involves something called subharmonics, a sort of irregular vibrato. It is most famously employed by Tuvan throat singers, and while Mercury didn’t achieve Tuvan levels, it’s still quite a feat for a rock vocalist to even come close. Researchers conclude that Mercury was likely a natural baritone but sang as a tenor with exceptional control over his voice production technique. (Based on voice, who should play him in the long-delayed bio-film?)

A new alternative to cow milk comes from a source you wouldn’t expect … peas. Ripple Foods is about to roll out a pea milk product that’s described as creamy and sweet, and which tastes nothing like peas. While many non-dairy beverages lack protein, this drink has 8 grams of protein per serving, the same amount as milk from cows and 8 times more than almond milk. This fact alone may draw users. It also has 50% more calcium than dairy milk, and a much smaller carbon footprint than either dairy or almond milk. The company has patented a system to keep the nutrients but ditch both the pea flavor and color. (Too bad, your kids might actually drink green milk.)

Nearly half of people who bought music on vinyl last month have yet to play it.
– BBC News


1926 [90] Queen Elizabeth II (Elizabeth Alexandra Mary Mountbatten-Windsor), London UK, British monarch  BS FACTOID: The ‘Queen’s Official Birthday’ takes place in June each year.

1947 [69] Iggy Pop (Jim Osterberg Jr), Muskegon MI, ‘The Godfather of Punk Music’ (“Post Pop Depression”, The Stooges-“Candy”)

1958 [58] Andie MacDowell, Gaffney SC, spokesmodel (L’Oreal)/movie actress (“Magic Mike XXL”, “Four Weddings & A Funeral”)

1966 [50] Michael Franti, Oakland CA, funk/reggae/jazz/rock singer (Michael Franti & Spearhead-“The Sound of Sunshine”, “Say Hey [I Love You]”)

1978 [38] Dave Brenner, Delta BC, rock guitarist (Theory Of a Deadman-“Lowlife”, “Bad Girlfriend”)

1979 [37] James McAvoy, Glasgow, Scotland, movie actor (“X-Men: Apocalypse”, “Last King of Scotland”)

1980 [36] Tony Romo, San Diego CA, NFL quarterback (Dallas Cowboys since 2003)

1997 [19] Sydney Sierota, Chino CA, pop singer (Echosmith-“Bright”, “Cool Kids”)

• “Big Word Day”, a day to use humongous words on purpose just to impress yourself. So go ahead and facilitate this celebration of excess verbiage! Find a big word for any word here …

• “High Five Day”, an annual observance on the 3rd Thursday of April when we’re encouraged to freely exchange high fives without inhibition between all genders, social classes, and heights.

• “Kindergarten Day”, honoring the 1782 birth of German educator Friedrich Froebel, who established the 1st kindergarten in 1837. (Thanks for all the finger paintings, Freid.)

2013 [03] Movie star Reese Witherspoon publicly apologizes for her actions that led to a disorderly conduct charge in Atlanta GA 2 days earlier when her husband-agent Jim Toth was arrested for DUI

2006 [10] “Soul2Soul II Tour 2006”, co-headlining Tim McGraw & Faith Hill kicks off in Columbus OH (ends 73 shows later in Las Vegas NV as the highest-grossing country music tour ever with a $90 million total)

2015 [01] AC/DC drummer Phil Rudd changes his plea to guilty on charges of cannabis and methamphetamine possession, and threat to kill in a New Zealand court (later sentenced to 8 months of home detention)

2001 [15] In the XFL’s 1st (and last) championship game, the LA Xtreme beat the San Francisco Demons 38-6 (the fledgling football league folds soon afterward)

1996 [20] ‘World’s Highest Roller Coaster’ opens in Las Vegas NV, circling the new Stratosphere Hotel on a track 1,149 feet up in the air

[Fri] “Elvis & Nixon”; “A Hologram For the King”; “The Huntsman: Winter’s War” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Passover begins at sundown (Jewish)
[Fri] Earth Day
[Fri] Jelly Bean Day
[Fri] Full ‘Pink’ Moon
[Sat] Talk Like Shakespeare Day
[Sun] “Game of Thrones” season debut (HBO)
[Sun] Pet Parent’s Day
This Week Is … Work Zone Safety Awareness Week
This Month Is … Landscape Architecture Month


• Can no longer kick the Queen of Sweden’s butt at croquet.
• Often jokes with Philip that his ears are now hairier than his head, then almost smiles.
• Often has erotic dreams about prunes.
• No longer able to throw the ceremonial 1st punch at English soccer riots.
• Has asked Prince Harry to cease wearing T-shirts that say, “Wanna See the Royal Jewels?”
• Her #1 son Prince Charles has already been on ‘Basic State Pension’ for several years.
• It’s almost 9 o’clock in the morning and she’s still on the throne.

✓ Exciting Female Friendship Thrillers
✓ Emotional Vegan Dramas
✓ Movies Featuring a Strong Female-Identifying Lead
✓ Cerebral Contraception Dramas
✓ Visually-Striking Food Movies Featuring Locally-Sourced, Conventionally-Grown, Organic Produce
✓ Binge-worthy Animal-Rights Documentaries
✓ Vampire TV Shows Featuring Vampires with Real Body Shapes and Sizes
✓ Movies Starring Matt Damon In his Uncontested Prime (1997-2002)
✓ Romantic Movies Featuring Consistently Mutual Orgasms
– Thanks to Talene Monahon

• According to a poll, which are 1-in-3 of us are afraid of?
a. Peas
b. Clowns [CORRECT. About 30% of us have ‘coulrophobia’.]
c. The Donald

• Who was known as ‘The Pioneer of Plywood’?
a. Alfred Nobel [CORRECT. Of Nobel Prize fame, he also invented dynamite.]
b. Thomas Edison
c. Willy Ply
– “The Bathroom Trivia Book”

☎ What was your biggest struggle growing up with strict parents?

I want either less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

Question: According to a “Good Housekeeping” poll, more than half of us still have one of THESE in the house.
Answer: VCR.

A ship in port is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

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