Monday, April 6, 2015        Edition: #5423

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ Think your chocolate Easter bunny was impressive? A life-size chocolate replica of Brit actor Benedict Cumberbatch (“Sherlock”) was unveiled over the weekend at London’s Westfield Stratford City Mall. The edible statue stands 6-feet-tall (1.83 m), just like the real Cumberbatch. It took a team of 8 sculptors 250 man-hours to complete the work using 500 bars of Belgian milk chocolate. It was commissioned by UKTV to mark the launch of its new drama channel. In a recent poll, Cumberbatch was selected Britain’s hottest TV drama actor.
★ David Bowie is set to become the latest recording artist to try his hand at a stage musical, following in the footsteps of Billie Joe Armstrong (“American Idiot”), Cyndi Lauper (“Kinky Boots”), and Sting (“The Last Ship”). Bowie’s upcoming “Lazarus” is a new adaptation of the novel “The Man Who Fell to Earth”. The show, part of the 2015-16 season at Off Broadway’s New York Theater Workshop, includes new songs by Bowie as well as previous tunes in new arrangements. “Lazarus” marks Bowie’s 2nd visit to Walter Tevis’ 1963 novel, following the 1976 movie adaptation in which he starred. Casting for the stage show is not yet set.
★ And “Game of Thrones” Season 5 doesn’t premiere on HBO until April 12th, but author/creator George RR Martin is already giving fans a taste of what’s to come in ‘Westeros’ by releasing a chapter from his highly anticipated 6th book in the series, “The Winds of Winter”, on his website that’s told from the perspective of ‘Sansa Stark’. He pulled a similar stunt before the Season 4 premiere of “Game of Thrones” when he released a chapter of the 4th book online. Like that teaser, the new excerpt obviously contains spoilers, so “GoT” fans are advised to read at their own risk.

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Tinashe (“Aquarius”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – Each song used tonight represents a memorable time in the lives of the celebrities; one couple is eliminated.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Dreaming Bull (“DB EP”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/Omni 1) – Saint Motel (“Voyeur”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Mountain Goats (“Beat the Champ”, out tomorrow).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Judah & The Lion (“Sweet Tennessee”). Rerun.
• “NCAA Men’s Basketball Final” (CBS) – From Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis IN.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – St Vincent (“St Vincent”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The remaining top 20 artists perform; Maroon 5 performs.

• Bon Jovi – 55-year-old former guitarist Richie Sambora is under investigation by LAPD after his ex-girlfriend Nikki Lund filed a police report alleging he physically assaulted her and threatened to ‘make her disappear’ in a series of phone calls.
• Chris Brown – He’s reportedly intent on winning back former girlfriend Karrueche Tran. The 26-year-old model split earlier this year after it emerged that Brown had fathered a 9-month-old daughter with their pal Nia Amey. Among the many messages left on her phone are multiple renditions of him singing her favorite song, ”Ordinary Miracle”.
• Ciara – Her 2004 hit “Goodies” started off as a riff on the children’s rhyme “Who Stole the Cookie From the Cookie Jar?”. In fact, the song was originally entitled “Cookies”.
• Dierks Bentley – He’s created a new digital platform, ‘Sounding Off’, that will offer fans an inside look at his upcoming tour through a series of exclusive videos. His “Sounds of Summer” tour kicks off June 5th in Raleigh NC.
• Jay Z – 2009’s “Empire State of Mind” was the first time he reached #1 on the ‘Billboard Hot 100’ as either the lead artist or as a co-billed artist.
• Kendrick Lamar – He’s revealed that he recorded a collaboration with Prince recently but the track wasn’t completed in time to make it onto “To Pimp a Butterfly”. Kendrick’s new album remains atop the ‘Billboard 200’ all-genre chart for the 2nd week in-a-row.
• Luke Bryan – He’s again atop the ‘Billboard Country Albums’ chart for this week with “Spring Break … Checkin’ Out”.
• Panic! At the Disco – Drummer Spencer Smith has parted ways after a decade behind the kit with the group. This leaves singer Brendon Urie as the only founding member of the band still in the lineup.
• Taylor Swift – She & 31-year-old Scottish singer/songwriter/DJ Calvin Harris (Adam Wiles) have been spotted hanging out together of late, sparking rumors a relationship is developing. An insider tells ”Calvin says he’s never been with a girl so independent, so fun and so genuine. All of these qualities are a real turn-on for him.”

It’s been found that 69% of those taking antidepressants may not suffer from clinical depression. And 38% do not meet the criteria for other mental conditions like anxiety, panic disorder, or social phobia. NYC’s Montefiore Medical Center made those findings while investigating the use of SSRIs, the most commonly prescribed anti-depressants (Prozac, Seroxat, etc). Researchers note that clinical depression is distinct from temporary feelings of sadness. Official guidelines say it’s when a patient exhibits depressive symptoms most of the day, nearly every day over a 2-week period. The highest prescribing rates of SSRIs per capita are in Iceland, Australia, Canada, Denmark, and Sweden. (All consistently found to be among the happiest countries in the world … coincidence?)
– “Medical Daily”

✓ Silence a creaky bed with WD-40 for a metal frame or baby powder for a wooden frame.
✓ Use a shelled walnut to gently buff out scratches in wood.
✓ Make a homemade drain snake by cutting notches in a zip tie, or several ties connected.
✓ Try vinegar and citrus for a stinky garbage disposal.
✓ Tighten a loose doorknob by removing it and wrapping the spindle with plumber’s tape.
✓ Spackle small holes and dents in your drywall using toothpaste or Silly Putty.
✓ Quiet squeaky floorboards by sprinkling talcum powder and sweeping it into the cracks.
✓ Fix a not-so-chilly fridge by vacuuming dust off the coils on the bottom or back of the unit.
✓ Soften slamming doors with peel-and-stick foam weather stripping.
✓ Spray pet stains with a mixture of half vinegar/half baking soda. Let it dry, then vacuum it up.
– Condensed from

Like rental vehicles, company cars are often driven recklessly, poorly maintained, and allowed to become filthy inside and out. A survey of corporations has asked for the strangest items discovered in company vehicles when they were returned to the employer. Some of the weirdest: diapers (used); false teeth; feminine hygiene products; underwear; a microwave; a chainsaw, a store mannequin; and … a dead goat. (Would those last 2 qualify as excuses to use the car-pool lane?)
– “Fleet News”

The cost of a lab-grown burger has fallen by 99.9%. In 2013, Maastricht University in The Netherlands announced it had created a hamburger made entirely of lab-grown beef. At the time, concocting the faux-burger cost around $325,000. But now a Dutch researcher estimates the price has dropped to around $11 a patty, or $80/kg ($36/lb). Still expensive, but getting closer to practicality. The process involves extracting cells that repair muscle tissue in cattle and mixing them with something appetizingly called ‘fetal calf serum’. Eventually the cells produce protein … aka ‘test-tube beef’. But if you’re hoping to see animal-free meat in your butcher shop anytime soon, you may want to curb your expectations. Long-term commercially viable production of the stuff is still relatively far off. (Mmm … tastes like chicken.)

What drives you nuts about your co-workers? A few top turn-offs in a recent poll of office workers …
• Taking the last coffee without making more.
• Clogging up email with stupid content.
• Spending more time gabbing than working.
• Not cleaning up the microwave after using it.
• Letting the copier run out of paper.
• Co-workers who don’t return messages.
(And what’s eating away at you?)
–  MJN Consulting

For an ‘immersive experience’, TV-makers suggest the perfect viewing distance is 1.5 times the diagonal width of the screen. So for a 32-inch TV, for instance, you should be around 4 feet or 120 cm away. (And for today’s massive 120-inch screens you should sit … next door.)
– “Daily Mail”


1937 [78] Merle Haggard, Bakersfield CA, country legend with 38 #1 hits (“Okie from Muskogee”)/Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award (2006)/Country Music Hall of Fame (1994)  BS FACTOID: He & Willie Nelson are teaming up again for a new album called “Django & Jimmie”. The first single, “It’s All Gone to Pot”, is out April 20th.

1969 [46] Paul Rudd, Passaic NJ, movie actor (“Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues”, “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”)  COMING UP: “Ant-Man”, opening July 17th.

1975 [40] Zach Braff, South Orange NJ, movie director (“Wish I Was Here”, “Garden State”)/movie actor (“The Pursuit of Happyness”)/TV actor (“Scrubs” 2001-10)

1990 [25] Charlie McDermott, West Chester PA, TV actor (‘Axl Heck’ on “The Middle” since 2009)

• “Drowsy Driver Awareness Day”, an annual initiative to encourage motorists to take notice when they’re too sleepy to steer. According to a recent poll, more than 10% of drivers admit to having fallen asleep at the wheel; and over 20% say they’ve momentarily dozed while driving.

• “Dyngus Day”, a traditional Polish holiday designed as a day of fun on “Easter Monday” when guys chase after girls with squirt guns, buckets, and other containers of water. Tradition has it the females get revenge on Tuesday when they throw dishes or crockery back at the boys. For obvious reasons, this wacky event is also known as “Wet Easter Monday”.

• “Easter Egg Roll”, the 137th edition held on the South Lawn of the White House in Washington DC on “Easter Monday” for children & their parents. The ‘Egg Roll’ itself is a race, where kids push an egg through the grass with a long-handled club. Dolly Madison, the wife of president James Madison, began the event in 1814.

• “Student Athlete Day”, celebrated annually since 1987 to salute the outstanding achievements of high school and college student-athletes who have also excelled in academics while making significant contributions to their schools and communities.

• “Tartan Day”, the anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Arbroath in 1320, a day set aside for the celebration of Scottish influence. More practically, it’s now the day that officially kicks off the annual Scottish tourism season.

• “Teflon Day”, commemorating the accidental 1938 discovery of the coating used to create non-stick surfaces by Du Pont researcher Roy Plunkett. (How do they get it to stick to a pan?)

2014 [01] Longtime movie star Mickey Rooney dies at age 93 in Studio City CA

1980 [35] 1st ‘Post-It Notes’ (a 3M product designed to eventually block any sight of your computer monitor)

2000 [15] A private company mapping the human genetic blueprint announces it has decoded all of the DNA pieces that make up the genetic pattern of a single human being

1987 [28] Country singer/movie star/sports team owner Gene Autry becomes the only person to be honored with a 5th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame

[Tues] International Beaver Day
[Tues] Metric System Day
[Tues] Beer Day
[Tues] No Housework Day
[Wed] International Roma Day
[Thurs] Country Thunder begins (Florence AZ)
[Fri] Coachella Festival opens (Indio CA)

Bat Appreciation Week / Explore Your Career Options / Public Health Week / Robotics Week / Window Safety Week


Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Doritos flavored tortilla chips have been around since 1964. A few odd flavors that have been available somewhere in the world at one time or another …
• Butter & Soy Sauce
• Cheese & Almond
• Coconut Curry
• Fish Taco
• Roasted Turkey
• Roe & Mayonnaise
• Sausage & Beer
• Seaweed
• Tuna Mayo
• Yogurt & Mint
– First published in “BS” 2011.

• You decide to ‘re-org’ your family into a ‘team-based organization’.
• You refer to dating as ‘test marketing’.
• You can spell ‘paradigm’.
• You write ‘executive summaries’ on your love letters.
• You believe you never have problems in your life, just ‘improvement opportunities’.
• You ask the waiter what the restaurant’s ‘core competencies’ are.
• You refer to your significant other as ‘my co-CEO’.
• You use the term ‘value-added’ without falling down laughing.
• You can explain the difference between ‘re-engineering’, ‘downsizing’, ‘right-sizing’, and ‘firing people’s asses’.
– First published in “BS” 2012.

Don’t marry for money. You can borrow it cheaper.

☎ What do people always underestimate about you?

Question: About a third of married couples surveyed say that, in the past 5 years, they have shared THIS with each other.
Answer: Underwear.

Being miserable because of a former relationship means that the other person was right about you.

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