Thursday, April 7, 2011        Edition: #4479
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Jesse Ventura’s publicist has confirmed the 59-year-old former pro wrestler is considering entering the 2012 US Presidential race as Republican congressman Ron Paul’s VP running mate (‘The Body’ was Minnesota governor 1999-2003) . . . After 5 years Matt Lauer’s co-host on NBC-TV’s top-rated “Today” show, 57-year-old Meredith Vieira, is said to be considering leaving when her reported $11 million-a-year contract expires in September so she can spend more time with her husband (BS translation: I’ll take 15 mill) . . . 67-year-old Queen Silvia of Sweden has suffered minor injuries after attempting to escape a paparazzo while shopping in NYC (are we hard up for famous people to stalk?) . . . 42-year-old actress Jennifer Aniston jokes in the new issue of “Red” magazine that she should marry George Clooney because they are Hollywood’s most famous singles (good match or bad?) . . . In her new book “Bossypants”, Tina Fey suggests her Emmy-winning impersonations of Sarah Palin on “Saturday Night Live” may have hurt ratings for her show “30 Rock” (NBC) rather than helping as the stunt likely offended conservatives (maybe making the show funny would help?) . . . Simon Cowell tells CNN host Piers Morgan he was once offered $150,000 to watch a man bonking his wife and provide a critique, but he was so taken aback he quickly declined (now says he’d do it for 50 grand) . . . CBS Radio has announced the syndicated “Cannon’s Countdown” show hosted by media personality Nick Cannon, debuting the weekend of April 23rd (Mariah Carey’s about to have twins so she made her hubby get another gig?) . . . And CBS News reports that wacko Charlie Sheen is now attempting to trademark 22 of his catchphrases, including ‘Tiger Blood’, ‘Duh, Winning’, ‘Sober Valley Lodge’, ‘Sheen’s Goddesses’ and ‘Rock Star From Mars’ for use on everything from drinks to candy to electronic games (this shtick is really wearing thin, no?).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Former finalist Constantine Maroulis (“Rock of Ages”) performs; another contestant is eliminated.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Hanson (“Shout It Out”).
• Country Thunder (Florence AZ) – One of the biggest country music festivals gets underway, through Sunday. Performers include Jason Aldean, Martina McBride, Toby Keith.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Carrie Underwood (ACMs ‘Entertainer Of the Year’).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Yelawolf (“Radioactive”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Paul Simon (“So Beautiful or So What”, out April 12th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – The Strokes (“Angles”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Legendary guitarist Jeff Beck w/Imelda May (“Mayhem”).

• Justin Bieber – E! Online reports that 18-year-old Selena Gomez is considering recording a duet with her boyfriend. Like he needs her help.
• Kings Of Leon – A documentary about the band is in the works, titled “Talihina Sky: The Story of Kings Of Leon”. It will be screened as a ‘work in progress’ at NYC’s “Tribeca Film Festival” later this month.
• Lady Gaga – She’s revealed she’ll be starting a side career as a fashion/art columnist for “V Magazine” beginning in May.
• Miranda Lambert – It’s been announced she’ll serve as executive producer of a scripted TV drama for the ABC Family network based largely on her childhood in Lindale, Texas where her parents operated a detective agency.
• Moby – The electronic music artist tells OK! TV he’s ruled out any more big-name collaborations because he can no longer tolerate the ‘arrogance’ of famous singing stars.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Bourne Legacy” – Reports say Jeremy Renner (“The Town”, “The Hurt Locker”) has been offered the lead role but producers make it clear no one’s replacing Matt Damon because the new film (due in 2012) is not a reboot or a recast or a prequel. There will be a whole new hero and a whole new story in this stand-alone project. So basically, the title is only about marketing.
• “The Brothers Grimm: Snow White” – Lily Collins, daughter of classic rocker Phil Collins, is set to star in this new 3-D version of the classic fairytale. She’s best known for her role as Sandra Bullock’s daughter in “The Blind Side”. Armie Hammer (“The Social Network”) will play the prince; Julia Roberts the wicked queen. The film’s scheduled to open June 29, 2012.
• “The Hunger Games” – Liam Hemsworth (“The Last Song”) & Josh Hutcherson (“The Kids Are All Right”) are close to signing deals to play the lead male roles, joining Jennifer Lawrence (“Winter’s Bone”). The highly-anticipated film is an adaptation of Suzanne Collins’ book trilogy about a post-apocalyptic world in the country of ‘Panem’, where North America once stood.
• “Memphis” – Director Paul Greengrass has been dealt a blow as he battles to bring his Martin Luther King Jr biopic to the bigscreen as Universal Studios has now pulled out of the project. The story follows the last few days leading up to King’s 1968 assassination. It was due to begin shooting later this year.
• “The Three Stooges” – TV veteran Sean Hayes (“Will & Grace”) has been cast as ‘Larry’ in the upcoming comedy from the Farrelly Brothers, joining Will Sasso as ‘Curly’. Still up for grabs is the part of ‘Moe’. The film, which is not a biopic, will be divided into roughly half-hour vignettes, like the comedy shorts the Stooges made in the 1930s and ‘40s.

“Glee” actress Jenna Ushkowitz (‘Tina Cohen-Chang’) and moviemaker Ryan Kavanaugh (“Little Fockers”) are among those who have donated blood for a bizarre piece of art by controversial artist-photographer Tyler Shields. The snapper drew vials of blood from 20 Hollywood types, mixed it all together and refrigerated it. It’s being used as the medium to paint a centerpiece canvas for his “Life Is Not a Fairytale” exhibition, opening in Los Angeles May 7th. (Isn’t this ‘scab labor’?)
– “New York Daily News”

Living in the city but a country bumpkin at heart? A German company has just the thing for you … authentic rural smells in a can. Just peel back the lid and enjoy that familiar odor of cow manure. According to the manufacturer, ‘Countryside Air to Go’ is made using fumes sucked from a wooden stable filled with flatulent cattle. A can of cow flop aroma will set you back about $8.50. The company is looking to expand and capture other smells in cans as well. (Outhouse?)
– “Times of London”

There’s a simple way to avoid crying when chopping onions: Put a little bit of water in your mouth. That’s it! Just keep a sip of water in your mouth while cutting the onion and you can say goodbye to tears. It’s apparently due to the fact that you can only breathing through the nose by doing so. So basically, just keeping the mouth closed should work but it’s not as easy as it sounds. That’s why someone somewhere came up with the brainwave of putting something in the mouth, such as a piece of bread or just plain old water. (And what’s your trick?)

Cows that have been modified with human genes are producing milk very similar to human milk. Researchers at the China Agricultural University hope to produce and market the product as a substitute for human milk. Why? Lead researcher Ning Li claims the ‘human-like milk’ would provide much higher nutritional content than regular cow’s milk as it contains ‘just the right’ proportions of protein, carbohydrates, fats, minerals, and vitamins for an infant’s optimal growth and development. (Also less embarrassing to administer in the subway.)

A wedding ring is a symbol of commitment and permanence, but a tattoo is commitment and permanence in itself. So some couples are now skipping the jewelry in favor of matching or complementary tattoos on their ring fingers. And why not? You don’t have to remove it to shower, work with machinery, or have an MRI. It can’t be lost or stolen; it will never have to be resized or replaced; and you can design your own symbols. (Divorce can be painful though.)

Could this be the secret to a happy marriage? University of Washington researchers who studied some 130 newlywed couples for 6 years have concluded that those which stay together in stable marriages invariably have one thing in common … the husband is willing to acquiesce completely to his wife. (That’s right, dear.)
– PA News

A British software company is looking to recruit employees who are prepared to work … naked. At ‘Nude House’ in Amersham, staff work ‘as nature intended in a warm and private’ naturist office environment. Employees are required to work nude from the time they arrive at work until they leave to go home. Nude means no clothes and no shoes either. It’s suggested new applicants, whether male or female, should be naturists. (Where do you put your pen?)

• On average, 30% of our dreams are anxious.
– “Boston Globe”
• 76 nuclear power plants worldwide are located in areas close to coastlines deemed vulnerable to tsunamis.
– “The Independent”
• A pair of bald eagles and their offspring who live atop a tree in Decorah, Iowa have now been watched by about 11 million people thanks to a webcam.


1939 [72] Francis Ford Coppola, Detroit MI, movie director (Oscars-“The Godfather I & II”, “Apocalypse Now”)/father of filmmaker Sofia Coppola (“Lost in Translation”)

1949 [62] John Oates, NYC, oldies singer (Hall & Oates-“I Can’t Go For That”, “Maneater”)

1954 [57] Jackie (Yuan Lung) Chan, Hong Kong, movie actor/producer/director/stuntman (“Kung Fu Panda”, “Rush Hour” series)

1964 [47] Russell Crowe, Wellington NZ, movie actor (“Robin Hood”, 2001 Oscar-“Gladiator”)

• “International Beaver Day”, celebrating the species that restores the most valuable terrestrial ecosystem … wetlands. Organized by the nonprofit organization Beavers: Wetlands & Wildlife.

• “Masters Golf Tournament” through Sunday in Augusta GA, one of the oldest (since 1934) and most prestigious in North America. Besides big-time moolah, the winner gets the famous ‘Green Jacket’.

• “Metric System Day”, celebrating its 1795 adoption in France, where it was first developed. The only 3 countries of any size in the world NOT using the system now: Liberia, Myanmar, USA.

• “No Housework Day”, an annual opportunity to avoid dishes, cleaning, taking out trash … and guilt!

• “World Health Day”, an initiative of the World Health Organization to highlight public health issues of international concern on the anniversary of the organization’s creation in 1948.

1970 [41] Legendary actor John Wayne wins his first – and only – acting Academy Award, for his star turn in the Western “True Grit”

1997 [14] The University of Amsterdam in the Netherlands begins offering a course entitled ‘Madonna 101′, a pop culture class studying her lyrics, song stylings, and films

1998 [13] Pop singer George Michael is arrested for committing ‘a lewd act’ in a restroom at LA’s Will Rogers Park (like Will Rogers, he never met a man he didn’t like)

1959 [52] 1st ‘Atomic-Generated Electricity’ is produced at Los Alamos, New Mexico

[Fri] Buddha Day
[Sat] Cherish an Antique Day
[Sat] Former POW Recognition Day
[Sun] Farm Animals Day
[Sun] Sibling Day
[Mon] Queen Elizabeth II’s 85th Birthday
This Week Is … Pet First Aid Awareness Week
This Month Is … Food Month


• How come everyone drives far slower than the speed limit whenever there’s a cop car in sight?
• What do you do if an endangered animal eats an endangered plant?
• If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless … or naked?
• How come the only time your windshield wiper works properly is when it’s holding a parking ticket?
• When a sign says ‘wet paint’ why do we have to touch it to see if it really is?
• Is there anything wrong with rhetorical questions?

Desk: A wastebasket with drawers.

A slew of EMI recording artists (Coldplay, Katy Perry, Keith Urban, Lady Antebellum, 30 Seconds to Mars, and oodles more) are auctioning personal items on eBay to raise funds for tsunami relief in Japan. The first stage of the online auction runs through April 21st.

• You suffer from ‘pareidolia’ (payr-eye-DOH-lee-uh). What’s your problem?
a. You’re unrealistically intimidated by authority.
b. You find meaning in something that has none. [CORRECT. It’s the erroneous or fanciful perception of a pattern or meaning in something that is actually ambiguous or random. For instance, last week’s ‘face of Jesus’ in a pizza made in an Australian takeout.]
c. You have 2 navels.

• How many different smells can the average nose distinguish?
a. 50
b. 500
c. 5,000 [CORRECT. Most people can distinguish somewhere between 5,000-to-10,000 different aromas. Among the most recognizable are coffee, peanut butter, banana.]

Which Hollywood couple is most likely to still be married in a decade?

Today’s Question: The typical person that tries to do THIS is under 45, male, and single.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Answer: Cheat on taxes. (

Turn your face to the Sun and the shadows fall behind you.

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