Thursday, August 25, 2016 – Edition: #5804

You Really Know Your Sheet!

★ Warner Bros Studio is developing a TV adaptation of Martin Scorsese’s acclaimed movie “The Departed”. The producers are hoping the TV drama will debut on Amazon’s online streaming service. The Oscar-winning 2006 film starred Leonardo Dicaprio & Matt Damon as police officers in Boston MA. The new version reportedly centers on a young cop who goes undercover to infiltrate a Latino gang in Chicago IL.
★ Actress Sarah Paulson has just signed on to play Oscar-winning actress Geraldine Page in Ryan Murphy’s new TV drama “Feud”. She joins Murphy’s fellow “American Horror Story” regular Jessica Lange and actress Susan Sarandon, who will play Joan Crawford and Bette Davis, respectively. The series chronicles the legendary rift between the 2 movie veterans while they were making 1962’s “What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?”
– Bang Showbiz
★ Indie duo Sleigh Bells first accused Demi Lovato more than 9 months ago of ripping off parts of their 2010 song “Infinity Guitars” in her hit “Stars”. Now they’ve made it official, filing a court complaint about the matter. The copyright lawsuit names Lovato along with 2 producers and her record label. It alleges parts of the 2 songs are virtually identical, such as the combination of hand claps with bass drum. (Which has only been done about 8,000 times.)
– “Los Angeles Times”
★ And former child star Billy Gillman has auditioned for the new season of TV talent show “The Voice” (NBC). The singer became a country music phenomenon at the age of 11 in 2000 when he became the youngest person to land a top 40 hit (“One Voice”). He made headlines in 2014 when he came out as gay in an emotional video, revealing his sexuality had hampered his career as an adult. It’s not yet known if Gillman made it past the audition rounds of the show, but his tweet announcing his participation suggests he did.

• “California Dreamin’: The Songs Of the Mamas & Papas” (PBS) – Compiled concert footage celebrates the 50th anniversary of the pop-folk-rock group.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Wolf Parade (“Apologies to the Queen Mary”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Andrew Bird f/Fiona Apple (“Are You Serious”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Jidenna (“The Eephus”); Usher (plays Sugar Ray Leonard in “Hands of Stone”, opening Friday).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – 9th Wonder & Murs (“The Final Adventure”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – ‘Carpool Karaoke’ returns with Britney Spears, who’s set to release her 9th studio album, “Glory”, on Friday.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Car Seat Headrest (“Teens of Denial”).
• “Lockn’ Festival (Arrington VA) – Originally known as Interlocken Music Festival, this year’s 4th annual 4-day event is headlined by Phish (only festival performance in 2016), Ween, and My Morning Jacket.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Barbra Streisand (“Encore: Movie Partners Sing Broadway”, out Friday).

• Alabama – The new exhibit “Alabama: Born Country” opens today at the Country Music Hall of Fame & Museum in Nashville TN. It runs through June 11, 2017. Cousins Jeff Cook, Teddy Gentry, and Randy Owen formed their first group as teenagers.
• Ariana Grande – She’s being sued for allegedly ripping off a pre-existing track for her 2012 hit “One Last Time”. Songwriter Alex Greggs has filed a copyright infringement lawsuit, claiming she and producer David Guetta duplicated the chorus of his 2012 song “Takes All Night”.
• Kanye West – His 2-month “Saint Pablo” tour of North America in support of his latest album “The Life of Pablo” begins tonight in Indianapolis IN and runs until October 29th in Las Vegas. It includes 2-night stands in Chicago, NYC, and LA. This is Ye’s first full tour in 3 years.
• Merle Haggard – The Academy Of Country Music is honoring the late country star with a new award. The ‘Merle Haggard Spirit Award’ honors the contributions of Haggard by acknowledging artists who exemplify his integrity and singular vision. The recipient of the inaugural award has yet to be announced, but it will be presented at the 10th ACM Honors next Tuesday.
• Moody Blues – The 1960s-70s rockers are setting sail with a New Year’s Cruise … in 2018. ‘The Moodies Cruise 2018’, from Miami FL to Grand Cayman and Cozumel, also features Alan Parsons, Caravan, and Jefferson Starship. (Some of whom will still be alive by then.)
• Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs – He’s taking the “Bad Boy Family Reunion” on the road beginning tonight in Columbus OH. On the bill: Faith Evans, French Montana, Lil’ Kim, Mase and many more. The trek runs through October 8th in Oakland CA.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Ecstasia” – 30-year-old “Fast 8” actor Scott Eastwood has signed on for director Wayne Kramer’s new sci-fi movie alongside Matilda Lutz. The story centers on a couple who live in a world in which love doesn’t exist. The project is being formally introduced at next month’s Toronto Film Festival. Production is due to begin in Spring 2017 in South Africa.
• “Ironheart” – That’s what Marvel’s new female ‘Iron Man’ is to be called. Comic fans everywhere were excited by Marvel’s announcement that ‘Tony Stark’ would be relinquishing the mantle to a young black girl, ‘Riri Williams’. She’ll officially take over for ‘Tony’ in this Fall’s “Invincible Iron Man #1” comic book. Odds are, a film won’t be far behind.
• “Last Friday” – Ice Cube is in talks to make a new “Friday” sequel, 14 years after the last film in the comedy trilogy. The “Ride Along” star insists he’ll only reprise his role as ‘Craig Jones’ for the right story. Ice Cube’s negotiations come 2 years after he admitted that the long-gestating project had stalled. The comedy franchise began in 1995, co-starring Chris Tucker.
• “Reagan” – Sean McNamara, who directed “Soul Surfer”, helms this indie film that chronicles the 40th US president’s life as told by a KGB agent who is assigned to follow him during the early days of the Cold War. The role of president Ronald Reagan is yet to be cast, but as a young man he’ll be played by David Henrie (“Wizards of Waverly Place”).
• “Shock and Awe” – Director Rob Reiner has gathered a star-studded cast for this Iraq war story, with Alec Baldwin, Jessica Biel, Tommy Lee Jones, and Woody Harrelson all signing on. The film centers on a group of journalists who relentlessy question the Bush administration about Iran’s alleged stash of WMDs. Shooting (literally) begins in September.

Based on before-tax income over the past year …
1. Jennifer Lawrence … for the 2nd year in-a-row with $46 million.
2. Melissa McCarthy … $33 million.
3. Scarlett Johansson … $25 million.
4. Jennifer Aniston … $21 million.
5. Chinese actress Fan Bingbing … $17 million.
The only new addition to this year’s list is Bollywood actress Deepika Padukone, who earned $10 million to take 10th place. (A separate list of highest-paid male actors is being published later today.)

The world’s longest aircraft is likely going to have a similarly lengthy repair bill after a bit of a bumpy landing on Wednesday during its 2nd test flight in the UK. The $33.1 million, 302-foot-long ‘Airlander 10’, nicknamed ‘The Flying Bum’ for its pert, round back-end, was returning to the Cardington airfield in Bedfordshire when a line hanging from the plane reportedly got tangled on a telephone pole and caused the plane to slow-mo its way into a nosedive. A rep for manufacturer Hybrid Air Vehicles refutes the pole claim, but says the company is assessing what happened. The crew is safe, with no injuries reported. The Airlander 10 had its maiden voyage just a week ago. (We’re guessing passenger ticket sales are off a bit today.)
– “The Independent”

This week Tesla has unveiled a new car battery that’s being hailed for two reasons: its ability to power an electric vehicle for 315 miles on a single charge, and the fact that it makes a 4-door sedan the fastest accelerating production car. The 100 kilowatt-hour battery gives the carmaker a range unmatched by major car companies; it’s the first to push past the 300-mile mark. The battery will be available in the Model S sedan and Model X SUV. (Ever been embarrassed at a stoplight by a Model S? It blows your doors off without making any noise.)
– “Wall Street Journal”

How to measure beer: 4 gills is 1 pint, 2 pints = 1 quart, 4 quarts = 1 gallon, 9 gallons = 1 firkin, 2 firkins = 1 kilderkin, 3 kilderkins = 1 hogshead, 2 hogsheads = 1 butt.


1949 [67] Gene Simmons (Chaim Witz), Haifa, Israel, classic rocker (KISS-“Rock ‘n Roll All Night”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2014)/reality TV personality (“Gene Simmons: Family Jewels” 2006-12)

1958 [58] Tim Burton, Burbank CA, movie director-producer (“Alice in Wonderland”, “Charlie & The Chocolate Factory”)

1967 [49] Jeff Tweedy, Belleville IL, alt-rock singer (Wilco-“You Never Know”, “You & I”)

1968 [48] Rachael Ray, Glens Falls NY, TV personality (“Rachael Ray”, “Rachael Ray’s Tasty Travels”)

1981 [35] Rachel Bilson, LA CA, TV actress (“Hart of Dixie” 2011-15, “The OC” 2003-07)

1987 [29] Blake Lively, Tarzana CA, TV actress (“Gossip Girl” 2007-12)/movie actress (“The Town”)/model (“Vogue”)/wed to actor Ryan Reynolds since 2012

• “Banana Split Day”, saluting the ooey-gooey sundae concoction that’s served in a ‘boat’.

• “Great American Duck Race”, the 37th annual staging of the ‘World’s Richest Duck Race’ through Sunday in Deming NM. These are real live quackers competing for prize money.

• “Kiss-and-Make-Up Day”, a day to make amends in relationships that have deteriorated. (Let’s see, there’s that ornery cab driver, that rip-off auto mechanic, the boss …)

• “Park Service Day” in America, saluting the National Park Service, established 100 years ago today in 1916.

• “Secondhand Wardrobe Day”, celebrating the joys of shopping consignment shops, thrift stores, and anywhere else a clothing bargain can be had.

• “Whiskey Sour Day”, an annual salute to the mixed drink containing whiskey, lemon juice, and sugar. Whiskey sours are shaken, then served either straight up or over ice, traditionally garnished with half an orange slice and a maraschino cherry. Yes, please!

2014 [02] Seth Meyers hosts the 66th Emmy Awards; winners include “Modern Family” for Best Comedy and “Breaking Bad” for Best Drama

2001 [15] Actress/model/singer Aaliyah (“One In a Million”) dies in a plane crash at Marsh Harbour, The Bahamas at age 22

2007 [09] When singing his 1968 hit “Fire” onstage in Lewes UK, Arthur Brown is accidentally set aflame while wearing his customary tinfoil hat with a small fire burning in the center

2009 [07] Chris Brown is sentenced to 6 months of community service, 5 years probation, and a full year of domestic violence counselling for assaulting girlfriend Rhianna on the night of the Grammy Awards in February

2014 [02] Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love” is voted ‘Greatest Guitar Riff of All-Time’ by listeners of BBC Radio 2 in the UK

2012 [04] NASA’s Voyager 1 space probe enters interstellar space, becoming the 1st human-made object to do so

[Fri] “Blood Father”; “Don’t Breathe”; “Mechanic: Resurrection” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Breakaway Music Festival begins (Columbus OH)
[Fri] Women’s Equality Day
[Sat] Afropunk Festival begins (Brooklyn NY)
[Sat] Franchise Appreciation Day
[Sun] Go Topless Day
This Week Is … Be Kind to Humankind Week
This Month Is … Shop Online For Groceries Month


Use ’em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Your radical new look will cause heads to turn, as complete strangers hurry to avoid eye contact with you.
• Taurus – Years of backbreaking work will finally pay off when your manager, walking hurriedly down the hallway, nods faintly in your general direction this week.
• Gemini – A tragic boating accident will soon claim the lives of the lead singer, guitarist, and drummer of your one-man band.
• Cancer – You’ll be brought face-to-face with your own mortality during a series of harrowing stabs to the jaw and forehead.
• Leo – This week a shattered tea set will serve as a fitting metaphor for your clumsy coming-of-age as a woman.
• Virgo – Remember: It’s always a good idea to wait at least 30 minutes before going ahead and defecating in the pool.
• Libra – You’ll have a hard time controlling yourself this week, but then that’s what the serene-looking men in lab coats are here for.
• Scorpio – Your insistence on having your father walk you down the aisle may seem odd to some, especially considering the two of you are only going grocery shopping.
• Sagittarius – You’ll discover the long-sought missing link between humans and apes this week, moments after standing directly in front of your bathroom mirror.
• Capricorn – Despite several of face-to-face meetings, and a series of concessions on your part, the carpenter ants will still refuse to recognize your truce.
• Aquarius – Your job may not help to save any lives or cure people of fatal diseases, which is a major problem if you’re a highly regarded heart surgeon.
• Pisces – A backyard barbecue this week will smell a lot more fun than it actually is.
– Adapted from

☎ What’s your biggest ‘drunk-food’ disaster? (Mashed potatoes w/chocolate sauce? Ice cream w/gravy?)

What is the ear-splitting sound produced by bagpipes called?
a. A skirl. [CORRECT]
b. An air beige.
c. Painful.

I only take half a Viagra pill. It’s just enough so that I don’t pee on my shoes.

Question: 1-in-10 of us would rather lose THIS than our cellphone.
Answer: Vacation days.

Sometimes you get the bear and sometimes the bear gets you.

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