Wednesday, August 5, 2015        Edition: #5509

Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

★ 43-year-old actress Carla Gugino has replaced Christina Hendricks in the upcoming TV comedy “Roadies” from filmmakers Cameron Crowe and JJ Abrams. The pilot for the hour-long show originally starred “Mad Men’s” Hendricks as the production manager of a successful rock band, but the project has undergone a series of revamps. “Roadies” provides a behind-the-scenes look at rock music, with actor Luke Wilson starring as a fictional band’s tour manager.
★ 86-year-old movie veteran Max Von Sydow (“The Diary of Anne Frank”, “The Exorcist”) has joined the cast of “Game Of Thrones”. The actor will play ‘Three-Eyed Raven’, the mysterious tutor of ‘Bran Stark’, in upcoming episodes. The character was introduced in the Season 4 finalé, when he was portrayed by actor Struan Rodger. ‘Three-Eyed Raven’ has the ability to take over the bodies of animals.
★ There’s a lot of good news for Zooey Deschanel fans. The “New Girl” actress has welcomed her first child and – her rep has revealed while confirming the arrival – has also gotten married. Zooey and longtime partner Jacob Pechenik secretly wed before becoming parents to a baby girl. No other details on the birth have yet been announced. This is Zooey’s 2nd marriage; she was previously wed to Death Cab for Cutie’s Ben Gibbard. They divorced in 2012.
– Bang Showbiz
★ And Gigi Hadid has been named ‘World’s Most Connected Supermodel’. The 20-year-old stunning blonde has been cited for her incredible influence on social media with 5 million Instagram followers. Her response: ”All the companies I work for want me to guarantee how much I’ll post for them. But I’m not going to force my career onto the people who follow me. I refuse to do 40 Instagram posts about any campaign.”
– “W Magazine”

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – A special celebration of jaw-dropping talent from all over the world.
• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW) – Potential contestants vie for a spot in the competition in the Season 22 debut.
• “The Carmichael Show” (NBC) – Debut of a new series starring comedian Jerrod Carmichael as an exaggerated version of himself. The comedy centers around his zany relationships with his family and girlfriend (Amber West).
• “Difficult People” (Hulu) – Series premiere of a new comedy executive produced by Amy Poehler. Billy Eichner & Julie Klausner star as irreverent best friends living in NYC.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Tim McGraw (“Sundown Heaven Town”). Rerun.
• GamesCon (Cologne, Germany) – The world’s largest computer and videogame event runs through Sunday. Among the new game unveilings, 2K Games has confirmed that “Mafia III” is making its worldwide debut.
• Hollywood Walk of Fame – This morning (11:30 am PDT) Mariah Carey is honored with the 2,556th star on the famous walkway. Epic Records CEO LA Reid and filmmakers Brett Ratner and Lee Daniels pay tribute at the ceremony.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Miguel (“Wildheart”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – La Sera (“Hour Of the Dawn”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Laura Marling (“Short Movie”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Big Sean (“Dark Sky Paradise”).
• “Meredith Vieira Show” (syndicated) – Nick Jonas (” Nick Jonas”). Rerun.
• “Mr Robinson” (NBC) – Premiere of a new comedy starring Craig Robinson (“The Office”) as a struggling funk-band singer who takes a job as a substitute music teacher. (Sounds like a cross between “School of Rock” and comedian Gerry Dee’s long-running CBC/Netflix series “Mr D”.)
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Lenny Kravitz (“Strut”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats (“Falling Faster Than You Can Run”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Big Sean again.
• “A Wicked Offer” (CW) – Debut of a new 1-hour reality show in which contestants are offered money to do something that could offend their partners, family, and/or friends. How far will they go? Will money outweigh loyalty?

• Cee Lo Green – He tells “The Times” his upcoming album is “all about the adornment, the upliftment, the exaltment and the appreciation of all things women.” He has a long way to go to make up for last year’s tweets about the acceptability of sexual assault.
• Gwen Stefani – She & Gavin Rossdale say they’ll remain ‘partners in parenthood’ as they end their 13-year marriage. They’re seeking joint custody of Kingston (9), Zuma (6), and Apollo (1). Stefani has an estimated $80 million; Rossdale $35 million. They do not have a pre-nup, so that means pooling resources and splitting 50/50. Thus the divorce would cost her $22.5 million.
• Jill Scott – She’s earned her second-ever #1 album this week as “Woman” debuts atop the “Billboard” albums chart. It’s the 1st week a solo female act has topped the chart since Kelly Clarkson did it with “Piece by Piece” in March.
• Katy Perry – She & John Mayer have reportedly gotten back together after splitting up for the 4th time since 2008. Reports say they’ve been spending a lot of time at Mayer’s home talking over their feelings to see if they can make the relationship work.
• Miley Cyrus – She’s posed topless for a new “W” magazine spread with her rumored model-girlfriend Stella Maxwell. A black-and-white photo released on Instagram shows Cyrus topless as the 24-year-old Victoria’s Secret angel hugs her close while feeding her a piece of cake.
• Of Monsters & Men – Tonight in Calgary AB they embark on a North American headline tour in support of their sophomore album “Beneath the Skin”. Dates are scheduled through October 17th in San Diego CA.
• Pussycat Dolls – They’re reportedly planning a reunion 5 years after feuds tore the 5-girl group apart. In 2010 Nicole Scherzinger left to try a solo career but since her latest release, “On the Rocks”, has failed to chart she’s apparently ready to get the girls back together.
• Reba McEntire – She & husband-manager Narvel Blackstock have separated after 26 years of marriage. He runs a management company that represents Reba, Blake Shelton, and Kelly Clarkson, who’s married to Brandon Blackstock, one of his sons from a previous marriage. Reba & Narvel say they’ll continue to work together, as they have for 35 years.
• The Weeknd – He has the week’s top-selling track with “I Can’t Feel My Face”, which has been downloaded over 148,000 times.

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 70% of women say they’d rather clean bathrooms than try on bathing suits.
• 60% of us have fallen asleep while holding a phone.
• 50% of men have never seen their partner’s natural hair color.
• 39% of first daters try to ‘friend’ their date on Facebook before going out.
• 20% of parents say they are more than willing to bribe their kids to stop fighting.
• 2% of pet owners have dressed up their critter in a goofy outfit.

There’s a new app that helps users to recognize friends and family. Researchers in Singapore have developed a ‘smart-glasses’ app for the elderly, particularly those with dementia. Using face and image recognition, the technology can detect the identity of family and/or friends as well as remind mature users to take the correct medication and in the proper dosage. The app has been tested on a prototype Google Glass platform. User trials are expected to take place within 2 years. (“Now where did I put my glasses …?)
– @BBCClick

Mental health experts weigh in on things that aren’t as good for you as you might think …
✗ Binge-watching Netflix whenever you’re down. It doesn’t cure depression, it just avoids it.
✗ Sleeping waaay too much. To feel better about your life, you need to be active.
✗ Making too many to-do lists. They may make you remember things you didn’t finish more than those you did.
✗ Avoiding social situations. The way to relieve social phobia is to confront it.
✗ Over-indulging in ‘comfort food’ after a tough day. It just leads to guilty feelings later.
✗ Relying on peer therapy through online communities like Tumblr and Pinterest; or relying totally on self-help. If you need help, don’t hesitate to talk to a professional about feeling better.
– Condensed from BuzzFeed Life

★ “Mad About You’s” Paul Reiser, Helen Hunt – $1 million/episode 1998.
★ “Friends'” Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc, David Schwimmer, Matthew Perry – $1 million/episode 2002-04.
★ “Big Bang Theory’s” Johnny Galecki, Jim Parsons, Kaley Cuoco – $1 million/episode 2014-17.
★ “Seinfeld’s” Jerry Seinfeld – $1 million-plus/episode 1996-98.
★ “Home Improvement’s” Tim Allen – $1.25 million/episode 1999.
★ “Frasier’s” Kelsey Grammar – $1.6 million/episode 2002-04.
★ “Everybody Loves Raymond’s” Ray Romano – $1.7-1.8 million/episode 2005.
★ “Two-and-a-Half Men’s” Charlie Sheen – $1.8 million/episode 2011.
– Adapted from

Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Mirdle’ [man + girdle] – An undergarment designed to give a guy a slimmer appearance, particularly at the waist. (In order to appear more like an action star, the diminutive and aging actor resorted to standing on an ‘apple box’ and wearing a ‘mirdle’. Note that the name Cruise is not mentioned here.)
• ‘Sockmageddon’ – A long or intense struggle with washing, folding, and pairing socks. (“You don’t have to tell me, I know my freaking socks don’t match. I went through sockmageddon at the laundromat yesterday.”)
• ‘Walden Zone’ – A room or office that contains no electronic technology, particularly devices with Internet connections. (The book “Walden”, published by noted transcendentalist Henry David Thoreau, was a reflection on simple living in natural surroundings.)

Simply pretending to eat chocolate can curb your cravings for it.
– “BBC News Magazine”


1959 [56] Pat Smear, LA CA, rock guitarist (Foo Fighters-“Walk”, Nirvana-“You Know You’re Right”)

1968 [47] Terri Clark (Sauson), Montréal QC, country singer (“Girls Lie Too”, “You’re Easy On the Eyes”)

• “Oyster Day”, celebrating the shell-shucked crustacean enjoyed by many as a delicacy. (What brave soul could have first decided to eat one of these icky-looking things?)

• “Underwear Day”, the 12th annual organized by online retailer, which normally attracts hundreds of underwearers to NYC’s Times Square. It’s a good excuse to take a vote: Boxers, Briefs, Boxer-Briefs, or Commando?

• “Work Like a Dog Day”, an opportunity to recognize those individuals who work especially hard.

2000 [15] Prolific actor Sir Alec Guinness (“Bridge On the River Kwai”, ‘Obi-Wan Kenobi’ in “Star Wars”, “A Passage to India”) dies of liver cancer at age 86 in West Sussex UK

2013 [02] Privately held newspaper “Washington Post” is purchased by founder & CEO Jeff Bezos

2007 [08] DNA tests prove that at least 2 of 12 claimants to the estate of recently deceased soul legend James Brown are legitimate (his will had already named 6 known children)

2007 [08] Proctor & Gamble, maker of Luvs brand diapers, upsets Beatles fans around-the-world with their licensing of the song “All You Need Is Love” for a new TV ad

2013 [02] In London, the world’s 1st bovine stem-cell lab-grown burger is cooked and eaten at a news conference (one food critic says it’s “close to meat, but not that juicy”)

1999 [16] ‘Tish’, the world’s oldest captive goldfish, dies in Yorkshire, England at the age of 43

[Thurs] “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” series finalé
[Fri] “The Fantastic Four”; “Ricki & The Flash”; “Shaun the Sheep Movie” open in theaters
[Fri] Squamish Valley Music Festival begins (Squamish BC)
[Fri] Outside Lands Festival opens (San Francisco CA)
[Sat] International Hangover Day
[Sat] Garage Sale Day
This Week is … Bargain Hunting Week
This Month Is … Get Ready for Kindergarten Month


• Name 3 famous herbs.
• Which is more organic: “Fast & Furious 7” or “Transformers: Age of Extinction”?
• If ‘white dreads’ have been created using only ethically sourced mineral water and Manuka honey from a sustainable bee farm, does that make ‘white dreads’ OK?
• What does ‘G-M’ stand for, and how does this explain the success of “Uptown Funk”?
• If a free-range chicken would rather be battery-farmed can we legally label its eggs as ‘ethically produced’ due to its natural desire for volunteered slavery?
• ‘Data Frier’ is an anagram of ‘Fair Trade’. Find another anagram of ‘Fair Trade’ that could also be the name of a mathematics tutorial channel on YouTube.
• Have you ever chosen a different sandwich to the one you wanted because you couldn’t pronounce the word ‘quinoa’?
– Thanks to Chris Jordan,

☎ What tastes even better if you put it in a sandwich? Mac & Cheese? Potato Chips? Pizza?

• If screen legend Marilyn Monroe were alive, she’d be 89. (True. She died 53 years ago today at age 36. Hard to picture, isn’t it?)
• Common house flies can do back flips. (True. Scientists using slow-motion cameras have discovered that a back flip is the method flies use to land on the ceiling.)
• The Swiss actively carve holes out of their cheese, hoarding the extra in caves below Zurich, in order to maintain high demand. (Seriously? BS.)
• There are just 2 letters in the English alphabet with more than 1 syllable. (BS. Actually only one … the letter ‘W’, which has 3.)
• Getting fired is a good way of getting ahead. (True, according to “Mademoiselle” magazine, where experts say being turfed is a ringing reminder that the job and you weren’t the right fit. You’re much more likely to move up the ladder doing work you perform well.)
• Your are average if you chug down 3½ cups of coffee a  day. (True. And more than half of that coffee is consumed during breakfast.)
• The nickname ‘pigs in a blanket’ for bread-wrapped sausages gained popularity after the creator’s suggested name, ‘dongs in a dough shaft’, failed to catch on. (Um, total BS.)

I’d like to leave this world like I came into it … screaming, naked, and covered in someone else’s blood.

Question: If you’re average, you’ve only memorized five of THESE.
Answer: Recipes.

Drilling for oil is boring.

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