Monday, December 6, 2004        Edition: #2924
Sheet, Featuring Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
• THIS WEEK the cast of “Ocean’s Twelve” are set to trek around-the-globe promoting the movie sequel (opening FRIDAY). Immediately after WEDNESDAY’s world premiere in Hollywood, George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones & Matt Damon will join producer Jerry Weintraub for the tour on a private jet where they can sip champagne, enjoy a massage or sleep off their jet lag in one of the luxury craft’s bedrooms.
– FemaleFirst.com
• New house, new roommate. Halle Berry is reportedly moving actor-boyfriend Michael Ealy (“Barbershop”) into her new home. They began dating after her marriage to Eric Benet tanked LAST YEAR, and now pals say that, once construction is complete on her Malibu mansion, she’ll move her new beau in. The duo was recently spotted sharing a champagne toast after inspecting the $8-million hovel.
– “Daily Dish”
• Rod Stewart’s ex-wife, 35-year-old model Rachel Hunter, has been quietly dating 24-year-old LA Kings hockey player Sean Avery for some time (hey, he’s got nothing else to do). In fact, she showed up at a Tinseltown holiday party wearing a huge sapphire & diamond engagement ring. However, a ‘close friend’ swears she’s not engaged to Avery … yet.
– “NY Post”
• Leonardo DiCaprio has revealed he suffers from ‘Obsessive Compulsive Disorder’. He claims he has to force himself to fight compulsive urges like walking through doorways several times. The ‘OCD’ sure came in handy, however, when Leo took on the role of Howard Hughes in “The Aviator” (opening DECEMBER 25th). It seems the legendary billionaire suffered from the same problem.
– Teen Hollywood
• Why is it folks who are already filthy rich seem to get the really good freebies? Nicolas Cage, Lenny Kravitz, Courteney Cox Arquette & Russell Crowe have all been sent $2,000 bottles of vintage 1964 Glenlivet single malt scotch in honor of their 40th birthdays.
– PageSix.com

TRULY WACKED TABLOID STORIES:
• “Chimp Gives Birth to Human Baby!”
• “Area 51 Is Really Strip Club for Bigwigs!”
• “I Married Siamese Twins!”
• “Mick Jagger is an Android!”
• “Gassy Ghost Raises a Stink!”
• “Stupid Kidnappers Accept Check for Ransom!”
• “Killer Land Eels are Here!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashlee Simpson – TODAY she’ll perform live (honest!) at an LA concert broadcast live on the AOL online service. She’s still running damage control after her OCTOBER lip-sync goof on “SNL”.
• Barry Manilow – He’ll be paid $60 million to put on a nightly show at the Las Vegas Hilton for a year. (Are there that many geriatric schlock-lovers in the word?)
• Beyoncé – She’s being targeted by animal rights group PETA for wearing rabbit-fur boots. (It’s okay … they’re still alive!)
• Hilary Duff – The ‘Hilary Duff Twinkle Toes Pedicure’ set has made this year’s list of hazardous children’s toys because the nail polish it contains may be toxic. (Sorta like her music.)
• Jay-Z – Buzz has it BET host Free (Marie Wright) is expecting his child. The rumored pregnancy via Beyoncé’s boyfriend began online and though Free is keeping quiet about it, BET reps have been scrambling to deny there’s any truth to it. (And we know what THAT usually means!)
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s asked Arianna Anthony, husband Marc Anthony’s 11-year-old daughter, to sing on her new single, “Get Right,” which will be released NEXT MONTH.
• Madonna – She halted her recent photo shoot for Versace’s Spring 2005 collection to pray and meditate … part of her daily Kabbalah ritual.
• Shania Twain – She says she’s eager for a break to do some songwriting for her next album and to spend more time with her son Aja (‘Asia’).
• Trace Adkins – He & wife Rhonda received an early Christmas present FRIDAY with the birth of their new baby girl, their 3rd daughter together and his 5th from 2 marriages. (In some cultures, to be a ‘father of daughters’ is an insult.)

THE NEW COKE:
There seems to be another setback in the war on drugs. A herbicide-resistant strain of coca has been developed in order to create new ‘Supercocaine’. That means that, instead of killing off the coca, crop-spraying across Columbia is just killing weeds, thereby ensuring an even better bumper coca crop. It’s said that LA, NYC and London are now snowed under with high-quality coke not seen since the ‘80s.
– “Wired” magazine.

THIS JOB’S KILLING ME!
According to a 16-country study conducted by International research group ARISE (Associates for Research into the Science of Enjoyment), the major cause of stress is – work!  Researchers found that over half of respondents think stress on the job has increased, and 20% say they’ve taken time off due to stress. (Wait a sec, have I used THAT excuse yet?)
– The journal “Science”.

LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION:
Would you rather live in the country, the city or the suburbs? In a recent poll, 53% say country living’s the thing, 25% opt for the suburbs, and just 21% choose city living. (Interesting that, in most places, the reality is just the opposite.)
– “Swing” magazine.

WHAT RED-STATERS READ:
There’s a hot new genre of fiction that’s growing by 25% annually – ‘Christian Chick-Lit’. Now worth $2-billion a year, ‘CCL’ books have no swearing (nary a ‘damn’ nor a ‘heck’), no sex (they’re all about 30ish virgins), and no fashion (‘Whitney Blake’, heroine of bestseller “The Whitney Chronicles” only wears strappy shoes on dates to ‘represent the humble sandals of the carpenter’). Other top titles include “Yada Yada Prayerbook” (characters meet in a prayer circle to solve problems) and “What a Girl Wants” (a 31-year-old lawyer hopes to meet ‘Mr Right’ at her Bible study class).
– Popbitch.com

MOST-PERFORMED HOLIDAY SONGS:
1. “The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On an Open Fire)”
2. “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas”
3. “Winter Wonderland”
4. “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”
5. “White Christmas”
6. “Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!”
7. “I’ll Be Home For Christmas”
8. “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer”
9. “Little Drummer Boy”
10. “Jingle Bell Rock”
– Newly-released annual list from ASCAP.

FOR THE RECORD:
Walter Cavanagh of San Luis Obispo CA has been applying for and collecting credit cards since 1969. He now has a whopping 1,497 VALID cards in his name, a line of credit that totals – $1.7 million!

BS AMAZING FACT:
The only eye-witness to the killing of OJ Simpson’s wife Nicole, her dog ‘Akita’, has died at age 11. (OJ is not considered a suspect.)

AND WE QUOTE:
• “Marriage doesn’t even exist in my vocabulary.” – Usher, telling “Sun” (and apparently Naomi Campbell) to cool their jets.
• “Wow! I beat the president and I didn’t even have to get on my knees!” – Anna Nicole Smith’s hard-to-fathom acceptance speech for the ‘Big Makeover of 04′ award at the “Big in ’04 Awards” on VH1 LAST NIGHT.

THE BULL SHEET 12.06.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955 [49] Steven Wright, NYC, droll comedian whose weird observations include …
• “I busted a mirror and got 7 years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me 5.”
• “I wrote a song, but I can’t read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio I think, ‘Hey, maybe I wrote that.’”
• “I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.”
• “I’ve been doing a lot of abstract painting lately, extremely abstract. No brush, no paint, no canvas, I just think about it.”

1956 [48] Peter Buck, Oakland CA, rock guitarist (REM-“Losing My Religion”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “St Nicholas Day”, commemorating the 4th-century bishop who died December 6, 342 AD and from whom the traditions of ‘Santa Claus’ and exchanging gifts were derived. No wonder he’s the patron saint of both children and merchants! Many European kids awake today to find candy and oranges in their shoes, or if they’ve been bad – a piece of coal. The name ‘Santa Claus’ evolved from St Nicholas via the Dutch form of the name – ‘Sinte Klaas’ or ‘Sinterklaas’. According to Dutch tradition, naughty children are whisked away to Spain by St Nick’s helper ‘Black Pete’. (Hey buddy, pick me!)

TODAY is “National Pawnbrokers Day”, celebrated on “St Nicholas Day”, the saint who, among other things, is the patron saint of pawnbroking.

TODAY is “National Day of Remembrance & Action on Violence Against Women”, established by Parliament in 1991 to recognize and denounce violence against women in our society. The day coincides with the anniversary of the 1989 ‘Montréal Massacre’ when 14 young women were tragically killed at l’École Polytechnique.

TODAY is “National Gazpacho Day”, in celebration of the spicy but cold Spanish soup. (To look like a real rube, order some in a restaurant and then blow on it to cool it down.)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1988 [16] Legendary singer Roy Orbison dies of a massive heart attack at age 52

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1960 [44] 1st ‘Domino’s Pizza’ opens

1963 [41] 1st automobile ‘cruise control’ introduced

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1983 [21] World record for ‘continuous whistling’ set at 45 hours, 20 minutes (stop it … please, stop … STOP!!!!)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] “The Ultimate Matrix Collection” 10-disc DVD set released
[Wed] Hanukkah begins
[Wed] “2004 Billboard Music Awards” (Las Vegas)
[Wed] “Grammy Awards” nominees announced
[Wed] Bad Hair Day
[Wed] “Blade: Trinity” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] International Human Rights Day
[Fri] “Ocean’s Twelve” opens in movie theaters

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Human Rights Week
Civil Rights Week
Drunk Drivers Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS REASONS SANTA CLAUS MUST BE A WOMAN:

• Men can’t pack a bag.
• Men would never be caught wearing red velvet.
• Men don’t answer their mail.
• Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a ‘bowlful of jelly’.
• Men aren’t interested in stockings unless somebody’s wearing them.
• Being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

ALL-TIME CHEESIEST MOVIE LINES:
1. “Titanic” – “I’m the king of the world!” (Leonardo DiCaprio)
2. “Dirty Dancing” – “Nobody puts ‘Baby’ in the corner.” (Patrick Swayze)
3. “Four Weddings & a Funeral” – “Is it still raining? I hadn’t noticed.” (Andie MacDowell)
4. “Ghost” – “I love you.” “Ditto.” (Demi Moore)
5. “Top Gun” – “You can be my wingman any time.” (Val Kilmer)
6. “Notting Hill” – “I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love me.” (Julia Roberts)
7. “Independence Day” – “Today we celebrate our Independence Day.” (Bill Pullman)
8. “Braveheart” – “They may take our lives…” (Mel Gibson)
9. “Jerry Maguire” – “You had me at hello.” (Renee Zellweger)
10. “The Postman” – “You’re a godsend, a saviour.” “No, I’m a postman.” (Kevin Costner)
– Newly-released Warburtons poll.

TIPS FOR WOMEN BUYING FOR MEN:
• Underwear is a necessity, not a gift.
• Honest … the sound system must be upgraded!
• If it doesn’t have 3 speeds and a digital read-out, can it really be any good?
• Nothing wrong with a pile of cash wrapped in a Snap-On Tools calendar.
• If it comes in a can … buy it!

NUMBER MNEMONICS:
The free Website ‘PhoneSpell’ spits out all the names and words that your phone number spells. Try looking up radio station numbers or providing suggestions for listeners’ numbers.
NET: http://www.phonespell.org

BS PHONE STARTER:
What is the funniest thing that ever happened to you … in 10 words or less?

BS Q & A:
Q: How many NHL players were making $1-million or more 15 years ago (1989)?
A: Hard to believe, but there were only 3.

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• It’s not fair! Brain cells come and go but fat cells live forever.
• Welcome to [your show]. We put the fun in dysfunctional!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: According to business managers, THIS is the #1 thing not to do at your office Chrismukkah party.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Bring your kids.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
You’re never too old to learn and never too young to know it all.

ON OUR SHEET LIST:
“BS” salutes new subscriber Luciana Bosio @ KKMO [Radio Sol] Seattle WA; also Derek Allen @ CKYL [YL Country] Peace River AB and Casey Cunningham @ CHUB [Big 105] Red Deer AB, both back for another year of Sheet; and a big shout-out to this week’s samplers, including Maria Pollington @ Break O’Day FM, St Helens, Australia; Shannon Gillis @ KENT St George UT; Ryan Johnson @ WNKS Charlotte NC; Leanne Collins @ KIWI-FM Te Puke, New Zealand; and Al Wagers @ WHZZ Lansing MI. Remember “BS”-ers, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH of service for each and every new subscriber you refer.


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