Monday, December 15, 2008       Edition: #3922
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

• “Gossip Girl” star Leighton Meester has announced on Facebook that she’s become engaged to BF Sebastian Stan, according to reports. The pair met on the set last year when Stan had a recurring role on the show. A rep for Meester has refused to comment. (Is it just gossip, girl?)
• An Iraq War vet has been ordered to stay away from movie star Tom Cruise. 29-year-old Edward Van Tassel, who allegedly showed up at Cruise’s LA home twice this month, was being treated at a nearby veterans’ hospital following an arrest for brandishing a gun on a freeway overpass. He reportedly left the facility in an attempt to convince Cruise to support veterans’ rights. (A sequel to “Born On the Fourth of July”?)
• Desperately-seeking-a-hit movie star Jennifer Aniston seemingly wants to show she’s still fabulous near 40 by posing au naturel on the cover of the January issue of “GQ”. Her only cover-up is a man’s striped necktie. Aniston hits the big 4-0 on February 11. Aniston’s BF John Mayer says he doesn’t have a problem with her posing nude, in fact he’s ‘gonna put his knuckles in the air for it’. (Huh? How long before Angelina strikes back?)
• 41-year-old “Private Practice” star Kate Walsh and her husband have split up after only 15 months of marriage. Alex Young has filed for divorce, citing ‘irreconcilable differences’ as the reason. (Guess that’s what happens when you get married after only a few months of dating.)
– “Entertainment Tonight”
• 41-year-old Lauren Graham, who spent 7 years portraying wacky mom ‘Lorelei’ on “The Gilmore Girls” (CW), has signed on for an as-yet-untitled ABC-TV comedy, playing a successful self-help guru who specializes in helping women live stress-free lives … until her own boyfriend gives her the heave-ho, throwing her life into chaos. (Sounds like “Men in Trees”, without the Alaskan wilderness.)
– “Variety”
• The hit TV show “Mad Men” (AMC/CTV) is in limbo. Even though it’s garnered “Golden Globe Award” nominations for ‘Best Drama’ and ‘Best Actor’ (Jon Hamm), AMC still has no deal with show creator Matthew Weiner to make more episodes. Meantime, Hamm’s developed a movie career (“The Day the Earth Stood Still”) and landed a role as Tina Fey’s onscreen BF on “30 Rock” (NBC).
• Chris Weitz, the guy who directed “The Golden Compass”, is reportedly taking over the “Twilight” sequel “New Moon”. He’s said to be a ‘quality-of-life choice’, which is fuzzified Hollywood code for ‘he won’t make everyone on set miserable’. Weitz is expected to be in Vancouver as early as today to start pre-production on the film. (Will a dude be able to direct the chickiest chick-flick of all time?)
• Greg Bonnan, creator of “Baywatch”, is looking for the next Pamela Anderson to star in a new version of the TV series to be based in New Zealand. The pilot episode, which will star local actors, has yet to be titled but producers are already on the hunt for the next “Baywatch” babe.
– “New York Post”
• 67-year-old Vegas crooner Paul Anka (“My Way”) & new wife Anna got into a domestic incident at their Thousand Oaks CA home that got physical. Word has it after an ice bucket hit the floor, Anna picked up an ice chunk and threw a fastball, hitting Paul in the noggin. It took 2 staples in his head to close the wound at the local hospital. Cops charged Anna with felony domestic battery but the DA’s office subsequently closed the case. BTW, Paul is just 5′-6” and weighs a paltry 140. (One of his grandchildren could likely take him out.)
• And it’s been confirmed that Australian actor Hugh Jackman will host the 81st “Academy Awards” (ABC) on February 22nd, which will be designed to have a ‘new look’. (What happened to Jon Stewart … or that Ricky Gervais rumor?)
– “New York Times”

• “A Conversation in Support of Hillary Clinton for President Debt Relief” – “Ugly Betty” star America Ferrera hosts this fundraiser to help former Democratic presidential candidate (and soon to be Secretary of State) Hillary Clinton pay down some of her reported $7.5-million debt from her failed White House bid. Bill Clinton talks with diehards at NYC’s Manhattan Center.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Sheryl Crow performs.
• “The View“ (ABC/CTV) – John Legend promotes his album “Evolver”, then appears later on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel).

• Brad Paisley – He & Tim McGraw will headline “Bayfest” in Sarnia ON next July 17-18. Artists for the festival’s rock weekend July 9-11 are yet to be announced.
• Chris Brown – He’s been named “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Top Artist of 2008′, as determined by album sales, digital downloads, radio airplay, and Internet streams.
• Eric Clapton – The classic rocker has just raked in $659,000 from the sale of 13 of his prized shotguns. Turned into a pacifist? Nope. A rep for the UK’s Holt’s Auctioneers says he sold off the collection because he’s developed a preference for a particular type of gun.
• Jennifer Hudson – She’s canceled the shoot for her new video just a few days after announcing she’s ready to go back to work following the murder of 3 family members. Maybe not then.
• Kanye West – He’s considering an apprenticeship at European design houses, including Louis Vuitton, Raf Simmons and others, in order to learn the basics of the fashion biz. Who’d want him?
• Rolling Stones – Dartford, the English town where Mick Jagger & Keith Richards grew up, is set to honor them by naming 13 new streets in a 1,500-home development after Stones’ songs. The local council is currently deciding which titles to use. Sympathy for the Devil Drive?
• Tim McGraw – He’s recorded a track with Chris Brown titled “Human”. No release date has been set for it as yet.
• U2 – Bono has been awarded the annual ‘Nobel Man of Peace’ prize in Paris, France for his ongoing efforts to combat poverty, debt, and disease in Africa. Actors George Clooney & Don Cheadle were co-winners last year.

According to a recent study, you can burn 6 calories per minute dancing at a holiday party, and about 3 calories per minute wrapping gifts or decking the halls.  You even burn off 2 calories per minute just kissing under the mistletoe.  (So go ahead and have a couple more egg nogs, porky.)
– “New Woman“

What one word would you use to describe holiday shopping? In a nationwide survey of women, 50% say it’s a ‘pleasure’, 22% a ‘chore’, 19% call it ‘no-big-deal’ and 8% think it’s a ‘nightmare’. (About 90% of guys would describe it as ‘last minute’.)
– AP

Based on total ticket sales …
1. Bon Jovi … $210.6 million
2. Bruce Springsteen … $204.5 million
3. Madonna … $162 million
4. The Police … $150 million
5. Celine Dion … $91 million
6. Kenny Chesney … $86 million
7. Neil Diamond … $81.2 million
8. Spice Girls … $70 million
9. The Eagles … $56.6 million
10. Rascal Flatts … $55.8 million
– “Billboard Boxscore”

Here’s a creative excuse for your weight problem … ‘sleep eating’. A disorder akin to sleep walking, sleep eating occurs when someone becomes partially aroused from a deep sleep. Though unconscious, the person can get up, walk around and pig out. And, like a sleepwalker, the sleep eater will have no recollection of this nocturnal noshing the next morning.
– “Pittsburgh Post-Gazette”

The British Dental Health Foundation has announced that a host of oral health problems, including gum disease and tooth decay, can be prevented by … cranberries. Following up on research carried out by the University of Rochester, the BDHF discovered that cranberry juice stops harmful bacteria from sticking to teeth. Cranberry juice also ensures that plaque never gets a chance to form. (Really cool … if you want red teeth.)
– ANI Health & Science

Dogs are prone to complex emotions such as jealousy and pride, according to new scientific research at the University of Vienna in Austria. The study has found that canines do not like seeing their owners offering affection to other creatures, especially other dogs, and react negatively when their owners bring home new partners. The dog study is the latest into several species, including cows, horses, cats and sheep, which have shown that animals are far more self-aware than was thought. (Nothing worse than a pouty ewe.)
– “The Telegraph”

• Some of the most popular Christmas toys are also the oldest: ‘Crayola Crayons’ have been around 105 years, ‘Lego’ for 78, ‘Silly Putty’ 61, and good ol’ ‘Mr Potato Head’ is now 56-years-old.
• There’s a 40% increase in people suffering headaches this time of the year, due to the stress of holiday preparations and long line-ups in stores, according to a study by the American Headache Foundation.

1933 [75] Tim Conway, Willoughby OH, TV funnyman (“SpongeBob SquarePants”, 4 Emmy Awards-“Carol Burnett Show”)/movie actor (“McHale’s Navy”)

1949 [59] Don Johnson, Flat Creek MO, former TV actor (“Nash Bridges” 1996-2001, “Miami Vice” 1984-89)/movie actor (“Tin Cup”)/married & divorced actress Melanie Griffith … twice

1955 [53] Paul Simonon, Brixton UK, classic rock musician (The Clash-“Rock the Casbah”, “Should I Stay or Should I Go”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)

1969 [39] Chantal Petitclerc, Saint-Marc-des-Carrières QC, wheelchair racer who won 5 gold medals and set 3 world records at the Beijing Paralympics/2008 Lou Marsh Award as Canada’s Athlete of the Year

1979 [29] Adam Brody, San Diego CA, movie actor (“Thank You for Smoking”, “The Ring”)/TV actor (“The OC” 2003-07)

• “Bill of Rights Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the signing of the US Bill of Rights (1791) and its incorporation into the US Constitution.

• “Firefighters Day”, honoring those who risk their lives to save people from infernos.

• “Halcyon Days” begin, the 7 days before and the 7 days after the Winter Solstice that are traditionally thought to be a time of ‘calm and tranquillity’. Uh, maybe at your house.

• “Zamenhof Day“, the beginning of “International Language Week” celebrated by the International Esperanto League. The international language ‘Esperanto’ was invented by Dr LL Zamenhof in 1887 to solve the world’s language barrier, but never really caught on. Get some useful phrases in ‘Esperantese’ here …

1993 [15] Steven Spielberg’s Academy Award-winning film “Schindler’s List” premieres

1956 [52] The phrase ‘Elvis has left the building’ is first uttered by radio host Horace Logan in Shreveport LA on his show “Louisiana Hayride”

1990 [18] Rocker Rod Stewart marries model Rachel Hunter in Beverly Hills CA (whoa, did that prove expensive!)

1854 [154] 1st ‘Mechanical Street Cleaning Machine’ (the kind that wakes you up at 3 am)

1952 [56] 1st person to have a ‘Sex-Change Operation’ (voluntarily, that is) as American George Jorgenson is pruned into Christine Jorgenson in Denmark (do they preserve it in a jar or what?)

[Tues] Chocolate Covered Anything Day
[Wed] Maple Syrup Day
[Wed] Underdog Day
[Thurs] Bake Cookies Day
[Fri] “Seven Pounds”; “The Tale of Despereaux”; “Yes Man” open in movie theaters
[Sun] Winter begins

Gluten-Free Baking Week / Las Posadas / Saturnalia

A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …

• “Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.”
• “Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in deranged dancing.”
• “Consumption of alcohol may cause you to shay shings like thish.”
• “Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.”
• “Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to phone them at 4 in the morning.”
• “Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.”
• “Consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.”

Be still our collective heart, ‘Twilight Collector Figures’ (aka dolls) are coming! ‘Bella Swan’ & ‘Edward Cullen’ from the hit vampire romance are being interpreted in ‘fine quality vinyl/hard plastic with rooted saran hair and hand-painted facial features’. The ‘estimated availability’ is Spring 2009. No word on pricing as yet, but bet on it being far too much.

The most fearsome, harrowing combination of words a female can utter to a guy …
• “I’ve been thinking …”
• “My parents want to meet you.”
• “That’s not the way my ex- did it.”
• “What are you thinking about?”
• “Do you find her pretty?”
• “Do you notice anything different about me?”
• “My friend is pregnant (engaged).”
• “We need to talk.”

What’s the absolutely dumbest purchase you’ve ever made?

Today’s Question: 12% of shoppers will experience THIS embarrassing and inconvenient mishap during the holiday season.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Having their credit card declined.

What melts in the mouth bulges in the mirror.

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