Tuesday, December 13, 2011        Edition: #4650
It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

Today & tomorrow items from late screen legend Elizabeth Taylor’s jewelry collection go under the hammer at Christie’s Auction House in NYC (don’t even bother unless you’ve got at a millie to spare) . . . Also today in NYC, silent film star Charlie Chaplin’s iconic black bowler hat that he wore while developing his famous character, ‘The Tramp’, goes on sale at a Sotheby’s auction (expected to fetch circa $24,000) . . . A $5,000 Chanel purse that Lindsay Lohan lost while partying in Hawaii has been returned, missing $10,000 in cash but fortunately still containing important probation paperwork (she’s due back in a California court tomorrow for a probation progress hearing) . . . Movie actor Chris Tucker (“Rush Hour” films) has sold off a 2nd property after being threatened with foreclosure due to a massive $11-million IRS tax bill, this time off-loading his 5-bedroom home in Lake County, Florida for $2 million (ouch, a $4-million loss!) . . . Wrestling icon Hulk Hogan has spoken out about his ex-wife’s allegations he cheated on her with a male wrestler, branding the story ‘insane’ (BS translation: It was Ric Flair) . . . Actress-director Angelina Jolie tells “Marie Claire” she doesn’t have a lot of girlfriends and only really talks to partner Brad Pitt (aww, don’t you feel so sorry for her?) . . . Sure “New Year’s Eve” topped the weekend box office, but it turns out it was the lowest grossing weekend at the movies in 3 years (the fault of bad movies or Netflix?) . . . Unemployed actor Charlie Sheen has been forced to ditch his old cellphone number after accidentally posting it on his Twitter blog while trying to send a private message to Justin Bieber (which is more pathetic – his tech ability or his desire to message Bieber?) . . . Actor Ben Stiller is building 8 new schools in Haiti with funds raised through his charitable organization, The Stiller Foundation (makes up for some lame movies of late) . . . “Women’s Wear Daily” reports actor/TV personality Mario Lopez (“H8R”) is launching his own men’s underwear collection, ‘Rated M’, and will model it himself in an upcoming ad campaign (are you gonna pay $13.50 for a pair of Lopez tightie-whities?) . . . And Jennifer Aniston has beaten every single famous female out there (dead or alive) in a new “Mens Health” poll to be anointed ‘Hottest Woman of All Time’ (oh please).


• “CMT Artists Of the Year” (CMT) – Actor Rob Lowe (“Parks & Recreation”) hosts this pre-recorded event from Nashville that honors country stars Brad Paisley, Jason Aldean, Kenny Chesney, Lady Antebellum, and Taylor Swift.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Paul Anka (“Songs of December”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Death Cab for Cutie (“Codes & Keys”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Cold War Kids (“Mine Is Yours”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Wild Flag (“Wild Flag”).
• “The Rosie Show” (OWN) – Vegas entertainers Donny & Marie Osmond.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Lenny Kravitz (“Black & White America”).

• Alanis Morissette – She’s signed on to do a guest stint on “Up All Night” (NBC), playing a former bandmate of ‘Ava’ (Maya Rudolph) in the music group ‘Sound LLC’.Morissette has previously done guest spots on “Curb Your Enthusiasm”, “Sex & The City”, and “Weeds”.
• Amy Winehouse – Her father Mitch Winehouse tells Britain’s “Mail On Sunday” he’s hoping to derail a proposed bio-pic about her by refusing to let movie producers use her music.
• Britney Spears – She celebrated her recent 30th birthday by moving into a $25,000 a month, 10,000-sq ft rental home outside of Los Angeles that reportedly boasts panoramic views.
• Juvenile – Today the rapper releases his 9th album, “Rejuvenation”, which features contributions for Drake, Lloyd, and Trey Songz.
• Kenny Chesney – His latest album, “Hemingway’s Whiskey”, has just become his 10th Platinum album, certified for sales of 1 million units.
• Kid Rock – Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney has made “Born Free” his official campaign song, and for once a political candidate isn’t facing a lawsuit over choice of music. Kid says Romney (or any other candidate) is welcome to use his music because he makes it to be heard.
• Lady Gaga – She tells MTV News she already has the title for her 3rd album, which she’s currently writing. She’s also working on putting together a 450-date, 2-year world tour designed to smash all previous records.
• Snoop Dogg & Wiz Khalifa – They teamed up on the soundtrack for the upcoming comedy “Mac & Devin Go to High School”. The collaborative album, which features guest Bruno Mars, is out today.
• Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Us Weekly” has confirmed that 33-year-old singer Karen O recently wed longtime boyfriend Barnaby Clay. They met when he directed his future wife in the 2009 video for the single “Zero”.

• “Fright Night” ( R-Rated Horror Comedy ): In this redo of the 1985 fright flick, Anton Yelchin plays a high school senior who learns his seemingly cool next-door neighbor (Colin Farrell) is a vampire. He enlists a Vegas magician (David Tennant) to help him stake the undead smooth-talker.
• “Kung Fu Panda 2” ( PG Animated Comedy ): ‘Po the Panda’ (Jack Black) and the ‘Furious Five’ venture to China to battle villain ‘Lord Shen’ (Gary Oldman) and uncover the secrets of his mysterious origins. Voice cast also includes Angelina Jolie, Seth Rogen, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jackie Chan, Dustin Hoffman. Also comes in an ‘Awesome Double DVD Pack’.
• “Rise Of the Planet Of the Apes” ( PG-13 Sci-Fi Thriller ): In this prequel to the long-running series (since 1968), James Franco plays a scientist experimenting on a chimpanzee named ‘Caesar’ (Andy Serkis). The resulting development of animal intelligence brings about a war for supremacy between humans and apes. Co-stars Freida Pinto, John Lithgow.
• Also released today: “Eames: The Architect & The Painter” (Documentary); “Family Guy: Volume 9” (TV Animation); “Nick Di Paolo: Raw Nerve” (Comedy); and “Swamp People: Season 2 (Reality TV).

A new ranking of how much movie studios earn for each dollar paid to movie stars …
5. Shia LaBeouf (“Transformer” films) … For every $1 he’s paid his films earn $29.40.
4. Daniel Radcliffe (“Harry Potter” films) … His films earn $34.24 for every buck he pockets.
3. Robert Pattinson (“Twilight Saga”) .. His films bring in $39.43 for every dollar he gets.
2. Anne Hathaway (“Alice in Wonderland”) … Average return of $45.67 for every $1 she’s paid.
1. Kristen Stewart (“Twilight Saga”) … For every $1 she’s paid her films average $55.83.
– Forbes.com

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 33% of adults know the names of all of Santa’s reindeer.
• 29% of us will enjoy eggnog during the upcoming holiday season.
• 25% of dog owners regularly shower with the pooch.
• 17% of us say we consistently receive bad holiday gifts from an in-law.
• 11% of us will buy a holiday gift for someone we can’t stand.
• 4% of families will get a new pet as a Christmas gift this year.

Nowadays, it’s impossible to speak Japanese without using English ‘loan words’, which make up about 10% of the spoken language. A few examples …
• ‘Burapi’ – Brad Pitt.
• ‘Chaamu pointo’ (charm point) – The most attractive feature, particularly of a woman.
• ‘Mai peesu’ (my pace) – Marching to the beat of your own drum.
• ‘Manshon’ (mansion) – A plain old concrete apartment.
• ‘Hippu’ (hips) – A euphemism for ‘rear end’.
• ‘Sukinshippu’ (skinship) – Physical closeness, be it hugging, hand-holding … or whatever.
– “New York Magazine”

• The tiny super-rich gulf state of Qatar has the world’s highest per capita carbon dioxide emissions at more than 50 tonnes per person annually. Ironically, it will be the site of the ‘2012 United Nations Climate Change Conference’.
– “New Scientist”
• According to Environment Canada, a septillion snowflakes fall on Canada every year. That’s a one followed by 24 zeroes.
– “Bizarre Canada”
• Denver Broncos Tim Tebow has now orchestrated 6 game-winning drives in the 4th quarter or OT in his first 11 starts. That’s the most by any debut quarterback since the NFL/AFL merger in 1970.
• Theft of metals to sell for recycling has become a huge problem in many areas. So much so in the UK municipality of North Somerset, they’re testing out the use of plastic manhole covers.
– Telegraph.co.uk


1929 [82] Christopher Plummer, Toronto ON, stage actor (Tony Award -“Barrymore”)/movie actor (“Sound of Music”)/Governor-General’s Performing Arts Award (2001)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (1999)/Order of Canada (1968)

1957 [54] Steve Buscemi, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (‘Nucky Thompson’ on “Boardwalk Empire” since 2010, “The Sopranos” 2004-05)/movie actor (“Monster House”, “Fargo”)

1967 [44] Jamie Foxx, Terrell TX, movie actor (“Dreamgirls”, Academy Award-“Ray”)/R&B singer (f/T-Pain-“Blame It”, f/Ludacris-“Unpredictable”)

1974 [37] Nicholas McCarthy, Blackpool UK, rock guitarist (Franz Ferdinand-“No You Girls”, “Take Me Out”)

1975 [36] Tom DeLonge, Poway CA, rock singer (Blink 182-“I Miss You”, Angels & Airwaves-“Everything’s Magic”)

1981 [30] Amy Lee, Riverside CA, rock singer (Evanescence-“Call Me When You’re Sober”, “My Immortal”)

1989 [22] Taylor Swift, Wyomissing PA, country/pop singer (“Mine”, “You Belong With Me”)/ACM ‘2011 Entertainer Of the Year’/AMA ‘2011 Artist Of the Year’/CMA ‘2011 Entertainer Of the Year’/”Billboard’s” ‘2011 Woman Of the Year’


• Count the Las in ‘Deck the Halls’ Day” (as in ‘fa-la-a-la-la-la’) so you can tell everybody you know how many las there are. Be careful not to count any fas!

• “Hot Cocoa Day”, because there’s nothing like a steaming mug of the stuff on a bitter cold December day. (Ouch! Burned my freakin’ tongue!)

• “New Calendar Day”, a reminder to pick up the 2012 model. (Regular charity contributors likely already have way too many of them.)

• “Peace Day” in Korea, marking the date in 1991 when North & South Korea signed a treaty of reconciliation non-aggression, formally ending the Korean War 38 years after fighting had stopped in 1953. (Well, that seemed to work out well!)

• “St Lucy’s Day”, honoring her 304 AD birth. Legend has it that, in order to follow a life of religious devotion, she cut out her eyes and sent them on a plate to a persistent lover who was haunted by them (especially afterward!). Today hotels in Sweden feature their own ‘Lucia’, a young blond girl in white gown who serves guests coffee & ‘lussekatter’ (saffron buns).

• “Violins Day”, for some unknown reason. (Don’t forget your G-string! Ah, violin humor.)


1996 [15] “Jerry Maguire” opens in movie theaters, starring Tom Cruise, Cuba Gooding Jr (“Show me the money!”), and Renee Zellweger (The Eagles’ Glenn Frey makes his first and last appearance in a major film)

1974 [37] George Harrison has lunch with US president Gerald Ford, becoming the 1st rock music artist ever invited to the White House

1843 [168] “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens is 1st published

1983 [28] Highest-scoring basketball game in NBA history as Detroit Pistons defeat Denver Nuggets 186-184 … in triple-overtime


[Wed] Bouillabaisse Day
[Wed] Monkey Day
[Thurs] Cat Herders Day
[Fri] “Alvin & The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked”; “Carnage”; “Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Chocolate-Covered Anything Day
[Fri] Underdog Day
This Week Is … Drunk Drivers Awareness Week
This Month Is … Hi Neighbor Month


• You vaguely remember taking off your shoes and wading in the potato salad.
• A champagne cork got lodged in your trachea … 7 times.
• The water cooler’s now full of eggnog.
• You told your best joke to the rubber plant.
• Something’s stuck in the photocopier and it looks really similar to your missing lucky underwear.
• In the misty recesses of your mind you heard someone say, “Forget the doctor, call a priest!”
• You woke up in court … with your pants on backwards.


A diplomat is a guy who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.


• “She has strong family ties.” (She’s a Mafia princess.)
• “She just loves children.” (She’s pregnant and needs a husband.)
• “She’s the outdoor type” (She hunts, fishes, chews tobacco, and shaves just like the guys.)
• “She’s ready to settle down.” (She’s 45, in a state of panic, and dying to marry.)
• “She’s not overly emotional” (She only cries 27 times a day.)
• “She’s travelled a lot.” (She’s got a lot of miles on her.)


• Who buys more Christmas gifts for their pets?
a. Cat Owners.
b. Dog Owners. [CORRECT. 69% compared to 64% of cat owners.]
c. Fish Owners.
– HaLife.com

• What happens to most old eyeglasses?
a. They’re given away to recycling programs.
b. They are returned to opticians for trade-in.
c. They collect dust in a drawer. [CORRECT. That’s the fate of 35% of disused eyewear.]
– “USA Today”


The National Christmas Tree Association says the Christmas tree market, both natural and artificial, has slumped since 2007. If your family is one that’s decided against having a traditional tree, what are you doing instead?

Question: Shopping mall stats show that THESE have decreased by 41% since 2001.
Answer: Visits to mall Santas.

Nothing matters very much, and very few things matter at all.

Printer Friendly Version