Monday, December 5, 2011 Edition: #4644
Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!
WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Brooke Mueller, ex-wife of actor Charlie Sheen, has been arrested in Aspen, Colorado after a woman reported to cops on a routine bar check that she was assaulted by the 34-year-old. Mueller was located at another bar early Saturday morning where she was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault, along with felony possession of cocaine with intent to distribute. She now has a December 19th court date. (Seems somebody fell off the wagon!)
– Reuters.com
• Florida Department of Children & Families is working with Arkansas officials to return former country singer Mindy McCready’s young son Zander to his maternal grandmother, his legal guardian since 2007. The 5-year-old was picked up from a property belonging to McCready’s boyfriend on Friday after being reported missing by his father. McCready has been fighting her mother for custody of her son ever since she was released from prison after serving time for probation violation. (To fulfill all the stereotypes, all she needs to do is drink beer while driving her pickup truck on the way to wedding her cousin.)
– E! Online
• Actress-turned-director Angelina Jolie is being sued for allegedly stealing the story behind her new movie, “In the Land of Blood & Honey” (opening December 23rd). Croatian journalist-author James J Braddock alleges an article he wrote and published in 2007 is the basis for the film, for which Jolie wrote the screenplay. The movie is purported to be a fictionalized account of an unlikely love story between a Serbian soldier and a Muslim woman during the Bosnian War. Braddock is asking for a jury trial. (More likely … a small cash settlement in order to get lost.)
– DailyMail.co.uk
• Plus-sized model Whitney Thompson, who was crowned winner of season 10 of “America’s Next Top Model”, has launched a new dating website for curvy women called ‘The Big & The Beautiful’. She describes it as ‘an honest dating site where real women can celebrate their curves and meet men who appreciate them’. Thompson, the only plus-sized model to ever win top honors on “ANTM”, is also a spokesperson for the National Eating Disorders Association. (A model who’s not a stick person … how refreshing!)
– RadarOnline.com
• “Sex & The City author Candace Bushnell has split from her ballet dancer-husband Charles Askegard after 9 years of marriage. The writer, whose newspaper column spawned the hit TV show and movies starring Sarah Jessica Parker, filed for divorce on Friday. In a press release she says, “I respect his desire to pursue his own happiness and hope that we will continue to be friends in the future.” (BS translation: Don’t even think you’re getting 1 cent of royalties, loser.)
– “New York Post”
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “American Country Awards” (FOX) – Kristin Chenoweth & Trace Adkins return to host the 2nd annual fan-voted honors from Las Vegas. Among top trophy contenders: Jason Aldean and Zac Brown Band with 8 nominations apiece, followed by Taylor Swift and The Band Perry with 6. Performers include Blake Shelton, Eli Young Band, Lauren Alaina, Miranda Lambert, Scotty McCreery, Thompson Square. Alabama receives the career-honoring ‘Greatest Hits Award’.
NET: http://theacas.com
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Yelawolf (“Trunk Muzik 0 to 60”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Jack’s Mannequin (“People & Things”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Weezer (“Death to False Metal”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Wiz Khalifa w/Snoop Dogg (“Mac & Devin Go to High School”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Ryan Adams (“Ashes & Fire”) performs during the show and on the “Live On Letterman” webcast series after the taping.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Alison Krauss & Union Station (“Paper Airplane”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Vegas entertainer Paul Anka.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Band Perry – Their self-titled debut album has now been certified ‘Platinum’ for sales of more than 1 million units.
• Keith Urban – While he’s in the ‘no speaking’ phase of recovery from vocal cord surgery, his pal Brad Paisley is planning to drop in regularly for guitar jam sessions. Paisley says Urban can ‘just nod and grunt and do whatever he’s allowed to do’.
• Lady Gaga – The 25 -year-old tells the new issue of British “Elle” magazine her skincare secret is ‘lots of orgasms and spinach, hard work and sweat’.
• Nine Inch Nails – Trent Reznor & co-hort Atticus Ross have completed the score for the upcoming film “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” (out December 21st). The soundtrack, which includes a cover of Led Zeppelin’s “Immigrant Song”, will be released this Friday.
• Ronnie Dunn – Today he appears on syndicated tv medical talk show “The Doctors”, in an episode themed around his new song “Cost of Livin’”.
• T.I. – Tonight his new reality show debuts on VH1. “T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle” follows his readjustment to outside life after his recent release from prison. Meantime, he’s planning a new album with BoB, to be titled “The Man & The Martian”.
• Tim McGraw – The results of his court settlement with Curb Records will have the label finally releasing his “Emotional Traffic” album January 17th. In future, McGraw plans to distribute his own music, including the holiday season track “Christmas All Over the World” this week.
• TLC – VH1 is planning a biopic about the ‘90s R&B act. According to “Hollywood Reporter”, surviving members Rozanda ‘Chilli’ Thomas and Tionne ‘T-Boz’ Watkins (who recently filed for bankruptcy protection) will serve as consultants and executive producers on the film.
DRAWN TO THE PROFESSION:
‘Nominative determinism’ is a theory which suggests that a person’s name may have a bearing on the function they end up performing in society. A few real-life examples …
• Professor John Studd … Libido Expert (London UK).
• Dr Dick Chopp … Physician well known for performing vasectomies (Austin, Texas).
• Gary Troedebal … High School Football Quarterback (Niagara Falls, Ontario).
• Sue Yoo … Lawyer (NYC).
• Dr Douglas Wiener … Urologist (Coral Springs, Florida).
• Cardinal Sin … Former Archbishop (Manila, the Philippines).
• Ron Rumble … Noise & Vibrations Engineer (Queensland, Australia).
• Dr Bonnie Beaver … MD specializing in obstetrics & gynecology (West Hills, California).
– Adapted from PopBitch.com
AMERICAN LEGACY:
Nearly half the population of Iraq is under age 19, 8 million of whom have been born since the US-led invasion in 2003. So after years of watching American soldiers on patrol, it’s inevitable that hip-hop styles, tough-guy mannerisms, and slangy English have caught on with young Iraqis. Calling themselves ‘punky’ or ‘hustlers’, many are now wearing hoodies, listening to rap, and watching vampire movies. They eat hamburgers and pizza, and perform roller blade stunts. Baghdad University sociologist Fawzia al-Attia says another result of the exposure to American culture is that young Iraqis now reject school uniforms, engage in forbidden love affairs, and rebel against their elders. (A small price to pay in exchange for Taco Bell!)
– AP
VIRTUAL VALENTINO:
Today designer Valentino launches the ‘Valentino Garavani Virtual Museum’, a downloadable desktop app that showcases his life’s work. Valentino, who retired from his fashion house in 2008, says the computer-generated effort is intended to enable fashion students and young designers to be able to see and study every aspect of his work. The 3-D site has been constructed to resemble a genuine museum, with exhibition rooms, wings, and galleries. In the real world, it would cover over 100,000 square feet. (When you try to leave, you’re diverted to the virtual museum gift shop.)
– “Women’s Wear Daily”
IRISH TOWN OFFENSIVE TO FACEBOOK:
An woman in Ireland is spearheading a campaign to have her home village recognized by social media site Facebook. Ann Marie Kennedy is taking on the giant corporation after it deemed the town’s name to be ‘offensive’. The town? Effin. The 47-year-old University of Limerick employee first became annoyed at the site’s refusal to accept it as her hometown on her Facebook profile, and has since been stymied in an attempt to launch a campaign with the theme ‘Please get my hometown Effin recognized’. That effort was also rejected with the error message ‘offensive’. (This is all really Effin stupid if you ask us.)
– IrishCentral.com
ARTSY PHILANDERING:
New research from the American Psychological Association suggests that creative people may be more likely to cheat. That’s because creative types tend to think ‘outside the box’, and that psychological flexibility can also apply to their ethics. The authors of the new study suggest that the same enterprising mind that allows creative people to consider new possibilities, generate original ideas, and innovatively resolve conflicts may also be what helps them to justify dishonest behavior. (This goes a long way to explaining Hollywood, no?)
– TIME.com
BS CHRONOMETER 12.05.11
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1932 [79] Little Richard (Penniman), Macon GA, rock ‘n roll pioneer (“Tutti Frutti”, “Good Golly Miss Molly”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1986)
1946 [65] Jose Carreras, Barcelona, Spain, operatic singer (The Three Tenors)
1965 [46] John Rzeznik, Buffalo NY, rock singer/guitarist (Goo Goo Dolls-“Give A Little Bit”, “Iris”)
1967 [44] Gary Allan (Herzberg), La Mirada CA, country singer (“Watching Airplanes”, “Nothing On But the Radio”)
1982 [29] Keri Hilson, Decatur GA, R&B singer-songwriter (“Pretty Girl Rock”, f/Kanye West & Ne-Yo–“Knock You Down”)
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “AFL-CIO Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the 1955 merger of the American Federation of Labor and the Congress of Industrial Organizations to form the largest federation of unions in the USA & Canada.
• “Ashura” begins at sundown, the 10th day of Muharram on the Islamic calendar that’s commemorated by Shia Muslims. In some regions (Afghanistan, Bahrain, Iran, Iraq, Lebanon, Pakistan) it’s a national holiday in which most local communities participate.
• “Bathtub Party Day”, encouraging a luxurious long, hot bath to develop inner peace. Almost everyone nowadays takes showers, so here’s a day to recall some of the luxury of days gone by.
• “International Day Of the Ninja”, when you’re encouraged to dress like a ninja and run wild in the streets.
NET: http://www.dayoftheninja.com
• “International Volunteer Day for Economic & Social Development”, honoring the selfless people who make many of the good things in life happen by volunteering their time.
• “Tinsel Day”, in honor of your cat’s favorite gagging toy, your 2-year-old’s favorite poisonous snack, your vacuum cleaner’s favorite clogging device, and your home’s greatest holiday fire hazard. Looks festive though, doesn’t it?
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2000 [11] Several weeks ahead of the movie opening, the “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” soundtrack is released, and eventually sells upwards of 7 million copies
ALL-TIME BEST-SELLING MOVIE SOUNDTRACKS:
5. “Titanic” (11 million)
4. “Dirty Dancing” (11 million+)
3. “Purple Rain” (13 million)
2. “Saturday Night Fever” (15 million)
1. “The Bodyguard” (17 million)
(If you were to broaden the definition of movie soundtrack, “The Wall” would be #1 with 23 million units sold, but as the movie was based on the Pink Floyd album, it doesn’t quite count.)
– Amazon.com
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1854 [157] 1st ‘Folding Theater Chair’ is patented by Aaron Allen of Boston (who needs a place to put his wad of gum)
1908 [103] University of Pittsburgh uses 1st football ‘Uniform Numbers’ (imagine play-by-play without numbers: “And the guy with the gimpy ankle passes to the guy with the clump of mud on his helmet. He’s tackled by that other guy in the baggy pants …”)
1929 [82] 1st ‘Nudist Organization’ (‘American League For Physical Culture’, NYC)
1983 [28] NFL licenses the 1st official ‘Football Video Game’
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Amy Winehouse’s “Lioness: Hidden Treasures” released
[Tues] “A Michael Bublé Christmas” (NBC)
[Tues] Miners Day
[Tues] Pawnbrokers Day
[Tues] St Nicholas Day
[Wed] Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day
[Wed] International Civil Aviation Day
[Wed] Cotton Candy Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Cookie Cutter Week / Handwashing Awareness Week / Tolerance Week / Recipe Greetings For the Holidays Week
BULL’S BITS
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS YOUR LOCAL MALL HAS A REALLY PATHETIC SANTA:
• Wears a goatee.
• Your kid asks why he smells like daddy after poker night.
• His elves are all over 6 feet.
• Tells kids to leave out a fifth of gin Christmas Eve.
• He’s dyslexic and keeps saying “Oh, oh oh!”
– First published in “BS” 1994.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com
BS WEB GOODIES:
• So what about the other Jagger? Here’s a website that features all you ever wanted to know about the siblings of the stars …
NET: http://celebritysiblings.blogspot.com/
• If you’ve got the cojones to protect the world from the walking dead, ‘Zombie Boot Camp’ has an M4 carbine, Kevlar armor, and military training for you …
NET: http://wish.co.uk/zombie-boot-camp/
BS PHONE STARTER:
Is it more fun to be a parent or a child?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Just bought a Jehovah’s Witness advent calendar. Every time you open one of the little doors, someone slams it and tells you to f– off.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: A new University of Illinois study has found that if you live among THESE, you will be both physically and mentally healthier than those who don’t.
Answer: Trees.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
