Friday, December 8, 2017 – Edition: #6115

Deja Moo!

★ Hugh Jackman was almost 007. In an interview, Jackman revealed that around the time he was making ‘X-Men 2′, his agent asked him if he’d like to be James Bond.  Jackman, who was sought as the replacement for Pierce Brosnan, said the scripts at the time were too “unbelievable and crazy.”  When he was told that he wouldn’t have a say in the scripts, he declined, and the role eventually went to Daniel Craig.
(Who is eternally grateful!)
★ Chrissy Teigen is sick of her ‘so-called’ friends who are leaking and selling personal details about her private life to media outlets. Chrissy was so upset after E! Tweeted a list of her pregnancy cravings that she called on them to identify the person who gave them the information.  She Tweeted: “You guys should do a service to all the celebs who give you hourly content and say who your sources are so we can get rid of the…friends in our lives who sell you stories,” She also stated that this would be helpful for other celebrities as well.
(Talking about selling out your friends…literally!)
★ Kurt Russell is set to star as…Santa Claus (!!) in a new Netflix movie. Russell will indeed play Father Christmas in the new comedy which centers around two siblings who try to prove he is real by catching him on camera. The movie is due to start filming in January with a 2018 festive season release.
(You’ve come a long way since ‘Escape From New York’, Kurt!)
★ Ryan Reynolds is joining the first-ever-live-action Pokemon film called ‘Detective Pikachu’.  Reynolds is joining Justice Smith and ‘Big Little Lies’ star Kathryn Newton in the movie, which is based on the popular gaming franchise.
★ Movie distributor Lionsgate has apparently dropped its John Gotti biopic starring John Travolta just days before the movie’s scheduled released date. But hold on: Travolta calls the story “fake news”, claiming he wasn’t happy with the limited distribution that the movie was slated to get through Lionsgate. So, they’ve been working on a new deal so that more people might get the chance to see it.  It is unlikely a new distributor will be found in time for the scheduled release date of December 15.
-DailyMail, Deadline
★ Gwyneth Paltrow claims disgraced producer Harvey Weinstein lied about sleeping with her while attempting to seduce other women.  Paltrow says she has heard stories from multiple women who heard her name mentioned during their alleged encounters with Weinstein. Paltrow, who says she rebuffed Weinstein’s advances, claims he would boast about having sex with her in an attempt to coerce others.

• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Hugh Jackman, Luke Bryan
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Mark Hamill
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): John Oliver, Rachel Bloom, Will Dorsey Jr. ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Mila Kunis, Jim Parsons, Sam Smith ( R )
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Ginger Zee
• “The Talk” (CBS): Morgan Freeman
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Madonna, Katie Brown, 98 Degrees
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Dana Carvey, Gwen Stefani
• “Christmas In Evergreen” (HALLMARK): A veterinarian sets out to have the perfect Christmas with her boyfriend but crosses path with a doctor and his daughter.

• “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (CBS): The story of a young red-nosed reindeer who, after being ousted from the reindeer games because of his beaming honker, becomes a big help to Santa on a foggy Christmas Eve…
• “Frosty the Snowman” (CBS): Jimmy Durante narrates the story about the warmhearted man of snow, who risks a meltdown from rising temperatures unless he can get to the North Pole.
• “The Christmas Cottage” (HALLMARK): Interior designer Lacey is the maid-of-honor in her best friend Ava’s wedding and used to date Ava’s brother Ean. Lacey doesn’t quite believe the family myth that whoever stays in the Christmas Cottage will have everlasting love.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Host James Franco, with musical guest SZA

• “Sharing Christmas” (HALLMARK): A real estate developer is given a career opportunity: transform an old shopping complex into a prime location. Unfortunately, there is one tenant who is holding out—a Christmas shop owner.

• Selena Gomez – didn’t mean to shut 130 million people out of her life, it was just a slip of the finger. Apparently it was a total accident that she turned her Instagram account private on Tuesday, and once her team made her aware of the snafu, she immediately restored it to public status. (At least we know she actually handles her own social media…)
• Chance the Rapper – is responsible for the fact that the name ‘Chance’ has jumped in popularity by 21% among baby boys this year, according to  Also showing big increases: ‘Kendrick’ is up by 9% and ‘Dre’ up 40%.
• Ed Sheeran – is Spotify’s most-streamed artist of 2017.  He’s gotten 6.3 billion streams overall.  Also in the top 5: Drake, The Weeknd, Kendrick Lemar and The Chainsmokers.
• Katy Perry – she and the Catholic Church were named victors in a court case against real estate developer Hollister.  Perry sued the developer and a jury sided with her, agreeing the company interfered with her planned $14.5 million purchase of an empty convent in California’s Los Feliz neighborhood.  Perry and the Church will split a $10 million award for damages.
• Eminem – his new album “Revival” arrives Dec. 15, and he has revealed that it will feature numerous guest stars including Ed Sheeran, Beyonce and Pink.
• Josh Groban – has teamed up with Tony Bennett on a new version of ‘Christmas Time is Here’.  The song was originally recorded by the Vince Guaraldi Trio for the TV classic “A Charlie Brown Christmas” in 1965.
• Bon Jovi – took the top spot in the 2018 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame fan vote. Fan votes don’t actually determine which nominees will be inducted.  They collectively count as just one of the approximately 800 ballots figuring into the inductee selection process.  The Class of 2018 will be announced on Wednesday.
• Chester Bennington –  had consumed alcohol and taken ecstasy prior to his suicide, coroners have found. Toxicology results indicate “trace” amounts of alcohol, and it was determined that he was not under the influence of drugs when he died.  The coroner noted that the autopsy findings “are characteristic of suicidal hanging”.
• Jimi Hendrix – Unreleased songs he recorded between 1968 and 1970 will be unveiled next year.  “Both Sides of the Sky” will come out March 9, featuring 13 songs, 10 of which have never been released.
• Little Big Town – will be featured among a wide-ranging slate of new exhibits for 2018 at The Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum in Nashville. Ralph Stanley, the Judds and Emmylou Harris will also be honored with exhibits.
• Keith Urban – he and Nicole Kidman are selling their Nashville-area home.  While it isn’t the opulent mansion you might expect a country superstar and world-renowned actress to live in, it’s not bad.  At $3.45 million, the 5,000 square-foot, four bedroom home in Franklin, Tenn. could net the couple a tidy profit.  Urban bought it in 2007 for $2 million.

•  “I, Tonya” (R-Rated, Drama):  Competitive ice skater Tonya Harding rises amongst the ranks at the U.S. Figure Skating Championships, but her future is thrown into doubt when her ex-husband intervenes. (Margot Robbie, Sebastian Stan, Allison Janney)
• “Just Getting Started” (PG-13, Action/Comedy):  An ex-F.B.I. Agent (Tommy Lee Jones) and an ex-mob lawyer in the Witness Protection Program (Morgan Freeman) have to put aside their petty rivalry on the golf course to fend off a mob hit. (Glenne Headly, Morgan Freeman, Rene Russo, Tommy Lee Jones)
• “The Disaster Artist” (R-Rated, Comedy):  When Greg Sestero, an aspiring film actor, meets the weird and mysterious Tommy Wiseau in an acting class, they form a unique friendship and travel to Hollywood to make their dreams come true. (James Franco, Dave Franco, Ari Graynor, Seth Rogen)
• “November Criminals” (PG-13, Drama/Mystery):  After the murder of his friend is dismissed as gang violence, high schooler Addison decides to launch an investigation of his own. He quickly discovers that the mystery is darker and deeper than he ever imagined. (Chloë Grace Moretz, Ansel Elgort, Catherine Keener)

With all the talk these days of colonizing Mars, it is only natural that the big beer companies would show interest in getting in on the action.  The company that makes Budweiser (Anheuser-Busch) has announced plans to send barley seeds, of the of the key ingredients of beer, on a rocket to the International Space Station–the first step in its research on microgravity beer.  They plan to analyze how the seeds will react in a low to no-gravity environment and see if they will germinate, in hopes that someday they will be able to make their brew for humans living on Mars (or for whomever else happens to be there).  Here are some obstacles that they must “hop” before that is possible:
➢ Water on Mars is salty, which would make the beer bitter.  (Not much of it either =expensive beer)
➢ Growing hops will be difficult because of lack of sunlight.
➢ Drinking beer would be weird.  Taste might be non-existent.  Astronauts’ noses become plugged due to lack of gravity, and you know how bland things taste when you have a cold.  (Which for some of their beers, could be a good thing…).
➢ Bubbles would not rise, making your beer a “foamy slop”.  (Ah. Draft.)
➢ Even the crisp ‘pfsssst’ sound you hear when you crack a Bud wouldn’t happen on Mars.
(At least my wife wouldn’t hear me cracking another one when I claim I’m on my last one…)
➢ And because it is common for the temperature on Mars to drop to -73C overnight, it would be a challenge to keep beers at the desired temperature of 3-4 degrees C.  (Will we have to keep them in the OVEN?)
(Plus where do you return your empties?)
(OK it might be difficult to brew, but I have a perfect name for it: Bud Aldrin!)
(I’m not sure if drinking alcohol will mix well with a hostile atmosphere and intricate space equipment…)

Are you traveling this holiday season?  Here is a sure-fire way to make sure that you aren’t waiting endlessly for your luggage to show up at the baggage claim…straight from a guy who knows: Ask the representative at the check-in counter to attach a ‘fragile’ sticker to your bag. Bags marked as fragile will typically be loaded later and come out before the other bags.  Plus, they’re also likely to see less wear and tear.
(Of course, if we ALL try this, it might defeat the purpose…)
(The other thing is to be last to check in.  But that’s a hard skill to master…)


1964 [53] Teri Hatcher, Sunnyvale CA, TV actress (“The Odd Couple” 2016, “Desperate Housewives” 2004-12)/movie actress (“Tomorrow Never Dies”)

1966 [51] Sinead O’Connor, Glenageary, Ireland, oft-troubled singer-songwriter (‘Nothing Compares 2 U’)

1974 [43] Nick Zinner, Sharon MA, indie rock guitarist (Yeah Yeah Yeahs-‘Heads Will Roll’, ‘Gold Lion’)

1976 [41] Dominic Monaghan, Berlin, Germany, TV actor (“Wild Things with Dominic Monaghan” since 2012, “Lost” 2004-10)/movie actor (“Wolverine”, “Lord Of the Rings” trilogy)

1978 [39] Ian Somerhalder, Covington LA, TV actor (‘Damon Salvatore’ on “The Vampire Diaries” 2009-2017, “Lost” 2004-10)

1982 [35] Nicki Minaj, Saint James, Trinidad & Tobago, hip hop artist (‘Anaconda’, w/Jessie J & Ariana Grande-‘Bang Bang’)

1984 [33] Sam Hunt, Cedartown GA, country singer (‘Body Like a Back Road’, ‘House Party’)

1985 [32] Josh Donaldson, Pensecola FL, baseball player (2015 AL MVP award after hitting 41 home runs and driving in 123 RBIs for the Toronto Blue Jays)

1916 [101] Kirk Douglas (Issur Danielovitch), Amsterdam NY, movie actor (“Spartacus”, “Gunfight At the OK Corral”)/father of actor Michael Douglas

1934 [83] (Dame) Judi Dench, York UK, movie actress (“Skyfall”, “Shakespeare in Love”)

1953 [64] John Malkovich, Christopher IL, movie actor (“Deepwater Horizon”, “RED” movies)

1968 [49] Brian Bell, Knoxville TN, rock guitarist (Weezer-‘Buddy Holly’, ‘Beverly Hills’)

1972 [45] Tre Cool (Frank Edwin Wright III), Frankfurt, Germany, rock drummer (Green Day-‘Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)’, ‘Boulevard Of Broken Dreams’)

1980 [37] Simon Helberg, LA CA, TV actor (‘Howard Wolowitz’ on “The Big Bang Theory” since 2007)

Movie director-actor Kenneth Branagh (“Valkyrie”) is 57; TV chef  Bobby Flay (Food Network) is 53; Former rock drummer Meg White (The White Stripes) is 43; TV personality Raven-Symone (“The View”) is 32

• “Brownie Day”, celebrating the chewy chocolate in a pan that you just can’t quit eating.

• “Pretend to Be a Time Traveller Day”, an annual event created in 2007 by the Koala Wallop online community that combines performance art, humor, and plain old fun. The basic premise is to pretend to be someone from the past or future who’s somehow ended up in the present.

• “Take It In the Ear Day”, a day to learn how to accept criticism graciously.

• “National Salesperson’s Day”, honoring those gifted and creative individuals whose big kick in life is persuading others to spend a buck.

• “Lost & Found Day”, the 6th annual on the 2nd Friday of December that encourages us to give one last effort to find whatever it is we have lost. (Our minds?)

• “Christmas Card Day”, commemorating the 1st commercial Christmas card, commissioned by Sir Henry Cole in London, England in 1843, which featured an illustration by John Callcott Horsley. His cheery little card depicting a family with glasses raised in a Christmas toast was widely denounced at the time as promoting drunkenness.

• “Pastry Day”, a fun day created to encourage you to make, and of course eat, your favorite pastries. Initiated by the ‘Danish’?

• “Dewey Decimal Day”, honoring Melville Dewey who was born December 10, 1851 in Adams Center NY. When he was just 21, he invented the ‘Dewey Decimal Classification (DDC) System’ while working as a student assistant in the Amherst College library. For creating this revolutionary new filing system, he’s known as the ‘Father of Modern Librarianship’. (Also known as a nerd…)

• “Worldwide Candle Lighting Day”, the 21st annual, when we’re encouraged to light candles at 7 pm local time to honor children worldwide who have died at any age from any cause.

• “World Choral Day”, celebrated on the 2nd Sunday in December for the past 25 years, when thousands of choirs join in the celebration at concerts, festivals, sing-alongs, and other events.

1959 [58] For the first time, a movie features ‘Aromarama’, in which smells are piped in through ceiling vents to accompany the onscreen action of “Behind the Great Wall”

2003 [14] Rocker Ozzy Osbourne fractures 8 ribs, a collarbone, and a vertebra in his neck in an all-terrain vehicle accident on his estate in Buckinghamshire, England

2011 [06] Sinead O’Connor marries drug counselor Barry Herridge on her 45th birthday in Las Vegas, then the couple splits a few weeks later, then announces they’re back together again

2010 [07] SpaceX becomes the 1st private company to successfully launch, orbit, and recover a spacecraft

2010 [07] Paris, France closes the Eiffel Tower …. due to snow

2012 [05] Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel becomes the 1st freshman to receive the Heisman Trophy as the most valuable NCAA college football player (later goes on to an NFL career that lasts … about 6 minutes)

2013 [04] Metallica plays a gig inside a dome at the Argentine Antarctic Base Carlini, thus becoming the only band to ever perform on all 7 continents


✓ Cap’n Crunch’s full name is Horatio Magellan Crunch.
✓ A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.
✓ It takes 142.18 licks to reach the center of a Tootsie pop.
✓ All swans in England belong to the queen.
✓ The “hashtag” key on your keyboard (#) is called an octotroph.
✓ Most toilets flush in E flat.

• Two feet tall, forty feet wide
• Salesman’s opening line: “You’re not a cop, are you?”
• It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers.
• While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride.
• Each branch has “Duraflame” printed on it.
• Keeps heckling this lame list
• Its nickname? “Timberrrrr!”
• Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours.
• Even the dog will have nothing to do with it.
• It’s very small and says “air freshener” on it.

Name the carol described in each riddle …
• Decorate the entryways. [“Deck the Halls”]
• Cup-shaped instruments fashioned of a whitish metallic element. [“Silver Bells”]
• Boulder of the tinkling metal spheres. [“Jingle Bell Rock”]
• Wanted in December: top forward incisors. [“All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth”]
• The apartment of two psychiatrists. [“The Nutcracker Suite”]
• The lad is a diminutive percussionist. [“Little Drummer Boy”]
• I beheld a trio of nautical vessels moving in this direction. [“I Saw Three Ships”]
• Do you perceive the same vibrations which stimulate my auditory sense organ? [“Do You Hear What I Hear?”]
• My parent was observed osculating a red-coated unshaven teamster. [“I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”]
-First published in BS in 2016

☎  What’s different about your morning routine compared to everyone else’s?

• Which runs on about 20 watts of power, about the same as the lightbulb in your fridge?
a. Your phone.
b. Your string of Christmas lights.
c. Your brain. [CORRECT]

• Out of all the fruits, which has the most calories?
a. Avocado. [CORRECT]
b. Banana.
c. Cumquat.

• If you add together all the numbers on a roulette wheel, what do you get?
a. Zero.
b. 666. [CORRECT]
c. Really dizzy.

Christmas is just like my job, I do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Question:  98% of these are still hand-written. What?
Answer:  Letters to Santa.

If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.

Printer Friendly Version