Wednesday, February 1, 2012        Edition: #4681

Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

After several years off-air, cult TV show “Arrested Development” is set to film a new season for Netflix and the entire cast is confirmed to participate (a celebratory ‘chicken dance’ is clearly in order!) . . . Veteran actress Shirley MacLaine will join Season 3 of “Downton Abbey” (ITV/PBS), playing the mother of ‘Lady Grantham’ (Elizabeth McGovern) . . . Actress Courteney Cox is now on Twitter but basically is just using it to share pictures of her dog (a refreshing change from all those cats!) . . . Actress Rachel McAdams says she & actor-boyfriend Michael Sheen never spend more than 3 weeks apart (by Hollywood terms, that’s claustrophobic!) . . . Actress Mindy Kaling, who’s played ‘Kelly Kapoor’ on “The Office” since 2005, is shopping a new half-hour comedy to FOX-TV in which she’d play an OB/GYN (more evidence “The Office” is in its death throes) . . . Louis CK, who stars in his own FX show, is now co-writing an untitled comedy pilot for CBS-TV about an ensemble of young people trying to achieve their creative dreams (he’ll either have to tone it down or buy a bleeper) . . . The Kardashian sisters are going topless for a new campaign to promote – jeans (one classy move after another) . . . Actor George Clooney’s ex-girlfriend, Italian actress Elisabetta Canalis, is now dating – yikes! – former “Jackass” star Steve-O (downgrade alert!) . . . And one-time hot TV commodity Fran Drescher (“The Nanny”) is saying – seriously – that she believes she was abducted by aliens (ah, so that’s where she went!).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Ringo Starr (“Ringo 2012”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Flo Rida (“Roots”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Gotye (“Making Mirrors”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – We Were Promised Jetpacks (“In the Pit Of the Stomach”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – All-American Rejects (“When the World Comes Down”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Airborne Toxic Event (“All at Once”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Girls Generation (“Mr Taxi”).
• “Super Bowl’s Greatest Commercials” (CBS) – Viewer votes determine the greatest TV ads ever aired during Super Bowls.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Evanescence (“Evanescence”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Kellie Pickler (“100 Proof”).

• Beyoncé – There’s a project in the works to construct a statue of her in her hometown of Houston, Texas. The company behind the idea, Armdeonce Ventures, is looking for private donors. If all goes well, the unveiling will happen on her birthday, September 4th.
• Black Eyed Peas – The lengthy list of artists now collaborating with on new music now includes Alicia Keys, Britney Spears, Busta Rhymes, LMFAO, Nicole Scherzinger, Shakira, Swedish House Mafia, and Swizz Beatz.
• Chemical Bros – Tonight their exclusive concert event, “The Chemical Brothers: Don’t Think”, plays in select movie theaters. The film was produced using 20 cameras at Japan’s “Fujirock Festival” in July 2011 before a crowd of 50,000.
• The Darkness – The UK retro-glam-rockers are officially making a comeback, with their first North American tour dates in years beginning tonight in Toronto.
• Madonna – March 26th has now been set as the official release date of her new album “MDNA”.
• Rascal Flatts – They’ve hinted on Twitter that a film about the band is coming. It’s said to be a performance/documentary-style movie with their individual stories intertwined.
• REM – In a new poll, “Everybody Hurts” (1993) has been voted the ‘Most Depressing Song of All-Time’, ahead of Elton John’s “Candle In the Wind”, and Mike & The Mechanics’ “The Living Years”.
• Sugarland – Jennifer Nettles has recorded Hank Williams’ “Your Cheatin’ Heart” for a 30-second TV ad for Pepsi MAX to debut Sunday during Super Bowl 46.
• Taylor Swift – Clips from her “Speak Now World Tour Live” DVD are spliced into a new video by Brazilian country star Paula Fernandes, who’s released a remixed version of the album track “Long Live” … in Portuguese. (Who would have thought there was country music in Brazil?)

New terms leaking into our lingo …
✓ ‘Bashtag’ – The use of a corporation’s Twitter hashtag to bash the company’s products. For example, McDonald’s launched a Twitter campaign using the hashtag #McDStories. Instead of heart-warming stories about Happy Meals, it attracted snarky tweets about food quality.
✓ ‘FOMO’ – The ‘Fear of Missing Out’ on something or someone. It can lead to obsessive social networking, particularly using location-based services like Foursquare.
✓ ‘Zombie Debtor’ – An indebted consumer who is only able to pay the debt interest each month. (In mob parlance, this is called ‘paying the vig’.)

What happens in top-level executive meetings? A recent study breaks down the ‘activity’ of ‘participants’ …
• 47% admit they have stared off into space.
• 41% have doodled under the pretence of taking notes.
• 18% admit they have actually slept.
(Meetings are where minutes are taken but hours are lost.)
– “Know How”


Which is the biggest city in the world? If you search the Internet for ‘world’s largest city’, you’ll find various different candidates: Tokyo, Seoul, Chongqing, Shanghai. So why is it such a simple question proves so difficult to answer? Defining the borders of a city is no easy task, and there is no international standard to ensure consistency. In 2009, 3 researchers compared 8 different lists of top cities by population and found there are actually 30 ‘top 20 cities’ in total. (In 6-out-of-7 lists we checked, Tokyo is #1. But on the 7th list, it ranks 14th!)
– BBC News

Famous film roles that were offered to, then turned down by Hollywood stars …
• Rather than Keanu Reeves, Will Smith was the first choice to play ‘Neo’ in “The Matrix” films.
• WC Fields turned down the role of ‘The Wizard’ in the 1939 classic “The Wizard of Oz”.
• Can you picture Cary Grant as ‘James Bond’? He said ‘no’, Sean Connery said ‘yes’.
• Speaking of Sean Connery, he was approached to play ‘Gandalf’ in the “Lord Of the Rings”.
• Bette Davis could have had the role of ‘Scarlett O’Hara’ in “Gone With the Wind”.
• Rather than Julia Roberts, Darryl Hannah was thought perfect for the lead in “Pretty Woman”.
• Had he agreed, Kevin Costner would have been ‘Bill’ in Quentin Tarantino’s “Kill Bill” films.
• John Cusack was wanted as ‘John Bender’ in “The Breakfast Club”. Judd Nelson was 2nd choice.
• Patrick Swayze filled in for Bruce Willis when he turned down the movie “Ghost”.
• It could have been Al Pacino instead of Harrison Ford who starred as ‘Han Solo’ in “Star Wars” movies.
– “Aftermath”


Around 17,000 priceless recordings made by late folklorist Alan Lomax will be available online for free streaming by the end of February. Lomax is considered the leading musicologist of the 20th century, famous for his recordings of blues singers Jelly Roll Morton, Leadbelly, Muddy Waters, and folk singer Woody Guthrie. Bruce Springsteen’s new album “Wrecking Ball”, due out in March, uses samples from the archive on 2 tracks. Lomax dreamed of a ‘global jukebox’ to disseminate the material he’d collected during decades of fieldwork. Now, 10 years after his death at age 87, that’s about to happen. (Important original content available for free … isn’t this what the Internet should be about more often?)
– “New York Times”


In the movies, ‘James Bond’ insists on his martini being shaken, but scientists now claim preparing the perfect vodka martini requires stirring it with … a wooden spoon. A magazine survey of experts suggests you risk bruising the booze by shaking it over ice, and using a traditional long metal spoon to stir it warms up the drink too much because metal is a heat conductor. So, the experts claim, a thin piece of wood is the best tool for the job. (For a large party, you’ll need a canoe paddle.)


Just how rich is wannabe Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney? Add up the wealth of the last 8 presidents, from Richard Nixon to Barack Obama, then double that number. If elected, he would be among the richest presidents in American history, most likely in the top 4.
– Associated Press


1950 [62] Mike Campbell, Odessa TX, lead guitarist-mandolinist (Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers-“Into The Great Wide Open”, “Free Fallin’”)

1968 [44] Lisa Marie Presley, Memphis TN, Elvis Presley’s idle rich daughter/wannabe singer (“In The Ghetto”, “Lights Out”)/Mrs Michael Lockwood since 2006/ex-Mrs Nicolas Cage (2002)/ex-Mrs Michael Jackson (1994-96)/ex-Mrs Danny Keough (1988-94)  BS FACTOID: On her 7th birthday (1975), she got to talk to her favorite singer, Elton John, in a meeting arranged by her dad.

1969 [43] Patrick Wilson, Buffalo NY, rock drummer (Weezer-“Perfect Situation”, “Beverly Hills”)

1971 [41] Michael C Hall, Raleigh NC, TV actor (“Dexter” since 2006, “Six Feet Under”)/survivor of Hodgkin’s lymphoma

1975 [37] Big Boi (Antwan Patton), Savannah GA, hip-hop artist (Outkast-“The Way You Move”, “Ms Jackson”)/sometime movie actor (“Who’s Your Caddy?”, “Idlewild”)

• “Car Insurance Day”, which commemorates the 1st auto insurance policy, issued to one Truman Martin of Buffalo NY on this date in 1898. It cost $11.50 (96 cents if he paid monthly).

• “Girls & Women in Sports Day”, the 26th celebration of women who ‘Stay Strong, Play On’.

• “Return Shopping Carts to the Supermarket Month” as declared by the Food Retailers Association. Shopping carts cost more than $100 apiece and the Food Marketing Institute estimates 1.8 million of them are taken from supermarkets in North America each year. Who pays for this? You do, because it means your food ends up costing more.

• “Spunky Old Broads Day”, dedicated to the saying ‘old girls just wanna have fun’. Spunky old broads are positive, fun, butt-kicking mature women over the age of 50 who refuse to sit back quietly and get old. Who’s the spunkiest famous old broad? Betty White?

• “Working Naked Day” … naw, it’s not what you think. It refers to those who work at home, ‘stripped of all of the support of the corporate workplace’. So much for that mental picture.

2004 [08] In the infamous ‘Super Bowl Wardrobe Malfunction’, Justin Timberlake rips Janet Jackson’s top during the halftime show, exposing her breast (which becomes the excuse for a year of excruciating media censorship)

1992 [20] “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me” by George Michael & Elton John peaks at #1 on pop singles charts


1999 [13] Passenger & cargo ships worldwide drop the use of Morse code for ‘S-O-S’ calls, in favor of the satellite communications setup dubbed Global Maritime Distress & Safety System

2009 [03] Johanna Siguroardottir is chosen the 1st female Prime Minister of Iceland, also becoming the 1st openly gay head of a country

2006 [06] 100-lb contestant Sonya Thomas downs 26 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes at a NYC restaurant to win the ‘World Grilled Cheese Eating Championship’

2007 [05] ‘Super Tonio’ (Antonio Vasconcelos) is born in Cancun, Mexico weighing 14-and-a-half pounds and measuring 22 inches in length (has to wear diapers designed for 6-month-olds)

[Thurs] Groundhog Day
[Thurs] World Wetlands Day
[Thurs] Crêpe Day
[Fri] “Big Miracle”; “Chronicle”; “The Innkeepers”; “The Woman in Black” open in theaters
[Fri] Solo Diners Eat Out Weekend
[Fri] Wear Red Day
This Week Is … International Hoof Care Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Your wife is pregnant! This would be amazing news if you hadn’t been working overseas for the past 12 months.
• Taurus – Your boyfriend asks if he can wear your new underwear. Heterosexual couples must dread these moments.
• Gemini – The planets smile upon you this week and your bank refunds all of your charges! They’re still repossessing your house though.
• Cancer – Co-workers throw you a huge farewell party on Friday. As you hadn’t planned on going anywhere, you may become suspicious.
• Leo – Your angry, competitive side shows itself this week when you travel 200 miles to punch someone who beat you on ‘Words with Friends’.
• Virgo – It’s a little known fact that those born under the sign of Virgo are breathtakingly beautiful. You are the exception.
• Libra – You accidentally listen to Adele this week. The police negotiator finally talks you off the ledge on Saturday.
• Scorpio – You’re convinced you’re going to spend the rest of your life alone and with no surprises. That man hiding in your closet knows differently.
• Sagittarius – “World of Warcraft” is fun isn’t it? Do you know what else is fun? Physical contact with other human beings!
• Capricorn –  Stop worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. Torture yourself with the many, many mistakes you’ve already made.
• Aquarius – A good time to learn to laugh at yourself, or at least develop multiple personalities. That way you won’t be laughing at you, you’ll be laughing with you.
• Pisces – A small bird will defecate on you from a great height this week without you noticing. The hot woman behind you on the bus will be the one to break the news before making awful dry-heaves and sitting somewhere else.
– Adapted from “Hecklerscopes”

The great thing about cold weather is that you don’t have to see as many tattoos.

What do you call those little dots on dominos?
a. Pops.
b. Pips. [CORRECT]
c. Paps.
– “Fascinating Facts”


☎ What’s typically the #1 topic of gossip around your workplace?


Question: According to a new study, the best age to do THIS is 35.
Answer: Make a will.

When talking nonsense try not to be serious.

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