Friday, February 10, 2017 – Edition: #5909
Good Morning, Sheetheads!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ “1984”, George Orwell’s classic 1949 dystopian novel about government surveillance, ‘Big Brother’, and newspeak is hitting Broadway this Summer. First staged in London in 2013-14, it’s the first announced production of the 2017-18 Broadway season. 2017 has been good for Orwell’s dark vision of a totalitarian state, with the novel returning to many bestsellers’ lists this year. Some peg the sudden rise in sales to the Trump presidency. The stage version opens at NYC’s Hudson Theatre on June 22nd.
★ The International Federation Of the Phonographic Industry’s (IFPI) annual list of best-selling artists worldwide is out. It tabulates all forms of sales, physical and digital, as well as sales from the entire back catalogue of the artists. The top 10 best-sellers of the past year …
2. David Bowie
5. Justin Bieber
6. Twenty One Pilots
10. The Weeknd
★ Netflix has found success with original shows such as “House of Cards” and “Orange Is the New Black” and is now toying with the idea of selling licensed merchandise. ‘Frank & Claire Underwood’ action figures? Orange jumpsuits from ‘Litchfield Correctional Facility’? “Stranger Things”-branded Eggo waffles? It’s too soon to tell, but the company has posted a job opening for ‘Senior Manager, Licensing, Merchandising & Promotion’ and says it wants to plunge into fan swag, which may include books, comics, toys, collectibles, soundtracks, and apparel.
★ Millenials will be thrilled that cool 1990s TV teacher ‘Ms Frizzle’ is making a comeback with a new Netflix revival of “The Magic School Bus”. Kate McKinnon (“Saturday Night Live”, “Ghostbusters”) is voicing the beloved animated teacher in the reboot. The modernized version of the popular animated series will be called “The Magic School Bus Rides Again” and, like the original, it features ‘Ms Frizzle’ taking her class of elementary school students on a series of really wild field trips. Netflix has not yet announced a release date.
★ And aging Welsh pop singer Tom Jones is dating Elvis’ ex, Priscilla Presley. The 76-year-old Brit crooner lost his wife of 59 years, Linda, to cancer last year and after a difficult period of mourning is now said to be “enjoying” 71-year-old Presley’s company over recent weeks. Jones quote: ”We have been friends for a long time. She’s a lovely lady. We do enjoy our nights out together.” These days Sir Tom is a judge on the UK version of “The Voice”.
WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “BAFTA Awards” (BBC 1) – Sunday Stephen Fry hosts the annual British Academy of Film & Television Arts Awards at London’s Royal Albert Hall. “La La Land” is up for 11 prizes, leading all nominees, followed by “Arrival” and “Nocturnal Animals” each up for 9.
• “David Brent: Life On the Road” (Netflix) – Today the release of this made-for-online film starring Ricky Gervais sees a ‘mockumentary’ crew catch up with the boss from the original Brit version of “The Office”. ‘Brent’ has taken leave from his job to pursue his musical dream.
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today country music couple Tim McGraw & Faith Hill (“Two Lanes Of Freedom”).
• “Girls” (HBO) – Tonight the 6th and final season debuts.
• “Grammy Awards” (CBS/City) – Sunday the 59th annual, hosted by James Corden. Beyoncé leads nominations with 9, followed by Drake, Kanye West, and Rihanna with 8 apiece. Performers include Adele, Bruno Mars, Carrie Underwood, Chance the Rapper, John Legend, Keith Urban, Little Big Town, Metallica, and Sturgill Simpson.
• “Harry” (syndicated) – Today EDM DJ Steve Aoki (“Neon Future III”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Tucker Beathard (“Rock On”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Moving Units (“Neurotic Exotic”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Tonight Madonna (“Rebel Heart”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Tonight Paper Route (“Real Emotion”). Rerun.
• MusiCares Person Of the Year Gala (LA CA) – Tonight at the Los Angeles Convention Center, classic rocker Tom Petty is the honoree at the annual charity gala. Paying tribute are
Don Henley, George Strait, Foo Fighters, Jackson Brown, Kings of Leon, Norah Jones, and Stevie Nicks. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers close out the evening’s performances.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Ed Sheeran is the musical guest; Alec Baldwin hosts.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Today Charlie Wilson (“In It to Win It”).
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aretha Franklin – The Queen of Soul’ has announced she plans to fully retire following the release of her new album later this year.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s hinting on her social media accounts that she has almost finished her untitled new project, her first studio album since 2012’s “Lotus”.
• David Guetta – The superstar DJ has signed with Justin Bieber’s manager. The 49-year-old is gearing up to release his 7th studio album and has inked a deal with Scooter Braun, whose clients also include Ariana Grande, Kanye West, and Usher.
• Justin Timberlake – He tells “Hollywood Reporter” he left boy-band *NSYNC partially because it was just getting too big … but also because of some serious creative differences. Quote: “I felt like I cared more about the music than some of the other people in the group.”
• Keith Urban – His 49-year-old actress-wife Nicole Kidman says he isn’t upset by racy scenes in her upcoming HBO series “Big Little Lies” because he’s an ”artist” and realizes it’s all just part of her work. The series premieres February 19th.
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Fifty Shades Darker” ( R-Rated Romantic Drama ): Under new director James Foley, Jamie Dornan is back as ‘Grey’, who’s now willing to resume romance under new rules from ‘Anastasia’ (Dakota Johnson). Soundtrack includes Halsey, John Legend, Nick Jonas & Nicki Minaj, Sia, Taylor Swift & Zayn. The final film, “Fifty Shades Freed”, is out February 2018.
• “John Wick: Chapter 2” ( R-Rated Action Thriller ): Keanu Reeves’ title character ‘Wick’, a legendary if reluctant hit-man, seemingly cannot stay retired. So he must get ready to kill the killers in a new deadly adventure … while wearing his super-cool suits. Stuntman-turned-filmmaker Chad Stahelski is the director this time around.
• “The Lego Batman Movie” ( PG Animated Action Comedy ): In this followup to “The LEGO Movie (2014), ‘Bruce Wayne’ must not only deal with the criminals of ‘Gotham City’, but also the responsibility of raising a boy he adopted. Extensive voice cast includes Will Arnett, Michael Cera, Rosario Dawson, and Ralph Fiennes.
• Opening in limited release: “Jolly LLB 2” (Bollywood Comedy); “Kedi” (Documentary); and
“A United Kingdom” (Biographical Drama).
THE IKEA BORDER WALL:
A satirical German website is suggesting you’ll soon be able to buy Trump’s border wall at your local IKEA. The president’s promise to construct a US-Mexico wall is bogged down by questions about cost, who’ll pay for it, and exactly how it will be built. Enter the easily assembled, tools-included ‘Ikea Börder Wåll’. A tongue-in-cheek preview says wall is a steal at just under $10 billion. Added bonus: it has a 5-year warranty and can be assembled with just 1 tool. At 32-feet-tall, the instructions suggest that 2 people construct the wall so one can hold it up while the other screws it together. (When you’re done, you can be sure you’ll have several dozen screws and some odd-looking plastic thingy left over.)
– “Der Postillon”
BS SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE A SPORTS WIDOW:
✓ No sport is left unwatched: F1, golf, rugby, basketball, handball, even darts.
✓ You’re pretty sure that the birth of your child and Tom Brady winning a 5th Super Bowl moved your hubby in equal measures.
✓ Weekends are dead to you if he plays golf. He spends all morning muttering about rain, is gone all afternoon, then spends the evening trying to stay awake on the sofa.
✓ You find yourself banished from the TV room if you say things like: “Hey, that team has cute outfits!”
✓ If his team loses, the whole family knows about it. Words like ‘travesty’, ‘robbed’, and ‘disaster’ get bandied around as he stomps around the house in a mood.
✓ He bonds with complete strangers in discussing gearbox ratios, scrums, 147s, bogeys, dunks, dekes, and beamers.
✓ All the major milestones in his life are punctuated by sporting events: “Yes, we met on the final Sunday of the Stanley Cup and moved in together just before the 2006 World Cup.”
✓ On the plus-side, he’s always your ‘text-a-friend’ during any table quiz, and birthday presents are a no-brainer.
– Adapted from @HerFamily.ie
UBER HIRES ‘FLYING CAR ENGINEER’:
A former NASA engineer has been hired by ride-hailing firm Uber to help its research into flying cars. Mark Moore is joining Uber’s ‘Elevate Division’ as Director of Engineering for Aviation. Uber’s interest in flying cars was first outlined in October with a description of vertical take-off and landing on-demand (VTOL) aviation. It’s already investing in self-driving cars, under partnerships with Volvo and Daimler. And a rep for the company says that on-demand aviation has the potential to radically improve urban mobility, by using 3-dimensional airspace to alleviate transportation congestion on the ground. A network of small, electric aircraft that would take off and land vertically is envisaged. (Moving hundreds-of-thousands of commuters into the sky … gee, what could possibly go wrong?)
– BBC Technology
DID YOU KNOW?
It’s true, cucumbers are actually berries. But, as a wise man once said: “Knowledge is knowing that cucumbers are berries, wisdom is knowing not to put cucumbers in your smoothie.”
BS CHRONOMETER 02.10.17
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1961  George Stephanopoulos, Fall River MA, TV co-host (“Good Morning America” since 2009)
1967  Laura Dern, Los Angeles CA, movie actress (“Wild”, “The Fault in Our Stars”)
1974  Elizabeth Banks, Pittsfield MA, movie actress-director (“Pitch Perfect” films, “Hunger Games” films)
1981  Uzo Aduba, Boston MA, TV actress (‘Crazy Eyes’ on “Orange Is the New Black” since 2013)
1991  Emma Roberts, Rhinebeck NY, TV actress (‘Chanel Oberlin’ on “Scream Queens” since 2015)/movie actress (“We’re the Millers”)/niece of actress Julia Roberts
1997  Chloë Grace Moretz, Atlanta GA, movie actress (“The 5th Wave”, “Kick-Ass” movies)
2000  Yara Shahidi, Minneapolis MN, TV actress (‘Zoey Johnson’ on “black-ish” since 2014)
Oldies singer Sheryl Crow (“Soak Up the Sun”) is 55; TV-movie actress Jennifer Aniston (“Friends”) is 48; Neo-soul singer D’Angelo (“Lady”) is 43; Rock singer Mike Shinoda (Linkin Park) 40; Country musician Jon Jones (Eli Young Band) is 37; Pop singer Kelly Rowland (Destiny’s Child) is 36; TV actress Natalie Dormer (“Game of Thrones”) is 35; Movie actor Taylor Lautner (“Twilight Saga”) is 25.
Movie actor Josh Brolin (“No Country For Old Men”) is 49; Pop musician Jim Creeggan (Barenaked Ladies) is 47; Movie actress Christina Ricci (“Monster”) is 37.
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Snow Moon”, the Full Moon of February.
• “Solo Diners Eat Out Weekend”, a time to enjoy a solitary meal in a restaurant or at home. After all, sooner or later, everyone faces the challenge of eating alone. (Bring a book.)
• “Don’t Cry Over Spilled Milk Day”, an annual reminder that everyone screws up now and then. It’s a day to be optimistic, think positive, and to look on the bright side.
• “Get Out Your Guitar Day”, a day to pull your axe out of the attic, dust it off and, if you’re lucky, find someone who can tune it.
• “Pro Sports Wives Day”, the 12th annual declared by the Professional Sports Wives Association. In the US alone, there are some 500,000 married to pro athletes and coaches.
• “Satisfied Staying Single Day”, for those who choose to live independently and are quite happy doing so, thank-you very much.
• “Shut-in Visitation Day”, encouraging us to brighten the day for someone who is unable to get out and about. Observed concurrently with “World Day Of the Sick”.
• “Autism Sunday”, observed annually on the 2nd Sunday of February, a day of awareness for Autism & Asperger Syndrome, which affects an estimated 60 million people around-the-world.
• “World Marriage Day”, an annual recognition of married couples on the 2nd Sunday of February, with particular attention focused on those married longest.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2006  Final episode of cult favorite “Arrested Development” airs on FOX-TV (a later Netflix reboot lasts one further season)
2014  Actress, singer, dancer, and diplomat Shirley Temple dies in Woodside CA at age 85 (the top Hollywood box-office draw for 4 years in-a-row 1935-38)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2011  The video for Rebecca Black’s song “Friday” is uploaded to YouTube and quickly becomes a viral hit
2013  Mumford & Sons’ “Babel” is named ‘Album Of the Year’ at the 55th Grammy Awards; fun.’s “We Are Young” is ‘Song Of the Year’; Gotye’s “Somebody That I Used to Know” is ‘Record Of the Year’
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2007  Illinois senator Barack Obama officially enters the race for the White House in Springfield IL
AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Wingman’s Day
[Mon] World Radio Day
[Tues] Valentines Day
[Tues] Singles Appreciation Day
This Week Is … School Counseling Week
This Month Is … Care About Your Indoor Air Month
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• If ‘love is blind’, how can we believe in love ‘at first sight’?
• Why do birds have white poop?
• Do sore thumbs really stick out?
• If someone ever gets addicted to counselling, how can they be treated for it?
• Did Adam & Eve have navels?
• What part of a monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?
• If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
• If quizzes are quizzical, then what are tests?
BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s better, having high expectations or having low expectations?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
Helen Waite is my bank manager. So if you want a loan, you go to Helen Waite.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: The average person will burn 283 calories just by doing THIS.
Answer: Watching a scary movie.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Anarchy is better than no government at all.