Wednesday, January 8, 2003        Edition: #2450
There’s No BS Like Show BS!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT ABC-TV’s “The Bachelorette” premieres (proving there’s equality in trash TV) as 25 guys try to win the heart of Trista Rehn (runner-up in the first edition of “The Bachelor”) who reportedly ‘makes out’ with many of them in order to make up her mind (in real life, she’d be known as ‘The Slut’) . . . Oscar-winning actor Daniel Day-Lewis says he has no plans to continue his acting career following his critically-acclaimed work in “Gangs Of New York” and will once again retire (must be nice – at age 45!) . . . Kevin MacMichael, guitarist and founder of ’80s rock band Cutting Crew (“I Just Died in Your Arms”), has died of lung cancer in Halifax NS at age 51 . . . 44-year-old “Will & Grace” star Megan Mullally, who became the first openly bisexual TV star when she came out 3 years ago, is now vowing to ‘go straight’ as she’s set to marry her 12-years-younger fiancé Nick Offerman (known to friends as ‘Phyllis’) . . . 40-year-old porn star Ginger Lynn, a veteran of some 200 steamy flicks, is bragging to anyone who’ll listen that she & Eminem enjoyed a marathon sex session that lasted 17 straight hours (she says he’s very shy but has a great body) . . . And we quote – “My father has never given me a penny. I went to a rich kid’s school in Miami. The others drove Mercedes or Porsche cars, I had a crappy one. My father has a private jet, I flew everywhere tourist class.” – Enrique Iglesias whining about how tough his life has been.

NEW JARGON:
• ‘Upskilling’ – To develop new skills, generally technical ones and often by ‘reskilling’ (formerly known as retraining).
• ‘Crufty’ – Geek-speak for something that’s poorly built or overly complex. Often used to describe new software features that are added at the expense of functionality. (“That latest upgrade from Microsoft is cruftier.”)
• ‘Terrorism Psychology’ – An emerging new field studying what happens in the minds of people exposed to terrorist attacks and how to treat their psychological problems.
• ‘Undertooled’ – Lacking the proper equipment to do a job, whether it’s the correct wrench or a university degree. (“Without an MBA, I’m undertooled for that position.”)

WORD OF THE YEAR:
The American Dialect Society has chosen the phrase ‘Weapons of Mass Destruction’ (aka ‘WMD’) as 2002′s ‘Word of the Year’. The society claims you can’t turn on the radio or TV these days without hearing it, even though the term is a half-century old. 2001′s ‘Word of the Year’ was ‘9-11′.

TIPS ON TIPPING:
The Web’s ‘Original Tipping Page’ is now offering handy ‘Tip Rate Cards’ that fit in a wallet just like a credit card and can be used to calculate the tip on any meal from one buck to a hundred. Yes kids, no more need to go crazy trying to figure out the tip ever again! Tip Rate Cards cost $2 apiece including shipping and handling – plus tip, of course. (Why is it only some professions are considered tip-worthy?)
NET: http://www.tipping.org/TopPageTipCards.shtml

BIG BUTT BOOK:
Fitness expert Marty Tuley’s new book leaves no doubt about his best advice for getting fit – it’s titled “Get Off Your Ass”. He claims his is the only fitness program that does NOT involve exercise for the first 30 days. The emphasis is on developing healthy habits that MAY eventually lead to weight loss.
PHONER: 785-842-8909 (arrange interview through Spread The News PR)
NET: http://www.getoffyourass.biz/

AUTOMOTIVE INNOVATIONS:
• Japanese Infiniti cars have a new device called ‘Lane-Keep’ that uses cameras and sensors to read the lines on highways and adjust the steering and brakes accordingly. (A kid with a spray can could reek some real havoc during rush hour in Tokyo!)
• The new Saab 9-3 features a ‘Traffic Message Channel’ which offers drivers up-to-the-minute traffic updates via digital radio. It’s currently only operable in London, but will eventually make its way elsewhere. (Within a few years those boring, repetitive traffic reports on drive-time radio will be outmoded.)
• Daimler-Chrysler’s ‘Smart Roadster’ that’s now available in Europe has replaceable body panels so owners can change the color of their vehicles whenever they want. (How long before designers are coordinating wardrobes with cars?)
Source: “Popular Science”

BS AMAZING FACT:
Ottawa is the 3rd coldest capital city in the world after Ulan Bator in Mongolia and Astana, capital of the former Soviet republic of Kazakhstan.

THE BULL SHEET 01.08.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1935 [D-1977] Elvis Presley, Tupelo MS, rock ‘n roll legend who would be turning 68

1947 [56] David Bowie (Jones), Brixton ENG, classic rock singer (“Changes”, “China Girl”)

1967 [36] R (Robert) Kelly, Chicago IL, R&B/pop singer (“Ignition”, “I Believe I Can Fly”) who apparently likes ‘em young – real young (briefly married to late singer/actress Aaliyah until the marriage was annulled because she was a 15-year-old minor/charged with 21 counts of producing child porn in 2002)

1971 [32] Jason Giambi, West Covina CA, MLB slugger/1st baseman who’s getting $120 million over 7 years to hit a ball with a bat for the NY Yankees

1973 [30] Sean Paul (Henriques), Kingston JAM, dancehall DJ (“Gimme The Light”, “Hot Gal Today”)

1979 [24] Sarah Polley, Toronto ON, movie actress (“eXistenZ”, “The Sweet Hereafter”)/former star of “Road to Avonlea”

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Show & Tell Day at Work”, when we’re encouraged to bring in something of interest to share with others. ([Your co-host] thoughtfully brought in the Norwalk Virus)

TODAY is “International Man Watchers Day”, when a list of the ‘most watchable men’ is released. If you’re not concerned over men being used as sex objects, get the list here –
NET: http://www.manwatchers.com
PHONER: 323-969-2414

TODAY is “National Bubble Bath Day”. (Don’t forget to feed the kids beans before their nightly bath.)

TODAY is “Women’s Day” (or “Midwife’s Day”) in Greece, when women spend the day in cafes while men do housework and look after children. Traditionally, men caught outside are stripped and doused with cold water!

THURSDAY-Sunday the annual “Consumer Electronics Show” is on in Las Vegas, the world’s largest annual trade show for consumer technology. This is the show where many of the electronic gizmos we now use were introduced, including the VCR (1970), both the Camcorder and CD Player (1981), the DVD (1996), HDTV (1998), and Microsoft Xbox (2001). So what’s new this year that we’ll all be buying in the future? (see Bull’s Bits)
NET: http://www.cesweb.org
PHONER: 866-233-7968/301-631-3983 (Consumer Electronics Association, Arlington VA)          
FRIDAY the ‘Québec Ice Hotel’ (Hôtel de Glace Québec) opens for a 3rd season on a lake 40 km west of Québec City. Its attractions include an indoor skating rink, snow golf, an indoor spa, cross-country skiing and an ice chapel for weddings. The hotel will close when it melts sometime around the end of March. Only about 5% of the hotel’s patrons are Canadian. Hey, why would we pay 229 bucks per person to spend a night in a hotel made of ice when we can stay home and freeze our butts off?
PHONER: 877-505-0423
NET: http://www.icehotel-canada.com

10 YEARS AGO . . .
1993 US Postal Service issues Elvis Presley stamp on what would have been his 58th birthday

5 YEARS AGO . . .
1998 ‘Ice Storm of ‘98′ cuts power to more than a million homes in eastern Ontario and in Québec (with damage estimated at $650 million, it’s listed in the “Guinness Book of Records” as the ‘Most Damaging Ice Storm’)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1926 [77] 1st ‘Pontiac’ car introduced

1926 [77] Abdul-Aziz ibn Sa’ud, the new king of Hejaz, renames his country ‘Saudi Arabia’

1976 [27] 6 countries agree to 1st ‘Canada Cup’ hockey tournament (will there ever be another?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1944 [59] 1st NHL rookie to score 5 goals in a game (Howie Meeker-Toronto Maple Leafs)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Pharmacists Day
[Thurs] Step-Father’s Day
[Thurs] Play God Day
[Fri] BS Egg Balancing Day
[Fri] Peculiar People Day
This Week Is . . . Intimate Apparel Week / National Grave’s Disease Week
This Month Is . . . National Eye Care Month / Bread Machine Baking Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WONDER PRODUCTS OF THE FUTURE:

• Super-Instant Messaging (e-mail that’s sent before it’s even composed!)
• Artificial Plastic
• The Moped Exercycle
• Non-Toxic, Pleasantly-Scented Lawyer Repellent
• The See-Through Mirror
• Automated ‘You-Want-Fries-With-That’ Verbalizer
• Heat n’ Eat Popsicles
• Roll-on Hairspray
• The Sunbeam Six-Slice Shower Toaster
• The Braille Speedometer

BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
• Aries – Try to avoid nibbling on things today. Despite recent developments, you don’t actually
know your friend that well yet.
• Taurus – This is not a good day to start a new romance. Particularly a new romance based on a personal ad in the back of “Mad” magazine.
• Gemini – The stars indicate this is a great day to be annoying. Call the Home Shopping Channel and order a pizza.
• Cancer – Good time to get involved in the ‘fiber arts’. Why not see what you can do with Metamucil?
• Leo – You will get a new job soon. While it will pay well, it will prove to be somewhat awkward to explain at parties that your most important duty involves periodically ‘jiggling a little thingie’.
• Virgo – Don’t worry, eating mud does not break your New Year’s diet rules.
• Libra – You will decide to go into the swimwear market and will become famous by fashioning creations from stainless steel.
• Scorpio – It would be ill-advised to try to shoot kidney beans out your nose today.
• Sagittarius – Everyone is after your tangerines, so protect them with force if necessary!
• Capricorn – Today you will lie to yourself. Amusingly, you will be completely taken in but will be very annoyed later when the truth comes out.
• Aquarius – Good news! You will finally find the limb you lost in that circus incident 3 years ago.
• Pisces – You’re spouse’s recent inertia will be explained when you discover he/she is actually a runaway from Madame Tussaud’s.

BS RADIO GAMES:
• ‘Name That Gargle’ – Phone contestant must identify tunes gargled by a morning crew member (or vice versa).
• ‘Twisted Tale’ – Randomly record a slew of sound effects to play intermittently while a morning crew member (studio guest/phone contestant) tells a story on a topic you suggest. Each time SFX are played, the storyteller must work them into the tale, taking it in a completely new direction.

BS PATENTED QUICK-PICK TRIVIA:
• A pony is a horse that measures 14.2 hands or less in height. So how big is a ‘hand’?
a) 6 inches.
b) 4 inches.
c) Depends on how big the stable boy is.
[B. Measure your own hand and you’ll come close to the correct answer – 4 inches.]
 
• What is the origin of the word ‘good-bye’?
a) It was first used in medieval times to wish someone a good journey by-and-by.
b) It originated as the common way to close a deal as both parties agreed on a ‘good buy’.
c) It’s short for ‘God be with ye’.
[C. It's a contraction of the 16th-century phrase ‘God be with ye’.]

• You are a ‘gyno-tiko-lobo-masso-phile’. What is your quirky habit?
a) You like to nibble on a woman’s earlobe.
b) You like to sniff a woman’s shoes.
c) You collect women’s underwear.
[A. You like the taste of fresh lobe.]

• With what product did the term ‘brand name’ originate?
a) Booze
b) Bacon
c) Bananas
[A. Distillers branded their names on whiskey barrels before shipping them.]

• What’s considered ‘the most complex and orderly arrangement of matter known in the universe’?
a) A beehive.
b) A human brain.
c) A black hole.
[B. The 3-pound human brain.]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 5% of women say that when looking for ‘Mr Right’, this is the most important thing.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Money.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you’d better have a great body.

 


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