Monday, January 26, 2009        Edition: #3945
Wow, You Really Know Your Sheet!

• Dakota Fanning has been offered a role in the upcoming “Twilight” movie sequel. The soon-to-be 15-year-old actress is in talks to play ‘Volturi’ vampire ‘Jane’ alongside stars Kristen Stewart & Rob Pattinson. Word is there was no audition; the role was simply offered to her outright and negotiations are now on. Filming on “New Moon” is scheduled to begin in Italy this Spring. (There will now be only 3,593,672 more announcements about this film before it premieres.)
• Former US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has signed a new all-encompassing deal with the William Morris Agency that will focus on lecture appearances and new business initiatives in media, sports, and communications. She’ll also pen 2 books under the agreement. (She’s said many times before her dream job would be … NFL Commissioner.)
– “Daily Variety”
• 21-year-old wannabe actress/sorta-singer Hilary Duff has landed herself a guest appearance on “Ghost Whisperer” (CBS), playing the part of a ‘beautiful woman of mystery’. (Maybe she’ll solve the mystery of why this show is still on-air?)
– “Entertainment Weekly”
• The classical music played at President Barack Obama’s inauguration was not the live performance it appeared. The quartet, led by cellist Yo-Yo Ma and violinist Itzhak Perlman, made the decision to use a recording made 2 days previous to Tuesday’s inauguration for the broadcast of the ceremonies. Why? It was too cold for the instruments to stay in tune. (BS translation: They had flop sweat.)
• Fresh off being arrested for slapping a gossip columnist, 24-year-old celebrity spawn Kelly Osbourne has checked herself into rehab in LA, where she’s expected to remain for 30 days. This is her 3rd stint in re-hab after previously doing time in ‘04 for drug addiction and in ‘05 after a relapse. Her promote-the-family-at-all-costs mom, Sharon, will not divulge the nature of Kelly’s problem. (Their new FOX-TV variety show, “Osbournes Reloaded”, is set to debut soon … coincidence?)
– “Radar Online”

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Current “American Idol” David Cook performs.  He’ll be setting out on a headlining tour February 13th, playing primarily college campuses beginning with Florida State University.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – UK duo The Ting Tings are the guests.

•  Bruce Springsteen – A deluxe reissue of his classic “Darkness On the Edge Of Town”is in the works. The 1978 album will be remastered, with a documentary DVD included, in a box set similar to the 2005 30th anniversary edition of “Born To Run”. His new album “Working On a Dream” is out tomorrow.
• The Faces – Contrary to published reports, Rod Stewart’s spokesperson tells “Billboard” magazine there are no plans for a Faces reunion tour this year. (It would be more of a definitive denial had he not added ‘this year’.)
• Keith Anderson – The “She Could Have Been Mine” country singer/songwriter is undergoing minor vocal cord surgery to correct a voice problem that resulted in the cancellation of his January-February tour dates.
• Keith Urban – It’s finally been announced his new album will be titled “Defying Gravity”. It’s due out March 31st.
• My Chemical Romance – Their cover of Bob Dylan’s “Desolation Row” is the only new recording on the soundtrack of the eagerly anticipated film version of “Watchmen” (opening March 6th). The soundtrack (out March 3rd) will also include classics from Jimi Hendrix, Simon & Garfunkel, Janis Joplin and others.
• Tool – Frontman Maynard Keenan is planning to open an organic market in Cornville AZ that will include a commercial kitchen and tasting room for wines that he produces in nearby Sedona. (It seems being a rocker is just a sideline for this guy.)
• Usher – He’s confirmed to MTV News that he has been collaborating in the studio with Pharrell Williams and Adam Levine of Maroon 5 on some new material.

• Working moms with children 6-and-younger perform most of what’s called ‘shadow work’ for families, such as keeping track of who needs new clothes, and scheduling dental appointments.
• Men are more likely than women not to admit that they’re too tired to drive. A survey on the topic finds 58% of male respondents have driven when over-tired; 32% have actually fallen asleep at the wheel.
– “Men’s Fitness”
• A survey of business executives finds that 91% admit that they take work home several times a week. Over a third of these workaholics take work home every single night.
– Robert Half International

NASA has announced plans for disposal of the Space Shuttle fleet and spare main engines in 2011-12. The space agency intends to donate one orbiter to the Smithsonian and give the others to educational institutions, science museums, and others who are interested. The actual physical hardware is free but the proud new owners will have to pony up circa $42 million in decommissioning and delivery charges for a shuttle. If you only want one of the main engines, they’re a steal at $400,000-$800,000, exclusive of shipping. (Timely tip: It’s not going to fit in the garden shed.)
– “The Register”

The world’s first “Hello Kitty”-themed maternity hospital has opened its doors in Taiwan. Everything in the hospital is emblazoned with “Hello Kitty” images, including beds, nurses’ uniforms, walls, elevators, even the birth certificates of the newborn babies. The hospital director says the idea is to bring a smile to new moms’ faces, help them forget about discomfort and recover faster. (And you thought “Barbie” wallpaper was tacky!)
– “Telegraph”

French President Nicolas Sarkozy has apparently happened upon a novel way to lose weight … clenching his perineum. For the less anatomically aware, the perineum is the diamond-shaped area on the inferior surface of the trunk most commonly used to stop the flow of urine, but when exercised regularly can provide many other benefits. French First Lady Carla Bruni is also a client of perineum-busting personal trainer Julie Imperiali. Before you dismiss this as the latest short-term fad, be aware that the French head-of-state has lost about 9 lbs and 2 waist sizes, just by regularly tensing the little-known muscle on the human ‘undercarriage’. (All right, all together now – one and two and …)
– “GQ”

• Dogs have only about 10 vocal sounds, while cats have over 100. (99 of which mean ‘get lost’.)
• 22.7 million iPods were sold worldwide in just the last quarter of last year. That’s one way Apple Inc managed to turn a 2% profit, even during the current economic turndown. (And about 23 million more people began answering every question with “… what?”.)


1949 [60] David Strathairn, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“The Bourne Ultimatum”, “Good Night, and Good Luck”)

1955 [54] Eddie Van Halen, Nijmegen, Netherlands, Grammy Award-winning, plastic-hipped classic rock guitarist (Van Halen-“Jump”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2007)

1958 [51] Ellen Degeneres, Metairie LA, TV talk show host (“Ellen DeGeneres Show” since 2003)/former sitcom star (“Ellen” 1994-98)

1960 [49] Charles Gillingham, Torrance CA, pop musician (Counting Crows-“Accidentally In Love”, “Big Yellow Taxi”)

1961 [48] Wayne Gretzky, Brantford ON, NHL Phoenix Coyotes coach, co-owner & GM-without-portfolio/Hockey Hall of Fame former player/’All Time Best NHL Player’ according to “Hockey News”/9-time MVP

1974 [35] Chris Hesse, Agoura Hills CA, rock drummer (Hoobastank-“The Reason”)  FACTOID: Hoobastank has created an interactive version of the video for “My Turn”, lead track from their 4th album “For(N)ever” (out tomorrow). Online users can mix & match a variety of personalities to perform the tune.

• “Australia Day” (aka “Anniversary Day” or “Foundation Day”), the national day for our mates Down Under that commemorates the 1788 landing of Captain Arthur Phillip at Sydney to establish a penal colony (does that mean they were all men?). Records of an annual celebration date back to 1808.

• “Chinese New Year” arrives, welcomed by the scent of incense from lighted joss sticks, dragon dances, and fireworks. The Chinese year 4707 is a ‘Year Of the Ox’. People born under this sign are said to be calm, dependable, strong leaders, methodical and logical. They are patient but, once angered, can be difficult to reason with. Barack Obama is an Ox. Others born under the sign: Adolf Hitler, Bruce Springsteen, George Clooney, Jack Nicholson, Napoleon, and Saddam Hussein. The 15-day celebration is marked by wearing new clothing, hanging red decorations, and gifting lucky red packets to the young.

• “No Name-Calling Week”, the 6th annual observance aimed at curbing insults of all kinds in schools, whether they’re based on appearance, background or behavior. The idea is to encourage kids to avoid labeling, even with terms as seemingly innocuous as ‘bookworm’. The initiative was developed by the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network.

• “Republic Day” in India, celebrating the date in 1950 when the country’s constitution came into force, making India a sovereign state. One of only 3 national holidays, it is celebrated with pomp and a military parade in New Delhi and across the nation.

• “Spouse’s Day”, a time to enjoy and appreciate your better half. (Just as you mail off this month’s alimony.)

• “Tet Nguyen Dan”, the Vietnamese version of the Lunar New Year, in which the ‘Year Of the Buffalo’ is ushered in.

1939 [70] Filming begins on legendary movie “Gone With the Wind” (do you give a damn?)

1979 [30] Country comedy “The Dukes of Hazzard” premieres on CBS-TV (and cut-off jeans become known as ‘Daisy Dukes’)

1984 [25] Michael Jackson’s hair catches fire during that taping of a Pepsi ad (this is when the long slide into wackiness begins)

1924 [85] American skater Charles Jewtraw wins the 1st Gold medal in the first-ever Winter Olympic Games, held in Chamonix, France (500 m)

1979 [30] 1st sales of Coca-Cola in China (‘Ke Kou Ke Lo’)

1905 [104] ‘Largest Uncut Diamond’ is found in South Africa, weighing 3,105 carats (even that rock wouldn’t satisfy Mariah Carey)

[Tues] Thomas Crapper Day
[Tues] Family Literacy Day
[Wed] International Make Your Point Day
[Thurs] Kazoo Day
[Thurs] Corn Chip Day

Catholic Schools Week / International Clergy Appreciation Week / Nurse Anesthetists Week / Take Back Your Time Week / World Leprosy Week


A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Pick Skin Off Chapped Lips Relay
• The Skate to Open Water
• The Driveway Shovel Race
• Write Your Name in the Snow Competition
• Rip Your Tongue Off a Frost Fence Race
• Worst Hat-Head Contest
• Luke Warm Chocolate Chug-A-Lug

• Unveiling of the world’s largest beer can pyramid.
• Busload of Australian Rules footballers doing city-to-city ‘mooning tour’.
• Prime Minister opens bottle of beer with his eye.
• Live national telecast of drunken koala set loose in a convenience store.
• Cultural Minister shotguns 6-pack of Fosters while singing “Waltzing Matilda”.
• All schoolchildren given souvenir mugs of 3.2 beer.
• Keith Urban & Nicole Kidman released naked in outback, hunted for sport.

Hear about the duck who went into the drugstore? He says to the pharmacist, “Give me some chapstick … and put it on my bill.”

• What is it Australians are doing when they ‘drop their strides’?
a. Slowing down their jogging pace.
b. Betting Aussie dollars on a game.
c. Taking off their pants. [CORRECT]
– “Macquarie Australian Dictionary”

• What was the official title of the first Super Bowl, played in 1967?
a. Super Bowl 1.
b. The Inter-League Football Final.
c. The AFL-NFL World Championship Game. [CORRECT]
– “US News & World Report”

What is the highest building you’ve ever been to the top floor of?

Today’s Question: A recent study finds that the more intelligent people are, the more likely they are to do THIS in their spare time.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Volunteer work.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper … the closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

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