Monday, January 28, 2013          Edition #4913

Sheet for Brains!

• “Argo” has triumphed again! Ben Affleck and George Clooney picked up the ‘Zanuck Award for Outstanding Producer Of a Theatrical Motion Picture’ at Saturday’s “Producers Guild Awards” (the “PGAs”). The big win at the 24th annual ceremony at the Beverly Hilton Hotel in Los Angeles is the just latest victory for “Argo” this month. Affleck, Clooney, and fellow producer Grant Heslov also picked up major awards at the “Critics’ Choice Awards” and at the “Golden Globes”. (Is Oscar in the offing?)
• Actress Liberty Ross has filed for divorce from her “Snow White & The Huntsman” director-husband Rupert Saunders following his cheating scandal with Kristen Stewart last year. A brief reconciliation has apparently fallen through as Ross has now launched legal action in LA County Superior Court to end the marriage. She’s asking for joint custody of their children, as well as spousal support and attorney’s fees. Sanders has already filed his response, also requesting joint custody but asking that legal costs be split. (Has there ever been more kerfuffle over a non-affair? All they did was kiss!)
– “Jam! Showbiz”
• 73-year-old pop-rock legend Tina Turner has taken the first steps toward giving up her US passport and becoming a citizen of Switzerland, the country she has called home for nearly 20 years. Turner, who was born in Nutbush, Tennessee, moved to Switzerland in 1995 to join her German-born record producer-partner Erwin Bach and has lived there ever since. She has passed a local civics test and official interview and is now awaiting approval from the canton of Zurich and Swiss federal authorities. (Sample test question: “How do you spell ‘muesli’?)
• 29-year-old actress Mila Kunis (“Black Swan”) says she’d love to play ‘Anastasia Steele’ in the bigscreen version of best-selling novel “Fifty Shades of Grey”. Quote: “There are times when you just want to do something fun and different, because you’re going to have a good time doing it.” ‘Harry Potter’ star Emma Watson has also been linked to the role, with Ryan Gosling tipped to play kinky billionaire ‘Christian Grey’. EL James’ book has sold 65 million copies worldwide. (Thereby tutoring humanity-at-large on the meaning of ‘caning’, ‘suspension’, and ‘butt plug’.)
• Nine former “American Idol” contestants are banding together to sue the show, alleging they were disqualified from competition as part of a ‘racist plot to boost ratings’. For instance, Jermaine Jones was kicked off March 15, 2012, producers saying he’d failed to inform them about multiple outstanding warrants for his arrest. An attorney is now claiming the show has only publicly disqualified 9 people … and they all happened to be black. “Idol” head honcho Nigel Lythgoe says the allegations are ‘ridiculous’ and the show treats everybody the same, no matter their race, religion, or sex. (FYI: 3-of-11 “Idol” winners have been African-American: Ruben Studdard, Fantasia Barrino, and Jordin Sparks. That’s a respectable 27%.)

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Los Straitjackets (“Jet Set”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Gavin DeGraw (“Sweeter”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Divine Fits (“A Thing Called Divine Fits”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Rock veteran Eric Burdon (“Til Your River Runs Dry”, out tomorrow).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – David Byrne & St Vincent (“Love This Giant”).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Preservation Hall Jazz Band (“American Legacies”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Lady Antebellum (“Downtown”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Mary J Blige (“My Life II … The Journey Continues Act 1”).

• A$AP Rocky – The rapper tops the album sales chart this week with his debut, “Long Live A$AP”, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
• The Band Perry – They top the ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart this week with “Better Dig Two”.
• Beyoncé – “Us Weekly” reports her Super Bowl halftime show will open with “Crazy in Love”, then Michelle Williams & Kelly Rowland will join her for a medley of Destiny’s Child hits plus the new track “Nuclear”. (But will it be live?)
• Coldplay – They’re among a host of musicians who are collaborating to create an album to raise funds and awareness for the British Tinnitus Association. (Pardon? What’s that you say?)
• Fleetwood Mac – They’ve added 13 more dates to their 2013 tour, including 2nd shows in Boston, Chicago, and LA; plus new shows in June and July for Albany, Cleveland, Charlotte, Des Moines, Montréal, Portland, Sacramento, and Spokane.
• Green Day – Their new documentary, “¡Quatro!”, premiered at the “Winter X Games” in Aspen, Colorado over the weekend. The doc tells the tale of the creative process behind the writing and recording of their recent album trilogy, “¡Uno!”, “¡Dos!”, and “¡Tré!”.
• Katy Perry – She reveals in a press release that her new signature brand of Popchips will be called “Katy’s Kettle Corn”. The new snack, the first sweet-flavored Popchips, will be available in mid-February. (Will the ads run: “I kissed a corn and I liked it …”?)
• Lady Gaga – She’s confirmed she’s recording a long-rumored jazz-influenced album with Tony Bennett by tweeting a picture of her onstage with the legendary crooner, with the caption: “I simply cannot wait for our album together, he’s my darling!”
• PSY – 40 Chinese construction workers have staged a protest over unpaid wages by dancing “Gangnam Style” outside the nightclub they had just built in the city of Wunan. The leader of the hard-hat dancers says the are owed the equivalent of just over $900 apiece.
• Sheryl Crow – Her new song “Easy” is the first single from an upcoming album that she’s calling her country music debut. She tells Jimmy Kimmel she thinks a lot of her hit songs would probably be played on country radio today if they were just being released.
• Sound City Players – Dave Grohl’s all-star band, which debuted at the recent Sundance Film Festival, will play a show in Los Angeles on Thursday. Then, Grohl tells “Billboard”, he’d like to stage more shows all ‘over the world’.

Dutch researchers say that cotton with a special coating that collects water from fog is a potential solution to providing water in desert regions. Scientists at Eindhoven University of Technology have developed a special polymer treatment for cotton fabric that allows the cotton to absorb exceptional amounts of water from misty air, as much as 340% of its own weight compared with only 18% without the coating. The coated cotton then releases the collected water as it gets warmer. The water is pure and the cycle can be repeated many times. (Think how well this would work in foggy San Francisco – the 49ers could bulk up to like 500 lbs apiece just by coating their uniforms!)

A few reasons you should … Never. Move. Again.
✗ During your apartment search, you’ll discover everyone on Craigslist seems to be looking for a submissive female roommate.
✗ The apartments that look great in ads turn out to be total dumps.
✗ The real estate agents that look great in ads turn out to be total jerks.
✗ You have to remember to cancel all of your utilities, and to start all of your new ones.
✗ You think you don’t have much stuff, but it turns out you have way too much crap.
✗ You will inevitably uncover old photos and meaningful objects and – before you know it – you’ll have wasted 5 hours emotionally reminiscing.
✗ Meaning, each trip to the dumpster is painful.
✗ Nothing ever fits through the door.
✗ When you’re finally done moving everything out you have to clean, making you extremely steamed that it was a helluva lot dirtier when you moved in.
(At least you’re not homeless … yet.)
– Adapted from

Changing climate threatens to reduce the flow of coffee, which fills 1.6 billion cups a day, to a trickle. It may not be long before that after-dinner espresso costs more than the wine with the entrée. If that prospect fills you with dread, you are not alone. There are some 26 million farmers who depend on coffee to feed their families. It’s most valuable tropical export crop, and as the world’s favorite drink, it is big business. In fact, it’s 2nd-most-traded commodity after oil, with exports worth a whopping $15-billion a year. All that is under threat because the coffee industry is built on a plant that is peculiarly vulnerable to our changing climate. (Why not grow it in greenhouses like tomatoes? Because those hothouse ‘maters are plastic-y pink and hard as walnuts.)

• Fat drivers are more likely to die in auto accidents.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• The world’s hottest chilli pepper can burn its way through gloves.
– “Metro”


1968 [45] Sarah McLachlan, Halifax NS, soft rock singer (“Sweet Surrender”, “Adia”)

1977 [36] Rick Ross (William Roberts II), Coahoma County MS, rapper (f/Drake & Chrisette Michele-“Aston Martin Music”, f/T-Pain-“The Boss”)

1977 [36] Joey Fatone, Brooklyn NY, TV personality (“Family Feud” announcer since 2010, “Dancing With the Stars” 2007, “The Singing Bee” 2007)/former pop singer (*NSYNC-“Pop”)

1980 [33] Nick Carter, Jamestown NY, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“As Long As You Love Me”)/one-time Paris Hilton boy-toy

1981 [32] Elijah Wood, Cedar Rapids IA, bug-eyed movie actor (“Sin City”, “The Lord Of the Rings” trilogy)  UP NEXT: “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey”, opening December 14th.

1985 [28] J (Jermaine)Cole, Frankfurt, Germany, rapper (“Nobody’s Perfect”, Work Out”)

1998 [15] Ariel Winter, Los Angeles CA, TV actress (‘Alex Dunphy’ on “Modern Family” since 2009)/recently split from her controlling show biz mom

• “Blueberry Pancake Day”, because they’re nutritious enough to eat for breakfast, tasty enough for a mid-day snack, and easy enough to make for dinner. (Also make for a great conversation starter, as in “Ewwww, what happened to your teeth?”)

• “Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the last Monday of January to celebrate the padding we all like to pop.
Don’t have any addictive bubble wrap with you? Try some virtual popping here …
Or play music on this bubble wrap keyboard …

• “Data Privacy Day”, to raise awareness about the importance of protecting the privacy of personal information online. It is currently observed in Canada, the USA, and 27 European countries.

• “International Make Your Point Day.” So what is the gist of what you’re trying to say, anyway?

1983 [30] WDHA Dover NJ becomes the first commercial radio station to air a ‘CD’

1985 [28] 45 top recording artists attend an all-night recording session in LA to produce the charity record “We Are the World” in aid of African famine relief (among those participating:   Cyndi Lauper, Diana Ross, Lionel Richie, Michael Jackson, Paul Simon, Sting)

2009 [03] Country singer-songwriter John Rich releases a song about the plight of autoworkers titled “Shuttin’ Detroit Down”

1999 [14] 1st ‘Live Sex Change Operation’ is performed online (download or upload?)

2011 [02] Hundreds-of-thousands of protesters fill Egyptian streets in demonstrations referred to as the ‘Friday of Anger’ against the Mubarak regime

1962 [51] Johannes Relleke of Rhodesia survives after being stung by 2,443 bees

1984 [29] Glynn Wolfe weds for a non-bigamous record 26th time (Las Vegas, Nevada)

[Tues] Curmudgeons Day
[Tues] Freethinkers Day
[Tues] Puzzle Day
[Tues] Seeing Eye Dog Day
[Wed] Inane Voicemail Message Day
[Thurs] Kazoo Day
[Thurs] Inspire Your Heart With Art Day

Catholic Schools Week / Cowboy Poetry Gathering Week / Cross Country Skiing Week / Drug Facts Week / International Hoof Care Week / Meat Week / Medical Group Practice Week / Snow Sculpting Week / World Leprosy Week


Highlight bits culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• You don’t have to look at as many tattoos.
• The joy of frostbite makes it easier to rid yourself of those troublesome extremities.
• Lots of opportunities to say “Cold enough for ya?” and “Yeah, but it’s a dry cold.”
• You can chill your cheap wine on the window ledge at work.
• Flashers stick to describing themselves.
• Frozen moustache causes mother-in-law to speak less.
• Melissa McCarthy’s finally not sweating.
– First published in “BS” 2004.

• What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? (The porcupine has pricks on the outside.)
• Mom’s have “Mother’s Day”, dads have “Father’s Day”. What do single guys have? (“Palm Sunday”.)
• Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? (I dunno, ask your mom.)
• How do you know when you’re REALLY ugly? (The dog humps your leg with his eyes closed.)
– First published in “BS” 2000.

How many times does a snail mate in its lifetime?
a. 10 times a day.
b. 3 times a week.
c. Only 1 time. [CORRECT. But they make the most of it, taking 12 hours or more.]
– PA News

#UpGoerfive is quite the clever website. You’re asked to explain a complex subject using only the thousand most common English words. Much harder than it sounds.

☎ What is the worst/best baby food you have ever tasted?

What do you call a Mexican being chased by a Catholic priest in Texas? “Alien vs Predator”.

Question: Around 70 new varieties of THIS product are released each year.
Answer: Toothpaste.

If everybody minded their own business, there’d be nothing on the news today.

Docker Dean Hopewell @ Radio West Group, Western Australia; Jessica Norgaard @ Magic 103 [CKRC] Weyburn SK; Joli Pabon @ The Breeze, Tampa FL; Donna Foxx @ The Great 98 [WTRG] Roanoke Rapids NC; “The Classic Café with Fran Curry” @ Tipp FM, Tipperary, Ireland; Kaitlin Tucker @ Edge 88 [KDPS] Grand View University, Des Moines IA; Paul Brothers @ Global News, Halifax NS; and Derrick Bones @ 84.4 TDR FM Taylor University College, Selangor, Malaysia.

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