Monday, January 3, 2011        Edition: #4416

Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Edition!

• Russell Brand may be starting 2011 sleeping on the couch! The Brit comic has sent out a Twitpic of his pop singer-wife Katy Perry … without any makeup. He may have had the best of intentions, considering her beautiful au natural, but Perry is a style icon who never leaves the house without being ‘camera ready’ and seems to grimace in the photo when she realizes what her new husband is doing.
• Bad news “24” fans, the much-anticipated movie version of Kiefer Sutherland’s TV thriller isn’t happening any time in the foreseeable future. The FOX-TV series ended last May after 8 seasons of ‘Jack Bauer’ saving the world.  At the time, Sutherland said he was ‘very excited’ about the planned movie. But now executive producer Howard Gordon says the future of “24: The Movie”, is best-described as being ‘in suspended animation’.
• Movie star Drew Barrymore is moving on up! The 35-year-old actress/producer/director has just plunked down $6.9 million for a 3-story Mediterranean-style mansion on more than 3 acres in Montecito, California. Among her neighbors in the super-wealthy enclave of 10,000 residents: actors Jeff Bridges and Rob Lowe, and media mogul Oprah Winfrey.
• Less than 2 months after “Girls Gone Wild” mastermind Joe Francis wed long-term girlfriend Christina McLarty, the pair have split according to an insider. After a 4-year courtship with the CBS reporter, 37-year-old Francis popped the question in San Tropez, France while on vacation. In November, they had a lavish wedding ceremony at his Punta Mita estate in Mexico. But their marriage was apparently short-lived.
• A rep for 34-year-old Reese Witherspoon (“How Do You Know”) has confirmed that the Oscar-winning actress’ 40-year-old talent agent-boyfriend Jim Toth has proposed, whipping out a whopping 4-carat Ashoka diamond set on a diamond-and-platinum band.
• And TV actress Valerie Bertinelli (“Hot in Cleveland”) celebrated the first day of 2011 by marrying fiancé Tom Vitale at her Malibu, California home on Saturday. Bertinelli’s ex-husband, rocker Eddie Van Halen and their son Wolfgang were at the wedding, according to reports. The bride & groom, who’ve been dating since 2003, got engaged last May.

• “The Bachelor” (ABC) – In the 15th season debut, Brad Womack must face the 2 women he rejected at the end of his first stint on the show.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Christina Aguilera (“Burlesque”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Josh Groban (“Illuminations”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Off! (“First Four EPS”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Best Coast (“Crazy for You”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Sick Puppies (“Tri-Polar”).

• Alan Jackson – He’s given Zac Brown a 1966 Cadillac El Dorado convertible as thanks for asking him to sing on the chart-topping country hit “As She’s Walking Away”.
• Elton John – He & partner David Furnish have adopted a boy they’ve named Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John, who was born on Christmas Day to a surrogate mother in California. On the documentation, Furnish has reportedly been named ‘mother’ and Elton ‘father’.
• John Mayer – TV actress Shenae Grimes (‘Annie Wilson’ on “90210”)  is denying reports that she’s been dating the singer/songwriter. Well, that’s one.
• John Mellencamp – He & former model Elaine Mellencamp have announced they’ll continue to raise their 2 children (Hud and Speck) in Indiana but have decided to call it a day as a couple after 18 years of marriage.
• Kanye West – He’s guest-starring in Kim Kardashian’s new music video. The title has yet to be announced, but judging from the lyrics it could be called “Turn It Up”.
• Michael Jackson – The Discovery Channel has ‘indefinitely postponed’ a planned re-enactment of his autopsy due to negative feedback, not to mention threatened legal action from his estate. “Michael Jackson’s Autopsy: What Really Killed Michael Jackson” had been scheduled to air January 13th.
• Shania Twain – She wed her Swiss businessman-fiancé Frederic Thiebaud in a sunset ceremony in Rincon, Puerto Rico on New Year’s Day. About 40 friends & family attended the small ceremony.
• Tim McGraw – He has another #1 country single to add to his list with “Felt Good on My Lips”, the lone new song on his latest greatest hits package, “Number One Hits”.

Joining a gym is the most popular New Year’s resolution, at least according to a fitness club chain. This week fitness centers are bracing themselves for an onslaught of new recruits, eager to fulfill a resolution to get fit. One personal trainer says January is by far his busiest time of the year. But the good intentions don’t seem to last long. By February, around 30% of these enthusiasts won’t even manage 1 weekly visit to the gym and, within a year, 40% will have ditched their gym membership altogether.
– “GQ”

Michigan’s Lake Superior State University has released its annual ‘List of Words to Be Banished from the Queen’s English for Mis-use, Over-use and General Uselessness’. The 2011 list, compiled from nominations submitted from across North America, includes these terms: ‘A-ha moment’; ‘BFF’; ‘backstory’; ‘epic’; ‘Facebook/Google’ as verbs; ‘fail’; ‘I’m just sayin’; ‘live life to the fullest’; ‘man up’; ‘viral’; and ‘wow factor’.
– Associated Press

Toronto-based Office Team asked 100 business executives how long it takes employees to get back to normal after the holidays. Most think it takes at least 2 full days before employees return to normal productivity. In the meantime, they spend more time swapping stories about their holidays than working. (So you’re on notice, Wednesday’s your last day for goofing off!)

• When you buy a replacement ink cartridge for your computer printer, the cost of the ink alone works out to $4,731 a gallon.
– “Toronto Star”
• Less than 34,000 music cassettes were sold in the past year, per Nielsen Soundscan. At their peak in the mid ‘80s, music cassettes sold 900 million units a year.
• The US boasts 820 motor vehicles for every 1,000 people, compared with 623 for every 1,000 Germans or 557 for every 1,000 Canadians.
– “The Price of Everything” by Eduardo Porter


1926 [85] (Sir) George Martin, Holloway UK, really rich record producer (The Beatles)

1945 [66] Stephen Stills, Dallas TX, classic rock singer (Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young-“Woodstock”)/double Rock & Roll Hall of Fame member for CSN&Y and Buffalo Springfield

1956 [55] Mel (Columcille Gerard) Gibson, Peekskill NY, movie producer/director (“Apocalypto”, “The Passion of the Christ”)/movie actor (“Signs”, “Lethal Weapon” series)  UP NEXT: “The Beaver”, opening March 23rd.

1981 [30] Eli Manning, New Orleans LA, NFL QB (NY Giants)/#1 overall pick in the 2004 NFL draft/brother of Indianapolis Colt QB Peyton Manning/son of NFL veteran Archie Manning

• “Chocolate Covered Cherry Day”. Just what you need … an excuse to pork on yet another pound.

• “Drinking Straw Day”, celebrating its invention on this date in 1888. Drinking Straws were hand-rolled until 1905. How’d kids blow bubbles in their milk before this?

• “Earth at Perihelion” occurred overnight, Earth’s closest approach to the Sun in 2011.

• “Festival of Sleep Day”, as declared by some anonymous walking zombie somewhere. Thanks to a combination of late hours, alcohol, rich foods, exposure to unfamiliar surroundings, and artificial light deep into the night over the holiday season, experts say most of us build up ‘sleep debt’, a condition which can affect how well we sleep for weeks afterward.

• “JRR Tolkien’s Birthday” (1892-1973), the 119th anniversary of his birth in Bloemfontein, South Africa. The Oxford University professor of English Language & Literature first published “The Hobbit” in 1937, and the “Lord Of the Rings” trilogy in 1954-55 … for which his heirs should now be extremely grateful.

• “Thank God It’s Monday Day”, celebrating all the great things that happen on Mondays. Things like new jobs; new promotions; new week; new resolutions; birthdays; and all those other things that give you reason to celebrate

• “World Series of Beer Pong” through Wednesday at the Flamingo Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas NV, the largest, longest-running organized beer pong (aka Beirut) tournament in the world. Over 800 participants are vying for circa $50,000 in prizes. Games are played on 8-foot BPONG Tables, and WSOBP Rules govern all play.

2004 [07] Britney Spears weds hometown pal Jason Alexander at the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas NV and then, 55 hours later, has the union annulled

1987 [24] Aretha Franklin becomes the 1st female solo artist inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame

1871 [140] Henry Bradley of Binghamton NY patents ‘Margarine’ (“I can’t believe it’s not lard!”)

1991 [20] 1st ‘Super Soaker’ squirt guns appear on the market (1st little sister tattles on brother for dousing her)

[Jan 4] Tom Thumb Day / Trivia Day / World Braille Day / World Hypnotism Day
[Jan 5] “2011 People’s Choice Awards” (CBS) / Bean Day / Bird Day
[Jan 6] “Jersey Shore: Season 3” premiere (MTV) / Armenian Christmas / Epiphany or Twelfth Night / Three Kings Day
[Jan 7] “Season Of the Witch” opens in movie theaters / International Programmers Day / Orthodox Christmas
[Jan 8] Bubble Bath Day / Fruitcake Toss Day / Learn to Ski Day / English Toffee Day / Midwives Day / Show & Tell Day at Work
[Jan 9] Positively Penguins Day / Stephen Foster Day
[Jan 10] Cut Your Energy Costs Day / Clean Off Your Desk Day / United Nations Day
[Jan 12] “American Idol” season debut (FOX)
[Jan 13] Rubber Duckie Day
[Jan 14] “The Dilemma”; “The Green Hornet” open in movie theaters / Caesarean Section Day / Dress Up Your Pet Day / Organize Your Home Day
[Jan 15] Bald Eagle Appreciation Day / Humanitarian Day / “90th Miss America Pageant” (ABC)
[Jan 16] Appreciate a Dragon Day / “68th Golden Globe Awards” (NBC) / Religious Freedom Day / World Religion Day
[Jan 17] Customer Service Day / Kid Inventors Day / Martin Luther King Day (USA)
[Jan 18] Winnie the Pooh Day / Thesaurus Day / Pro-Life Day / Rid the World of Fad Diets & Gimmicks Day
[Jan 19] Tin Can Day / Full ‘Wolf’ Moon
[Jan 20] Camcorder Day / Disc Jockey Day / Women in Blue Jeans Day / Women’s Healthy Weight Day
[Jan 21] “The Company Men”; “No Strings Attached” open in movie theaters / International Fetish Day / Hugging Day
[Jan 22] Fancy Rat & Mouse Day / Answer Your Cats’ Questions Day / Celebration of Life Day
[Jan 23] Handwriting Day / Snowplow Mailbox Hockey Day
[Jan 24] Belly Laugh Day / Beer Can Day / Compliment Day
[Jan 25] Macintosh Computer Day / Better Business Communication Day / A Room of One’s Own Day / Speak Up & Succeed Day
[Jan 26] Peanut Brittle Day
[Jan 27] Holocaust Memorial Day / Thomas Crapper Day / Vietnam Peace Day
[Jan 28] “The Mechanic”; “The Rite” open in movie theaters / Data Privacy Day / Fun at Work Day
[Jan 29] Curmudgeons’ Day / Freethinkers’ Day / Puzzle Day / Seed Swap Day / Seeing Eye Dog Day / World Leprosy Day
[Jan 30] Inane Answering Message Day
[Jan 31] Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day / Inspire Your Heart With Art Day
[Feb 1] 2011 Juno Award nominees announced


A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• “I’ll get a world record for this!”
• “Let me just reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.”
• “Gee, that’s a cute skull & crossbones tattoo.”
• “It’s fireproof.”
• “What does this button do?”
• “I’m making a Citizen’s Arrest!”
• “So you’re a cannibal, eh?”
• “Are you sure the power’s off?”

When should you take down the Christmas decorations?

• How long is a fruitcake edible?
a. 25 days.
b. 25 months.
c. 25 years. [CORRECT. While some would argue it isn’t edible at any time, “Joy of Cooking” says that well-wrapped fruitcakes stored in airtight tins can remain good for a quarter-century.]

• How come we no longer get vaccinated on the butt?
a. It’s too embarrassing for many of us.
b. It’s been proven to be less effective.
c. We’re too fat. [CORRECT. According to the “British Medical Journal”, it’s now a less common practice because most people’s buns are too well padded these days. Doctors now target the leaner upper arm or thigh.]

Every time I lose weight, it finds me again.

Today’s Question: Women who do THIS have been found to be way more stressed than those who don’t.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Keep a detailed journal.

Swallow your pride; it’s non-fattening.

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