July 24, 2007

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Tuesday, July 24, 2007        Edition: #3581
Never Accept a Generic – Ask For Pure “BS”!

TODAY pseudo-actress Tori Spelling launches her new signature jewelry line on HSN (Home Shopping Network), a 12-piece collection priced at $29-to-$129 per item (all of this is because mommy didn’t give her much of her dead dad’s money) . . . TONIGHT the Broadway revival of “Grease” opens for preview performances, starring Max Crumm & Laura Osnes, winners of the NBC-TV competition, “Grease: You’re the One That I Want” (now we have Wiki-casting) . . . ABC-TV is planning a song & dance competition called “Dance X” in which “Dancing With the Stars” judges Bruno Tonioli & Carrie Ann Inaba serve as rival coach-choreographers of opposing teams of contestants (to fill time in JANUARY, between seasons of “Dancing with the Stars”) . . . 32-year-old 2-time Oscar-winner Hilary Swank will be the face of “Beautiful Lengths”, a new charity that encourages people to grow their hair, then cut it off and donate it to create wigs for women who’ve lost their hair during cancer treatment . . . Whether or not Hillary Clinton wins, America will have a female president NEXT YEAR on the 7th season of “24” (FOX) as 50-year-old actress Cherry Jones comes aboard to play ‘President Allison Taylor’ . . . Oprah Winfrey tops the new “TV Guide” listing of 2007’s highest-paid TV personalities with a whopping $260 million-a-year (Simon Cowell is a far-distant-2nd at $45 million) . . . Britney Spears has reportedly personally called “OK!” magazine to negotiate a ‘tell-all’ interview that’s expected to hit newsstands NEXT WEEK (what else is there about her that we could possibly want to know?) . . . The new documentary “Punk’s Not Dead” (now showing in select theaters) explores the history of the musical genre via interviews & music from the Ramones, Billy Idol, Social Distortion, Bad Religion, and Henry Rollins (and faux-punkers like Sum 41 and Good Charlotte) . . . And newly-rehabbed 21-year-old actress Lindsay Lohan has reportedly been dumped by her 26-year-old on-and-off boyfriend Calum Best because – she’s ‘too boring’ when she’s sober.

• The Cure – Frontman Robert Smith is already working on a DVD documentary to celebrate the band’s 30th anniversary, even though the landmark doesn’t take place until 2009.
• Green Day – TODAY they’re releasing a new version of “The Simpsons” theme song. They have a cameo in “The Simpsons Movie”, opening FRIDAY.
• Incubus – Guitarist Mike Einziger is working on a symphony, something he took up while unable to play guitar after surgery for carpal tunnel syndrome.
• Johnny Cash – TODAY “The Great Lost Performance” is released, a recently discovered recording of an 18-song set he did in Asbury Park NJ in 1990.
• Lynyrd Skynyrd – THIS AFTERNOON the Southern rockers play the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Miranda Lambert – The “Kerosene” country singer says she’s a ‘get-even person’. Instead of throwing a temper tantrum, she’d rather do something worse to whoever hurts her. Nasty!
• Ne-Yo – TONIGHT he’s on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV).
• Paul McCartney – Latest reports say he’ll pay out a $140-million package to estranged wife Heather Mills in order to settle their divorce out-of-court. It includes a lump sum of $30 million plus annual payments of $7 million until their 3-year-old daughter Beatrice reaches age 18.
• Plain White T’s – THIS MORNING the “Hey There Delilah” chart-toppers visit the “Today Show” (NBC). Ever wonder … why is there an apostrophe in their name?
• Spice Girls – Plans are underway to extend their upcoming world tour to add at least another 14 stops to the previously announced 11 worldwide concerts.
• Sum 41 – TODAY their 4th album, “Underclass Hero”, is released. TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel). In AUGUST, they’ll play 5 shows on the “Vans Warped Tour”.
• Waylon Jennings – TODAY “Never Say Die: The Final Concert Film” is released, a double-disc CD/DVD documenting one of his final performances, at Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium in 2000.

• “The Number 23” ( Mystery Thriller ): Jim Carrey stars as a guy who becomes obsessed with a book that appears to be based on his life. Creepily, it concludes with a tragedy that has yet to occur in the present. Virginia Madsen co-stars.
• “Reign Over Me” ( Drama ): Adam Sandler plays it straight as a guy who goes into a severe depression after losing his wife and kids in the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Fortunately, an old college roommate (Don Cheadle) does his best to bring him back. Jada Pinkett Smith, Liv Tyler, and Donald Sutherland co-star. Soundtrack includes Pearl Jam, the Killers, and the Fray.
• “Zodiac” ( Crime Thriller ): Jake Gyllenhaal & Mark Ruffalo play a pair of newspaper reporters who work alongside a homicide inspector (Robert Downey Jr) to learn the identity of a serial killer terrorizing the San Francisco Bay Area. Based on 2 books by Robert Graysmith about the real-life ‘Zodiac Killer’ of the 1960s and ‘70s.
• Also being released TODAY: “The Bourne Files: 3-Disc Collection”; “MGM Movie Legends: Elvis Collection“; “Star Trek: Fan Collective Collection”; “Weeds: Season 2”; and “Woody Woodpecker & Friends Classic Cartoon Collection”.

There are blogs that are popular, with thousands of hits every day; there are plenty more that are not so hot, lucky to get 10 page-views a week. Then there is Xu Jinglei’s [‘shoo zhing-lee’] blog, which can pull in visitors at a rate of more than 100 per second. The Chinese actor-director has been declared ‘World’s Most Widely Read Blogger’, with more than 100-million page views in less than 2 years. And what she writes about is fairly tame – her work and day-to-day life. China has 162 million web users, the largest online population in the world after the USA. (What’s the hottest English-language blog? TMZ? Perez Hilton?)
– “The Guardian”

A new poll finds that 66% of us are quite happy to buy designer knock-offs. That’s up 20% from just a year ago. Experts say this increased social acceptability represents a major shift in consumer behavior. The worldwide knock-off market is now worth as much as $400-billion-a-year. The most desirable knock-off brand name is Louis Vuitton; the most popular knock-off items are clothing, shoes, and watches. The survey finds 1-in-6 consumers is confident they can tell the difference between a fake and the real deal, but a third admit they’ve bought a fake believing it to be the genuine article. (Maybe we’re all getting tired of paying ten times as much for stuff just because a name like ‘Tommy Hilfiger’ is on it?)  – “Daily Mail”

A growing number of people are taking up the art of trapeze as a form of exercise. In trendy LA, everyone from lawyers to teachers to movie stars are taking lessons on aerial bars to shape up. Technique-workshops are being offered as attractions at corporate events. Even Club Med now offers classes in trapeze. ([Co-host] just had one installed in the bedroom.)
PHONER: 877.759.0044 (Trapeze-Experience)
– “Christian Science Monitor”

Finally, the promise of the flying car has been answered … maybe. Moller International claims it has begun production on its M200G Volantor 2-seater flying vehicle. The company says that the vehicle will hover up to 10 feet over most surfaces and cruise at speeds up to 50 mph. With traffic getting worse by the day, the starting price of $125,000 seems a small price to pay to dodge the dreaded morning rush, no? (So how come we’ve never seen these on TV?)
PHONER: 530.756.5086 (Moller International, Davis CA)
NET: http://www.moller.com/
– TMZ.com

Union Products, the manufacturer of those kitschy plastic pink flamingo garden decorations, went bankrupt in 2006. The good news is the company has now been taken over by HMC International which expects to resume flamingo production by the end of THIS SUMMER. (“They’re bringin’ tacky back …”)
– “San Jose Mercury News”

• Almost half of the newspapers in the world are published in Canada and the USA. (Even though convicted felon Conrad Black attempted to drive them all into the ground.)
– StrangeFacts.com
• The least frequent vacationers (no more than 1 vacation every 6 years) have a 50% higher risk of heart attack than the most frequent vacationers (at least 2 vacations every year).
– “Los Angeles Times“

An unfinished skyscraper in Dubai has already set a new world record for ‘Tallest Building’. The Burj Dubai (pronounced like ‘boar’ but with a rolled ‘r’) now stands at 1,680 ft (512 m), putting it ahead of the Taipei 101 tower in Taiwan by 13 ft (4 m). By the time it’s finished NEXT YEAR, the building, which features apartments, shops, swimming pools, corporate suites and Giorgio Armani’s first hotel, is expected to be almost 2,300 ft (700 m) tall; dominating the Gulf’s skyline. Under construction since 2004, the building now has 141 stories. (‘Burj’ apparently is Arabic for ‘nasal hemorrhage’.)
– Reuters

“I just don’t make out with people. I’m afraid of mouth herpes.”
– 25-year-old singer Kelly Clarkson, explaining to “Blender” magazine why she’s only kissed 5 people in her entire life.


1949 [58] Michael Richards, Culver City CA, former TV actor (‘Cosmo Kramer on “Seinfeld” 1989-98)/former stand-up comedian whose on-stage racist rant caused an uproar in 2006

1964 [43] Barry Bonds, Riverside CA, Major League Baseball slugger (San Francisco Giants)/1st all-time in ‘Season Home Runs’ with 73 (2001)/2nd all-time in ‘Career Home Runs’ & likely to tie Hank Aaron’s record of 755 within days/escaped indictment on 2006 charges of perjury regarding steroid use

1968 [39] Kristin Chenoweth, Broken Arrow OK, 4′-11” movie actress (“Running With Scissors”)/TV actress (“The West Wing” 2005-06)/Broadway actress (“ Wicked”)

1969 [38] Jennifer Lopez, Bronx NY, pop singer (“Get Right”, “If You Had My Love”)/movie actress (“Monster-in-Law”, “Out of Sight”)/Mrs Marc Anthony since 2004

1975 [32] Eric Szmanda, Milwaukee WI, TV actor (‘Greg Sanders’ on “CSI” since 2000)

1982 [25] Anna Paquin, Winnipeg MB [raised New Zealand], film actress (“X-Men 1-3”, 1994 Academy Award-“The Piano”)/TV actress (“Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee”)

1998 [09] Bindi Irwin, Nambour, Australia, TV personality (“Bindi: The Jungle Girl”)  FACTOID: A new 334,000-acre wildlife reserve in Queensland, Australia will be named after her late father, “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin.

• “Cousins Day”, to honor all cousins who are living and pay homage to those who aren’t. (Or, as it’s known in [co-host’s] family, ‘Spouses Day’.)

• “Tequila Day”, celebrating Mexico’s national booze that’s becoming increasingly popular in other drinks beside margaritas. But we still like it the old fashioned way – a little salt, a slice of lime, and hay carumba!

• “Virtual Love Day”, a day for those who have experienced the ‘excitement, joy, and sorrow’ of an online relationship. (… with a 400-lb truck driver who calls himself ‘HotMama24’.)

1978 [29] The movie “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”, starring Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees, debuts in movie theaters and is promptly dubbed ‘worst rock movie ever made’

1982 [25] “Eye Of The Tiger” by Survivor, theme song of “Rocky III”, hits #1 on pop charts and stays 6 weeks

1938 [69] 1st ‘Instant Coffee’ is marketed (Nescafé)

1988 [19] ‘World’s Largest Ice Cream Sundae’ weighs in at 54,914 lbs or 24.9 metric tonnes (Edmonton AB)

1988 [19] 9-year-old Emma Houlston from Medicine Hat AB lands in Newfoundland to become youngest to fly across Canada

1991 [16] Joann Osterud sets ‘Inverted Flight’ record with upside down flight of 4 hrs, 38 mins (her face stays red for 4 weeks, 38 hours)

[Thurs] All or Nothing Day
[Thurs] Aunt & Uncle Day
[Thurs-Sat] “Just For Laughs Toronto”
[Fri] “I Know Who Killed Me”; “No Reservations”; “The Simpsons Movie”; and “Who’s Your Caddy?” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Take Your Houseplants For a Walk Day
[Sat] Accountants Day
This Week Is … Animal Agriculture Week
This Month Is … Cellphone Courtesy Month


• Resolvio Plottus – Instantly resolves any open plot issues.
• Aloha-adios – For saying goodbye to Mexican-Hawaiian wizards.
• Amorus Mixalotus – Causes victim to like big butts and be unable to lie.
• Aveda Conditionus – Gives the spell-caster smooth and silky hair.
• Vestimenta Removi – Takes off the target’s clothes.
• Tetrahydrocannabis – When wizards want to get high.
– BBSpot

What was the happiest age of your life?

• In summer, this can be the biggest problem for a moose …
a. Rump rash.
b. Loneliness.
c. Heat. [CORRECT. Temperatures above 14 C /57 F can cause them to suffer heat stress.]

• What’s the average lifespan of the common house fly?
a. 17 minutes.
b. 17 hours.
c. 17 days. [CORRECT]

• A total of 19 of these have been reported in Canada’s Western provinces. What?
a. Receding glaciers.
b. Mysterious underwater monsters. [CORRECT. Only Alberta has no reported cases.]
c. Liberals.

• If Americans keep gaining weight at the current rate, how many will be overweight by 2015?
a. 47%
b. 75% [CORRECT. And 41% will be obese, meaning so overweight it’s bad for health.]
c. All.

DarwinDating.com is one of a growing number of dating websites that only allows ‘beautiful people’ to join. The site rejects all ‘losers’, including redheads, anyone with freckles, people with non-symmetrical faces, bald spots, hair in the wrong places, saggy boobs … and anyone over 35. Users get to vote on whether newcomers should be allowed to join based on submitted photos. The site’s snooty slogan is ‘Online Dating Minus Ugly People’.
NET: http://darwindating.com/

Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the 4 food groups: The bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the thing-in-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge group.

Today’s Question: THIS is the ultimate dream in life for 20% of men.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: To live without debt.

May you live all the days of your life.

Like this article?

Share on facebook
Share on Facebook
Share on twitter
Share on Twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on Linkdin
Share on pinterest
Share on Pinterest

Leave a comment