Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Thanks to You, This is BS Edition #5500!

★ Movie star George Clooney has co-founded a human rights project which investigates the flow of money in and out of conflict zones in Africa. Teaming with human rights activist John Prendergast and the Enough Project, a non-profit that aims to end genocide and human rights abuse, he’s created ‘The Sentry’. It’s mission is to analyze money flow and to target those who are found to profit from violence. The objective is to encourage world leaders to change policy and make war more costly than peace.
★ Cuban-American actor and former model William Levy is fronting “Cuban Chrome”, a new docu-series about classic cars abandoned in Havana before the 1959 revolution. Many of the vintage autos have been maintained ever since via makeshift repairs using parts from other models. Producers were granted permission to shoot the series as ‘professional research for an educational documentary’ while the US embargo on Cuba was still in place. “Cuban Chrome” is airing Monday nights on Discovery Channel and Discovery en Espanol.
★ 55-year-old Brit music mogul Simon Cowell wants to clone his dogs. He’s asked aides to look into the prospect of having South Korean cloning company Sooam Biotech perform the procedure because he’s afraid of ever losing his beloved Yorkies ‘Squiddly’ and ‘Diddly’. The new canine copies would come at a steep price as the company, which cloned Britain’s first dog last year, charges close to $100,000 per pooch.
– “Daily Mirror”
★ And “Breaking Bad” actor Steven Michael Quezada is running for political office in Albuquerque NM where the hit AMC show was shot. He played ‘Steven Gomez’, the investigating partner of DEA agent ‘Hank Schrader’, from 2008-13. 52-year-old Quezada, who’s running for Bernalillo County Commissioner, says there’s a need for more Mexican-American elected officials and he’s hoping to encourage Hispanics to get involved in politics.
– CBC News

• Alternative Press Music Awards (Cleveland OH) – All Time Low’s Alex Gaskarth and Jack Barakat host the 2015 APMAs at Quicken Loans Arena. Weezer, whose “Everything Will Be Alright In the End” is nominated for ‘Album Of the Year’, is the headline act. Also on the bill:  Echosmith, Halestorm, Panic! At the Disco, Simple Plan, Sum 41, and Taking Back Sunday.
• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC/CityTV) – The judges revisit the best moments from Season 10 auditions.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Purity Ring (“Shrines”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Mark Ronson w/Mystikal (“Feel Right”). Rerun.
• “Home Free” (FOX/HGTV) – Mike Holmes hosts this new reality show in which 9 couples renovate a rundown house. It’s a competition, but what they don’t know is that each of them is getting a new dream home.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Joss Stone (“Water for Your Soul”, out July 31st).
• “Last Comic Standing” (NBC) – Comedians compete for a cash prize and a TV development deal in the 9th season debut. Anthony Jeselnik is the new host; standup Norm Macdonald is a new judge, joining returnees Roseanne Barr and Keenen Ivory Wayans.
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – American Authors (“Oh, What A Life”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Neon Trees (“Pop Psychology”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – MKTO (“MKTO”).
• “The Real” (syndicated) – Sisqo (“Last Dragon”). Rerun.
• “Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!” (Syfy/Space) – In yet another cheesy sequel, Washington DC is the site of the latest shark crisis. Stars Ian Ziering & Tara Reid are back, alongside the likes of
Bo Derek, David Hasselhoff, Jerry Springer, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Mark Cuban … as the US president. (The 2nd instalment was unwatchable. How much worse can this one be?)
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – J Cole (“2014 Forest Hills Drive”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Jeremih f/Flo Rida (“Tonight Belongs to U!”)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – R&B veterans Little Anthony & The Imperials.

• Blake Shelton / Miranda Lambert – It was apparently Shelton who filed for the divorce finalized this week. Parting finances are simple due to a prenup. He gets the Oklahoma ranch; she gets the Nashville property. One insider claims they split because she wasn’t ready to have children.
• Deftones / Incubus – They’re co-headlining a North American tour this Summer, starting tonight in Clarkson MI and wrapping up August 30th in San Diego CA. Death From Above 1979 and The Bots are the opening acts.
• Ellie Goulding – The 28-year-old Brit singer tells “Billboard” she sees Amy Winehouse as ”a massive inspiration” even though they never met. Amy’s tragic life has provided many lessons, Ellie says. She hopes to avoid similar media hounding.
• Lil Wayne – TMZ reports he and his entourage have been booted off a private plane for sparking up a joint. The pilot reportedly returned to Fort Lauderdale FL airport just 17 minutes after the chartered jet took off. Passengers had been informed that no smoking was allowed.
• Miley Cyrus – She’s confirmed via Instagram that she’s hosting the “MTV Video Music Awards”. The 2015 ceremony will be broadcast live from LA’s Microsoft Theater on August 30th. (Odds are she’ll avoid dancing an encore with Robin Thicke.)
• Mötley Crüe – Tonight the 2nd North American leg of their “Final Tour” begins in Eugene OR. Special guest Alice Cooper is once again joining them. Their final concert ever takes place at Staples Center in their hometown of Los Angeles on December 31st.
• Tyrese – The singer/actor has his first-ever #1 album as “Black Rose” tops the latest ‘Billboard 200’ chart, the first to use the new tracking week now that albums are released on Fridays.

The world’s first robot-staffed hotel has opened in Sasebo, Japan, replacing people with pretty, lifelike humanoid receptionists and a bow tie-wearing, dinosaur concierge. At the Henn-na Hotel (‘Strange Hotel’) guests check in, check out, get their rooms cleaned, and their luggage conveyed by a fleet of blinking, beeping, and rolling robots that are described as ‘warm and friendly’. The hi-tech 144-room accommodation also uses facial recognition technology instead of room keys; lights with automatic motion-sensing switches; and an energy-efficient radiant panel air conditioning system. The hotel is part of the Dutch theme park Huis Ten Bosch and may be expanded into a chain across Japan. All the technology must be keeping costs down – rooms start at just $73 a night single. (Do you have to tip a bot?)

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 52% of women have refused to go out with a guy on a second date due to his cologne.
• 41% of surveyed men say they can’t go a week without having pizza.
• 40% of couples argue on a regular basis about how to load the dishwasher.
• 33% of men have dieted in secret.
• 25% of us have spotted a co-worker’s profile on a dating website.
• 15% of us admit that we’ve lied in order to get a 1st-class seat on an airplane.

Chia seeds are the superfood of the moment thanks to their high fiber, antioxidants, and omega-3 fatty acids. Yep, the seeds once known solely for being the gross grime inside a ‘Chia Pet’ are now showing up in salads, being added to Greek yogurt, and sprinkled in smoothies. They’re touted as a multipurpose, high-fiber, and high-protein substitute for eggs. They contain anti-inflammatory and anti-cancer properties, and also help slow digestion to make you feel fuller longer. On top of all that, they have a long shelf life, lasting up to 2 years without refrigeration. Mainstream retailers like Walmart are now hawking chia seeds at about $4.50 for 12 ozs. (Just as everyone jumps on the bandwagon, some scientist will discovery they cause hemorrhoids or something.)

Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Plug-In’ – Slang for an electronic car. (“Sorry, I can’t enter this weekend’s road rally … I have a plug-in.”)
• ‘Quadcopter’ – An unpiloted helicopter with 4 rotors. Some sell for as little as $35. Much more if they come equipped with a high-definition camera.
• ‘What’s Gucci?’ – Idiom slang for “What’s happening?” or “What are you up to?”.

A typical transit passenger in a large city unknowingly travels alongside a distant relative on 1-in-4 journeys.
– “Daily Telegraph”


1940 [75] Alex Trebek, Sudbury ON, TV game show host (“Jeopardy!” since 1984)

1946 [69] Danny Glover, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Dreamgirls”, “Lethal Weapon” films)

1947 [68] Albert Brooks (Einstein), Beverly Hills CA, movie actor (“Finding Nemo”, “Broadcast News”)

1947 [68] Don Henley, Linden TX, classic rock musician (“Boys of Summer”, The Eagles-“Hotel California”)

1955 [60] Willem Dafoe, Appleton WI, movie actor (“The Grand Budapest Hotel”, “Platoon”)

1964 [51] David Spade, Birmingham MI, TV actor (“Rules of Engagement” 2007-13, “8 Simple Rules” 2004-05)/movie actor (“Joe Dirt” movies, “Hotel Transylvania” films)

1989 [26] Keegan Allen, Gold Hill OR, TV actor (‘Toby Cavanaugh’ on “Pretty Little Liars” since 2010)

1992 [23] Selena Gomez, Grand Prairie TX, pop singer (“The Heart Wants What It Wants”, “Come & Get It”)/movie actress (“Spring Breakers”, “The Muppets”)

• “Hammock Day”, honoring the most relaxing thing you can swing between 2 trees. It’s the perfect excuse to slow down and loaf during the ‘Dog Days of Summer’.

• “Ratcatchers Day”, observed on the anniversary of the fabled ‘Pied Piper of Hamelin’ (Germany) piping the town’s rats into the Weser River back in 1376.

• “Spooner’s Day”, honoring the 1844 birth of William Archibald Spooner in London UK, who accidentally invented ‘spoonerisms’ – slips of the tongue like ‘queer old dean’ instead of ‘dear old queen’ or ‘blushing crow’ for ‘crushing blow’. (Sounds odd but it’s tucking frue.)

2005 [10] Oscar-winning “March Of the Penguins, a French-made documentary about Emperor Penguins in Antarctica, opens in movie theaters (one of the highest-grossing documentaries ever)

1995 [20] Shania Twain has her first #1 hit as “Any Man of Mine” tops the ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart

2013 [02] A scientific study 1st reveals that dolphins have unique names for one another, much like humans (only they’re all called ‘Ack Ack Ack Ack’)

2013 [02] Prince George of Cambridge arrives, 1st-born son of Britain’s Prince William & Catherine (Kate Middleton) and 3rd in line to succeed great-grandmother Queen Elizabeth II

2001 [14] A 30-year-old New Dehli, India man sets a new record by standing still for 24 hours and 1 minute, eclipsing the previous record of 18 hours.

2009 [06] Longest recorded solar eclipse in history lasts 6 minutes & 38.8 seconds over parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean

[Thurs] Hot Enough For Ya Day
[Thurs] Lumberjack Day
[Fri] “Pixels”; “Southpaw” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Tequila Day
[Sat] Day Of the Cowboy
[Sun] “I Am Cait” reality TV series premieres (E!)
This Week Is … Zookeeper Week
This Month Is … Ice Cream Month


Use ’em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – It’s rare that people can live a happy, healthy life without friends, so the crushing depression you’re feeling is perfectly normal.
• Taurus – Your health continues to decline as your skin becomes too sensitive to endure sunlight and your soul remains too sensitive to endure dark, smoky bars.
• Gemini – That person you’ve been seeing will finally introduce you to his ‘friends’. It’s a good thing you have an appreciation for taxidermy.
• Cancer – You’ll become a household name when society is suddenly in need of a term for ‘someone who gets hit by a bus once a week’.
• Leo – You’re a firm believer that travel broadens the mind, which seems to prove you haven’t been outside of your hometown in more than 15 years.
• Virgo – You’ll revolutionize the dating industry when you combine advanced physics, chemistry, and genetics to ensure that you are in fact the last man on Earth.
• Libra – Your joy at discovering that there is indeed meaning and purpose to life is short-lived when it turns out to involve a bunch of difficult stuff that isn’t a lot of fun.
• Scorpio – After years of loneliness, you’ll find the only other person on Earth who cares about cuttlefish as much as you, inspiring a mutual hatred that lasts the rest of your short and violent lives.
• Sagittarius – Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen … and post-nasal drip.
• Capricorn – Your new pheromone-based scent will make you irresistible to women, who will devour you … bones, hair, and all.
• Aquarius – It turns out Jean-Baptiste Lamarck, who first classified clouds, named the cold, fat, puffy little damp ones after you.
• Pisces – Your weekly visit to the cemetery goes badly when you tell your problems to your grandma’s grave just as the sarcastic zombies begin to rise.
– Adapted from

2-of-the-3 statements in each grouping are true; 1 is totally made up. But which one?
1. A tomato is technically an unripe banana. [BS]
2. The cotton candy machine was invented by a dentist. [True]
3. In the US there are more empty houses than homeless people. [True]

1. Juggling while jogging is an actual sports event. It’s called ‘joggling’. [True]
2. You can tell if steak is grass-fed because it glows in the dark. [BS]
3. There are 200 corpses of deceased climbers on Mt Everest. They serve as way-points for new climbers. [True]

☎ On which TV game show do you think you’d perform best?

This just in: Tonight’s clairvoyants’ meeting is canceled due to unforeseen events.

Question: They get a lot of media coverage, but THESE have actually happened 90% less often over the last 60 years.
Answer: Shark attacks.

The meek shall inherit the Earth … after we’re through with it.

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