Monday, July 4, 2011      Edition: #4541

Don’t Forget to Renew or It’s No Sheet, Sherlock!

• 53-year-old Prince Albert of Monaco & his new bride Charlene Wittstock exchanged vows in a civil ceremony in front of family and friends Friday, then again in a lavish public ceremony on Saturday in the main courtyard of Monaco’s royal palace. Guests included actor Gerard Butler, model Naomi Campbell, fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld, and French president Nicolas Sarkozy. The new ‘Serene Highness Princess Charlene of Monaco’ walked down the aisle in a silk Armani gown, studded with 40,000 glittering Swarovski crystals, and also with a veil and diamond tiara. The blond South African later changed into a white Armani cocktail dress for the official reception and ball, which was held at Monaco’s Opera Garnier. Will one of Europe’s most-noted skirt-chasers actually settle down? We’ll see.
• Saturday night Katie Holmes marked her husband Tom Cruise’s 49th birthday (Sunday) by throwing a surprise party at the exclusive Soho Beach House in Miami, Florida. Cruise is in South Florida to film his latest movie, a bigscreen adaptation of the Broadway musical “Rock of Ages”. The party included an Italian dinner for some 40 guests and a massive chocolate cake for the birthday boy.
– “New York Post”
• All 4 judges from NBC-TV’s “The Voice” have reportedly signed on for a 2nd season of the singing competition. Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo Green, Adam Levine, and Blake Shelton will all return when season 2 begins in February after the Super Bowl. There had been rumors Aguilera would not come back, but an inside source says she already ‘signed weeks ago’.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• At the halfway mark of website’s annual ranking of blunder-full pictures, “X-Men: First Class” leads the list of movies with onscreen goof-ups with 24 errors. They include a character’s hand changing position after it’s been stabbed and pinned to a table with a knife, and an actress’ hairstyle changing mid-scene. “Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” is 2nd on the list with 13 muffs, including a plateful of cakes suddenly appearing in the middle of a scene. In the biz, these are known as ‘continuity errors’.
• And 46-year-old fashion model Linda Evangelista managed to keep the identity of her son Augustine’s father a secret for 4 years. But thanks to court papers filed Friday in NYC, we now know the pop to be Francois-Henri Pinault, husband of actress Salma Hayek. Evangelista had previously claimed the dad was a New York architect. She’s currently trying to iron out a child support agreement with Pinault, who apparently had an affair with her in 2006 while briefly separated from Hayek. The result … both women became pregnant the same year!

• “Boston Pops Fireworks Spectacular” (CBS) – Martina McBride performs.
• “A Capitol Fourth 2011” (PBS) – Performances by Josh Groban, Jordin Sparks, Little Richard.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – She & Him (“Volume Two”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Rock & Roll Hall of Famer Alice Cooper.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Hanson (“Shout It Out”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Scottish rockers Biffy Clyro (“Only Revolutions”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – John Rich (Big & Rich).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Jay-Z (“The Blueprint 3”); Eminem (“Recovery”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Sheila E & The Family (“From E 2 U”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Weird Al Yankovic (“Alpocalypse”).

• Bon Jovi – Jon Bon Jovi tells “Extra” he’s glad to have guitarist Richie Sambora back on tour after another stint in rehab. Quote: “He’s happy, he’s healthy and he’s focused.”
• Buffalo Springfield – They’ve postponed their reunion tour until early 2012, according to band member Richie Furay. It had been scheduled for this fall. (Don’t wait too long … you guys aren’t getting any younger!)
• Goo Goo Dolls – Johnny Rzeznik tells “Billboard” he is roughly halfway done writing for their next album, which he describes as ‘upbeat’ and ‘a little happier’ than material he’s written in the past.
• Jay-Z/Kanye West – Their long-awaited album “Watch the Throne” will NOT be released today as rumors suggested. A rep tells VH1 that’s ‘not happening’.
• Sara Evans – “A Little Bit Stronger” has been certified Platinum for 1 million digital downloads. The former #1 single comes from her latest album, “Stronger”.
• Snoop Dogg – He claims in “Q” magazine that “Snoop Dogg Hot Dogs” will be coming out soon, followed by his own ice cream brand, labeled “Snoop’s Scoops”.
• Taylor Swift – She canceled her Saturday night concert in Louisville KY due to illness. The nature of the ailment was not disclosed, but it marks the first concert cancellation of her career.

• Larry Blatterfein of New Brunswick, New Jersey has hired a constitutional lawyer to represent his interests in a fight over the planned name of his new bar … “Buck Foston’s”. A lifelong fan of the New York Yankees, he says the name is ‘all in fun’ and designed to ‘engender an emotional response’. The local mayor, an avowed Red Sox fan, is attempting to prevent the use of the name by withholding a liquor license.
• NBA player Ron Artest is going the way of athletes Cassius Clay (Mohammad Ali), Lew Alcindor (Kareem Abdul-Jabbar), and Chad Johnson (Chad Ochocinco). He’s filed a petition in LA County Superior Court to change his name to … ‘Metta World Peace’. He wants to put the new surname – Peace – on the back of his LA Lakers’ jersey. These name changes are typically granted by judges unless they would result in confusion or fraud. The approval hearing is coming up August 26th. (All he is saying is give ‘Peace’ a chance.)

According to a University of Washington study of crows living near Seattle, the big black birds are capable of identifying and remembering ‘dangerous humans’ and they’re able to notify other crows. To test that theory, researchers wore scary masks while they trapped, banded, and released birds in different areas. Then, over the next 5 years, they created ‘chance encounters’ with crows while wearing the masks. Each time, some of the crows they encountered scolded them. In fact, after 3 years, 66% of crows knew to do it. ‘Scolding’ is a crow’s harsh alarm caw that they direct at dangerous threats.

• You can see a candle flame from 30 miles (50 km) on a clear, dark night.
• You can hear the tick of a watch from 20 ft (6 m) in very quiet conditions.
• You can taste 1 gram of salt in 130 gallons (500 liters) of water.
• You can detect 1 drop of perfume diffused throughout a 3-room apartment.
• You can detect the wing of a bee falling on your cheek from a height of a half-inch (1 cm).

A tiny bug called the ‘Water Boatman’ is the loudest animal on Earth relative to its body size, a new study reveals. Scientists from France and Scotland recorded the aquatic animal ‘singing’ at up to 99.2 decibels, the equivalent of listening to a loud orchestra play while sitting in the front row. The odd little insect makes the sound by … rubbing its penis against its abdomen in a process known as ‘stridulation’. Researchers say the song is a courtship display performed to attract a mate.
– BBC Nature

A new study suggests some people become emotionally attached to their cellphones, primarily because the device is a mobile entertainment source as well as a communication tool. That panicked feeling we get when the family pet goes missing is the same we get when misplacing our phones, says Kansas State University marketing professor Esther Swilley. Moreover, those feelings of loss and hopelessness without our digital companion are natural, she says, as a cellphone has become not just the way we communicate but a part of our lives.
– Psych

• The Green Man pub in Wellington, New Zealand is serving an ‘equine delicacy’ for a limited time only … apple-infused horse semen shots. Word has it they taste ‘a bit like custard’.
• On the 60th anniversary of his ordination as a priest, 84-year-old Pope Benedict XVI has used an iPad to send his first tweet, an announcement of a new Vatican news & information website.
– BBC News

• “We’re in such a transparent age yet nobody wants to be accountable for who they really are. It’s crazy to me”
– TV personality Carson Daly on celebs who do stupid things that are quickly posted online.
• “Everybody’s got stories. I don’t want to not have stories.”
– Actor Shia LaBeouf (“Transformers” films) on his propensity for doing stupid things that are quickly posted online.


1938 [73] Bill Withers, Slab Fork WV, oldies singer (“Ain’t No Sunshine”, “Lean on Me”)

1958 [53] Kirk Pengilly, Kew, Australia, oldies guitarist (INXS-“Need You Tonight”)/reality TV personality (“Rock Star: INXS” 2005)

1981 [30] Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino, Staten Island NY, reality TV personality (“Jersey Shore” since 2009, “Dancing With the Stars” 2010)

1998 [13] Malia Obama, Chicago IL, US presidential daughter/first offspring of Barack & Michelle Obama

• “Barbecue Day”, celebrating the time-honored tradition of roasting flesh over an open flame. Interestingly, ‘barbecue’ in Canada is either the implement (“It’s time you cleaned that caked-on grease off the barbecue”) or the process (“I’m gonna barbecue some venison steaks, thanks to Uncle Gordie bagging that buck last fall”). But in the US, ‘barbecue’ often refers to the food (“Hoo-ey! Smoky Joe serves up the most lip-smackin’ barbecue!”).

• “Country Music Day”, celebrating the roots music movement that began in America some 80 years ago with the advent of the Carter Family and Jimmie Rodgers. Country is actually a mishmash of several other music styles, including traditional folk, Celtic, blues, gospel, hokum, and old-time music. (How come there aren’t any ‘All Hokum All the Time’ radio stations?)

• “Running Of the Nudes” in Pamplona, Spain, the 7th annual protest of bullfighting organized by PETA ahead of the famous annual “Running Of the Bulls”. Upwards of a thousand animal activists are expected to run totally starkers. The motto: ‘Out With the Old, In With the Nude!’

• “US Independence Day”, celebrating the country’s declaration of nationhood in 1776. Among the more unusual “4th of July” festivals: “International Cherry Pit Spitting Contest” in Eau Claire MI; “World’s Greatest Lizard Race” in Lovington NM; and the annual “Sidewalk Egg-Frying Challenge” in Oatman AZ. It’s also the excuse for the vegan observance “Independence from Meat Day”.

1982 [29] Black Sabbath frontman Ozzy Osbourne marries Sharon Arden, his manager

2002 [09] Elvis Presley’s remixed “A Little Less Conversation” hits #1, 25 years after his death

1939 [72] NY Yankees ‘retire’ the 1st baseball uniform (Lou Gehrig’s #4)

1996 [15] ‘HotMail’, the free Internet email service, begins (later bought out by Microsoft)

1993 [18] Some 2,000 naked participants attend the “Nude Chili Cookoff” in Devore, California

[Tues] “Just For Laughs” comedy festival begins (Montréal)
[Tues] Bikini Day
[Wed] Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day
[Thurs] Chocolate Day
[Thurs] Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day

Be Nice to New Jersey Week / Canned Luncheon Meat Week / International Chicken Wing Week / Nude Recreation Week / Unassisted Homebirth Week


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
• Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
• Both are suspicious of the mailman.
• Neither does any dishes.
• Neither understands what you see in cats.
• The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
– First published in “BS” 2001

• If ignorance is bliss, why aren’t more people happy?
• How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
• What do they plant to grow ‘seedless grapes’?
• If a parsley farmer is sued, can they ‘garnish’ his wages?
• Is there another word for synonym?

What’s the toughest word in the English language to spell? According to “The Times of London”, some of the most difficult for kids are ‘jodhpurs’ (riding breeches), ‘wildebeest’ (African animal), and ‘roux’ (a fat & flour mixture).

Which are we most likely to do before going to bed at night?
a. Set an alarm.
b. Read.
c. Brush our teeth. [CORRECT. 81% of us do it.]
– Opinion Research Corp

Warning! The following program may be distracting. Listen only as directed.

It’s “Canned Luncheon Meat Week”. Did you know …
• SPAM is poured in raw liquid form into cans and then cooked.
• An actor from NYC won $100 in a 1936 contest for naming Hormel’s product ‘SPAM’.
• The name SPAM is said to be a acronym of ‘Shoulder of Pork And Ham’.

Today’s Question: In spite of years of marketing, a majority of women still use the type of THESE designed for men.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Razors.

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repairing.

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