Wednesday, July 6, 2011                  Edition: #4543
Sheeters Always Prosper!

Actress Blake Lively, who’s become the latest ‘It’ girl of the fashion world, says she loves putting outfits together herself and will NEVER hire a stylist (BS translation: I have 12 people who put me together each day) . . . Meantime, Lively is reportedly staying at rumored boyfriend Leonardo DiCaprio’s LA home – even though he’s out-of-town (squatter?) . . . The cheatin’ guv, Arnold Schwarzenegger, is reportedly willing to give soon-to-be ex Maria Shriver a ‘very generous divorce settlement’, much more than the 50/50 split required by California law (his estimated worth: $500-to-$750 million) . . . Oft-troubled actress Tara Reid (“American Pie” and, most recently, “American Pie”) has hit a new low after being busted in Atlanta for trying to steal a shopping cart (her excuse – needed to push her dog to a Mexican restaurant) . . . Jesse James is now saying it was ‘low self-esteem’ that led him to cheat on former wife Sandra Bullock (or maybe ‘lowlife’) . . . Filmmaker Spike Lee has nixed plans for a sequel to his biggest hit, “Inside Man”, even though Denzel Washington & Jodie Foster were onboard to star, because he can’t find funding (sometimes a bristly personality gets in your own way) . . . Hollywood serial dater Olivia Wilde (“House”) has now been spotted spending time with “Star Trek” actor Chris Pine (the only star left on her ‘hit list’ is Homer Simpson) . . . Just days after Prince Albert of Monaco’s marriage to South African Charlene Wittstock, he’s facing a paternity test over a claim he’s fathered a 3rd child out-of-wedlock (reports suggest Wittstock tried to leave 3 times before the weekend wedding) . . . And half the ensemble cast of “Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea”, Chelsea Handler’s new semi-autobiographical NBC-TV comedy, has been axed – and that’s just after the pilot episode! (we sense a really big hit).

• “American Idols Live!” – The annual tour of the past season’s “American Idol” finalists kicks off in West Valley City, Utah. It’s scheduled to wrap September 10th in Rochester NY.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Sean Lennon’s band The Ghost Of a Saber Tooth Tiger (“Ghost Of a Saber Tooth Tiger: Acoustic Sessions”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – John Rich (Big & Rich).
• “Gayle King” (OWN) – Toni Braxton (“Pulse”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Panic! At the Disco (“Vices & Virtues”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Screaming Females (“Castle Talk”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Reclusive 1990s singer Lauryn Hill (“The Miseducation Of Lauryn Hill”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Musiq Soulchild (“Musiqinthemagiq”).
• Polaris Music Prize – The shortlist for Canada’s annual $30,000-music award is announced. Arcade Fire, Neil Young, and Ron Sexsmith are among the 40 artists that qualify. The winner will be declared at a  September 19th gala in Toronto.
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – The dancers perform for the judges, including guest judge Carmen Electra.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Guest co-host Jill Scott (“The Light Of the Sun”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Billy Ray Cyrus (“I’m American”).

• Jay Z – He’s teaming with English soccer star Ashley Cole to launch a restaurant in London that will provide work for jobless young people. They’ve also pledged to donate a portion of profits to charity.
• Ke$ha – She tells she’s written ‘about 200’ songs in preparation for her 2nd album, and they’re inspired by her touring experiences around-the-world. She says her next effort will have a more rock-influenced sound.
• Madonna – This week she returned to the recording studio to work on a new album. She put her music career on hold last year to focus on her clothing line and her movie directorial debut, “WE”.
• Paul McCartney – The 69-year-old tells “Mojo” magazine he considered hanging up his bass and retiring when he reached 50 on the advice of a former manager. But when he realized he still loved playing music … he fired the manager instead.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Halfalogue’ – One side of a 2-person conversation. (“So I’m shopping at the supermarket and stuck listening to the halfalogue from some idiot on his cellphone asking his wife what kind of breakfast cereal she wants him to buy …”)
• ‘Nocturnist’ – A physician who cares for other doctors’ patients overnight. (“I’m not feeling so confident about the nocturnist who’s watching me tonight … Dr Dracula.”)
• ‘Polyfidelity’ – Faithfulness within a group of sexual partners, particularly to the other members of a polygamous relationship. (“A little bit of Monica in my life, a little bit of Erica by my side, a little bit of Rita is all I need, a little bit of Tina is what I see …”)

The 21st-century kid might have access to many technological innovations but doctors at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas believe that reading to your baby is the only tried-and-true method to help them speak and understand language. Dr Paul Bauer says that when parents come to him with a child who has delayed language skills, the first thing he does is ask how much they read to the child. Many times helping a child understand language and develop speech is simply a matter of taking time to read to them. (Apparently [sports guy] never had bedtime stories.)

• Give Yourself a Break – Too many of us fail to take any vacation whatsoever. Commit to using at least part of your accumulated vacation time during summer.
• Look Into Flex Time – See if you can work longer hours Monday through Thursday in order to leave early on Friday, or come in earlier each day so you can leave earlier and enjoy summer afternoons.
• Bring Summer Into the Office – Put flowers on your desk, a beach screensaver on your computer, play some summer music, etc.
• Make the Most of Your Lunch Hour – Get outdoors in a nearby park and treat yourself to a business day picnic, or find a café with outdoor seating.
• Take Your Work Outside – See if you can move a meeting outdoors, or try to steal some quiet moments outside with your laptop.

The world’s first ‘tickle spa’ has opened in Spain. It’s aptly named ‘Cosquillearte’, which means ‘Tickle Art’. Instead of hot-stone massages or facials, it offers visitors the chance to be tickled with the brush of a light touch from a feather. Experts say tickling can actually increase blood flow and produce a healthy flush to the skin when it’s done gently and in circumstances where the subject feels secure. (This idea likely came up in a meeting where someone asked, “What other dumb ‘therapy’ do you think we could get people to pay for?”)

Gardeners are now being advised to perform warm-up exercises like athletes before immersing themselves in their hobby. A survey by the Mobilis Healthcare Group reveals that hospital emergency rooms deal with over 300,000 gardening injuries every year. Most involve pulled muscles and ligaments and back-related problems that could have been prevented by a gentle warm-up session. Gardeners are also at risk from ‘tennis elbow’ and ‘housemaid’s knee’ from too much pruning and kneeling. (I’m a lazy gardener, I’ve got ‘Dead Daisy Butt’.)
– “The Sun”

There have been roughly 2,000-to-6,000 ‘Bigfoot’ sightings in North America, according to “The Worst-Case Scenario Almanac: Great Outdoors”. They usually describe a creature roughly 8-ft-tall, weighing 650-to-1,000 lbs. Here’s what you should do if you encounter one …
– Avert your gaze. A bigfoot may interpret direct eye contact as an attempt at domination.
– Remain quiet. Do not shout or open your arms to appear larger.
– Control your dog. Bigfoots may attack aggressive dogs that chase or threaten them.
– Behave like a forest animal. To appear less threatening, sit down and scratch yourself as an animal might. Eat, or pretend to eat, anything within reach. If you are with a companion, ‘groom’ him by focusing on pieces of leaves or dirt on his body and picking them off with your hands.
– Shine a flashlight in its face. Bigfoots may be bothered by bright lights and will likely retreat if they are caught in a spotlight.
(Shouldn’t the plural of ‘Bigfoot’ be ‘Bigfeet’?)
– “Globe & Mail”

Research published in the journal “Sleep” suggests that sleeping longer can markedly improve physical performance. When Stanford University’s men’s basketball team was asked to sleep for 10 hours a night for 6 weeks, their shooting accuracy improved by 9%. The study concludes that getting enough sleep and rest is as important as training and diet for elite athletes. (So let’s see … ab crunches or a nap? Hmmm, tough decision.)
– BBC News

• In Germany portable toilets are known as ‘Dixies’ or ‘TOI-TOI’.
• 40 people are injured in Britain annually … by cheese.
– “Report on Home & Leisure Accidents”
• California researchers have found plastic in nearly 1-in-10 small fish collected from the Pacific Ocean.
– “Los Angeles Times”


1921 [90] Nancy Reagan (Anne Frances Robbins Davis Reagan), NYC, former US First Lady/Mrs Ronald Reagan (1952-2004)

1946 [65] George Walker Bush (aka ‘Dubya’), New Haven CT, 43rd US President

1946 [65] Sylvester Stallone, NYC, steroid-enhanced movie actor (“Rocky I-VI”, “Rambo I-III”)  UP NEXT: Writes, directs, and stars in “The Expendables 2”, due August 2012.

1948 [63] Peter Mansbridge, London UK, TV journalist/anchor (“The National” since 1988) who began working at the CBC in 1969/Mr Cynthia Dale/ex-Mr Wendy Mesley

1951 [60] Geoffrey Rush, Toowoomba, Australia, movie actor (“Pirates Of the Caribbean” films, “The King’s Speech”)

1976 [35] 50 Cent (Curtis Jackson), Queens NY, rapper (“Candy Shop”, “In Da Club”)/wannabe actor (“Home Of the Brave”, “Get Rich or Die Tryin’”)

• “Buy Yourself a Toy You Always Wanted As a Kid Day”, then give it to a needy child.

• “Fiesta de San Fermin” in Pamplona, Spain, infamous for its annual ‘Running Of the Bulls’. The 9-day festival was made legendary by Ernest Hemingway in his novel “The Sun Also Rises”.

• “Fried Chicken Day”. Don’t know who started it; don’t know why. But then … who cares? Dig in!

• “Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day”, to show appreciation for the specialized geek responsible for your company’s website. (What a fascinating time this will be, huh?)

1994 [17] “Forrest Gump”, starring Tom Hanks, opens in movie theaters (goes on to earn $678 million in worldwide box office)

2005 [06] “G-8 Conference” of world’s wealthiest nations at Gleneagles, Scotland is highlighted by a giant rally of the ‘Make Poverty History’ campaign, spearheaded by Bob Geldof and U2’s Bono (leaders get additional pressure from worldwide “Live 8” concerts 4 days earlier)

1984 [27] Michael Jackson and his brothers begin their 5-month “Victory Tour” in Kansas City MO (the 55 concerts gross a then-record $75 million)

1985 [26] Phil Collins admits to David Letterman on “Late Night” that the title of his then #1 hit “Sussudio” means nothing, it’s simply a made-up word

1933 [78] In the 1st Major League Baseball “All-Star Game”, the American League wins 4-2 as Babe Ruth connects for the 1st “All-Star” home run (Comiskey Park, Chicago IL)

2002 [09] Serena Williams beats older sister Venus Williams to win her first Wimbledon women’s title and her 2nd straight Grand Slam tennis tournament

1928 [83] ‘World’s Largest Recorded Hailstone’, measuring 1.5 lbs and 17 inches in diameter, falls in Potter, Nebraska

1985 [26] Tommy ‘Muscrat’ Greene of Annapolis MD sets a new world record by eating 288 oysters in 1 minute, 33 seconds

[Thurs] Chocolate Day
[Thurs] Father-Daughter Take a Walk Together Day
[Thurs] Global Forgiveness Day
[Thurs] Tell the Truth Day
[Fri] “Horrible Bosses”; “Zookeeper” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Collector Car Appreciation Day
[Sat] Cow Appreciation Day
[Sun] Don’t Step On A Bee Day
[Sun] Piña Colada Day
[Sun] Teddy Bears Picnic Day
This Week Is … Character Counts Week
This Month Is … Baked Bean Month


• ABC … You were one of the first 10 people in history to drop a cellphone in a toilet.
• A-ha … You have a “Highlander” poster in a tube in the back of your closet.
• Air Supply … You own a VCR with a copy of “Highlander” stuck in it.
• Big Country … You’ve had 3 or more ‘Superball’ bruises at one time.
• Devo … You have used ‘Whiteout’ on a pair of white loafers.
• Dexy’s Midnight Runners … You have a half-full can of Sanka at the back of your cupboard.
• Eurythmics … You have lost a ‘Mood Ring’ in a hot tub.
• A Flock of Seagulls … You have destroyed a ‘Calculator Watch’ in anger.
• Loverboy … You have almost been tricked into eating ‘Silly String’ on a saltine.
• Men at Work … You wear shorts with boots at least once a week.
• Mike & The Mechanics … You have cut a ‘Nerf’ football in half to see what’s inside.
• Naked Eyes … You have injured yourself while doing the Electric Slide.
• Roxette … You have killed a fly with a program from “Cats”.
• Simple Minds … You have hit a ‘Wiffle’ ball with a fake ‘Lightsaber’.
• Tears For Fears … You dot your ‘i’s with hearts.
– Thanks to John Peck

Which profession is a total dating turn-off? Would you go out with a mortician? Garbage collector? Stripper? Accountant?

“Do Not Machine Wash or Tumble Dry” means I will never launder this ever.

Today’s Question: In a poll of married women, leaving underwear on the floor is rated the most annoying ‘husband habit’ except for THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Watching too much sports.

Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

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