Tuesday, June 14, 2005
If You Can’t Dazzle Them with Brilliance, Baffle Them with Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT 63-year-old crooner Wayne Newton kicks off yet another Vegas gig, taking his act to the Las Vegas Hilton for a limited 6-week engagement . . . Kevin Spacey has attracted several actors to perform in his ambitious project to stage 6 plays in 24 hours at London’s Old Vic Theatre, among them Brooke Shields, Joseph Fiennes & Gael Garcia Bernal . . . Hilary Duff has been tapped by Candies to hawk its new clothing line for juniors . . . But it seems she’s personally into another clothing line, recently spotted wearing Good Charlotte gear in honor of boyfriend Joel Madden, who’s been spotted wearing – what else? – a Hilary Duff T-shirt . . . Supermodel Rachel Hunter (“Dancing With the Stars”) admits she is plagued by cellulite and dimpled thighs – and totally hates her ‘wobbly’ butt (ah, justice!) . . . 21st Century Leaders charity organization is raising funds by selling $5 wristbands emblazoned with messages from celebs – Ozzy Osbourne’s, for instance, exhorts us to ‘Wank for Peace’ . . . Former ‘Hollywood Madam’ Heidi Fleiss is looking to build a 40-acre, high-end Nevada sex resort modeled after the Beverly Hills Hotel where clients will pay a minimum of $5,000 . . . You may need to draw up a chart for this one – Paris (the female) Hilton’s fiancé, Paris (the male) Latsis, was born Paris Kasodokostas, but his father, a former water-skiing instructor, was married only briefly to his mother, shipping heiress Marianna Latsis, so Paris (the male) later took on his mommy’s more monied surname . . . Meantime, Paris (the female) tells “Newsweek” she’s planning to give up her public life in 2 years (hurray!), by which time she expects to become a mother with fiancé Paris (the male).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Destiny’s Child – Kelly Rowland has announced at a Barcelona concert that the group will split up at the end of their current tour. They’ve been working together as Destiny’s Child since age 9, and touring since they were 14. The “Destiny Fulfilled…and Loving It” tour wraps in Vancouver SEPTEMBER 10th.
• Eminem – Has he become a health wimp? His 10-page list of backstage demands is now said to include protein shakes, Atkins-friendly food products, and a ‘chill-out’ room featuring aromatherapy candles, relaxing music and masseurs.
• Foo Fighters – TODAY their 20-track “In Your Honor” album is released, which offers 1 disc each of electric and acoustic material.
• Jimmy Buffett – He’s ‘pulled a Paris’ and left his cellphone in a Florida restaurant. Although it’s been recovered, the memory card that holds numbers belonging to the likes of Michael Douglas, George Clooney, Harrison Ford & Bill Gates is still missing. The US Secret Service were alerted after former prez Bill Clinton got a crank call. A (now fired) restaurant employee admits he’s got the goods … but refuses to give ‘em up!
• Pink Floyd – “Live 8″ organizers have confirmed the band’s original lineup of Roger Waters, David Gilmour, Nick Mason & Richard Wright will reunite for the JULY 2nd London concert, their first show together since 1981.
• Rob Thomas – His solo album “Something To Be” does not mean the end of Matchbox Twenty. The band, he says, is just taking a break.
• Toby Keith – He’s considering starting his own label so he can gain control of his music. He’s already had discussions with DreamWorks, with whom he has a 1-album commitment left.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Hitch” (Romantic Comedy – DVD): Will Smith plays a ‘date doctor’ who, for a fee, helps men woo the women of their dreams. But while coaching a meek accountant (Kevin James) who is smitten with a glamorous celebrity (Amber Valletta), ‘Hitch’ meets his own match, a whip-smart gossip columnist (Eva Mendes) with whom the ultimate professional bachelor falls head-over-heels in love.
• “Tarzan II” (Animated Family – DVD): A direct-to-video prequel to the theatrical film “Tarzan” that follows the adventures of the ‘ape man‘ as a kid. The voice cast includes George Carlin, Brad Garrett, Ron Perlman & Glenn Close.
• “A Dirty Shame” (Dark Comedy – DVD): Tracy Ullman stars as a prudish working-class housewife in writer/director John Waters’ social satire about sex addicts fighting the forces of repression. Co-stars Johnny Knoxville, Selma Blair & Chris Isaak.
• Collectors may be interested in “Jaws: 30th Anniversary Edition”, a repackaging of the 1975 Steven Spielberg thriller that includes a ‘making of’ documentary, deleted scenes and out-takes. And remember “Father of the Pride”, the short-lived, big-budget animated TV series based on Siegfried & Roy’s Vegas act that nobody seemed to like? Well now you can avoid watching “Father of the Pride: The Complete Series” on DVD also!

THE ISLAND OF DR GRAHAM:
It sounds like a ‘James Bond’ film but it’s not – California tycoon Robert Graham once created a sperm bank supplied only by Nobel Prize winners in a plot to populate an entire island with geniuses. According to the new book “The Genius Factory” by David Plotz, Graham set out to buy his own island in the 1970s, in which he would act as sovereign over a group of fertility doctors and pregnant mothers. The bigoted scientist, who believed that clever white people would always breed the smartest children, even scouted locations such as Necker in the British Virgin Islands, now owned by Virgin companies billionaire Richard Branson. (The UK business genius whose parentage remains a mystery … hey, wait a minute!)
– “Times of London”

SCIENTISTS SAY:
A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … 15 minutes of genuine laughter can burn off the number of calories found in a medium-sized chunk of chocolate. Vanderbilt University researchers point out that can total 2 kg (4.4 lbs) of weight-loss in a year. (So how come jolly people always seem to be fat?)
• Scientists say … too much stress affects your memory. A McGill University study shows that an increase in stress hormones can lead directly to memory impairment. (The reason [co-host] has totally forgotten all about his first marriage.)
• Scientists say … yoga leads to greater body satisfaction and fewer symptoms of eating disorders than traditional aerobic exercise. (OK everyone, let’s perform a half-lotus … with a lemon twist.)
• Scientists say … children who live close to a major road are significantly more likely to have asthma than those who live farther away. (But those living far, far away in the deep and dark woods are more likely to get eaten by a bear.)

HOW TO SAVE YOUR VOICE:
A few voice-saving tips from professional performers …
• Don’t scream, yell, shout or do anything vocally that’s raucous.
• Don’t clear your throat all the time or cough violently.
• Don’t make funny vocal sounds that strain your voice.
• Don’t use a stage whisper to save your voice. A stage whisper is a very tense mode of voice production, and causes more strain.
• Try to use smooth, legato speech; don’t initiate vowels with an explosive onset. Instead, link words together, as in singing.
• To maintain or get other people’s attention when you’re not performing, vary your speech rate and inflection rather than increasing the loudness. If you’re trying to get the attention of somebody across a room, wave or whistle.
– “Back Stage”

WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• You need this like a hole in the head. While home alone a 37-year-old Russian man took a hammer and drove a 122-mm (5-inch) nail into his forehead – all the way down to the nailhead! Fortunately, his mother came home, noticed he was suffering from fever and quickly called for an ambulance. After a successful operation, the man said he had heard a voice saying, “Take a hammer and do it.”
• Did you bring enough for everyone? A civil trial in Romania’s Focsani Court has been suspended because – three-quarters of the courtroom crowd was chewing gum. After 3 warnings, the gum-chewing not only continued but a few troublemakers began blowing bubbles. That’s when the gavel banged, the court was cleared and the ‘offensive weapons’ confiscated.
• Love shack, baby! The city of Dortmund, Germany is rushing to install rows of Dutch-designed drive-in ‘sex garages’ in time for NEXT YEAR’s “World Cup” of soccer. Experts estimate as many as 40,000 prostitutes will travel to Germany to offer their services to fans during the tournament and Dortmund officials say they don’t want hookers and their clients disturbing residential areas.
• Sacré bleu! A sound sample of a math teacher swearing at his class laid over a techno beat has become a surprise hit on Belgian radio. One of Professor Yves De Racker’s students at Karel de Grote High School in Antwerp recorded him cursing and another student created the dance mix. The resulting “Racker Song” has become one of VRT radio’s most requested tunes.

THE SECRET OF TIMING:
A few of life’s most opportune moments, according to the book “The Best Time to Do Everything” by Michael Kaplan ….
• The best time to buy a new car – At the end of the month, when sales people are trying to make quotas.
• The best time to teach your dog a trick – Soon after its 1st birthday, when it’s still young and active but maturing quickly.
• The best time to have your photo taken – Around midday. Your face is puffy first thing in the morning and looks tired later in the day.
• The best time to become a model – For women, it’s best to begin exploring a modeling career as a junior in high school.
• The best time for a first kiss – Eliminate first-date pressure by saving it for the middle of the 2nd date.
• The best time to buy shoes – Later in the day when your feet have spread and swollen from walking around.

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Why’s  jury deliberation in the Michael Jackson case taking so long? The jurors, aged 20 to 79, must weigh 64 days of testimony from 140 witnesses, as well as 684 exhibits. (“Daily News”)
• LAST YEAR another 600,000 people became millionaires, meaning there are now 8.3 million people worldwide with $1 million or more in financial assets. (“World Wealth Report”)

AND WE QUOTE:
“You can have so much attention on a particular issue that maybe the movie doesn’t get as much attention as it might. It’s the topic of conversation for other reasons.”  – Greedy DreamWorks executive Martin Levy, expressing concern that Tom Cruises’ romantic outbursts are stealing headlines away from his upcoming movie “War of the Worlds”. (Uh dude, let’s check a similar situation: “Mr & Mrs Smith” + celebrity buzz = $51-million opening weekend. ‘Nuf said.)

THE BULL SHEET 06.14.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [63] Bambi, Hollywood CA, famous orphan/spotted venison on-the-hoof (Disney movie is 1st released)

1946 [59] Donald Trump, NYC, TV reality show host (“The Apprentice”)/real estate billionaire (Trump Tower/Plaza/Castle)/author (“The Art of the Deal”)/ex-Mr Marla, ex-Mr Ivana

1961 [44] Boy George (George O’Dowd), Eltham UK, oldies singer (Culture Club-“Do You Really Want to Hurt Me”, “Karma Chameleon”)

1969 [36] Steffi Graf, Mannheim, Germany, retired tennis player who won 21 Grand Slam singles titles and earned over $20 million/Mrs Andre Agassi since 2001 (2 children)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Flag Day”, commemorating John Adams’ 1777 recommendation to Congress that the ‘Stars and Stripes’ be adopted as America’s flag. Unfortunately, Pennsylvania is the only state to celebrate JUNE 14th as a legal holiday. Do you know how to properly display a flag? Take a lesson here ….
NET: http://www.teachervision.fen.com/lesson-plans/lesson-6876.html

TODAY is “Family History Day”, a day to ‘share the folklore, legends and myths of your own particular family tree’. (There’s a lot of sap in [co-host’s].)

TONIGHT Game 3 of the “NBA Finals” tips off (San Antonio @ Detroit | 9 pm ET, ABC-TV). Stevie Wonder performs the pre-game anthem and also “So What the Fuss” from his upcoming album “A Time 2 Love”.
NET: http://www.nba.com/finals2005/index.html

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1923 [82] 1st ‘Country Music Recording’ (“The Little Old Log Cabin in the Lane” by Fiddlin’ John Carson)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1841 [164] 1st ‘Canadian Parliament’ convenes in Kingston ON (they vote themselves a 40% raise then adjourn for summer recess)

1994 [11] New York Rangers win Stanley Cup for 1st time in 54 years by defeating Vancouver Canucks

1775 [230] Continental Congress organizes what becomes the ‘US Army’

1834 [171] 1st ‘Sandpaper’ invented by Isaac Fischer of Springfield VT (it changed the COARSE of history!)

1951 [54] 1st ‘Commercial Computer’ UNIVAC 1 unveiled by US Census Bureau (at 8-ft-high, 7.5-ft-wide and 14.5-ft-long, it dimmed lights all over Washington when in use)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] Smile Power Day
[Wed] “Batman Begins” opens in movie theaters
[Fri] Eat Your Vegetables Day
[Sat] International Panic Day
[Sun] Fathers Day
[Sun] World Sauntering Day
This Week Is . . . Families in Business Week
This Month Is . . . Gay & Lesbian Pride Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
According to a poll of 12 million airline passengers from 94 countries, here are 2005′s …
BEST AIRLINES IN THE WORLD:
1. Cathay Pacific, Hong Kong
2. Qantas Airways, Australia
3. Emirates Airline, Dubai
BEST AIRLINES IN NORTH AMERICA:
1. Air Canada
2. JetBlue Airways
3. Continental Airlines
– Skytrax

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Her skin is so fair, she gets sunburned in a full moon.
• I’m not saying he’s inept but … his fork only has one tong.
• Some mornings I wish I could get a mirror with a better view.

HOTTEST DAD GADGETS FOR FATHERS DAY:
1. Sony PSP
2. GPS Navigation
3. iPod
4. TiVo
5. Portable MP3 & Video Player
– “Pinpoint Shopping”

BS WEB GOODIE:
A group of Katie Holmes fans are rallying together to try and end her relationship with Tom Cruise. Unfortunately, the ‘Free Katie’ movement seems to be more about merchandising than saving the cutesy actress from the clutches of Scientology.
NET: http://freekatie.net

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A husband is more likely to stay with a wife if she has THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A son. (“Money Magazine”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

 


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