Tuesday, June 10, 2003        Edition: #2560
Sheet For Brains!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY we’re bombarded with “American Idol” releases – the CD singles “This Is the Night/Bridge Over Troubled Water” from Clay Aitken and “Flying Without Wings/Superstar” from Ruben Studdard, and the Justin Guarini album cleverly titled “Justin Guarini” . . . TONIGHT the 3rd, and likely final, season of “The Osbournes” premieres on MTV (have we reached overkill yet?) . . . Gwyneth Paltrow is reportedly giving the cold shoulder to every member of Coldplay besides boyfriend Chris Martin, demanding the band’s dressing room has a small corner curtained off for them . . . Mick Jagger says several pairs of underwear were pelted on stage at LAST WEEK’s Stones’ concert in Munich, Germany, nothing new for him except they were – men’s . . . The unlikely romance between 40-year-old mother-of-three Demi Moore & 25-year-old Ashton Kutcher seems to be heating up after they spent a romantic weekend in a Sun Valley, Idaho cabin and reportedly didn’t care who saw them all over each other . . . If you don’t want to bother with the book, A&E is making a 2-hour movie about Hillary Rodham Clinton – and the lead role may be played by – Sharon Stone! . . . “Jackass” star Johnny Knoxville is getting $5 million to play The Rock’s sidekick in a remake of the movie “Walking Tall” set to begin shooting in Vancouver JUNE 23rd . . . 8 members of “The Sopranos” cast including James Gandolfini are suing electronics retail chain Best Buy for allegedly using their images without permission . . . And remember the rumors flying about that Keanu Reeves was doling out millions from his “Matrix” movie fortune to the crew? FOX News says that’s hooey – 2 years ago he put some of his upfront money back into the production to ensure the movies got made, but he hasn’t been handing out any cash since.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
Salma Hayek received an Oscar nomination for the bio-film drama “Frida” (DVD), the story of Mexican artist Frida Kahlo, who channeled the pain of a crippling injury and her tempestuous marriage into her work . . . In the comedy “Old School” (DVD), Luke Wilson, Vince Vaughn & Will Ferrell try to relive their college days by renting a house near a campus and turning it into  frat party central . . . Bruce Willis stars in “Tears of the Sun“ as a Navy SEAL veteran who leads a top-secret team into war-torn Nigeria to rescue hot tamale Monica Bellucci . . . Disney’s animated family fare “The Jungle Book 2″ (DVD/VHS) picks up where the 1967 original left off as ‘Mowgli’s’ love for a young girl brings him out of the jungle and into civilization . . . Laurence Fishburne & Kid Rock star in “Biker Boyz” (DVD), about white collar workers by day who take to the streets by night in underground motorcycle clubs (“The Fast & the Furious” on 2 wheels) . . . And for collectors there’s “Buffy the Vampire Slayer – Season 4″, and ‘Special Edition’ DVDs of “Giant”, “The Right Stuff” and “Once Upon a Time in America”.

SAY G’BYE TO THE VIDEO STORE:
Researchers at California Institute of Technology have developed a new version of the Internet that can produce speeds fast enough to download an entire movie in – about 5 seconds. The breakthrough has already piqued interest from Microsoft and Disney, who are in talks with Caltech about using this ‘Fast TCP’, or ‘Internet 2′ as it’s being called, to provide video-on-demand. “New Scientist” magazine reports the new technology can provide download speeds up to 6,000 times faster than a current broadband connection. (Now you gotta decide, is it worth spending $400 on a DVD burner for your new PC?)

BUG IS ZAPPED:
The last original VW Beetle will roll off the production line THIS SUMMER in Puebla, Mexico. Volkswagen has decided to close the last of its factories that produced the old ‘Bug’ for almost 50 years. Over 22 million of the old air-cooled Beetles were manufactured. VW displaced the old model with the Golf, and more recently, the redesigned, hi-tech new version of the Beetle.

FREE CASTLE … SORTA:
Invercauld Castle, a sprawling baronial mansion in the heart of the Scottish Highlands which borders the Balmoral estate of Queen Elizabeth, needs a new tenant. The owner, Captain Alwyne Farquharson, has no male heir and is offering up to a 40-year lease for – zip, zero, nada. Here’s the catch: The new occupant has to agree to spend about $1 million on renovations and pay yearly operating costs of about $225,000.

JOYSTICK JOB:
The International Game Developers Association (IGDA) has begun a student scholarship program that will send college students to the “Game Developers Conference Europe” AUGUST 26th-29th in London, England. The idea is to help them open doors to a career in video game development. It’s expected hundreds will apply, but only 25 will be selected.
NET: http://www.igda.org/students/scholarships.php

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• After numerous protests, organizers of a children’s beauty pageant in Bangkok, Thailand have changed their minds and decided their original plan to have ‘swimsuit’ and ‘sexy body competitions’ was maybe not a good idea. (In related news, Pete Townshend has cancelled a trip to Thailand.)
• A man in Cefn Forest, Wales tried to rob a store while wearing – a pair of underwear on his head. Apparently he could see through the leg holes until the Jockeys slipped down over his eyes. He then banged his head with the cash drawer as he tried to pull it from the counter, leaving him with a cut above his left eye. He left the store empty-handed. (Police are looking for a bleeding man with a giant ‘L’ on his forehead.)
• Due to a computer glitch, a man has mistakenly been sent a grant by the Italian government to buy a home computer. A letter to Nicola Valeriani said, “To congratulate you on coming of age, you have been selected to receive a grant to help you buy a new PC.” Problem, is Nicola died at age 86 … 29 years ago.
• Joris Van Turnhout is opening the “National Donkey Museum” in the Dutch city of Exloo because he wants people to be more sympathetic to the misunderstood animal. Contrary to what most people think, he says the donkey is very smart and we can learn a lot from them. (How to be stubborn?)
• The Environmental Working Group, which researches environmental health risks, is suggesting that Teflon-coated cookware carry a warning label that states it is dangerous to birds due to dangerous fumes. (By the time the bird is in the pan, isn’t it a tad late?)
• The crew of a Norwegian air ambulance were lucky to survive a dangerous fire after they ignored what they described as the suspicious smell of cabbage in their aircraft, thinking it was only – a patient with bad gas.

FOR THE RECORD:
An ex-British Royal Marine is walking 100 miles from Liverpool, England to the 1,085 meter (3,560 ft) summit of Mount Snowdon – with a refrigerator strapped to his back! 35-year-old Paul McKelvey removed the shelves and motor but the full-size fridge still weighs some 80 lbs. He’s hoping the stunt will raise cash for a Liverpool children’s hospice.

THE BULL SHEET 06.10.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1921 [82] Prince Philip Mountbatten (Philippos Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderbert-Glucksburn, Prince of Greece), Corfu GRE, Duke of Edinburgh & Mr Queen Elizabeth II since 1947

1965 [38] Elizabeth Hurley, Basingstoke ENG, movie actress (“Austin Powers I & II”, “Passenger 57″)/model (Estee Lauder)/Hugh Grant’s pal/Steve Bing’s baby carrier

1965 [38] Ken Mellons, Kingsport TN, country singer (“Rub-A-Dubbin”, “Jukebox Junkie”)

1971 [32] Jo-Jo (Joel Hailey), Charlotte NC, R&B singer (K-Ci & JoJo-“Tell Me It’s Real”, “All My Life”)

1978 [25] Shane West, Baton Rouge LA, movie hunk (“A Walk to Remember”, “Get Over It”)

1982 [21] Leelee (Liliane) Sobieski, NYC, movie actress (“Eyes Wide Shut”, “Deep Impact”, “Never Been Kissed”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Yo-Yo Day”. The Yo-Yo had been a weapon and then a toy in the Philippines for centuries before Filipino Pedro Flores introduced it to North America in the 1920s. Entrepreneur Donald F Duncan bought up the rights to market it in 1928 and created a popular craze with the ‘Spinning Return Top’ during the ‘30s and ‘40s. Yo-Yo tricks began evolving with oddball names like ‘Walk the Dog’, ‘Rock the Baby’, ‘Brain Twister’ and ‘Splitting the Atom’.

JUNE is “National Rose Month”, honoring America’s national floral emblem. Roses are grown in all 50 states and more than 1.2 billion cut roses are sold annually.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1925 [78] ‘United Church of Canada’ 1st opens for business (Canada’s largest Protestant
denomination with more than 3 million members)

1935 [68] 1st ‘Alcoholics Anonymous’ meeting (Dr Robert Smith & William Wilson-Akron OH)

1943 [60] 1st ‘ball point pen’ (Lasalo Biro-Budapest HUN)  FACTOID: The British Royal Air Force, which employed him, needed a pen that would write under low atmospheric pressure at high altitudes during WWII. The principle of the ballpoint pen actually dates back to 1888, but it was yet to be developed commercially.

1952 [51] 1st ‘drive-thru restaurant’ opens (next day, the 1st cup of boiling hot coffee spills onto a driver’s lap)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1979 [24] ‘World’s largest pastry’ – a 1,084-foot-long éclair – is baked in Liestal, Switzerland

1995 [08] ‘Largest movie premiere’ as 70,000 watch “Pocahontas” on giant 8-story-tall screens in NYC’s Central Park

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] “Canadian Idol” begins on CTV
[Wed] Hug Holiday
[Thurs] Taco Day
[Fri] “From Justin to Kelly” opens in theaters
[Sat] Family History Day
[Sun] Fathers Day
This Week Is . . . Boating Week / Meet a Mate Week
This Month Is . . . Children’s Awareness Month / Fireworks Eye Safety Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:

• Are you making progress if each mistake you make is a new one?
• Have you noticed no matter what language people speak, they always sneeze in English?
• Is it time to diet when your hand is too big to fit in the Pringles can?
• If you give a man food he can eat for a day but if you give a man a job won’t he only be able
to eat for 30 minutes on his break?
• If early birds get worms, isn’t it better to sleep in?

‘WEDDING MONTH’ BIT:
According to DeKuyper Pucker Schnapps research, 51% of bridesmaids donate their ugly dresses to charity. 21% say they’ll later wear their outfits on Halloween. The rest just let their dresses gather dust in the closet. Why not organize an “Ugly Bridesmaid Dress” fashion show at a local club? Award prizes for worst color, worst fit, etc.

BS ‘MR & MRS’:
Get an engaged couple on separate phones. Ask the bride-to-be each question, then find out the true answer from her fiancé …
• Which part of the newspaper does your fiancé read first?
• What is your fiancé’s shoe size?
• What did your fiancé collect as a child?
• What does your fiancé think his most attractive body part is? Yours?
• Has your fiancé ever bought a lottery ticket?
• What salad dressing does your fiancé order in a restaurant?
• What household chore does your fiancé hate the most?
• What was your fiancé’s 1st job?
• Who is your fiancé’s favorite relative outside of immediate family? Least favorite?
• What is your fiancé’s favorite car? Color?
• What is your fiancé’s favorite flavor of ice cream?
• What is your fiancé’s favorite TV show that he wouldn’t miss for the world?
• What is your fiancé’s favorite restaurant?
Total up the score out of 16, then give them the percentage odds of them making it as a couple.

BS DILEMMAS:
• In a supermarket, you send dozens of packages tumbling into the aisle. No one sees you. Do you tip-toe away?
• Your boss demands to know what a co-worker is saying behind her back. It’s not flattering. Do you tell?
• You pick up a lottery ticket for yourself and a friend. Your friend’s number is drawn before you can deliver her ticket. Do you switch tickets?

BS BLATANT JOKE:
How can you tell if a man is lying? His lips move.

BS PHONE STARTER:
“What slang word do you use (or did you use) to mean ‘really good’?” (Cool, bad, phat, gear, etc)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: What did a recent survey find is the important invention you simply can’t live without in this day and age?
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: The toothbrush.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A professional is someone who does a good job even when he doesn’t feel like it.


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