Monday, June 16, 2008                Edition: #3798
Finally, Some BS to Look Forward to In the Morning!

WEEKEND BLOG BS:
• THIS SUMMER 18-year-old “Harry Potter” star Emma Watson (‘Hermione Granger‘) is replacing “Pirates Of the Caribbean” actress Keira Knightley as the new face of French fashion house Chanel, signing a reported $6-million contract. (At 23, Keira is soooo over-the-hill.)
– MailOnSunday.co.uk  
• Actress Angelina Jolie is in talks to become the latest celeb to launch a fragrance line, joining the likes of Jennifer Lopez, Christina Aguilera, and Gwen Stefani. She’s working with French fragrance house Coty, the company that launched Sarah Jessica Parker’s signature scents, to create her own line of products. (She’ll likely sell exclusive photos of the stuff to a magazine.)
– ContactMusic.com
• The American Federation of Musicians says “American Idol” has violated a collective bargaining agreement by failing to pay musicians royalties for re-broadcasts of episodes. The union also alleges the show has also used its musicians to record new music for season highlights, a move that was not cleared ahead of time. (This will all likely be resolved by Simon reaching into his pocket and flipping them a wad.)
– RollingStone.com
• Movie actor Dennis Quaid says he’s quitting Hollywood because he wants to bring up his new  baby twins away from the paparazzi and Tinseltown fuss. He’s set to sell his LA property and relocate to wife Kimberley’s hometown of Austin TX. (A few other reasons he might be blowing town: “Smart People”, “American Dreamz”, “Yours, Mine and Ours”, Flight of the Phoenix”, “The Alamo” …)
– StarPulse.com
• Movie star Mark Wahlberg (“The Happening”) is hoping to eventually bring his HBO series “Entourage” to the bigscreen. Wahlberg, who’s the exec producer of the show based on his early years in Hollywood, says they hope to shoot 3-or-4 more seasons, then maybe a film or two. The show’s star, Adrien Grenier, says he’s willing to commit to the series for another 10 years. (It’s not like he’s doing anything else.)
– Moviefone.com
• Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo says he’s tired of all the stories claiming he’s whipped by both GF Jessica Simpson AND her puppet-master pop Joe. Romo claims that he’s his own man and any reports saying Joe Simpson is trying to control his relationship or career are ‘laughable’. (Then he turned and asked, “Did I say that right, Daddy Boss?”)
– People.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Coldplay – TONIGHT they’re still scheduled to perform a free concert at the Brixton Academy in London, despite a knee injury suffered by frontman Chris Martin. Upcoming free concerts are also scheduled for NYC and Barcelona.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – British soul singer Adele (“Hometown Glory”) performs.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Jordin Sparks (“No Air”) is a guest.
• “Mojo Honours List” – The annual music prizes awarded by Britain’s “Mojo” music magazine are handed out at The Brewery in London. Welsh singer Duffy and the Arctic Monkeys’ Alex Turner are the frontrunners to clean up, with 3 nominations each.
• Taylor Swift – She becomes the 1st country artist to co-host MTV’s “TRL” (“Total Request Live”), taking on the duties through THURSDAY. She’ll also perform “Our Song” and “Picture to Burn”.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Cyndi Lauper talks about her 2nd annual “True Colors” tour, which hits Atlanta GA TONIGHT. (Let’s hope things go better than her FRIDAY appearance on CBS-TV’s “Early Show”, when she walked off the set due to technical difficulties.)

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – She’s reportedly been paid circa $2 million to perform for 1 hour at an exclusive gig in a Moscow art gallery for Russian mogul Roman Abramovich (owner of Chelsea FC in England’s Premier League) and his girlfriend Daria Zhukova. About 300 people attended.
• Commodores – Lionel Richie has announced the ‘70s-‘80s group will reunite for a tour soon, before it loses any more members. Guitarist Milan Williams died 2 years ago.
• Jay-Z –He’s being sued for $88 million by Brooklyn NY boxer/lawyer/rapper Mitchell Rose, who claims he invented ‘whisper rapping’. (He’s obviously taken one too many shots to the head.)
• Michael Jackson – Word has it he’s collaborating with Christian Audigier to design a line of clothing. According to an insider, Jackson is dedicating ‘a lot of his time and money’ to the venture. (He has way more of the former.)
• Natasha Bedingfield – The “Pocketful of Sunshine” singer has been signed to open most dates of the New Kids On the Block reunion tour, which begins SEPTEMBER 18-19 in Toronto.
• R Kelly – 5 of the 12 jurors, speaking after his Chicago trial, say they absolutely believed it was him on the videotape but could not find him guilty because there was ‘not enough evidence to prosecute’. At the same time, they admit the video of him was ‘clear as day’.
• Sara Evans – SATURDAY the country music star married her radio host BF Jay Barker in a  black & white-themed outdoor ceremony on a farm close to her home in Franklin TN. Their 7 children from previous marriages acted as attendants. (They only met 7 months back.)
• Snoop Dogg – SATURDAY his wife Shante [‘shawn-TAY’] Broadus was arrested and briefly jailed in Fullerton CA on suspicion of DUI.
• Terri Clark – Guitar-maker Fender has just introduced a ‘Terri Clark Signature Guitar’. The new acoustic model was designed in co-operation with the country singer-songwriter-multi-instrumentalist.

PASSAGE BY THE POUND:
THIS MONTH ads in both of Philadelphia’s daily newspapers promoted a fake new airline called ‘Derrie-Air’, which supposedly charges passengers by … how much they weigh. The stunt campaign was actually set up by market-research firm Philadelphia Media Holdings to test the impact of print and online advertising. (A cynic might say we’re already treated like freight by airlines.)
– “Globe & Mail”

WORLD’S MOST EXPENSIVE CITIES 2008:
Based on the cost of 122 goods & services including rent, then ranked on an index with New York = 100.
5. New York NY (100)
4. Copenhagen, Denmark (102.6)
3. Dublin, Ireland (105.2)
2. Oslo, Norway (112.3)
1. London (120.2)
(Canada’s most expensive: Toronto [80.4] and Montréal [80.0] but something tells us they missed the plane to Vancouver.)
– CityMayors.com

MOBILE MADNESS:
Two Spanish children have been sent to a Barcelona mental health institution by their parents to get treatment for … cellphone addiction. The kids, aged 12 and 13, were spending an average of 6 hours-a-day on their phones, either talking, texting, or playing games. As a result, they began doing poorly at school and started lying to family in order to get money to spend on their phones. Psychiatrists at the institution say cellphone addiction is an obsessive-compulsive disorder which may become one of the biggest non-drug addictions of the 21st century. (There’s an awfully simple solution to this … take their phones away!)
– wikio.com

STICKS & STONES:
A new report from the University of British Columbia suggests that kids with unpopular given names are more likely to end up in trouble with the law than kids with common names. After an 18-year study of over 15,000 kids, researchers have found a positive correlation between unpopular first names and juvenile delinquency. To break it down – for every 10% INCREASE in the popularity of a name there is an associated 3.7% DECREASE in the number of troublemakers with that name. (Keep that in mind when you’re wondering why little Horatio’s in jail. Least popular boy’s name: ‘Beelzebub’. Least popular girl’s name: ‘Rack’.)
– “Calgary Herald”

NOT RED BULL, DEAD BULL:
All jacked up and can’t relax? Well, just for you there’s a new ‘anti-energy’ drink being marketed as an ‘extreme relaxation beverage’. The carbonated beverage, Drank, is spiked with melatonin, valerian root, and rose hips to help you chill out and ‘slow your roll’. (We already have something like this … it’s called beer.)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/42u7ds
– “Village Voice”

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• In Sydney, Australia a 4-month-long drug trial has been aborted after it was discovered that, while evidence was being given, several of the jurors were … working on Sudoku puzzles. The trial of 2 men facing possible life sentences cost taxpayers close to $1 million.
– AAP
• In Skoevde, Sweden a nursery school assistant has been fined for … biting a 2-year-old boy. It was apparently an attempt to discourage him from sinking his sharp little teeth into other kids. A court has ordered the childcare worker to pay the victim’s family over $2,300 in compensation.
– AFP
• In Fort Worth TX a bank robber failed to make a getaway because … he took public transit to the crime. After the 57-year-old robbed the bank at gunpoint, he attempted to carjack 2 different women. The first turned him down flat; the 2nd made him wait while she got her kids out of the car. While he was biding his time, 2 bystanders jumped him and held him down till cops arrived.
– AHN

FUTURE VISION:
Scientist/inventor/futurist/author Dr Ray Kurzweil (“The Age of Intelligent Machines”) has been making predictions about future technology ever since the beginning of the computer age, and most have proven accurate. A few of his latest, delivered at the just-completed “World Science Festival” in NYC …
• Within 5 years solar power will be competitive with fossil fuels.
• Within 10 years we’ll have a drug that allows us to eat anything and never gain weight.
• Within 15 years, life expectancy will be rising faster than we are aging.
• Within 20 years all of our energy will come from clean sources.
– “New York Times”

DID YOU KNOW?
• Giraffe milk has just been pronounced kosher. (Um, was there a big demand for it?)
• Florida’s Ritz Carlton Miami hotel has a ‘Tanning Butler’ who applies 3 different levels of sunscreen by the pool, plus an Evian spray to cool down the overheated. (When it comes to sunscreen, this guy’s got your back!)

BS CHRONOMETER 06.16.08

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [66] Eddie Levert, Bessemer AL, oldies singer (The O’Jays-“Love Train”, “Back Stabbers”)

1950 [58] James Smith, Philadelphia PA, oldies singer (The Stylistics-“You Are Everything”, “You Make Me Feel Brand New”)

1952 [56] Gino Vanelli, Montréal QC, oldies singer (“Black Cars”, “Living Inside Myself”)

1970 [38] Phil Mickelson, San Diego CA, PGA golfer (34 tour wins)

1980 [28] Brad Gushue, St John’s NL, curler (2006 Olympics gold, 2001 Canadian Champ & World Junior Champion)

1981 [27] Kevin Bieksa, Grimsby ON, NHL defenceman (Vancouver Canucks)

1982 [26] Missy Peregrym, Montréal QC, TV actress (‘Andi’ on “Reaper” since 2007, ‘Candice Wilmer’ on “Heroes” 2007)

1984 [24] Rick Nash, Brampton ON, NHL forward/team captain (Columbus Blue Jackets)

1987 [21] Diana DeGarmo, Birmingham AL, 2004 “American Idol” runner-up (“Dreams”)/Broadway performer (“Hairspray”)

1988 [20] Keshia Chanté (Harper), Ottawa ON, R&B/pop singer (“Get to Know You”, “Bad Boy”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Fresh Veggies Day”, a good day to add some crunch to your lunch.

• “Morticians Day”, saluting undertakers and all others who work in the funeral or cemetery biz. Don’t stiff out on saluting them … people are dying to throw them a party!

• “National Fudge Day”. Is this to make up for the fresh veggies or something?

• “National Public Service Week” in Canada, to recognize ‘the many ways in which the members of Canada’s federal public service contribute to the quality of life we enjoy’. You can take the exciting  Public Service Week Quiz right here …
NET: http://tinyurl.com/52c29m

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1995 [13] “Batman Forever” starring Val Kilmer & Nicole Kidman (3rd in the series) debuts in movie theaters and racks up $53 million in box office in its opening weekend

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2002 [06] Elvis Presley appears on the UK singles chart for the first time since his death with a remix of his 1968 track “A Little Less Conversation” credited to Elvis vs JXL (which later jumps the pond to become a hit in North America)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1893 [115] 1st box of ‘Cracker Jack’ is sold (1st kid cries when cheapo free toy is busted)

1903 [105] ‘Ford Motor Company’ is incorporated

1998 [10] Estimated 2 million people watch 1st ‘Live Birth’ on the Internet (would that qualify as a download?)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1929 [79] 62-year-old Otto Funk completes 4,165-mile walk from NYC to San Francisco in 183 days … playing the violin the entire way!

1975 [33] Randy Farland finds a ‘14-Leaf Clover’ near Sioux Falls SD (worth about 712 years of good luck!)

1992 [16] ‘World’s Largest Salami’ measures 69-ft, 25-ins in circumference, and weighs 1,492 lbs (Flekkefjord, Norway)

1998 [10] Coach Scotty Bowman drinks from the NHL’s Stanley Cup a record-tying 8th time as his Detroit Red Wings complete sweep of Washington Capitals

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Eat Your Vegetables Day
[Tues] International Violin Day
[Tues] George Michael tour begins (San Diego)
[Wed] International Picnic Day
[Wed] Splurge Day
[Thurs] World Sauntering Day
[Thurs] 2008 Songwriters Hall of Fame Gala (NYC)

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Amateur Radio Week / Captive Nations Week / Gay Pride Week / Grasslands Week / Meet a Mate Week / Men’s Health Week / Nursing Assistants Week / Physical Therapy Week / Tennis Week / Universal Fathers’ Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS EXCUSES FOR FORGETTING FATHER’S DAY:
• “Was going to get a card but things are getting way too commercial, don’t you agree?”
• “Thought you were supposed to call ME!”
• “Got all bloated up after eating an entire Mrs Smith’s pecan pie, fell asleep.”
• “Lightning strike took out my phones.”
• “Wanted to create extra surprise by calling the day AFTER Father’s Day.”
• “I was only allowed one phone call so I called my lawyer.”

BS PHONE STARTER:
Which of the Seven Dwarfs personifies you best – Dopey, Sneezy, Sleepy, Bashful, Grumpy, Happy, or Doc?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded …

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS is the biggest lie told around the office.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: I am in a meeting.
        
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

 


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