Thursday, June 5, 2008        Edition: #3791
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

“Titanic” filmmaker James Cameron, comedy troupe Kids In the Hall, NBA star Steve Nash, and singer kd lang are among those who’ll get stars on “Canada’s Walk of Fame” in SEPTEMBER (the annual ceremony has been moved from JUNE) . . . Million-dollar-winning original “Survivor” Richard Hatch, who’s now served 2 years of a 4-year sentence for tax evasion, has appealed his conviction to the US Supreme Court, contending producers promised his taxes would be paid if he kept quiet about cheating on the show (a claim to which CBS-TV says – snort!) . . . Sort-of-actress Lindsay Lohan has been offered $1 million to come out as a lesbian in a tabloid, but her rep says she passed on the offer . . . “Sex & The City” star Kim Cattrall is set to appear on HBO again in a new series called “Sensitive Skin”, playing a NYC wife and mother who rediscovers her sexuality (well that’s really different then) . . . 85-year-old Ed McMahon, Johnny Carson’s long-time sidekick on “The Tonight Show”, is fighting to avoid foreclosure on his Beverly Hills home, which has been listed for sale for 2 years at $6.25 million (part of the prob: he broke his neck in a fall 18 months ago and hasn’t been able to work) . . . 73-year-old animal rights activist Brigitte Bardot, the one-time ‘sex kitten’ movie actress, has been convicted of provoking racial hatred and fined over $23,000 for writing a letter to (now French president) Nicolas Sarkozy suggesting that Muslims are destroying France, partly due to their rituals involving the slaughter of sheep . . . And the “Shanghai International Film Festival” has let it be known that aging, has-been actress Sharon Stone is not welcome at THIS YEAR’s event due to her recent gaff blaming the Sichuan earthquake on ‘bad karma’ (most Chinese would likely respond by saying, “Who the hell is Sharon Stone?).

• “CMA Music Festival” – The 37th annual meet-up of country stars with country fans (formerly “Fan Fair”) kicks off and runs through SUNDAY in Nashville TN. Likely thanks to her new Roger Clemens affair notoriety, Mindy McCready performs in the opening day noon concert. Performers at  nightly stadium shows include Alan Jackson, Billy Ray Cyrus, Carrie Underwood, Faith Hill, Josh Turner, Kellie Pickler, Lady Antebellum, Montgomery Gentry, Rodney Atkins, Sara Evans, Sugarland, Taylor Swift, and Trace Adkins.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – R&B singer Raheem DeVaughn (“Woman”) is a guest.
• “Fear Itself” (NBC) – “Friday Night Lights” actor Jesse Plemons stars in the 1st installment of this new horror anthology series as one of a pair of brothers lured into a trap by siren-like sisters.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Usher (“Love In this Club”) is onstage.
• The Kids In the Hall – The early ‘90s comedy troupe brings their “Live As We’ll Ever Be” reunion tour home to close out in Toronto with a performance at Massey Hall.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Seether is the musical guest.
• “Last Comic Standing” (NBC/Global) – Dave Foley (“Kids In the Hall”) hosts the hunt for stand-up comedians in Toronto while Joshua Gomez (“Chuck”) does duty in San Francisco.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – 1970s soul singer Al Green performs.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – The Flobots perform “Handlebars”.

• Aerosmith – With “Guitar Hero: Aerosmith” just weeks away from release, a Metallica version of the videogame is also rumored to be imminent.
• Linkin Park – They’ve just released their latest music video, “Leave Out All the Rest”, and announced Busta Rhymes will join their “Projekt Revolution 2008” lineup. The 2 acts recently collaborated on  Rhymes’ single “We Made It”. The tour launches JULY 16th in Boston.
• Nickelback – Frontman Chad Kroeger’s plan to appeal a MAY 1st DUI conviction may be thwarted by a new BC court ruling that says drivers’ rights are NOT violated by cops asking for roadside breath samples. (Instead of dicking around making your lawyer richer, why not admit you screwed up, pay the penalty, and get on with life … like Kiefer Sutherland?)
• Radiohead – Their former record company EMI has agreed to allow Apple’s iTunes to sell their back catalogue online, as full albums or on a track-by-track basis. The group was one of the last hold-outs from digital download sales. (They’re likely less than thrilled, but then … who signed that record contract?)
• Rascal Flatts – Guitarist/vocalist Joe Don Rooney & wife Tiffany Fallon have welcomed their 1st child, a son named Jagger Donovan Rooney, born SATURDAY in Nashville TN. (Naming a child ‘Jagger’ is also child abuse.)

A BS selection of future films being developed …
• “Beverly Hills Cop IV” – Tough to say why honchos decided a follow-up to “Beverly Hills Cop” (1984), “Beverly Hills Cop II” (1987), and “Beverly Hills Cop III” (1994) was warranted but it’s on the drawing board for 2010, with Brett Ratner directing original star Eddie Murphy as ‘Detective Axel Foley’. The most likely reason: the first 3 movies garnered a total of $615 million worldwide.
• “Blood Meridian” – Ridley Scott (“American Gangster“, “Gladiator”) is directing this bigscreen adaptation of the acclaimed novel by Cormac McCarthy (“No Country For Old Men”) about a group of lawless men hunting for native scalps along the Texas/Mexico border in the late 1840s. The story is riddled with copious amounts of violence so we’re guessing the movie will be R-rated and there WILL be blood. It’s due onscreen in 2009.
• “Crazy” – Actor/Southern rocker Waylon Payne will play the lead in this true story of Hank Garland, the emotionally unstable guitarist who rose to fame in the early 1950s as Nashville’s top session player and sat in with the likes of Elvis Presley, Roy Orbison, and Patsy Cline. Ali Larter portrays Garland’s wife and the role of legendary country singer Hank Williams is filled by rock guitarist Steve Vai (Frank Zappa/Whitesnake/Ozzy Osbourne).
• “Hannah Montana: The Movie“ – THIS WEEK during shooting in Robertson County TN, high winds blew a projection screen into a Ferris wheel full of passengers, resulting in minor injuries for a few extras and crew members. No members of the primary cast, including Miley Cyrus or her dad Billy Ray Cyrus, were on-set when the accident happened, although Miley had just wrapped a scene on the stage next to the Ferris wheel. The film debuts MAY 15, 2009.
• “Mary Queen of Scots” – This planned Irish production has been put on hold at least temporarily over concerns the Screen Actors Guild will strike at the end of JUNE. The story of Scottish monarch Mary I and her strained personal and political relationship with her distant cousin, Britain’s Queen Elizabeth I, is scheduled to star – huh? – Scarlett Johansson. Think she can nail the accent?

According to a study published in the “Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences”, men are more likely to make jokes than women but women are more likely to laugh at them than men. Researchers say these differences are already apparent when children begin telling their first jokes, usually around the age of 6. (“Knock knock …”)
– “Houston Chronicle”

According to new research, the number of fat cells in our bodies remains relatively constant over time, even after extreme weight-loss surgery like gastric bypass and liposuction. So without making significant behavioral changes after one of these procedures (ie: eating healthy, exercising), you’re likely to put the weight right back on. (Unless you lop off a complete thigh)
– “Cosmopolitan”

While the rest of the world might consider the phrase ‘beautiful German words’ a bit of an oxymoron, language nerds from the Goethe Institute have released the results of a poll asking German speakers about the greatest words in their language. The word ‘habseligkeiten’ (possessions) has been selected ‘Most Beautiful’, followed by ‘geborgenhiet’ (security), and ‘lieben’ (love). And the ‘Coolest Word’? ‘Rhabarbermarmelade’ … rhubarb jam. (‘Gesundheit’ is the gooiest.)

Australian consumer agency Choice says that today’s electronic gizmos can be major energy guzzlers, even when left on standby. For instance, leaving a PlayStation 3 game console on while not in use costs almost 5-times more than running a refrigerator for the same year-long period. Research also shows plasma TVs consume over 4 times more power than traditional analogue sets. What to do? The report advises we switch off gadgets at the electrical outlet, thereby saving money and carbon emissions. (Couldn’t we just outlaw hair irons instead?)
– Reuters

Scientists claim women are better liars than men. Researchers at Queen Margaret University College in Edinburgh, Scotland have made that conclusion after finding women are more fluent speakers. Men are almost twice as likely to pause or hesitate when speaking and researchers say that, under the pressure of lying, the pauses increase in length and men have a tendency to fill them with ‘ums’ and ‘ahs’. (Have a ‘Lie Off’ on-the-air and see if this holds up.)
– PA News

The UK’s Transport for London public transit system has announced its lost & found department handled a record 170,000 items LAST YEAR. Along with about 32,000 books, 28,000 bags, 25,000 items of clothing, several gas masks and inflatable dolls, the haul also included: a stuffed fish, a harpoon gun, and … a pair of breast implants. The L&F had several successes, including reuniting 2 human skulls with a university professor who uses them for lectures and finding the elderly owner of a suitcase containing £10,000 in cash. (All I ever find is a wad of hard gum under my seat.)
– “The Telegraph”

Movie star Marilyn Monroe was tricked into killing herself 46 years ago by Bobby Kennedy. So says Dr Jack Hattem, who, backed up by secret FBI files, claims the Hollywood bombshell was somehow convinced by Robert Kennedy, the brother of JFK who was gunned down 40 years ago THIS WEEK, and her ‘friend’, Hollywood actor Peter Lawford, to make another fake suicide attempt like she had staged many times to gain sympathy. But this time, according to Hattem’s new book “Marilyn Monroe: Murder By Consent”, she was simply left to die by staff and friends. (Who hid behind the ‘grassy knoll’.)

The @ sign was very close to being eliminated from the standard keyboard until 1971, when Ray Tomlinson wrote it into the code used to send the first email.
– “Mental Floss”


1956 [52] Kenny G (Gorelick), Seattle WA, smooth jazz saxophonist (“By the Time This Night is Over”, “Forever in Love”)

1971 [37] Mark Wahlberg, Dorchester MA, movie actor (“The Departed”, “The Italian Job”)/TV producer (“Entourage” since 2004)  COMING UP: The sci-fi thriller “The Happening”, opening JUNE 13th.

1977 [31] Navi Rawat, Malibu CA, TV actress (‘Amita Ramanujan’ on “Numb3rs” since 2005)

1979 [29] Pete Wentz, Wilmette IL, rock bassist/singer (Fall Out Boy-“Thnks fr th Mmrs”, “This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race”)/wed to Ashlee Simpson May 17, 2008

1981 [27] Sebastien Lefebvre, Montréal QC, rock guitarist (Simple Plan-“Your Love Is a Lie”, “Welcome to My Life”)

• “Festival Of Popular Delusions Day”. Here are a few you can add to …
– Dieting is good for you.
– Real men can drink 6 beers without it affecting them.
– The best things in life are free.
– Wearing black is slimming.
– Scarlett Johansson can act.

• “Gingivitis Month in Canada”. It’s estimated that as many as 3-out-of-4 Canadians suffer from the gum disease, but only 6% know it.

• “Hunger Awareness Day” in Canada, organized by the Canadian association of Food Banks to encourage us to donate food to those in need.

• “Hunger Action Month”, the 7th annual observance initiated by the America’s Second Harvest organization to encourage us to donate food to those in need. Online donations are identified by zip code so that they benefit local food banks in your community.

• “Personal Computer Day”, commemorating the release of the 1st ‘personal computer’, the Apple II, 31 years ago in 1977.

• “Shut Up Day”, a day to give the quieter people amongst us a chance to talk. Good luck, meek folk!

• “UN World Environment Day”, as declared annually since 1972. THIS YEAR’s theme is climate change and the slogan is ‘CO2 … Kick the Habit!’. Clever, huh?

1998 [10] Steamy TV series “Sex & The City” debuts (HBO), starring Sarah Jessica Parker

1993 [15] Pop singer Mariah Carey marries her boss, Sony Music Chairman Tommy Mottola, in NYC (lasts 4 years)

1907 [101] 1st ‘Automatic Washer & Dryer’ (the next day, the 1st sock is lost)

1967 [41] 1st ‘NHL Expansion’ announced, adding 6 new American teams for 1967-68 season

1989 [19] 1st MLB game in a ‘Convertible Stadium’ (Milwaukee Brewers beat Blue Jays 5-3 at Toronto’s new ‘Skydome’ featuring a retractable roof)

1988 [20] ‘Longest Champagne Cork Flight’ record set at 177 feet, 9 inches in NYC

2003 [05] 37-year-old Indiana native Brad Hauter arrives in NYC after riding his Yard-Man lawnmower 5,600 miles across America from San Francisco CA … at 10 mph

[Fri] Couple Appreciation Day
[Fri] Take a Kid Fishing Weekend
[Fri] “Kung Fu Panda”; “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Chocolate Ice Cream Day
[Sat] Family Day
[Sat] 2008 Belmont Stakes (NYC)
[Sun] National Puerto Rican Day
This Week Is … Canadian Environment Week / Headache Awareness Week
This Month Is … Accordion Awareness Month


• You pull over to let a fire truck go by … and it stops behind you.
• You have to take it in every 5,000 clicks to get the duct tape changed.
• The only thing holding your bumper on is the “I Visited Banff” sticker.
• Doesn’t have quite enough power to get over speed bumps.
• You find someone broke in and left a $100-bill and a new stereo.
• Your ‘Tinted Windows’ were made by Hefty Bags.
• Reaching optimum speed requires a hill.
• Fails emission test when its not even running.
• Your cellphone has CAA on speed-dial … at #1.

• You pull over to let a fire truck go by … and it stops behind you.
• You have to take it in every 5,000 miles to get the duct tape changed.
• The only thing holding your bumper on is the “Dukakis for President” sticker.
• Doesn’t have quite enough power to get over speed bumps.
• You find someone broke in and left a $100-bill and a new stereo.
• Your ‘Tinted Windows’ were made by Hefty Bags.
• Reaching optimum speed requires a hill.
• Fails emission test when it’s not even running.
• Your cellphone has AAA on speed-dial … at #1.

There’s enough leisure time for everybody, it’s just the wrong people seem to be hogging it.

THE BS ‘5-IN-10 GAME’:
Phone contestant has 10 seconds to list each of the following …
• 5 things you might see at a baseball game.
• 5 mushy nicknames you call your partner.
• 5 plants you might have in your garden.
• 5 things kids hate to eat.
• 5 things you might find in your silverware drawer besides knives, forks, and spoons.

If you could go back in time and become friends with one famous person, whom would you chose?

Today’s Question: If you’re a man, YOURS is 20% thicker than a woman’s.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Your skin.

Don’t talk unless you can improve the silence.

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