Wednesday, June 13, 2001        Edition: #2076

Russian scientists at the Siberian Center for Virus and Bacteria Research have come up with an ice cream that cures diarrhea. It contains micro-organisms from the local snow which seem to fight stomach bugs, and they claim it tastes good, too! Ironically, cheap ice cream sold on-the-street in Russia has been blamed as one of the leading causes of diarrhea. So, let’s play the BS game . . .
ICE CREAM FLAVOR OR DIARRHEA NICKNAME?
• Mississippi Mud
• Fudge Ripple
• Black Russian
• Pralines ‘n Cream
• Peanut Butter Cookie Dough
• Wavy Gravy
• Brownie Chunk
• Delhi Belly
• Chocolate Dribble
• Cocoa Swirl

BS CELEBRITY BUZZ:
Alan Jackson leads the pack with 8 nominations for TONIGHT’S “TNN Country Weekly Music Awards”, hosted by Lee Ann Womack and ex-footballer Terry Bradshaw . . . Madonna is said to be furious with a condom company that’s using naked pictures of her (she doesn’t like the way the head gets all distorted during use) . . . Brit actor and playwright Bob Ernst’s new play called “The John” will be staged in a public washroom (George Michael has the lead role?) . . . “Survivor 2′s” Keith Famie is getting his own cooking show on the Food Network called “Taste the Adventure” (Lesson #1 – ‘How to Cook Rice that Jerri Thinks is Nice’) . . . Prince Charles is livid over reports that he’s having a secret love affair with his secretary behind the back of longtime mistress Camilla Parker-Bowles (apparently the affair began shortly after the prince received his new contact lens prescription).

21ST CENTURY TERMINOLOGY:
• ‘Luxury Wagon’ — What we used to call a ‘station wagon’ and which, thanks to the price of gasoline, seems to be overtaking SUVs as the new family vehicle of choice. (Gee, I hope you can still get that fake wood siding.)
• ‘AFVs’ — Stands for ‘alternative fuel vehicles’ and includes anything running on something OTHER than gasoline. Whether it’s diesel, propane, electricity or some form of hybrid, we’re going to be seeing more of them. (Why not methane — cheap and plentiful?)
• ‘DDR’ — Or ‘Dance Dance Revolution’ is to dancing what karaoke is to singing and also originated in Japan. It’s an arcade game that may cross over to clubs which leads players through a series of dance moves, rating their performance from ‘Perfect!’ to ‘Boo!’. (Just what we need, another excuse for drunks to make fools of themselves.)

LAUGHTER GOOD FOR LUNGS:
A new study finds that women who laugh heartily at least 5 times a day are less likely to be flat-chested than those who rarely laugh. Experts say laughing increases the flow of oxygen to the chest and boosts circulation, which in turn leads to a healthy bosom. (Translated: fat people laugh more.)

SEXIEST SINGLE DAD:
A Harlequin Romance online poll asks who’s Hollywood’s ‘Sexiest Single Dad’. Tom Cruise leads the list with 29% of the votes, but Bruce Willis is right on his tail (so to speak) with 27.5%. Others on the list include Kevin Costner, Lenny Kravitz, Garth Brooks and Jack Nicholson. (What about Melissa Etheridge?)

FOR THE RECORD:
• A huge sheesh kebab made with 1,500 chickens has been cooked in Limassol, Cyprus in a bid to make the “Guinness Book of World Records”. The 1-meter thick kebab, spiked on a revolving spit, took more than 7 hours to cook. (With that many raw chickens it also set a record for salmonella.)
• Dublin, Ireland’s Peter McGouran has done his part to ensure that ‘toast-tossing’ won’t become a lost art. He’s set a new world record by tossing a piece of toast 191 ft, 4 ins. (And just his luck, it landed buttered side down.)

THE BULL SHEET 06.13.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1953 [48] Tim Allen (Dick), Denver CO, movie actor (‘Buzz Lightyear’-“Toy Story” 1 & 2, “The Santa Clause”)/ex-TV sitcom actor (“Home Improvement”) NEXT FILM: The comedy “Big Trouble” about a nuclear device discovered in a suitcase at Miami airport, opening SEPTEMBER

1962 [39] Ally (Alexandra) Sheedy, NYC, former ‘brat pack’ movie actress (“Breakfast Club”, “St Elmo’s Fire”) who now specializes in small indie films

1986 [15] Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen, millionaire twins who’ve been acting together since they were 6 months old (ex-TV’s “Full House”) NOTE: Their names have been exploited to market books, videos, fashion dolls and, starting this AUGUST – sheets, towels, blankets and shower curtains at Wal-Mart.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
In Portugal, TODAY is “St Anthony of Padua Day” (D-1231). According to old Portuguese tradition, on this day a maiden can learn the identity of her future husband by filling her mouth with water and keeping it there until she hears a man’s name. (Bet the one’s that swallow get asked first.)

TODAY is “National Juggling Day”. You can create the sound of juggling with your co-host by slapping your knees quickly and throwing in lots of grunts and interjections like ‘Hey!’.

TODAY is “Kitchen Klutzes Of America Day”, celebrating the not-so-accomplished cook. It’s a good day for dinner horror stories. (I once served grilled cheese sandwiches and didn’t realize until afterward that I’d neglected to remove the plastic wrappers from the cheese slices.)

ON THIS DAY . . .
1995 [06] Country star Ty Herndon arrested by undercover cop on charges of indecent exposure and drug possession, 90 minutes before he’s scheduled to perform — at a Texas police convention

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1825 [176] 1st ‘safety pin’ patented by Walter Hunt, who later sells rights for a lousy $400

1898 [103] ‘Yukon Territory’ organized

1993 [08] Federal Progressive Conservatives choose Kim Campbell as leader, making her 1st female PC leader, 1st female PM, and 1st PC to be PM without being elected

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1992 [09] World’s smallest baby born (Tyler Davison, measuring 6 ins and just 11 ozs)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Smile Power Day
[Sun] Father’s Day
National E-mail Week (like we need an excuse)
Dairy Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS FAMOUS FATHERS RAPID-FIRE QUIZ:

• ‘Christopher Robin’s’ dad. (“Winnie-the-Pooh” author AA Milne)
• Santa Claus in the UK. (Father Christmas)
• Actor Michael Douglas’ dad. (Kirk Douglas)
• ‘The Father of Modern Science’. (Albert Einstein)
• Actress Liv Tyler’s biological dad. (Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler.)
• The father of “Spin City’s” Charlie Sheen. (“The West Wing’s” Martin Sheen)
• The father of Wallflowers singer Jakob Dylan. (Bob Dylan.)
• ‘The Father of Modern Biology’. (Charles Darwin, in theory at least)
• Country superstar Tim McGraw’s biological dad. (Former MLB pitcher Tug McGraw.)
• Sean Ono Lennon’s pop. (John Lennon, born on the same date 35 years earlier.)
• He decides when your life is over. (Father Time)
• ‘The Holy Father’ (Pope John Paul II)
• Hockey star Bret Hull’s father. (Former NHL great Bobby Hull.)
• The father of NASCAR driver Kyle Petty. (‘King’ Richard Petty.)
• ‘The Father of Modern Aviation’. (Eww, tough one! It’s test pilot Chuck Yeager)
• Any ‘Father of Confederation’. (Take your pick — Sir John Alexander Macdonald, Sir Georges-Étienne Cartier, George Brown, Sir Charles Tupper, Sir Alexander Tilloch Galt, and many include Newfoundland’s Joey Smallwood.)

BS TRIVIA:
Q: According to a new study, men can naturally improve their sex lives by eating lots of what — wheat germ, octopus, or celery?
A: Sexologist Dr Anders Hagdal claims CELERY contains powerful pheromones that are released through sweat and attract females. He says men should eat lots of celery because it provides ‘fabulous side effects’.

BS TAG LINE:
If at first you don’t succeed, have your 10-year-old program it.


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