Thursday, June 30, 2022 — Edition: #7263
The BS Press!
BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
There’ll be no “BS” service for tomorrow, Friday July 1 to observe the Canada Day holiday. All subscribers will receive credit for the non-service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Monday, July 4.
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Landon Barker hit the stage with Machine Gun Kelly at Madison Square Garden in New York City Tuesday night, just hours after his father, Travis Barker, was rushed to the hospital by ambulance in Los Angeles. 18-year-old Landon and MGK, 32, performed their hit ‘Die In California’ together, shortly after Kelly introduced his collaborator with the words: “New York City, make some noise for Landon Barker!” They did not address the news during the sold-out show. Tuesday morning, Travis Barker was taken to hospital. However, it seems his health scare escalated as he was pictured being transferred to another hospital by ambulance. The Blink-182 drummer was photographed lying on a stretcher outside Cedars-Sinai Medical Center with Kourtney Kardashian, his wife of almost a month walking next to him. Causing more concern for fans is his daughter Alabama Barker’s request on Instagram Story asking her followers to “please send your prayers.”
★ Bill Hader and Anna Kendrick have reportedly split, after dating for several months. Notably, neither of the 2 have ever spoken of their relationship publicly, but Hader previously replied, “Oh no,” when asked if Kendrick would ever appear in his HBO show “Barry”. The alleged news comes just a week and a half after actress Rachel Bilson officially confirmed that she once had a secret relationship with Hader. Speaking out about the split, the former “Hart of Dixie” star said she felt like it was “probably harder than childbirth.” Hader and Bilson met while filming “The To-Do List”.
★ Dakota Johnson has opened up about the making of “Fifty Shades of Grey”, specifically her alleged feud with co-star Jamie Dornan. The 2 played the starring roles of ‘Ana Steele’ and ‘Christian Grey’, and longstanding rumors suggested that they did not get along in spite of their intimately close scenes together. This week, in a Vanity Fair interview, Johnson said, quote: “There was never a time when we didn’t get along. I know it’s weird, but he’s like a brother to me. I love him so, so, so much.” Johnson said the 2 “had to really trust each other and protect each other… We were doing the weirdest things for years, and we needed to be a team”. Fans naturally speculated about Johnson and Dornan as they starred in perhaps the most famous erotic romance franchise of the last several decades, with some even sharing clips from interviews where the 2 seemed awkward around each other.
★ Woody Allen may be one of the most prolific directors of modern times, but he’s almost ready to hang up his hat. The 86-year-old “Annie Hall” filmmaker appeared in a rare interview on an Instagram Live session with Alec Baldwin. In the conversation, the embattled Allen admitted that his next film will probably be his last and said that he wants to retire from directing in the very near future. Quote: “I’ll probably make at least one more movie. A lot of the thrill is gone.” He went on to note that he has become disillusioned by 21st-century moviemaking, especially with the multitude of streaming services. The Oscar winner’s next project is set to shoot in Paris later this year.
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Taron Egerton, Kelsea Ballerini, guest host Chelsea Handler
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Dan White
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Heidi Klum, Ibram X. Kendi
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Sen. Elizabeth Warren, Cazzie David, Jonathan Ulman
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Jamie Dornan, Tessa Thompson
• “The Daily Show” (COM): Dr. Veronica Ivy, Moses Ingram
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Dorinda Medley, Phaedra Parks
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Craig Robinson, Ne-Yo
• “The Talk” (CBS): Danny Trejo
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Oscar Isaac, Leslie Mann, Dr. Michael Breus
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jessica Chastain, Girl Named Tom (R)
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (Check local listings): Jim Carrey, Idris Elba, the Jonas Brothers, Rob Garbowsky, Millie & Emily Simmonds (R)
• “The Drew Barrymore Show” (Check local listings): Dakota Johnson, Danny Seo (R)
• “Southern Charm” (Bravo): A special episode featuring bonus footage, extended scenes and never-before-seen content, plus a new episode.
• “Me or the Menu” (FOOD): Series premiere. Kathleen wants Nate to step up and be the partner she needs; James and Jessica argue about finances at home and at the restaurant; Randi and Jeanette put their lives on hold until their restaurant hits the black.
• “Canada Day Celebrations” (CBC): Vassy Kapelos hosts daytime celebrations from LeBreton Flats in Ottawa; Isabelle Racicot and Ali Hassan host the evening special with appearances by Cindy Bédard, Gurdeep Pandher, Johnny Reid, Neon Dreams, Tenille Arts and Walk Off The Earth.
• “Gold Rush” (DSC): Parker sizes up a high-tech gold catching machine capable of floating on water; a major Alaskan rainstorm triggers a landslide that threatens Team Turin’s camp.
• “Transplant” (NBC): As shakeups force major turmoil at the hospital, Bash and Amira take a trip.
• “First Blood” (A&E): Before he hunted down his first of 17 victims in the wilds of Alaska, Robert Hansen was a successful businessman with a family in Anchorage.
• “Celebrity Family Feud” (ABC): The casts of “Good Trouble” and “grown-ish” compete for charity; real estate agents from “Million Dollar Listing Los Angeles” take on agents from “Million Dollar Listing New York”.
• “Biography: WWE Legends” (A&E): Series premiere. Stone Cold Steve Austin. The story of the man who became the WWE’s biggest star in the 1990s, adopting a brash and vulgar persona as he rose through the ranks.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
(***Caution – content***) • Lizzo – some of her relatives aren’t impressed with her lyrics…or her racy photos. On James Corden’s “Carpool Karaoke”, she explained that she had a strict upbringing, and when Corden asked if she would have been allowed to listen to her own music back then, she replied: “Early on Lizzo, yes. But when Lizzo started cussing, no. I’ve p**sed a few family members off.”
• Joe Jonas – announced on Instagram that he’s “Pumped to announce my ownership in @drinkohza and bring you my perfect recipe of Sangria just in time for summer.” Joe’s Fizzy Sangria “marks the arrival of the first sparkling and ‘better-for-you’ pre-mixed sangrias on the market.” He included a pic of him dressed as a sailor holding a can of his new drink. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/h5uh335w
• Slash – The G’nR guitarist has joined the metaverse to host a performance in virtual reality. In collaboration with the reality music platform Soundscape VR, viewers are able to watch Slash Featuring Myles Kennedy & The Conspirators perform Live At Studios 60 as they debut all 10 songs from Slash’s new album “4”.
• Kiss – has been met with mockery online following a concert in Vienna, Austria where the band’s logo was displayed with an Australian flag insignia. The mishap took place Sunday, with “KISS LOVES YOU VIENNA” displayed on the screen as fans were leaving the arena. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/2p85xja6
• Aerosmith – Joe Perry says the group has “quite a bit” of archival material dating back to the ’70s that they plan to release over the next few years. He thinks they may drop unreleased recordings and alternate takes “decade by decade in different formats”, rather than recording a new album.
• Kelsea Ballerini – turned to Instagram Stories to share photos from the album-making process that she says capture “the sound” of her new album. The pics show several beachscapes, including one of her posing on the beach at sunset, and another shows her dipping her feet in the pool and soaking in a hot tub. Her current single from the upcoming album ‘Heartfirst’ is already climbing the charts.
• Garth Brooks – His “Anthology 2: The Next Five Years” is set for a Nov. release. The set will feature 6 CDs of hits and some unreleased songs, including a long-lost version of ‘To Make You Feel My Love’ featuring Trisha Yearwood. It will also include a 300-page book packed with pics and interviews.
• BlackHawk – Even though Van Stephenson died of cancer in 2001, bandmates Henry Paul and Dave Robbins have been able to use his voice on the new album. Technology has allowed them “renovate” recordings Stephenson made while ill, add a band, and make full productions out of the songs which comprise “Blue Highway.” The trio wrote all of the 12 songs on the new album.
SHOOTING THE BULL
THIS WEEK’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Minions: The Rise of Gru” (PG-13, Animated Comedy-Adventure): Gru, while growing up in the 70s, interviews to become a member of a supervillain group. It doesn’t go well (to say the least), and only gets worse after Gru outsmarts them and finds himself the mortal enemy of the apex of evil. (Steve Carrell, Taraji P. Henson, Michelle Yeoh, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Russell Brand)
• “Mr. Malcolm’s List” (PG, Comedy-Romance): Julia is jilted by London’s most eligible bachelor, Mr. Malcolm. Humiliated and determined to exact revenge, she convinces her friend to play the role of his ideal match. (Zawe Ashton, Sope Dirisu, Freida Pinto)
HEALTHY, WEALTHY AND EMPATHIZE:
Most people might think that successful people with humble roots empathize more with the poor. But according to new research, people born into wealth are the ones who are more sensitive to those who are barely getting by. The study, published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, found that those who fought their way up the economic ladder to become wealthy, tend to see social mobility as being easy, and therefore have less sympathy for those unable to follow them. The results of the research run contrary to the popular belief that coming from a privileged background makes you more indifferent to the economic plight of others.
(Well, you know what they say: Not having rich parents is not your fault. Not having rich parents in law is 100% your fault…)
(I just wish my BOSS were more sympathetic to the plight of the poor!)
WEENIE WATER SELTZER:
This summer marks the 3rd anniversary of the Summer of White Claw and the Great Hard Seltzer Boom that followed, where countless companies pumped out an impossible number of different offerings. Well, here’s one they HADN’T come up with – until now: Martin House Brewing Company in Fort Worth TX is using the water used to cook 52 pounds of hot dogs to whip up a new boozy concoction. The hard seltzer, dubbed “Bun Length,” is the latest addition to Martin House’s “The Awesome Sauce” hard seltzer line, and will clock in at 5.2% alcohol. If you want to try what we can only guess is the world’s first ‘Hot Dog Water Seltzer’, it will make its debut at the brewery’s Glizzy Fest on July 16.
(Finally! A hard seltzer aimed at the “Joe Dirt” demographic!)
A CANADIAN SLANG TERM FROM EACH PROVINCE (and a territory!):
☞ Bunnyhug: In Saskatchewan, it means a hoodie.
☞ Boot: Someone who gets you liquor when you’re underage in Alberta.
☞ Scribbler: That’s what they call a notebook in Nova Scotia and some other eastern provinces.
☞ Dep: It’s a corner store or a convenience store in Quebec. It’s short for the French word “dépanneur.”
☞ Jambuster: In Manitoba, it’s slang for a donut filled with jelly.
☞ Skookum: In B.C., it is used to mean ‘strong’ or ‘good’. The word comes a Chinook Wawa language used there in the 1800s.
☞ Yes b’y: An expression used in Newfoundland to show awe or disbelief, also used sarcastically.
☞ Bush party: An outdoor party in the woods of Ontario. (Maybe bring a bunnyhug!).
☞ Mayzel: Slang for “might as well” in P.E.I. (Because who has time to say all of those words, right?)
☞ Bones: In New Brunswick, them ‘bones’ are dollars!
☞ Sourdough: In Yukon, it is used to refer to someone who lives in the territory for all 4 seasons.
DID YOU KNOW?
Two women were arrested at a Bangkok airport and accused of smuggling after 109 live animals were found in their luggage. Thailand’s Department of National Parks, Wildlife and Plant Conservation said the wild animals were discovered in 2 suitcases following an x-ray inspection. Officials called to the scene discovered 2 white porcupines, 2 armadillos, 35 turtles, 50 lizards and 20 snakes in the 2 pieces of luggage. (Just out of curiosity, how in the heck would one go about putting a porcupine in a suitcase?)
BS CHRONOMETER 06.30.22
TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Social Media Day”, launched in 2010 to recognize and celebrate social media’s impact on global communication. While every day is essentially “Social Media Day”, today marks the 13th annual official celebration. (***A social media timeline that you can post on…wait for it…social media: https://nationaltoday.com/social-media-day/ ***)
• “Asteroid Day” (aka “Meteor Day”), an observance on the anniversary of the 1908 “Tunguska Event” in Russia, the largest impact on Earth in recorded history, which flattened an estimated 80 million trees even though the asteroid or comet is believed to have burst in the air rather than hitting the surface.
• “National Organization For Women Day”, marking the date in 1966 that ‘NOW’ was founded in Washington DC by delegates at the National Conference of State Commissions on the Status of Women.
• “National OOTD Day, short for “National Outfit of the Day Day”, Today, you’re encouraged to develop your own personal style and celebrate what makes you feel good about yourself. (For [***Co-host***], this could also be called “National Whatever Outfit is on Top in His Dresser Day”!)
• “Canada Day”, the annual celebration of Canada’s nationhood (1867), first established as a holiday in 1879. This year’s official national celebration from Ottawa’s LeBreton Flats Park and live from across the country will feature fireworks and performances by Walk Off the Earth, Johnny Reid, Tenille Arts, and others. LINK: https://tinyurl.com/ake7x225
• “Early Bird Day”, a great day to get up bright and early . . . if you like worms for breakfast!
• “Drive Your Corvette to Work Day”, the annual event initiated by Mid America Motorworks. (I hope you don’t need to pick up groceries on the way home!)
• “blink-182 Day”, on the 182nd day of the year. The day began after bassist-vocalist Mark Hoppus put out a tweet declaring it.
• Comic Sans Day”, It’s not often that a font engenders strong enough feelings for it to have its own holiday. Comic Sans was designed in 1994 when Vincent Connare noticed that Times New Roman was being used in word balloons of cartoon characters in a computer user guide, and thought that was too formal for the circumstances. It has since made its way to just about every place imaginable: from menus to invitations, and from billboards to business signs.
***Caution – “fart”***) • “International Joke Day”, The oldest joke is thought to be a Sumerian proverb from as early as 2300 BC, which translates to: “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”
• “Halfway Point of the Year”, Today is the 183rd day of the year; 182 days remain in 2022. So, today is the first day of the second half of the year, as well as the midpoint because there are 182 days before and 182 days after it. (An optimist would say “the year’s already half-over”, while a pessimist would say “another half-year to go…”)!
• “Freedom From Fear of Public Speaking Day”. They say speaking in public is our #1 fear, with death being #2. That means if you’re at a funeral, you’re better off in the casket than giving the eulogy!
• “I Forgot Day”, set aside to make up for all the birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions that you forgot to acknowledge over the past year. (What’s the lamest excuse you’ve heard?)
• “World UFO Day”, to celebrate the “existence” of UFOs and extra-terrestrial life. We are encouraged to gather together to watch the skies for Unidentified Flying Objects. Or just watch UFO movies. (I’m pretty sure that’s what anyone who celebrates UFO day does on ANY day of the year…) LINK: http://www.worldufoday.com
• “World Sports Journalists Day”, honoring those who report on sport, an essential element of any news media organization. Sports journalists from all over the world are united by the International Sports Press Association. (And are called the “Toy Department” by the news people!)
• “Special Recreation for the Disabled Day”, In many cases it doesn’t take a lot of time or money to make a business or facility to accessible to disabled people.!)
• “Compliment Your Mirror Day”, Participation involves complimenting your mirror on having such a wonderful owner and keeping track of whether other mirrors you meet during the day smile at you. (This is much more easily done if you have a prescription for medical marijuana…)
• “International Plastic Bag-Free Day”, a day to pick paper over plastic or, even better, a bag that’s reusable. “Disposable” plastic bags are one of the world’s worst environmental problems. (And that’s why plastic bags aren’t “free” anymore!) LINK: http://www.plasticbagfreeday.org
• “Stay Out of the Sun Day”, encouraging us to give our skin a much-needed break from the sweltering heat. (At least they decided NOT to have this on a ‘Sun’day!)
• “Eat Your Beans Day”, celebrating beans of all sizes, shapes and colors. Beans (legumes) are one of the longest-cultivated plants, dating back to the 7th millennium BC. They are also an excellent source of protein, fiber, iron and complex carbohydrates (not to mention fart jokes…)
• “American Redneck Day”, you might be a redneck if…
✓ You mow your lawn and find a car
✓ You can spit without opening your mouth
✓ Your brother-in-law is your uncle
✓ You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1959  Vincent D’Onofrio, NYC, movie actor (“Jurassic World”)/TV actor (“Law & Order: Criminal Intent” 2001-11)
1966  “Iron” Mike Tyson, Brooklyn NY, pro boxer (world boxing champ 1987-90, the youngest ever)/sometime actor (“Entourage” TV series, “The Hangover” movies)/ex-con/cannabis entrepreneur (“Tyson Holistic”)
1972  Molly Parker, Maple Ridge BC, TV actress (‘Jackie Sharp’ on “House of Cards” 2014-16)
1977  Colton Dunn, Normal IL, TV actor (‘Garrett’ on “Superstore” 2015-21)
1982  Lizzy Caplan, LA CA, TV actress (‘Virginia Johnson’ on “Masters of Sex” 2013-16)/movie actress (“Now You See Me 2”, “Mean Girls”)
1983  James Adam Shelley, Boston MA, rock guitarist (American Authors-‘Best Day of My Life’, ‘Believer’)
1983  Cole Swindell, Glennville GA, country singer (‘Chillin’ It’, w/Lainey Wilson-‘Never Say Never’)/songwriter (singles for Thomas Rhett, Scotty McCreery, Luke Bryan)/2015 ACM New Artist of the Year)
1984  Fantasia Barrino, High Point NC, R&B singer (‘I Believe’)/winner of the 2004 season of “American Idol”
1985  Michael Phelps, Baltimore MD, former competitive swimmer (most-decorated Olympian of all-time with 28 medals; a record 23 of them gold
FRIDAY- Debbie Harry (Blondie) is 77; Dan Aykroyd (“Blues Brothers”) is 70; Andre Braugher (“Brooklyn Nine-Nine”) is 60; Pamela Anderson (“Baywatch”) is 55; Missy Elliott (‘Work it’) is 51; Liv Tyler (“Armageddon”) is 45;
SATURDAY- TV producer-director Larry David is 75; Roy Bittan (The E Street Band) is 73; model-actress Jerry Hall is 66; Michelle Branch (w/Santana-‘The Game of Love’) is 39; figure skater Johnny Weir is 38; Lindsay Lohan “The Parent Trap” is 36; Margot Robbie “Suicide Squad” is 32)
SUNDAY- Kurtwood Smith (“That 70’s Show”) is 79; Tom Cruise (“Top Gun”) is 60; Thomas Gibson (“Criminal Minds”) is 60; Yeardley Smith (“The Simpsons”) is 58; Entrepreneur Julian Assange is 51; Patrick Wilson (“The Conjuring”) is 49; Olivia Munn (“Iron Man 2”) is 42; Elle King (‘Ex’s & Oh’s’) is 33
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2006  Singer-TV personality Jessica Simpson divorces 98 Degrees singer Nick Lachey after 3 years of marriage. The had starred together in the reality series “Newlyweds”
2010  “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse” opens in movie theaters
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2015  Apple launches its new streaming service, “Apple Music”.
2019  Taylor Swift’s former label, Big Machine, is sold to Scooter Braun’s company for an estimated $300 million, giving him control of her back catalog and master recordings. In response, Swift announces plans to re-record all her old albums to devalue his purchase.
TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1953  GM workers assemble the first ‘Corvette’ sports car in Flint, Michigan. List price? US $3,498. Now? It starts at $68,400
1937  The world’s first emergency call telephone service is launched in London, using the number ‘999’
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ Elvis Presley’s manager sold “I Hate Elvis” badges.
✓ Caffeine affects men more strongly than women, and women metabolize it about 25% faster.
✓ Almost 163,000 pints of Guinness beer are wasted in facial hair each year.
✓ Japanese ATMs sterilize cash before dispensing it.
✓ Canada has more than 3 million lakes, roughly 60% of the world’s total.
✓ Canadians say “sorry” so much that The Apology Act was passed in 2009, declaring that an apology can’t be used as legal evidence of admission of guilt.
Best of BS . . .
YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN TROUBLE WHEN:
• You get a note from your boss saying “We need to talk” …. written on your rolling papers.
• You tell the barber what you think about his prices before you get your haircut.
• A black cat crosses your path . . . and drops dead.
• You take an assertiveness training course, but you’re afraid to tell your wife.
• Your pacemaker only comes with a 30-day guarantee.
• There’s a sign saying “Back in 10 Minutes” … on the airport control tower.
• The company pays your wages out of petty cash.
• The candles on your birthday cake set off the smoke alarm.
• The pest exterminator crawls under your house … and never comes out.
• Mom calls you by your full name.
-First published in BS in 2015
BS CANADIAN TRASH-TALKING:
• “My Mom’s Nanaimo bars are better than your mother’s Nanaimo bars!”
• “You not as sorry as I am!”
• “You want a piece of this? Here you go, you’re welcome.”
• “Don’t do something you’ll regretzky.”
• “You might think you’ve got it all, but you’ve got Nunavut!”
• “You probably put your BBQ away in winter.”
• “Your poutine cheese doesn’t squeak.”
• (***Caution***) “I’d kick your ass, but you’d just go to the hospital and be treated for free.”
• “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out. I’ve been meaning to fix that…”
• “Not only do I think you use Aunt Jemima on your pancakes, I think you PREFER it!”
• As Kiefer Sutherland once said: “You’re just lucky my mom isn’t on Twitter”
• (***Caution***) “Eh-hole.”
• Whatever you say, you’re required to say it in both English and French…
-Twitter, first published in BS in 2019
BS WEB GOODIE:
Caption says it all: https://tinyurl.com/jduxptn8
BS RANDOM JOKE:
It’s cleaning day today. I’ve already polished off 3 chocolate bars and a bag of chips.
BS PHONE STARTER:
Holiday Friday or Holiday Monday. Which do you prefer, and why?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: One-third of us enjoy eating THIS, but don’t like to admit it. What is it?
Answer: Hot dogs
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
One joy scatters a hundred griefs.