Friday, June 5, 2009        Edition: #4034
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!


48-year-old “Britain’s Got Talent” singing sensation Susan Boyle remains in the Priory clinic after an emotional breakdown and may not be well enough to perform in the show’s upcoming tour (a lot of folks will want their money back if she isn’t!) . . . “Star Trek” star Chris Pine (‘Captain Kirk’) has dumped “The Hills” star Audrina Patridge after reportedly tiring of the intense media attention surrounding their relationship (best career move he’s made!) . . . 16-year-old Miley Cyrus is collaborating with fashion designer Max Azria on her own clothing line cleverly called ‘Miley Cyrus & Max Azria’, to be sold exclusively at Wal-Mart (how appropriate) . . . “Us Weekly” reports actor Brad Pitt gave daughter Shiloh a 3rd birthday gifts to remember: 2 diamond & platinum necklaces, including a 1.5-carat chain worth a whopping $15,000 (she’s using it as a tub toy) . . . After 2 car accidents in 2 days caused injuries to crew & bystanders, actor Nicolas Cage is reportedly so convinced his new movie, “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”, is cursed he hired a voodoo priestess to break the spell by sprinkling ‘voodoo dust’ around the set (which the cast promptly snorted through rolled-up hundred-dollar bills) . . . 36-year old actress Cameron Diaz tells the July issue of “Marie Claire” magazine she’d ‘love to be more voluptuous’ and have a ‘bigger butt’ (don’t cha hate her?) . . . Meantime, 37-year-old British model Paul Sculfor has confirmed his relationship with Cameron has ended but insists they are ‘still friends’ (BS translation: She calls when she needs a red carpet escort) . . . But Sculfor hasn’t been idle as he’s recently been spotted in the company of 54-year-old Jo Wood, soon-to-be-really-rich ex-wife of Rolling Stones guitarist Ronnie Wood (he may be a male model but he’s smart enough to know where the cash is kept!) . . . And 72-year-old movie actor David Carradine has been found hanged in a Bangkok hotel room closet in what Thai police believe to be a suicide (in the end, only he could “Kill Bill”).


• “Gene Simmons Family Jewels” (A&E) – Sunday another season of the unscripted series featuring TV’s most unconventional family kicks off with a special 1-hour episode.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Asher Roth (“I Love College”). Sunday in another ‘Game Night Special’ before the NBA final: Denzel Washington.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Mandy Moore (“Amanda Leigh”).
• “Leonard Cohen: Everybody Knows” (CBC) – Sunday a rerun of the special tribute to the iconic Canadian singer/songwriter/poet, recorded at last summer’s “Montréal Jazz Festival”.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Bradley Cooper (“The Hangover”) hosts; TV On the Radio is the musical guest.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning Dave Matthews Band (“Funny the Way It Is”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Chickenfoot (“Oh Yeah”).
• “Tony Awards” (CBS) – Sunday Neil Patrick Harris hosts the 63rd annual accolades for excellence on Broadway live from NYC’s Radio City Music Hall. “Billy Elliot” leads nominations with 15, tying a record set by “The Producers” back in 2001.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – This morning Lionel Richie (“Just Go”).

• Black Eyed Peas – Word has it tension is growing between and Fergie, he blasting her for being ‘arrogant’. It’s not the first flare-up. Last year, he was reportedly ticked with her decision to pursue a movie career while they were trying to finish new album “The E-N-D”.
• Brad Paisley – Tonight his new “American Saturday Night” North American tour kicks off in Charlotte NC. Dierks Bentley & Jimmy Wayne open the shows.
• Chicago – Tonight the iconic 1970s band kicks off a 30-city summer tour with Earth, Wind & Fire in Orange Beach AL.
• 50 Cent – He’s taken his Farrington CT estate off the market after failing to sell it, even though he knocked 9 million off the asking price. The original 2007 listing was for $23.5 million but that was dropped to $14.5 million late last year. He only paid $5 million for the property in 2003.
• George Strait – Saturday night he headlines the opening of the Dallas Cowboys’ new $1.1-billion stadium in Arlington TX. Also on the bill: Reba McEntire, Blake Shelton & Julianne Hough. The event sold out in 1 hour. The new venue features the world’s largest HD-quality video board, a retractable roof, and is expandable to hold up to 100,000 people.
• Rascal Flatts – Tonight their “Unstoppable Tour” kicks off in St Louis MO. Opening act is Darius Rucker.
• The Roots – Saturday the “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” house band hosts their 2nd annual hometown “Roots Picnic” at Festival Pier in Philadelphia PA. Also on the bill: Public Enemy, TV On the Radio, and the Black Keys.
• Stryper – Today 47-year-old Christian metal guitarist Oz Fox weds 41-year-old former call girl Annie Lobert in Las Vegas. She’s the founder of the Christian ministry … ‘Hookers For Jesus’.

• “The Hangover” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Justin Bartha (“National Treasure” films), Ed Helms (‘Andy Bernard’ on “The Office”) & Bradley Cooper (“He’s Just Not That Into You”) star in this newest incarnation of the ‘buddy entourage comedy’ or ‘bro-com’. During their drunken misadventures in Las Vegas, 3 groomsmen lose their about-to-be-wed buddy, forcing them to retrace their steps in order to find him in time for the big day. There must be some confidence this one will click … “The Hangover 2” is already in development.
• “Land Of the Lost” ( PG-13 Comedy Adventure ): Will Ferrell stars as a scientist who is sucked into a space-time vortex alongside his research assistant (Anna Friel) & a redneck survivalist (Danny McBride). Together they strive to make it back home from a world full of dinosaurs and other fantastic creatures. Based on the kids’ TV adventure series that ran from 1974-77.
• “My Life in Ruins” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Winnipeg-born screenwriter/actress Nia Vardalos (“My Big Fat Greek Wedding”) plays a travel guide who rediscovers her romantic side while squiring a group of tourists around Greece. Co-stars Hollywood veteran Richard Dreyfuss (who played Dick Cheney in “W”). Shot on location in Athens, Greece & Alicante, Spain.

Based not only on money earned in the past year, but also global fame …
10. NBA star Kobe Bryant … $45 million.
9. Actor Brad Pitt … $28 million.
8. Actress Jennifer Aniston … $25 million.
7. Producer/director Steven Spielberg … $150 million.
6. Rocker Bruce Springsteen …$70 million.
5. Golf superstar Tiger Woods … $110 million.
4. Pop singer Beyoncé … $87 million.
3. Pop star Madonna … $110 million.
2. Media mogul Oprah Winfrey … $275 million.
1. Actress Angelina Jolie … $27 million.
– “Forbes Magazine”


Orthopedic specialists are increasingly reporting cases in which patients damage an essential nerve in their arm by bending an elbow too tightly for too long, a malady that’s being called … ‘cellphone elbow’. It seems when cellphone users hold their phones to their ears, they stretch a nerve that extends under the funny bone and controls the smallest fingers. Maintaining the position can eventually choke the blood supply to the nerves. The most common symptoms: tingling or numbness in the pinkie and/or ring fingers. When that happens, experts say the solution is simple … switch hands before it gets worse. (Well, duh!)

Doctors are testing a new kind of obesity surgery in which stomach stapling is done … through the mouth. The experimental, scar-free procedure involves snaking a tube as thick as a garden hose down the throat to snap staples into the stomach. That creates a narrow passage that slows food as it moves from the upper to lower stomach, helping patients eat less because they feel full more quickly. Doctors say preliminary results from about 200 US patients and 100 in Europe look promising although the procedure does involve risks, such as perforation of the esophagus. (Not to mention having a garden hose rammed down your throat!)
– Yahoo! News


Anthony Gardiner of Wellington, New Zealand bought an engagement ring for his girlfriend … but she turned him down. He can’t return the ring as it was purchased in Hong Kong and he doesn’t want to keep it as he considers it bad luck, so he’s staging a treasure hunt! Participants can join the hunt Saturday in New Zealand’s capital when clues to the $5,000-ring’s whereabouts will start being posted on at 8 am local time. (Why not look for a replacement, dude? You’ve already got the bride bait!)
– “Dominion Post”


Researchers at the North Carolina State University have developed a machine that can keep a heart beating … outside the body. The computer-controlled machine, which operates using pressurized saline solution, allows researchers to film the interior workings of a pumping heart. It may also be used to allow physicians to practice new surgical procedures on pig hearts. It’s thought the system will save researchers a great deal of money. Once it’s purchased and set up, the cost of running experiments is much less expensive than using live animals. (And less likely to get you on PETA’s hit list.)


1971 [38] Mark Wahlberg, Dorchester MA, movie actor (“The Departed”, “The Italian Job”)/TV producer (“Entourage” since 2004)

1977 [32] Navi Rawat, Malibu CA, TV actress (‘Amita Ramanujan’ on “Numb3rs” since 2005)

1979 [30] Pete Wentz, Wilmette IL, rock bassist/singer (Fall Out Boy-“She’s My Winona”, “This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race”)/wed to Ashlee Simpson (2008)

1981 [28] Sebastien Lefebvre, Montréal QC, rock guitarist (Simple Plan-“Crazy”, “Welcome to My Life”)

Movie/TV actor Paul Giamatti (“Sideways”/”John Adams”) is 42; Rock guitarist James ‘Munky’ Shaffer (Korn) is 39; Country singer Lisa Brokop (“Big Picture”) is 36; Pop/country singer Uncle Kracker (“Drift Away”) is 35.

Former Canadian PM John Turner is 80; Oldies singer Tom Jones (“It’s Not Unusual”) is 69; Movie actor Liam Neeson (“Taken”) is 57; Pop singer Prince (“Purple Rain”) is 51; Rock drummer Eric Kretz (Stone Temple Pilots) is 43; Rock guitarist Dave Navarro (Jane’s Addiction) is 42; Movie actor Karl Urban (“Star Trek”) is 37; Movie actor Michael Cera (“Juno”) is 21.


• “Luminato”, the 10-day arts & creativity festival kicks off in Toronto with an outdoor concert by Randy Bachman. Saturday afternoon an attempt is made to break the Guinness Record for ‘World’s Largest Guitar Ensemble’ as hundreds of amateur pickers perform what’s been voted the ‘Great Canadian Tune’: Neil Young’s “Helpless”. (The current record is held by 1,802 guitarists in Germany who destroyed Deep Purple’s “Smoke On the Water” in 2007.)
• “Take a Kid Fishing Weekend”. Even if they aren’t biting, everyone can have a good time outdoors in the fresh air. (Sorry li’l dude, but you gotta bait your own hook.)
• “UN World Environment Day”, as declared annually since 1972. This year’s theme is ‘Your Planet Needs You to Combat Climate Change’. Among the initiatives: ‘Twitter For Trees’.

• “Belmont Stakes”, the 141st running of the 3rd & final jewel in horseracing’s Triple Crown at Elmont NY’s Belmont Park.
• “Cheer Coach Day”, honoring those dedicated folks who teach cheerleaders how to pull muscles.

• “Cancer Survivors Day”, held annually in communities worldwide on the 1st Sunday in June as a symbolic event to demonstrate that life after cancer diagnosis can be a reality.
• “Strawberry Moon”, the Full Moon of June named for the relatively short season for harvesting strawberries.

2005 [04] “Monty Python’s Spamalot” wins 3 “Tony Awards”, including ‘Best Musical’

1993 [16] Pop singer Mariah Carey marries her boss, Sony Music Chairman Tommy Mottola, in NYC (lasts 4 years)

1977 [32] 1st ‘Personal Computer’ is marketed, the Apple II

1989 [20] 1st MLB game in a ‘Convertible Stadium’ (Milwaukee Brewers beat Blue Jays 5-3 at Toronto’s new ‘Skydome’ that features a retractable roof)

1988 [21] ‘Longest Champagne Cork Flight’ record set at 177 feet, 9 inches (NYC)

2003 [06] 37-year-old Indiana native Brad Hauter arrives in NYC after riding his Yard-Man lawnmower 5,600 miles across the USA from San Francisco CA … at 10 mph


[Mon] Best Friends Day
[Mon] Name Your Poison Day
[Tues] Donald Duck’s 75th Birthday
[Thurs] Nursing Assistants Day
[Thurs] Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival opens (Manchester TN)
[Thurs] CMA Music Festival opens (Nashville TN)
This Week Is … Headache Awareness Week
This Month Is … Accordion Awareness Month


The ‘Ruby Tuesday’ restaurant chain is now spreading franchises around-the-world. So here’s a BS look at …
• “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” Steak House.
• “(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” Escort Service.
• “Sympathy For the Devil” Pet Supplies.
• “Under My Thumb” Construction.
• “Brown Sugar” Refining.
• “As Tears Go By” Grief Counseling.
• “Beast of Burden” Overnight Shipping.
• “The Last Time” Dating Service.
• “19th Nervous Breakdown” Mental Health Clinic.
• “Mother’s Little Helper” Daycare Center.
– Thanks to Trevor Seigler.

Alcohol and calculus don’t mix. Never drink and derive.

THE BS ‘5-IN-10 GAME’:
Phone contestant has a time limit of 10 seconds per category to list the following …
• 5 things you eat that are green.
• 5 things you might wear to bed.
• 5 sports you play with a ball.
• 5 kinds of cars made by GM.
• 5 things that go bump in the night.

What’s the worst girl’s name you’ve heard that was invented by parents who wanted a boy? (Nigella, Barryanne, Jeffreyette, Penelopete, Genevince, Dicka?)

Today’s Question: The average one of THESE travels 8 miles in a year.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: An office chair.

Worry gives a small thing a big shadow.

Printer Friendly Version