Friday, June 22, 2007          Edition: #3559
Ahhhh, It’s Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

TODAY through Sunday over 135,000 are expected for the annual “Glastonbury Festival” in Somerset, England, featuring Amy Winehouse, Arctic Monkeys, Kaiser Chiefs, The Killers, Lily Allen, The Who, and – huh? – 70-year-old ‘James Bond’ theme singer Shirley Bassey (this year’s fest has gone green with organic food, carbon-neutral showers, eco-friendly toilets, and recycled tissue – eww!) . . . TONIGHT “50 Years of Stax: A Concert To Benefit the Stax Museum of American Soul Music” is being staged at the historic Orpheum Theater in Memphis TN, featuring some of the iconic label’s best known artists like Isaac Hayes, Booker T & the MGs, Mavis Staples, Eddie Floyd, and the Reddings (honoring the legacy of their father Otis Redding) . . . SATURDAY & Sunday the 2007 “Hyde Park Calling” concerts in London UK will feature Aerosmith, the newly reformed Crowded House, and a rare performance by Peter Gabriel . . . Word has it “Daily Show” host Jon Stewart (Comedy Central/CTV) is being wined & dined and otherwise courted by NBC-TV to take over the “Late Night” slot when Conan O’Brien moves to the “Tonight Show” in 2009 . . . Now that “The Sopranos” has ended (some might say fizzled out), HBO is selling off various items from the show such as Catholic statuettes, kitchen utensils, bed linens, clocks, chairs & lamps (however, no blood or body parts are offered) . . . 41-year-old Ottawa-born actress Kelly Rowan, who played wealthy wife ‘Kirsten Cohen’ on “The OC”, is set to play the real thing as she’s become engaged to 50-year-old media mogul David Thomson (3rd Baron Thomson of Fleet), the wealthiest Canadian & 10th richest human on Earth (thanks in part to a 40% share of Bell Globemedia, he’s estimated to be worth $22 billion) . . . Peaches Uniforms is launching ‘The Katherine Heigl Collection’, a new line of designer healthcare uniforms inspired by the “Grey’s Anatomy” star that aim to bring a new level of ‘style and sophistication to medical professions’ (will there be a “Knocked Up” side-line for expectant moms?) . . . And 76-year-old original ‘Captain Kirk‘ actor William Shatner is said to be furious that director JJ Abrams (“Lost”) has not offered him a cameo in the upcoming “Star Trek XI”, especially since his ‘Mr Spock’ co-star Leonard Nimoy (also 76) has been offered that honor when shooting begins later THIS YEAR (anyone can play ‘Kirk’ but only Nimoy has ‘Spock’s pointy ears).

• Def Leppard – TONIGHT the classic rockers do “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV).
• Enrique Iglesias – TONIGHT he’s a guest on “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC).
• Goo Goo Dolls – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Kelly Clarkson – TONIGHT she performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel). SUNDAY she appears in duet with Reba McEntire on “CMT Crossroads”, filmed recently at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville TN.
• Prince – SATURDAY he’s set to begin his 7-show “3121 Sessions” at Hollywood’s Roosevelt Hotel after contract details were finally sorted out. Tickets are – whoa! – $3,121 a pair and only 65 pairs will be sold for each show. At least dinner is included. 70 standing-room only seats will be sold for $312.10 each.
• Tim McGraw/Faith Hill – After their current 70-date 2007 version of the “Soul2Soul” tour, they say they intend to take a break from performing together … ‘for a long time’. They’ve been doing the duo road thing for 7 years now.
• White Stripes – SUNDAY their “Icky Thump” tour kicks off in Burnaby BC. To celebrate the band’s 10th anniversary, they’re playing every province & territory in Canada, plus all 50 US states.

• “Evan Almighty” ( PG Comedy ): Movie & TV double threat Steve Carell (“40-Year-Old Virgin”/”The Office”) reprises his role as preening newscaster ‘Evan Baxter’ in this sequel to the 2003 Jim Carrey hit comedy “Bruce Almighty”.  This time ‘God’ (Morgan Freeman) drops by to instruct newly-elected Congressman ‘Evan’ to build a giant ark, which he does … leading everyone around him to think he’s insane. Co-stars Lauren Graham (“Gilmore Girls”). At $200 million-plus, it’s said to be the most costly comedy ever made.
• “1408” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): John Cusack stars as a writer renowned for debunking paranormal events who finds himself up against a force he can’t explain after checking into room #1408 of the notoriously haunted Dolphin Hotel in NYC. Co-stars Samuel L Jackson & Mary McCormack (“The West Wing”). An adaptation of an original Stephen King short story.
• “A Mighty Heart” ( R-Rated Drama ): Based on the true story of “Wall Street Journal” reporter Daniel Pearl, who was abducted by terrorists in Karachi, Pakistan in 2002. Angelina Jolie stars as his wife ‘Mariane’, who rushes overseas to find him when she hears the news. Alas, she never does. Co-stars Dan Futterman & Irfan Khan. Shot in Pakistan, France, and India.
• “SiCKO” ( Limited Release PG-13 Documentary ): Days after a pirated copy made its way online (the one he ‘hid’ in Canada?), Michael Moore has opted to release his scathing documentary about the US healthcare system a week early in a single NYC theater, followed by sneak previews beginning TOMORROW in other major cities.

A couple of scientists with nothing better to do have calculated that the Earth moves over 89 million miles each time … you have sex. Based on an average tryst lasting 7 minutes, 54 seconds, they calculate the Earth spins 86 miles on its axis and 8,818 miles around the Sun while the solar system moves 4,937 miles through our local star cluster which itself moves 74,062 miles around the center of the Milky Way. Meanwhile, while you’re approaching the point of no return, our galaxy moves 39,500 miles towards the Andromeda Galaxy while our galaxy cluster moves 177,750 towards the constellation Hydra. And, of course, the universe itself expands by another 88,875,000 miles. Bottom line: A total of 89,180,153 miles of travel while you got your mojo on. (Or off … or whatever.)
– “The Sun”

What’s the absolute all-time worst cover version of a hit song? According to pop culture website Retrocrush, these are some of the worst …
• “Sittin’ On The Dock of the Bay” … Michael Bolton
• “True Colors” … Phil Collins
• “I’m A Believer” … Smash Mouth
• “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy” … Paris Hilton
• “It’s My Life” … No Doubt
• “Slow Hand” … Conway Twitty
• “Tainted Love” … The Pussycat Dolls
• “Landslide” … The Dixie Chicks
• “I Will Always Love You” … Whitney Houston
• “All By Myself” … Celine Dion
And they’ve only counted down to #25 so far!

The average Dutchman is now more than 6-feet-tall and the average Dutch woman is nearly 5-foot, 7-inches, making those from the Netherlands the tallest people on the planet. Researchers attribute their protein-rich diet and a national health service that pampers infants as contributors to their height. So many Dutch are now tall that in 2002 the government adjusted building codes to raise the standard height for door frames and ceilings. Doors must now be 7-feet, 6.5-inches high. (So howz come neither their men’s or women’s basketball teams makes the top 50 in world rankings?)
– AP

SUNDAY British band Madness hopes to break the world record for ‘Most People Kissing at the Same Time’ when they halt their set at the UK’s “Glastonbury Festival” at 1.30 am local time and command everyone to lock lips. Organizers hope at least 30,000 in attendance will obey.

Besides humans, dolphins and some chimps are the only other animals that ‘do the deed’ for pleasure as well as procreation.


1936 [71] Kris Kristofferson, Brownsville TX, movie actor (“Fast Food Nation”, “Blade: Trinity”)/legendary singer-songwriter (“Me & Bobby McGee”, “Sunday Morning Coming Down”)/Country Music Hall of Fame (2004)

1949 [58] Meryl (Mary Louise) Streep, Summit NJ, movie actress (“The Devil Wears Prada”) with 14 Academy Award nominations & 2 Oscars (“Sophie’s Choice”, “Kramer vs Kramer”)/record 6 Golden Globe Awards

1952 [55] Graham Greene, Six Nations Reserve ON, movie actor (Oscar nomination-“Dances With Wolves”, “The Green Mile”)/TV actor (“The Red Green Show”, “The Adventures of Dudley the Dragon”)

1953 [54] Cyndi Lauper, Ozone Park NY, oldies singer (“Time After Time”, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”)/human rights advocate (currently headlining the “True Colors Tour” that includes Erasure, Deborah Harry, Rufus Wainwright, Dresden Dolls, The Gossip, and comedian Margaret Cho)

1964 [43] Dan Brown, Exeter NH, really rich author (“The Da Vinci Code”, selling over 60.5 million copies worldwide)  UP NEXT: Tom Hanks returns as ‘Robert Langdon’ in a movie based on his book “Angels & Demons” that’s due to hit screens in 2008; no publication date has yet been set for a new novel called “The Solomon Key”, about the secret society of Freemasons.

1964 [43] Amy Brenneman, New London CT, TV actress (‘Dr Violet Turner’ in the upcoming “Grey’s Anatomy” spinoff “Private Practice”, ‘Amy Gray’ on “Judging Amy” 1999-2005)

1970 [37] Steven Page, Toronto ON, pop singer (Barenaked Ladies-“Pinch Me “, “One Week”)

1973 [34] Carson Daly, Santa Monica CA, TV host (NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly” since 2002, MTV’s “Total Request Live” 1998-2003)

1948 [59] Todd Rundgren, Upper Darby PA, oldies singer/songwriter/producer (“Hello It’s Me”)

1957 [50] Garry Beers, Sydney, Australia, rock bassist (INXS-“Pretty Vegas”, “Need You Tonight”)/reality TV personality (“Rock Star: INXS” 2005)

1971 [36] Mary Lynn Rajskub, Detroit MI, TV actress (‘Chloe O’Brian’ on “24″ since 2003)

1974 [33] Donald Faison, NYC, TV actor (‘Dr. Christopher Turk’ on “Scrubs” since 2001)

1979 [28] Jai Rodriguez, Brentwood NY, TV personality (“Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” since 2003)

“American Idol” judge Randy Jackson is 51; Movie actress Frances McDormand (“Almost Famous”) is 50; Movie actress Selma Blair (“Hellboy”) is 35; Pop singer KT Tunstall (“Black Horse & the Cherry Tree”) is 32; Folk-rock singer Jason Mraz (“The Remedy”) is 30.
Classic rocker Mick Fleetwood (Fleetwood Mac) is 65; Québec Premier Jean Charest is 49; Classic rock singer/songwriter Curt Smith (Tears for Fears) is 46.

• “Canadian North Midnight Classic”, the 60th annual all-night golf tournament in Yellowknife NT celebrating the Summer Solstice.
• “Midsummer Eve” in Northern Europe, celebrating summer with maypoles, music, dancing and bonfires. In Sweden and Finland it’s considered one of the year’s greatest festivals, comparable to Christmas and New Year’s Eve. The tradition goes back to ancient times.
• “Mirthday”, a day to celebrate individualism and appreciate your own uniqueness. This is the day to make choices that are for your own good. It’s also a good excuse for a ‘Mirthday Party’ … although it kinda sounds like a speech impediment.
• “Stupid Guy Thing Day”. Women are always talking about it (“Oh that’s just another stupid guy thing …”), so here’s the day to commemorate it! Women everywhere are encouraged to make a list of ‘Stupid Guy Things’ and pass it on (TV sports, power tools, souped-up cars, etc).
• “Take Your Dog to Work Day”, created by Pet Sitters International in 1999 to give dog owners the opportunity to invite their ‘best friend’ into participating workplaces. Are there jobs where you SHOULDN’T take your dog to work? Neurosurgery, perhaps? (Fortunately, thanks to your SFX library, you can take your dog to work whether you’re allowed to or not.)
• “Watermelon Thump”, the 54th annual through Sunday in Luling TX, home of the ‘World Champion Seed-Spitting Contest’ in which the Guinness Record was established at 68-ft, 9-ins.

• “Let It Go Day”, either something to do with releasing pent-up emotions or getting rid of your kid’s pet garter snake.
• “Marble Weekend”, celebrating the grand old game of marbles.

• “Celebration of the Senses”, when you’re encouraged to treat yourself to stimulation of each of your 5 senses. A few simple experiments involving each of the senses …
• “Gay Pride Day”, a great excuse for a parade in many cities. Canada’s largest gay & lesbian pride event in Toronto wraps up with its famous ‘Pride Parade’, preceded by SATURDAY’s annual ‘Dyke March’.
• “Log Cabin Day”, the 21st annual observance honoring the structure that has become the ‘American Folk Dwelling’, a symbol of both self-reliance and practicality. Thanks to the Michigan-based Log Cabin Society, the public is invited to visit historic, authentic, unique and picturesque cabins on the last SUNDAY of JUNE.
• “St-Jean-Baptiste Day”, the “Fête Nationale” holiday in the province of Québec and in French Canadian communities across the country. Besides Québec, St John the Baptist is the patron saint of auto routes, candlemakers, health spas, road workers, and wool workers. And he’s the namesake of St John Ambulance, active in Canada for close to 120 years.

1989 [18] “Batman” opens in movie theaters, starring Michael Keaton as the ‘Caped Crusader’,
Jack Nicholson is as ‘The Joker’, and Kim Basinger as ‘Vicky Vale’

1847 [160] 1st ‘Doughnut’ (according to legend, doughnuts with a hole in the center were developed for sailors, so they could hook them over the spokes of a ship’s wheel while steering)

1873 [134] PEI joins Canada (adding a few friendly folks and a whole bunch of spuds)

1979 [28] NHL absorbs Winnipeg, Québec, Hartford & Edmonton teams from defunct World Hockey Association (Winnipeg is now in Phoenix, Québec in Colorado, and Hartford in Carolina, leaving the Edmonton Oilers as the only original WHA team still in existence)

[Mon] Discovery Day (Newfoundland & Labrador)
[Mon] Paris Hilton to be released from prison
[Mon] Tom Sizemore to be sentenced
[Mon] Wimbledon tennis tournament begins (London)
[Tues] 2007 BET Awards
[Wed] HIV Testing Day
[Wed] Decide to Be Married Day
[Wed] “Live Free or Die Hard” opens in movie theaters
This Week Is … Cheese Week
This Month Is … Perennial Gardening Month


Here’s a little experiment that will help you understand how foreign movie subtitles get so screwed up. Use any online translation tool (ie: AltaVista’s Babel Fish) to translate English song titles, names, station slogans, whatever to another language. Then cut & past the translation back in and translate it back to English. For example …
• “Icky Thump” changed to Greek and then returned to English becomes “Icky Hard Blow”.
• “High Maintenance Woman” filtered through Dutch becomes “The High Woman of the Maintenance”.
• “Lazy Eye” sent to Portuguese and returned turns out as “Sluggish Eye”.
• “Working Class Hero” filtered through Japanese becomes “Hero of Work Class”.
• “Before He Cheats” translated to Russian & back becomes “Before He Is the Cheats”.
• And “Frankly Scarlett, I don’t give a damn!” sent to Portuguese and back becomes “Frankly scarlet, I do not give one nothing!” In German: “Sincerely, I give not a curse to Scarlett!”
TIP: If you get a translation reading “??????” it just means it’s in another alphabet. Simply cut and paste the question marks to translate them back to English.

Could you go on vacation all by yourself?

The UK government has just launched an online calculator to help work out your personal ‘carbon footprint’ and suggest ways to reduce it. Emissions are broken down into categories for ‘home’, ‘transportation’ and ‘appliances’. A timely idea and very popular … the website keeps crashing due to the stampede of users!
An “Inconvenient Truth” version of the same type of tool is here …

Most of my faults are not my fault …

Today’s Question: Summertime is the most popular time to purchase THIS, at an average price of $94.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A wedding gift.

Some people are just for looks.

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