Thursday, June 15, 2006        Edition: #3306
Good Morning, Sheetheads!

TONIGHT the 2006 “Songwriters Hall of Fame” induction takes place in NYC, with John Mayer receiving the annual ‘Starlight Award’ (for young songwriters who’ve made an impact), and Kris Kristofferson receiving the ‘Johnny Mercer Award’ (the organization’s highest honor for lifetime achievement) . . . TONIGHT, some 3 years after MTV axed his show, comedian Tom Green is getting another late-night talk show, this time a weekly call-in show that’s purportedly live online from his living room in the Hollywood Hills (NET: . . . After 11 seasons of daily reruns, CBC-TV is burying “Mr Dressup” on Sunday mornings in JULY, then dumping it altogether in SEPTEMBER (how’s that tickle your trunk?) . . . The cute little T-shirt Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt’s baby Shiloh is pictured wearing on the cover of “People” magazine is from a Denver CO boutique called Belly, which sent the expectant parents a sampling of goodies back in JANUARY (giving away the $42-shirt sure paid off – they’re now getting swamped with orders!) . . . Gwen Stefani is said to be upset that her son’s birth was upstaged by the birth of Brangelina’s daughter (chill girl, we all wish little what’s-his-name well) . . . “Mission: Impossible 3” has won ‘Best Trailer’ at the 7th annual “Golden Trailer Awards”, likely the only award it’s gonna get – other than a “Razzie” (last year’s ‘Best Trailer’ was an Airstream) . . . VH1 is set to air a competition series for white wannabe rappers cleverly entitled “The White Rapper Show” (simultaneously setting back race relations on so many different levels) . . . Britain’s BBC has been forced to turn off giant TV screens showing “World Cup” matches in London & Liverpool after violent fights erupted in crowds watching them (nice to see hooliganism’s alive & well – have another pint, mate!) . . . And Liza Minnelli’s estranged husband David Gest is being sued for harassment by his former male assistant Charles Beyer, who claims the many suggestive acts included being forced to – ‘use the computer in the master bathroom’ (?!?!?).

• Dixie Chicks – TONIGHT @ 10 EDT, MSN webcasts their sold-out show in London UK, their first concert appearance in more than 2 years.
• Korn – Frontman Jonathan Davis has been released from a London UK hospital where he spent 4 days being treated for a blood ailment, forcing the band to scrap its remaining European tour dates. He’s expected to fully recover within a few weeks.
• Panic! At The Disco – Just as “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” is set to break out, the feud between the band & former bassist Brent Wilson is getting ugly. He claims he was kicked out with no notice a month back, a move the band defends by claiming he wasn’t progressing musically. We smell lawsuit!
• She Wants Revenge – TONIGHT they perform “These Things” on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Usher – THIS WEEK he actually donned some work gloves to help volunteers do clean-up & repairs at the International School of Louisiana which was devastated by Hurricane Katrina. If he’s still around after the cameras leave, THAT will be impressive.
• Widespread Panic – TONIGHT they do “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Wolfmother – TONIGHT they guest on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).

• “Dale” – This authorized documentary about late race car driver Dale Earnhardt opens in cities along the NASCAR circuit in FEBRUARY, then airs on CMT later in 2007. Narrated by 81-year-old actor Paul Newman (a long time racer himself), the film will combine race footage, home videos, and interviews. Earnhardt was killed in a crash on the last lap of the 2001 “Daytona 500″.
• “Dallas: The Movie” – After intense lobbying by the Dallas Film Commission, at least 4 weeks of the upcoming film shoot will be based in the city that gave the classic TV series its name. However, 8 weeks of additional production will be done in Louisiana, which offers far better tax incentives. And here’s the latest casting update: Marcia Cross as ‘Pamela Ewing’ (rumored);
Lindsay Lohan as ‘Lucy’ (rumored); Jennifer Lopez as ‘Sue Ellen’ (in negotiations); Shirley MacLaine as ‘Miss Ellie’ (in negotiations); Jessica Simpson as ‘Lucy’ (rumored); Luke Wilson as ‘Bobby’ (in negotiations); and John Travolta as ‘JR’ (in negotiations). All this maneuvering ahead of filming is likely far more entertaining than the film will prove to be.
• “Have Gun – Will Travel” – A contemporary feature-film version of the vintage TV Western (1957-63) about a professional gunfighter named ‘Paladin’ is being developed as a vehicle for Eminem. Rather than a spur-sporting cowboy, he’ll play a bounty hunter in his hometown of Detroit. It will be his 2nd big-screen effort, following 2002’s semi-biographical “8 Mile”.
• “Indiana Jones 4” – Even though 75-year-old actor Sean Connery says he’s retired, both director George Lucas & actor Harrison Ford are pushing him to return as ‘Henry Jones Sr’ for the 4th and final film in the series. Lucas says Connery is being written into the script … whether he wants to do it or not.
• “The Girls’ Guide to Hunting & Fishing” – In a rare inside glimpse of what goes on on a Hollywood set, costume designer Patricia Field has quit the romantic comedy, blaming actor Alec Baldwin’s rude behavior. In return, the ever-classy Baldwin calls her a “fruit-salad head”, “whack job”, and “a cranky, miserably unhappy woman”. This is the same guy a judge has ordered to have a psychiatric evaluation in order to continue to visit his 11-year-old daughter, Ireland. Sarah Michelle Gellar stars in the film as a NYC book editor who attracts the attention of an influential older man. Should be interesting to see how this one turns out.

Wanna really impress a girl? Try …
• Replacing all of those hideous extra-large T-shirts with something that actually sort of fits.
• Never allowing anyone who listens to baseball on the radio to cut your hair.
• Purchasing sheets that don’t contain polyester and are actually white.
• Hugging her the moment you get home, looking into her eyes and saying you’re happy to see her.
• Calling if … and whenever … you’re late.
• Brushing your teeth … a lot.
• Buying a Swiffer and using it. They come in dry (living room) and wet (kitchen & bathroom).
– “Men’s Health”

We mentioned a few days back how Barry Manilow’s music is being used to disperse gangs of teens from retail areas in Sydney, Australia. Now Britain’s Local Government Association has put out a list of ‘uncool music selections’ that it claims will disperse obnoxious teens. Among the tunes included: “Release Me” (Engelbert Humperdinck), “Achy Breaky Heart” (Billy Ray Cyrus), “Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen” (Neil Sedaka), “Bridge Over Troubled Water” (Simon & Garfunkel), “Close to You” (The Carpenters), and “Uptown Girl” (Billy Joel). However, some local officials fear the tunes on the so-called ‘Manilow Method’ list could inadvertently become cool and even enjoyed by the young people they’re supposed to deter. (Um, guys. No chance.)
– “The Independent”

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … there’s a bizarre side effect of drinking coffee that seems to make people more likely to agree with persuasive arguments. (At 8 o’clock in the morning, you need coffee to even FOCUS on persuasive arguments.)
• Scientists say … skinny people need to exercise just as much as their obese counterparts. Naturally skinny people who don’t have the same amount of ‘bad cholesterol’ clogging up their arteries as fat folk. (What can we say but … neener-neener-neener.)
• Scientists say … drinking lemonade may help prevent painful kidney stones. (At the very least it may prevent the kid with the lemonade stand from throwing painful stones.)
• Scientists say … women who consume animal products, especially dairy, are 5 times more likely to have twins than women who eat a strictly vegan diet. (Keep that in mind when you’re calving.)
• Scientists say … Eating milk chocolate can improve your brain activity. Studies show it has a positive impact on memory (“Let’s see, where did I put my chocolate bar?”) , attention span (“Mmm, I love my chocolate bar”), and reaction time (“Hey, hands off my chocolate bar!”).

• 30 years ago (1976), a Los Angeles CA secretary officially married a 50-lb rock.
• 22 Harlequin Romance novels published THIS YEAR will feature a love affair between a woman and a NASCAR race driver.
• The US presidential airplane, ‘Air Force One’, is equipped with 85 phones, 19 TVs, and 235 miles of wiring just to keep all of it’s high tech gadgets working.

“I don’t want to be marginalized by music or any form of art. I’m not opposed to rap. I’m opposed to being marginalized as a woman.”
– Oprah Winfrey, telling MTV News the gangstas is aight long as they ain’t trashin’ no tricks.

“Who cares about Angola versus Portugal? I don’t even care about England.”
– Elton John, telling a Worcester UK concert crowd he’s sick of the World Cup. Hard to believe considering he used to own his own team (Watford Football Club) and is still the club’s ‘Honorary Lifetime President’.


1948 [58] Mike Holmgren, San Francisco CA, NFL coach (Seattle Seahawks, 1997 Super Bowl-winning Green Bay Packers)

1954 [52] Jim Belushi, Chicago IL, TV actor (“According to Jim” since 2001)/movie actor (“K-9”)/brother of late actor/comedian John Belushi

1963 [43] Helen Hunt, LA CA, movie actress (Oscar-“As Good As It Gets”)/former TV actress (4 Emmys-“Mad About You” 1995-99)

1964 [42] Courteney Cox Arquette, Birmingham AL, ex-TV actress (“Friends” 1994-2004)/movie actress (“Scream 1-3″)/Mrs David Arquette since 1999

1966 [40] Michael Britt, Fort Worth TX, country singer (Lonestar-“You’re Like Comin’ Home”, “Amazed”)

1969 [37] Ice Cube (O’Shea Jackson), LA CA, movie actor (“xXx: State of the Union”, “Barbershop”)/rapper (“Why We Thugs”)

1970 [36] Leah Remini, Brooklyn NY, TV actress (‘Carrie Heffernan on “King of Queens” since 1998)/movie actress (“Old School”)

1981 [25] Billy Martin, Naptown MD, rock guitarist (Good Charlotte-“I Just Wanna Live”, “Girls &  Boys”)

• “Fly A Kite Day”, honoring Ben Franklin’s kite experiment in 1752.

• “Nursing Assistants Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Thursday in June. It’s also the beginning of “Nursing Assistants Week”, recognizing those devoted souls who suffer from bedpan hands. CNAs seem to be the care-givers who get stuck with the dirtiest jobs.

• “National Public Service Week” in Canada, to recognize ‘the many ways in which the members of Canada’s federal public service contribute to the quality of life we enjoy’. (Say what?)

• “Smile Power Day”, recognizing the second-best thing you can do with your lips.

• “St Vitus Day”, honoring the patron saint of comedians, actors and dancers.

• “US Open Golf Championship” tees off in Mamaroneck NY.

1994 [12] Disney’s “The Lion King” opens in movie theaters (goes on to earn $784 million worldwide)

1956 [50] 15-year-old John Lennon meets 13-year-old Paul McCartney (Beatles ensue)

1847 [159] US-Canada border established (first illegal handguns are smuggled north; first illegal immigrants are smuggled south)

1976 [30] Only indoor MLB baseball game to be officially ‘rained out’ as 10-inch rainfall in Houston TX leaves Astrodome parking lot completely under water

[Fri] 5th Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival (Manchester TN)
[Fri] “Garfield’s A Tale of Two Kitties”, “Nacho Libre”, “The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift”, and “The Lake House” open in movie theaters
[Sat-Sun] 17th Canada Dragon Boat Festival (Vancouver)
[Sat] Eat Your Vegetables Day
[Sat] International Violin Day
[Sun] MuchMusic Video Awards
[Sun] Fathers Day
[Sun] Paul McCartney turns 64
This Week Is … Automotive Service Professionals Week
This Month Is … International Men’s Month


Just in time for Fathers Day it’s the …
We tell you the name (and a clue), you tell us what he’s known as ‘the father’ of …
• Alexander Graham Bell (his invention also rings a bell) … ‘The Father of the Telephone’
• Reginald Fessenden (thanks to him, I have a job)  … ‘The Father of Radio Broadcasting’
• Louis Riel (thanks to him, we can visit the ‘Peg) … ‘The Father of Manitoba’
• Muhammad (over a billion followers worldwide) … ‘The Father of Islam’
• Albert Einstein (he blinded us with this subject) … ‘The Father of Modern Science’
• John A Macdonald (O Canada) … ‘Father of Confederation’ (along with several others)
• Jimmie Rodgers (he started what Tim McGraw picked up on) … ‘The Father of Country Music’
• Steve Allen (without him, there’s no Leno) … ‘The Father of the Television Talk Show’
• Vint Cerf (thanks to him, you never get to speak to your teen) … ‘The Father of the Internet’
• Tommy Douglas (he’s why visiting the doc is ‘free’ in Canada) … ‘The Father of Medicare’
• Galileo Galilei (he had telescopic vision) … ‘The Father of Modern Astronomy’
• Chuck Yeager (he had the ‘Right Stuff’.) … ‘The Father of Modern Aviation’
• Stephen F Austin (they even named a city after him) … ‘The Father of Texas’

• “Tired of Your Tattoo? Get Rid of It With a Hand-Sander!”
• “Researcher Determines Deer and Antelope Never Played Together!”
• “Scientist Proves Earth Is Going Through Menopause – Global Warming Is Hot Flashes!”
• “Death’s Door Discovered!”
• “Researcher Finds More Than 100 Businesses That Are EXACTLY Like Show Business!”
• “Chihuahua Gets Great Dane Pregnant!”

Today’s Question: Even though it’s not always appropriate, doing THIS for just 1 minute will keep you relaxed for an entire hour.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Laughing.

It’s a lot easier to react than it is to think.

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