Thursday, June 21, 2012        Edition: #4770

We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

Ashton Kutcher’s production company has filed a $1.4-million lawsuit against California’s Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) for allegedly backing out of a reality show based on its employees (inflexible civil servants, line-ups, reams of paperwork, endless red tape – what a fun concept!) . . . In a new “Playboy” interview, actor Charlie Sheen says the 2011 meltdown that cost him his job on “Two-And-a-Half Men” was actually due to hospitalization for a hernia he suffered while watching a comedy sketch featuring Dave Chapelle (nice attempt at rewriting history, Chuck) . . . After months of speculation, actor Johnny Depp & French singer/actress Vanessa Paradis have finally confirmed they have ‘amicably separated’ after 14 years (sad news for their kids Lily-Rose, 13, and Jack, 9) . . . Kris Humphries’ lawyers are reportedly planning to use Kim Kardashian’s interview with Oprah as evidence in their upcoming divorce case (chuck “Keeping Up With the Kardashians”, their ugly divorce would make a far better reality show) . . . Alec Baldwin’s rep is denying a paparazzo got punched while trying to snap the actor & his fiancée leaving NYC’s City Hall this week, claiming it was a ‘civilian’ who walked in front of the photographer (what does that mean, ‘civilian’ – a non-star?) . . . Following her divorce from “SNL” comedian Fred Armisen, 29-year-old “Mad Men” star Elisabeth Moss (‘Peggy Olson’) has gone public with her new boyfriend, Australian cinematographer Adam Arkapaw, at the “Sydney Film Festival” this week (she’s left her husband AND ‘Sterling-Cooper’?) . . . Actress/singer and new mom Hilary Duff claims she wasn’t smoking when photographed recently, just ‘holding a cigarette for a friend’ (BS translation: She could be poster girl for ‘nic fits’) . . . And it’s just been revealed Ray Romano will play a photographer who comes between Lauren Graham & Jason Ritter on the upcoming 4th season of NBC-TV’s “Parenthood” (if that’s hard to picture, remember “Everybody Loves Raymond”!).


• “The Choice” (FOX/CTV2) – ‘Stars’ seeking dates include Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino, Taylor Hicks, Warren Sapp, and Rocco DiSpirito.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Avett Bros (“I and Love and You”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Sara Bareilles (“Once Upon Another Time”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Sarah McLachlan (“Laws of Illusion”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Metric (“Synthetica”).
• “Justin Bieber: All Around the World” (NBC/Global) – In his first network TV special, cameras follow the touring pop superstar for 12 days through 7 countries.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Kasabian (“Velociraptor”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Kenny Chesney (“Welcome To the Fishbowl”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Justin Bieber (“Believe”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Guest co-host Josh Groban (“Illuminations”).
• “Today” (NBC) – Lee Brice performs “Hard to Love”, which is currently climbing “Billboard” magazine’s ‘Top Country Songs’ chart.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Katy Perry (“Teenage Dream: The Complete Confection”); Needtobreathe (“The Reckoning”).


• Carrie Underwood – Tonight she performs at London’s Royal Albert Hall, her 1st-ever performance at the storied venue, originally opened in 1871 by Queen Victoria.
• Drake – Since his entourage’s dust-up with Chris Brown’s crew in a nightclub last week, he’s increased his security detail to include 3 beefy bodyguards. But otherwise, the bottle-throwing brawl seemingly hasn’t changed his lifestyle. This week at a Washington DC club, his posse ordered up roughly 40 bottles of booze, according to TMZ.
• Lady Antebellum – The group has now sold more than 900,000 tickets to the “Own the Night 2012 World Tour”, with upcoming SRO dates scheduled in the US, Europe, and Australia.
• Sugarland – It’s been confirmed that 37-year-old Jennifer Nettles and hubby Justin Miller are expecting their 1st child in November (they wed last November). This Summer she’s working as a mentor on ABC-TV’s “Duets”, alongside Kelly Clarkson.
• Wham! – There are rumors of a reunion of the former pop duo after George Michael releases a new song to celebrate 30 years since the group’s first single. Michael and Andrew Ridgeley arrived on the scene with “Wham Rap” on June 29, 1982.
• – His new solo album, “#willpower”, is now apparently due in the Fall. It will feature special guests Justin Bieber, LMFAO, Ne-Yo, and Nicole Scherzinger, but the final cut will likely not include the recent singles “THE” with Mick Jagger & Jennifer Lopez, nor “Check It Out” with Nicki Minaj & Cheryl Cole.


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “August: Osage County” – Movie star George Clooney has just signed on to produce this upcoming film adaptation of Tracy Letts’ play, which will star Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts. The dramedy follows the ‘Weston’ family as they attempt to overcome certain differences after their alcoholic patriarch goes missing. The film’s due to screen next year.
• “Father’s Day” – “Battleship” director Peter Berg is attached to direct this feature adaptation of the book by sportswriter Buzz Bissinger, who just happens to be Berg’s cousin. The story centers around a father’s relationship a son who has serious intellectual handicaps, and a Summer road trip the two take together.
• “How to Train Your Dragon 2” – “Game of Thrones” star Kit Harington is likely to voice a villainous warrior in this upcoming animated sequel to the 2010 hit film that grossed nearly $500 million. Harrington is in negotiations to join returning cast members Jay Baruchel, Gerard Butler, Craig Ferguson, America Ferrera, Jonah Hill, and Kristen Wiig. The sequel’s due in June 2014.
• “The Mooring” – Hallie Todd, the mom on Disney’s “Lizzie McGuire” TV series, co-wrote the script and stars in this abduction thriller. The film pits a brutal killer (played by Thomas Wilson Brown) against a group of teenage girls moored on a houseboat on the St Joe’s river in Idaho. The scream pic is due to open later this year.
• “The Mortal Instruments” – Newcomer Jemima West (“The Borgias”) has joined the cast of this supernatural thriller based on Cassandra Clare’s best-selling young adult book series. It follows the story of a seemingly ordinary teenager who discovers she’s the descendent of a demon-hunting clan. Lily Collins and Jaime Campbell Bower are also in the cast.


Having trouble finding a date? You might want to blame your dog. According to a survey by phone app Klooff, some dog breeds are more likely to attract members of the opposite sex than others. And while results differ slightly among men and women, having a Labrador Retriever or Golden Retriever seems to be a surefire way to get noticed. The study of 1,000 adults also reveals that some pooches might attract people looking for relationships, while other breeds tend to attract singles just looking for some action. Men tend to judge women with Chihuahuas as being dumb, hot, and easy; women say they view men with Bulldogs as one-night-stands. (Meantime they view guys with Pitbulls …. from afar.)


Auto industry observers say there are currently a lot of good reasons to sell your clunker and buy a shiny new vehicle. Among them …
✓ Fuel Economy – Hybrid sales were up more than 35% in the 1st quarter, but the internal combustion engine has improved so much in the last decade that even non-hybrids will save you big money on fuel.
✓ Power – While new engines and transmissions help deliver better fuel economy, newer vehicles also tend to be more powerful.
✓ Safety – Significant changes in technology make vehicle occupants safer than ever before. Multiple airbags, stability and traction control systems, and tire pressure monitors are now standard on many new vehicles.
✓ Hi-Tech – Bluetooth wireless connections that enable cellphone integration into your vehicle’s audio system, heads-up displays, voice-controlled navigation systems, and rear-view cameras are becoming more widely available.
✓ Easier Credit – If you know what the best rate you can get outside the dealer before you go into the showroom, chances are the dealer will match what you can find elsewhere.
– AOL Autos

Stanley Coren, author of the upcoming book “Do Dogs Dream?”, says reproducing dog laughter correctly can make your pooch sit up, wag his tail, approach you from across the room, and even laugh along. Here’s how to do it …
1. Round your lips slightly to make a ‘hhuh’ sound. The sound has to be breathy with no actual voicing.
2. Use an open-mouthed, smiling expression to make a ‘hhah’ sound. Again, breathe the sound. Do not voice it.
3. Now combine steps 1 and 2 to create canine laughter. It should sound like ‘hhuh-hhah-hhuh-hhah’.
(Uh, what’s the difference between this and panting?)
– “Discover Magazine”


Jeremy Scott’s new $350 designer Adidas sneaker features yellow plastic chains that fit around the wearer’s ankles. The tagline: “Got a sneaker game so hot you lock your kicks to your ankles?” Some say there are offensive racist overtones to the design. (The only thing we find offensive is the ridiculous price for such an ugly shoe.)


1950 [62] Joey Kramer, NYC, rock drummer (Aerosmith-“I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing”, “Dream On”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2001)

1951 [61] Nils Lofgren, Chicago IL, classic rock guitarist (Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band-“Born In the USA”, “Born to Run”)

1976 [36] Mike Einziger, LA CA, alt-rock guitarist (Incubus-“Anna-Molly”, “Drive”)

1979 [33] Chris Pratt, Virginia MN, TV actor (‘Andy Dwyer’ on “Parks & Recreation’ since 2009)

1981 [31] Brandon Flowers, Henderson NV, pop/rock singer/keyboardist (The Killers-“Human”, “When You Were Young”)

1982 [30] Prince William (William Arthur Philip Louis Windsor), London UK, Duke of Cambridge/eldest son of Prince Charles & the late Princess Diana/married to Kate Middleton (Duchess of Cambridge) 2011/2nd-in-line to the British throne after his dad

1986 [26] Lana Del Rey (Elizabeth Grant), NYC, pop singer-songwriter (“Born to Die”, “Video Games”)


• “Aboriginal Day” in Canada, established in 1996 as a special day to celebrate the unique heritage, cultures, and contributions of First Nations, Inuit, and Métis people in Canada.

• “Atheists Solidarity Day”, a day of awareness when atheists everywhere are encouraged to be open about their lack of belief in god and not fear harmful consequences.

• “Baby Boomers Recognition Day”, a special day to commemorate the accomplishments of ol’ farts everywhere. The oldest ‘boomers’ are now 66.

• “Go Skateboarding Day”, an unofficial annual holiday conceived by the International Association of Skateboard Companies to promote boarding.

• “Midnight Sun Baseball Classic”, the 106th annual in Fairbanks, Alaska which begins at 10:30 pm without artificial lights, because these days Alaskans enjoy 22 hours of direct sunlight daily.

• “Recess at Work Day”, time to take a break, play some games, try an innovation exercise, and work on improving employee morale. If it’s good for school kids, why not for adults?

• “Stock Up on Antiperspirant Day”, ‘cause it’s too damn hot!

• “World Handshake Day” … but only after you use your hand sanitizer, OK?

• “World Humanist Day”, a day for spreading awareness of Humanism as a means to effect change. Humanism is a philosophy that promotes human reason, ethics, and justice; but rejects supernaturalism, pseudo-science, and superstition.


2003 [09] “Harry Potter & The Order Of the Phoenix” (book 5) is released in bookstores and grosses more in 1 day than the heavily-hyped movie opening of “Hulk”, an unprecedented feat in publishing

2004 [08] ‘SpaceShipOne’ rocket punches through Earth’s atmosphere, then returns to glide to a landing on California’s Mojave Desert in the 1st privately-financed manned spaceflight (a lot more to come)


2000 [12] ‘World’s Longest Bench’ is unveiled at a flower show in Japan, measuring 1,832 feet and seating 900 people (the next day, the world’s largest collection of chewing gum wads is found stuck underneath)


[Fri] “Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter”; “Brave”; “Seeking a Friend For the End Of the World” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Stupid Guy Thing Day
[Fri] Take Your Dog to Work Day
[Fri] Ugliest Dog Day
[Sat] Baby Boomers Recognition Day
[Sat] Backyard Campout Day
This Week Is … Carpenter Ant Awareness Week
This Month Is … Audio Book Appreciation Month


• ‘Renku’ [Type of Poetry]
• ‘Luc Bat’ [Type of Poetry]
• ‘Mugatu’ [Star Trek Villain]
• ‘Pathya Vat’ [Type of Poetry]
• ‘Gul Madred’ [Star Trek Villain]
• ‘Kai Winn’ [Star Trek Villain]
• ‘Rondel Prime’ [Type of Poetry]
• ‘Ghazal’ [Type of Poetry]
• ‘Rime Couée’ [Type of Poetry]
• ‘Gul Dukat’ [Star Trek Villain]
– Thanks to Allen Rein.


☎ What famous person do other people tell you that you most look like and/or sound like?


What percentage of adults say they save the spare change they receive instead of spending it?
a. 55%
b. 75% [CORRECT]
c. 95%
– “USA Today”


Summertime and the livin’ is easy … unless you sell long-johns.


Question: A recent study suggests that people who do THIS have a lot more friends than those who don’t.
Answer: Blush or get embarrassed easily.


It is much easier to become a parent than to be one.

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