BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Today the ‘Best Director’ Oscar handed to Michael Curtiz for the 1942 classic “Casablanca” is expected to fetch as much as $3 million as it goes up for bid by auctioneers Nate D Sanders (magician David Copperfield once owned it – he only paid $231,500) . . . Actress Angelina Jolie has reportedly rejected a stunt double and had herself strapped into a harness and hoisted high into the air by a crane to shoot scenes in England this week for “Maleficent” (a new version of “Sleeping Beauty” – what’s with all the fairytale remakes?) . . . Actresses-turned-fashion mavens Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen have designed a $16,000-fur bag for the new accessories line of their clothing label The Row (it’ll look really good after some tree-hugger sprays pink paint on it) . . . Actress/singer Kristin Chenoweth is being added to the cast of CBS-TV’s “The Good Wife” next season (guess that proves “GCB” is dead) . . . Soccer star David Beckham says he wants to live in LA for years to come so his 4 children can ‘grow up normally’ (?!?!?) . . . 49-year-old actor Tom Cruise is reportedly a fan of an expensive new facial treatment that involves wearing a mask made of rice bran, water and – nightingale poop (if you charge enough to make it sound exclusive, rich people will buy anything) . . . And according to a sentencing recommendation filed by the US Attorney’s Office, convicted hacker Christopher Chaney should be forced to pay Scarlett Johansson close to $67,000 in restitution for stealing those infamous naked pics from her phone and leaking them, but it’s recommended that another of his victims, Christina Aguilera, be awarded only $7,500 (as the saying goes, you get what you pay for).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Anger Management” (FX) – Charlie Sheen’s new comedy debuts with back-to-back episodes. He plays a former minor league baseball player who has anger issues. His real-life ex, Denise Richards, guest-stars as business partner to his onscreen ex, played by Shawnee Smith.
• “Brand X With Russell Brand” (FX) – The actor/comedian and Katy Perry ex hosts this new late-night talk show, discussing the news of the day from politics to pop culture.
• “The Choice” (FOX) – Finally, it’s a ladies’ choice as Carmen Electra, Sophie Monk, Hope Dworaczyk, and Rima Fakih look for a date.
• “Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Tenacious D (“Rize Of the Fenix”).
• “Duets” (ABC/Global) – The stars and their partners perform songs from the 2000s.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Kellie Pickler (“100 Proof”). Rerun. (See Celebirthdays.)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Linkin Park (“Living Things”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Ed Sheeran (“The Slumdon Bridge”); LP (“Into the Wild”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Brandi Carlile (“Bear Creek”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Maroon 5 (“Overexposed”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Carly Rae Jepsen (“Curiosity”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Keane (“Strangeland”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alice Cooper – The 64-year-old dinosaur rocker tells BANG Showbiz that today’s young rock groups need a ‘gigantic shot of testosterone’ so they can man up and embrace their inner rock star.
• Amy Winehouse – Her 60-year-old father Mitch tells “Grazia” magazine he feels guilty about it, but he sleeps a lot easier since she died because he’s not worrying about her all the time.
• 50 Cent – He’s been released from hospital and is apparently doing okay after his SUV was rear-ended by a Mack truck on New York’s Long Island Expressway Tuesday. Both he and his driver were hospitalized for tests after the SUV almost flipped.
• Justin Bieber – He’s notched the biggest selling debut sales week for an album this year, moving 374,000 copies of “Believe” in its first week, according to Nielsen SoundScan.
• Mariah Carey – The 42-year-old mom has gone back to work, laying down tracks in the recording studio for the first time since the birth of her twins Moroccan & Monroe in 2011. Her hubby Nick Cannon says the kids have inspired her songwriting.
• One Direction – 18-year-old Harry Styles admits in “OK!” magazine that he likes ‘cougars’ (he previously dated 32-year-old radio DJ Lucy Horobin), but insists he won’t date anyone older than his mom. She’s 44.
• R Kelly – Today the 45-year-old R&B singer publishes his memoir “Soulacoaster: The Diary of Me”, in which he shares details of his life and career, including his 2002 indictment for relations with underage girls. He was later cleared of all charges but the scandal tarnished his reputation.
• Rihanna – When a paparazzo got too close to her as she tried to exit the Whiskey Mist nightclub in London recently, one of the giant bodyguards protecting her unleashed a right cross that connected … hard. Rihanna was already inside her car when the K-O punch was thrown.
• Rolling Stones – Keith Richards tells “Rolling Stone” the band will meet up in July to discuss potential plans to record new material to mark their 50th anniversary.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Broad Street Bullies” – Rocker and horror movie director Rob Zombie will write, direct, and produce this hockey movie about the 1970s-era Stanley Cup-winning Philadelphia Flyers. Zombie says the backdrop of the turbulent year of 1974 is perfect for this ‘stranger than fiction’ sports tale.
• “Lego: The Piece of Resistence” – This upcoming 80%/20% animation/live action mix features Chris Pratt voicing the role of ‘Emmet’, an ordinary law-abiding Lego figure whose life dramatically changes when he’s compelled to stop an evil tyrant from taking over the world. Will Arnett voices ‘Lego Batman’, Channing Tatum ‘Lego Superman’. The film’s due in 2014.
• “Libertador” – Venezuelan actor Edgar Ramirez (“Wrath Of the Titans”) is set to star in this biopic about 19th century Latin American freedom fighter Simon Bolivar. The $35-million+ Venezuela-Spain co-production features an international cast that includes Danny Huston (“X-Men Origins: Wolverine”), Gary Lewis (“Billy Elliot”), and Imanol Arias (“Guernica 33 Days”).
• “Machete Kills” – Danny Trejo returns as the title character, a vigilante who battles to take down an arms dealer looking to launch a weapon into space. Director Robert Rodriguez’s sequel to his 2010 film will also feature Charlie Sheen as the US president, plus a supporting cast that includes Mel Gibson and Sofía Vergara. The follow-up film’s due in 2013.
• “Olympus Has Fallen” – Gerard Butler produces and stars as a retired Secret Service agent charged with keeping the US president safe during a terrorist attack on the White House. Aaron Eckhart (“The Dark Knight”) co-stars as the president. The action thriller shoots this Summer in Shreveport, Louisiana with an eye to a 2014 release.

MANLIEST HOME RENOVATIONS:
10. Install a fireplace. Otherwise you can’t play with fire safely.
9. Tear down a wall. Take a sledgehammer and party like it’s 1989 in Berlin all over again.
8. Finish your basement. It’s your bunker, protecting you from noisy neighbors, unwanted sunlight, and nuclear war.
7. Install an outdoor patio. It’s manly as long as it’s made of stone and contains a built-in grill, fire pit, and outdoor bar.
6. Build a screening room with gigantic TV and contoured, leather, reclining seats with cup holders. Cup holders make a chaise lounge look manly.
5. Replace a roof. Men don’t need much, but we do need to stay dry while we sleep.
4. Tear up flooring. You’ll need a crowbar, a sledgehammer, and a scraper … some of the manliest tools in existence.
3. Convert a garage into a home gym. It ensures not having to listen to Lady Gaga while sharing dumbbells with aspiring offensive tackles at the local Y.
2. Build a deck. It allows you to smoke cigars, grill meat, and hang out up high so you can survey your land like a feudal lord.
1. Install a bar. Everyone loves a barkeep. And you can play the role at home without the annoyance of slobbering drunks or the threat of armed robbery.
– Adapted from AskMen.com

WANT FRIES WITH THAT?
The average person makes more than 200 decisions about food every day, and most of the time isn’t even aware of it. We may take a stand each morning when it comes to ordering a tall, non-fat, no-foam latte, but for the most part, we tend to consume what’s put in front of us. When we eat out, everything from a restaurant’s lighting to the menu design to the size of the plate or cup influences how much we eat and drink. (If you eat off little saucers, portions look gigantic!)
– “New York Times Magazine”

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT FARMERS MARKETS:
• Most farmers who participate in open markets run very small operations.
• Standing out in the Summer sun is nice, but the job isn’t easy.
• With very thin margins, prices are often incredibly fair and there’s no room for bargaining.
• The best way to get a good deal? Be a regular customer.
• If you spend $100 at a farmers’ market, $62 goes back into the local economy.
• If you’re not sure, ask to taste before buying. Most farmers are happy to provide samples.
• Some produce vendors are only retailers, not growers. Ask questions if you think the vendor is a wholesaler, not a local farmer.
• You can’t get everything all the time. There are seasons when certain produce isn’t available.
• Watch out for buzzwords like ‘Natural’, ‘Specialty’, ‘Estate’, ‘Artisan’, ‘Local’, and ‘Organic’.
• When it comes to perishable products, many bargains can be found at the end of the day.
– Condensed from RD.com

THROWING THE BOOK AT THEM:
Some prisoners in Brazil are getting the chance to shorten their sentences by up to 48 days a year simply by … reading books. The ‘Redemption Through Reading’ program allows qualified federal prison inmates to knock 4 days off their sentence for each book they finish from a selection of literature, philosophy, science, and classics. In order to prove they’ve read and comprehended each work, they’re required to write an essay. One goal of the program is to give prisoners a more enlightened vision of the world. (This week’s top loaner: “Prison Escapes for Dummies”.)
– “Christian Science Monitor”

BRITISH CELEBRITIES THAT BRITISH PEOPLE HATE:
✗ Piers Morgan – A former editor of trashy British tabloids, his reputation for being oily and smug may be why he crossed the pond to America.
✗ Ricky Gervais – Perceived as annoying on talk shows, annoying in his weirdly old fashioned standup routines, and annoying on TV comedies other than “The (original) Office”.
✗ The Royal Family – To say most Brits hate the Royal Family isn’t true. It’s more indifference. If you’re not a member of the aristocracy, chances are they’re utterly irrelevant to you.
✗ Chris Martin – For many, Coldplay is a band whose sound can best be described as a warbling, anemic Nickelback … with accents.
✗ Victoria Beckham – As ‘Posh Spice’ we all thought it was an act. Nope, turns out she really does think she’s something special. When it comes to any measurable talent, she’s not.
– Adapted from Maxim.com

GETTING A GLOW ON:
Sweat releases body heat by evaporative cooling. Here’s the science: As each gram of sweat transitions from liquid to gas, it absorbs 2,427 joules of energy from the body and dissipates the heat into the environment. But if you wipe away the perspiration before it evaporates, that process gets cut short, and you’ll need to sweat more to achieve the same degree of cooling. On the other hand, any sweat that drips to the ground before it can evaporate won’t do you any good, so if you’re really soaked you may as well reach for a towel. (Your own towel, please!!!!)
– Slate.com

NEW BS GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• 22-year-old Ludwick Marishane, a student at South Africa’s University of Cape Town, has won global recognition for his new invention that takes the water out of bathing. His product called ‘DryBath’ is a clear gel that, when applied to the skin, serves as a functional replacement for hot water and soap. (And guys, you don’t have to wear a shower cap to keep your hair from falling out!)
– “Globe & Mail”
• Chinese designer Changhong has created the ‘S Home Refrigerator’, a full-sized fridge that becomes transparent as you approach it. The doors appear opaque from afar, but at close range the fridge contents can be seen. That allows you to choose food or make a grocery list without having to keep the door open. Opening the fridge accounts for 7% of the average electricity bill. (Now you can leave it closed while asking, “What’s that goo at the back that’s turned all green?”)
– HuffingtonPost.com

DID YOU KNOW?
Believe it or not these all are true!
✓ A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 years.
✓ When you sneeze all bodily functions stop … even your heart.
✓ Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
✓ Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until 2-to-6 years of age.
✓ An apple is more efficient than caffeine at waking you up in the morning.
– MindJunker.com

BS CHRONOMETER 06.28.12

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [64] Kathy Bates, Memphis TN, movie actress (“Midnight in Paris”, 1990 Oscar-“Misery”)/TV actress (“Harry’s Law” 2011-12, “The Office” 2010-11)

1966 [46] John Cusack, Evanston IL, movie actor (“2012”, “Runaway Jury”)  BS FACTOID: His recent film “The Raven” was the 241st film or TV show adapted from Edgar Allan Poe’s writings.

1976 [36] Tim Nordwind, Kalamazoo MI, alt-rock bassist/singer (OK Go-“White Knuckles”, “Here It Goes Again”)

1977 [35] Mark Stoermer, Houston TX, pop-rock bassist (The Killers-“Human”, “When You Were Young”)

1986 [26] Kellie Pickler, Albemarle NC, country singer (“Best Days Of Your Life”, “Red High Hells”)/former “American Idol” finalist (2006)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Insurance Awareness Day”. Hmm, now who do you think came up with this one?

• “Long Letter Day”, time to stop whatever you’re doing and write a long letter to an old friend. After all, when’s the last time you actually put pen to paper and sent something snail-mail?

• “Tapioca Day”, honoring that stuff you put in pudding that looks like fish eyes.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1998 [14] 1st TV ratings week in which more viewers watch cable/satellite channels than broadcast channels (that Home & Garden channel is rivetting, isn’t it?)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2007 [05] The Spice Girls announce a reunion and ‘world tour’ (fizzles out after a handful of shows)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1994 [18] 1st ‘UV Index’ reading, measuring daily ultraviolet exposure from the sun’s rays (aka the ‘Melanoma Factor’)

1997 [15] Mike Tyson bites Evander Holyfield’s ear in the 3rd round of their heavyweight rematch, leading to his disqualification from the match and suspension from boxing (millions watched in horror on ‘Pay-Per-Chew’ TV)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1984 [28] England’s Melvyn Switzer sets ‘Loudness Record for Snoring’ at 85.5 decibels (a level that can damage your ears over time)

1988 [24] An ostrich at the Israeli Kibbutz Ha’on lays the ‘Heaviest Bird Egg Ever Recorded’ … 5.1 lbs (2.3 kg)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] “Magic Mike”; “Madea’s Witness Protection”; “Ted” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Tour de France begins
[Sat] National Organization for Women Day
[Sun] International Chicken Wing Day
[Sun] Second Half Of the Year Day
[Sun] Hug a Cowboy Day
[Mon] Be Nice to People You Don’t Like Day
This Week Is … Lightning Safety Awareness Week
This Month Is … Soul Food Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Is it OK to yell ‘MOVIE!’ in a crowded firehouse?
• Do you have anything to do if you work at a ‘Duty-Free Shop’?
• If you go to the ‘Missing Persons Bureau’, is there anyone there?
• What is an ‘occasional chair’ the rest of the time?
• When someone is yelling at you in sign language, do you just close your eyes?

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the goofiest cure for baldness you’ve heard of? “New Scientist” notes that ‘treatments’ go back at least 3,500 years. They’ve included …
✓ Sleep on a tilted bed.
✓ Rub your head with red pepper, kerosene, and carbolic acid.
✓ Have hot wax injected under your scalp.
✓ Pour cold tea on your pate.
✓ Rub your head with lemon juice and dance under a Full Moon.
✓ Don’t masturbate.

BS THIS-OR-THAT THURSDAY:
Run down the list rapid-fire while a guest/crew member picks which of each pair is better …
• Bacon & eggs or pancakes & syrup?
• Beach or mountains?
• Entire chocolate bar now or half for now/half for later?
• Sun or shade?
• Road trip or flight?
• Frosty daiquiri or ice-cold beer?
• Paint the whole fence now or do half now/half later?
• Romantic comedy or action thriller?
• Pickup truck or convertible?
• Apples or oranges?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Which country has the world’s oldest national anthem?
a. China.
b. The Netherlands. [CORRECT. The music appeared in 1572, the lyrics in 1590. The Japanese anthem has the oldest lyrics, from the 9th century, but the music is from 1880.]
c. Burkina Faso.
– Crap.net

BS RANDOM JOKE:
He takes his dog on more vacations than his wife.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 9-out-of-10 big-time CEOs have THIS in common.
Answer: They’re at least 6-feet-tall.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Friends are people you can be quiet with.

Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s “BS”!