Thursday, March 10, 2011          Edition: #4459
Bovine Defecation That’s State-of-the-Art!

Today Lindsay Lohan is due in court to face that felony count of grand theft for allegedly stealing a $2,500-necklace from a Venice CA jewelry store (now that the surveillance tape has been leaked all over, look for her lawyers to ask for dismissal) . . . Meantime, Lohan is said to be considering suing the Kamofie & Co jewelry store over the release of their security tape (which may actually help get her off) . . . “NY Daily News” reports that filmmaker Julie Taymor (“Across the Universe”) has stepped down as director of the beleaguered Broadway musical “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark”, just before it’s scheduled to officially open March 15th (a spokesperson is denying the production is set for another 3-month delay) . . . 51-year-old Simon Cowell is reportedly cutting out carbs and sucking on vegetable smoothies in order to lose about 15 lbs and get in great shape for the Fall launch of the US version of his talent show “The X Factor” (so he can fit into his goofy-looking T-shirts) . . . Today’s weird couple rumor: 37-year-old Isaiah Mustafa (aka ‘the Old Spice Guy’) & 50-year-old comedian Kathy Griffin (“My Life On the D-List”) . . . Concert promoter Live Nation has inked a deal with Charlie Sheen to market a line of merchandise emblazoned with some of his most memorable rants and promises some of the items will be for sale as soon as next week (before the crash & burn) . . ., which allows users to view, download, and share up to 2 minutes of any scene of any movie available on its site, has signed a rights deal with Universal, its first with a major studio (you can watch a whole movie in just 60 downloads!) . . . Meantime, Warner Bros is launching a test to determine if Facebook users are interested in renting movies using Facebook credits (30 credits or $3 for a 48-hour rental) . . . And “The King’s Speech” co-producer Simon Egan has had his ‘Best Picture’ Academy Award sent to the ‘Oscar hospital’ after his 15-month-old daughter Lara dropped it while posing for a photo and it was damaged on his concrete patio (Oscar is fine, but the kid is now petrified of it).

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Season 8 runner-up Adam Lambert returns to perform an acoustic version of “Aftermath” (his new CD/DVD “Glam Nation Live” is out March 22nd); one contestant is sent home.
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Rihanna (“Loud”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Cake (“Showroom of Compassion”).
• “Ladies & Gentlemen, The Rolling Stones” (PBS) – Filmmaker Rollin Binzer presents peak moments from the legendary band’s 1972 US tour.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Laurie Anderson (“Homeland”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Gang Of Four (“Content”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – “American Idol” judge Jennifer Lopez (“On The Floor”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Neon Trees (“Habits”)

• Alice In Chains – 44-year-old bassist Mike Starr, who appeared on Dr Drew Pinsky’s “Celebrity Rehab” last year, has passed away after suffering a suspected drug overdose in Utah.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s set to launch another fragrance, this one named ‘Secret Potion’. She already has 3 other scents on the market. (Hey, when the music ain’t selling …)
• Fall Out Boy – Pete Wentz has filed legal papers to fight for joint custody of Bronx Mowgli, his son with estranged wife Ashlee Simpson.
• Foo Fighters – Tonight MTV premieres the new video “Rope” at 7:54 pm ET/PT, both on-air and online. Their new album “Wasting Light” is coming April 12th.
• Kings of Leon – Romance rumors surrounding 24-year-old bassist Jared Followill and 18-year-old Miley Cyrus seemingly just won’t die. They met in November at the “MTV Europe Music Awards” in Madrid and have been hanging out together here and there ever since.
• Robbie Robertson – He’s planning to write his autobiography after he releases “How to Become Clairvoyant” in April, his first solo album in 13 years.
• Yoko Ono – The 78-year-old  tells “Rolling Stone” she was initially against the idea of remixing some of her old songs and still feels a bit ‘guilty’ about their recent success on the dance/club music charts. She’s just scored her 6th consecutive #1 track with “Move on Fast”.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Cog” – Oscar-nominated short film makers Alan Smith & Adam Foulkes will make their feature film debut with this animated comedy about a supermarket worker rat blessed with an amazing voice. In order to enter a talent contest he disguises himself with prosthetics as a cute mouse, which wins him fame & fortune but threatens his friendships and self-identity.
• “Deepwater Horizon’s Final Hour” – Movie rights have been purchased for a “NY Times” article about the fateful moments leading up to last year’s devastating BP oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. The upcoming feature film will focus on the courage of those who worked on the drilling rig before the explosion and subsequent oil spill. So far the film’s just in the concept stage.
• “The Expendables 2” – Sylvester Stallone is reportedly meeting with potential directors as he won’t be taking on the job in the sequel. He’s also had less involvement with the script. Bruce Willis is confirmed to return and Jean-Claude Van Damme is also said to be interested even though he turned down a role in the first film. It grossed $275 million worldwide last Summer.
• “Hick” – Blake Lively (“Gossip Girl”) & Chloe Moretz (“Kick Ass”) will portray a drug-addicted mother and her 13-year-old daughter, who gets more than she bargained for when she runs away to Las Vegas. Juliette Lewis has signed on to co-star. Andrea Portes has written the script based on her debut novel of the same name.
• “Home In the Morning” – Mary Glickman’s debut novel, originally published as an e-book, has been optioned for a feature film adaptation. The story follows a white Jewish lawyer living in America’s South from the 1960s Civil Rights era through to the 1990s. This will be one the first e-books to be adapted for film.

Podiatrists warn that footwear wears out in the area where we overload it, so the part where we need the most support is no longer there. A few guidelines on when it’s time to retire a shoe …
• If good-quality shoes are well taken care of, they could last 5-to-15 years. If you wear a pair of shoes to work 3 or 4 times a week, after a year or so they’ll either need fixing or trashing.
• The life of a running shoe is 300-to-500 miles (500-to-800 km), though it varies with body weight, gait, and surface on which you run.
• High-heels wear down faster than flats because their heels are narrower and the soles are usually thinner. If the thickness of the sole has worn down by half, it’s time to resole or replace.
• Sandals have a shorter life than enclosed shoes. Stretched or broken straps means it’s time to replace them or, if they’re expensive, repair them.

Virgin Atlantic’s ‘Flying Without Fear’ course brags a 98% success rate in getting white-knuckle airline patrons over their paranoia, but it costs about $350. Here are a few highlights for free …
• Every system on a commercial airliner has at least 1 and sometimes up to 4 backups.
• It’s impossible for a door to fly open during flight as the pressure inside the airplane hull is much higher than the pressure outside, so doors are wedged in place by that pressure.
• Even if there is total engine failure, an aircraft at 35,000 feet can glide more than 100 miles with no engines whatsoever.
• Planes are built to ditch on water and must prove their flotation ability prior to certification.
• Should an aircraft encounter a flock of birds, it’s extremely unlikely that all 4 engines will be hit.
• ‘Turbulence’ is just the airplane wobbling in the moving body of air. It can get bumpy, but that’s to be expected.
– “Best Health Magazine”

Evolutionary biologist Stephen Stearns of Yale University in New Haven CT has collected and analyzed extensive data that’s convinced him humans are still evolving … and in a surprising direction. His calculations suggest differing fertility levels might be driving changes in our species that may include reduced height and a slight increase in weight. So what might future humans look like? Rather than George Clooney, the man of the future may more resemble … Danny DeVito. (5-foot, nuthin’ and like 700 pounds.)
– “The Independent”

• “BioShock” – The game’s underwater world is such a rich place a movie is bound to happen.
• “Half-Life” – Another struggle between humanity and evil aliens that’s perfect for the bigscreen.
• “Halo” – The battle between humans and the evil ‘Covenant’ would make for an epic sci-fi film.
• “Metal Gear Solid” – One of the best examples of videogame storytelling.
• “The Secret of Monkey Island” – Like “Pirates Of the Caribbean”, a comedic pirate adventure.
• “Splinter Cell” – Grizzled superspy ‘Sam Fisher’ makes this a natural fit for movie adaptation.
• “StarCraft” – This story of an intergalactic war is ripe for a “Lord Of the Rings”-style adventure.

An emerging body of research suggests that spending time alone can be good for us. It seems certain tasks and thought processes are best carried out without anyone else around, and we need time to ourselves if we want to have a fully developed personality. An ongoing Harvard study, for instance, indicates that people form more lasting and accurate memories when they experience something alone. Another indicates that a certain amount of solitude can make a person more capable of empathy toward others. In a related survey, 77% of women and 58% of men say ‘me-time’ is important to them. (At what point does me-time become hermitic?)
– “Boston Globe”

• Federal Express founder Fred Smith first proposed his idea for overnight package delivery in a 1965 paper he wrote for an economics course. The paper only scored a ‘C’.
• 35% of available tickets to most pro sporting events go unsold. Major League Baseball’s Tampa Bay Rays are a prime example. Last year attendance dropped below 11,000 at some home games in a stadium that seats 55,000.


1957 [54] Osama Bin Laden, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, Al-Qa’ida founder/one-time world’s most-wanted man

1963 [48] Jeff Ament, Havre MT, rock bassist (Pearl Jam-“The Fixer”, “World Wide Suicide”)

1964 [47] Prince Edward (Edward Antony Richard Louis Windsor), London UK, QEII’s #3 son/Earl of Wessex & Viscount Severn/wed to Sophie Rhys-Jones

1971 [40] Jon Hamm, St Louis MO, TV actor (‘Don Draper’ on “Mad Men” since 2007)/movie actor (“The Town”, “Shrek Forever After”)

1975 [36] Jerry Horton, Charleston SC, alt-rock guitarist (Papa Roach-“Kick In the Teeth”, “Lifeline”)

1977 [34] Robin Thicke, LA CA, R&B/soul singer (“Sex Therapy”, “Lost Without U”)

1983 [28] Carrie Underwood, Muskogee OK, country singer (“Undo It”, “Before He Cheats”)/”American Idol 4” winner (2005)

• “Canadian Music Week 2011”, through Sunday in Toronto. The annual event includes the “Canadian Music & Broadcast Industry Awards” tonight. Best of luck to the 18 “Bull Sheet” subscribers who are up for accolades!

• “International Day of Awesomeness”, a day to recognize that people are awesome every day, frequently don’t realize it, and their awesomeness is rarely recognized. On this special day you’re encouraged to both perform and celebrate feats of awesomeness!

• “Mario Day”, saluting anyone with that name because the abbreviated date (MAR-10) sort of spells ‘Mario’. Famous Marios include NHL Hall of Famer Mario Lemieux, legendary race car driver Mario Andretti, TV personality Mario Lopez, and the videogame Super Mario Bros.

• “Salvation Army Day”, the anniversary of its establishment in the USA on this day in 1880. The ‘Sally Ann’ was founded by William Booth in London in 1865, then came to NYC to provide food, shelter, and clothing to needy Americans.

• “World Kidney Day”, an annual global health awareness campaign on the 2nd Thursday of March focused on reducing the frequency and impact of kidney disease and its associated health problems worldwide. The 2011 theme is ‘Protect Your Kidneys and Save Your Heart’.

1876 [135] 1st ‘Telephone Call’ as Alexander Graham Bell says to Thomas Watson in the next room: “Mr  Watson, come here. I want you.” (setting off all kinds of rumors)

1941 [70] 1st ‘Batting Helmets’ used by pro baseball players (Brooklyn Dodgers)

2002 [09] Ravindra Nath Halder of Calcutta, India gets a call to come in for an interview for a government job he’d applied for … 34 years previously (the grandfather says he’s too old for the gig but he’s glad to know his application is finally being considered)

[Fri] Middle Name Pride Day
[Sat] “Rascal Flatts: Nothing Like This” (ABC)
[Sat] Genealogy Day
[Sun] International Fanny Pack Day
[Sun] Check Your Batteries Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time Begins
[Mon] Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 2011 Induction (NYC)
This Week Is … Brain Awareness Week
This Month Is … Listening Awareness Month


• When he runs out of novocaine, he resorts to the old mallet-to-the-head method.
• After she asks you to spit she says, “OK, my turn.”
• Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.
• She has a macrame hanging made entirely of dental floss.
• Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.
• Her mask’s on the back of her head.
• Does an extensive search for cavities … both dental and body.
• Wears a necklace made of molars.
• Keeps offering ‘a little laughing gas for you … and a little for me’.
• Licks his tools clean.
• After one look in your mouth, calls home to say it looks like the kids will be going to college after all.

What’s the fantasy career you always dreamed of but never pursued?

They’re both known for their rock ‘n roll lifestyles and bizarre ramblings, so see if you can you tell who uttered these 15 quotes. Was it late baked writer Hunter S Thompson or currently unhinged actor Charlie Sheen?

Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the 4 food groups: The bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the thing-in-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge group.

Today’s Question: 61% of us say we do THIS regularly via text message, but only 1-in-5 do it in person.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Say ‘I love you’ to their partner.

You are young at any age if you are planning for tomorrow.

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