Friday, March 16, 2012        Edition: #4707

Happy St Patty’s Day, For Sheet’s Sake!

HBO’s “Luck” has just run out, the network canceling the Dustin Hoffman racetrack drama after a 3rd horse has died on the set (what are the odds?) . . . When asked this week why he recently cut his hair, “Two-And-a-Half-Men” star Ashton Kutcher joked, “Jesus wanted his look back so I gave it to him” (new look: clean-shaven, short hair) . . . Denying rumors of cosmetic surgery, a rep for “Missing” star Ashley Judd is blaming her weird puffy face on an ‘ongoing, serious sinus infection’ (um, ok but why’s the left eyebrow always arched – hair transplant from the hind leg of a dog?) . . . Relationship-challenged movie star Charlize Theron (36) has just adopted a son (named ‘Jackson’), something she says she’s been trying to do for a long time (given up on finding Mr Right?) . . . Meantime, actress Sandra Bullock (47) is said to be seeking a younger sib for her adopted son Louis, reporting that she’s already completed the paperwork (we’re betting it’s not a Jesse) . . . Whitney Houston’s ‘adopted’ son Nick Gordon has scotched rumors he’s dating the tragic singer’s daughter Bobbi Kristina, insisting he’s just ‘helping her through her grief’ (the best way he knows how) . . . New Orleans police have issued a warrant for Russell Brand’s arrest for hurling a photographer’s cellphone through the window of an abandoned building, even though Brand has already offered to pay for the busted window (what about the phone, dude?) . . . And “Dancing With the Stars” is supposed to be a competition where contestants meet their pro partners on Day 1 of the season (March 19th), but buzz has it that Sherri Shepherd has already been practicing with her partner, Maks Chmerkovskiy, since early last December (that’s it, we’re finished watching this show … wait a sec, we never started).

• “CMC Rocks the Hunter 2012” (Hunter Valley, Australia) – Tonight through Sunday, Dierks Bentley, Faith Hill, and Tim McGraw headline the annual country festival Down Under.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Plants & Animals (“The End Of That”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Tonight Keane (“Strangeland”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight The Kills (“Midnight Boom”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Fitz & The Tantrums (“Pickin’ Up The Pieces”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Kasabian (“Velociraptor”). Rerun.
• “Oprah’s Next Chapter” (OWN) – Sunday Oprah interviews the pop superstar and her mother at their family home in New York. Gaga reveals she’s planning to ‘go silent’ for awhile as she has ‘nothing else to say to the media’. (Even she’s getting tired of hearing about her!)
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Host ex-NBA player Charles Barkley; musical guest: Kelly Clarkson (“Stronger”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Toby Keith (“Clancy’s Tavern”).

✓ “The Walking Dead” (Sunday)

• Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band – Sunday in Atlanta, Georgia they embark on the first leg of a North American tour. Late saxophonist Clarence Clemons is being replaced by both his nephew, Jake Clemons, and longtime band collaborator Eddie Manion. “Wrecking Ball” has just become Springsteen’s 10th #1 album.
• Bruno Mars – He’s become only the 10th man ever to grace to cover of “Playboy” magazine, playing guitar in the cover shot while April’s ‘Playmate Of the Month’, Raquel Pomplin, lies at his feet.
• Jack White – Tonight he headlines a Third Man Records showcase at the “South By Southwest Festival” in Austin, Texas. He’s the label’s CEO.
• Jennifer Lopez – In the April issue of “Vogue”, her longtime manager and business partner Benny Medina says she’s a victim of ‘serial monogamy’ who isn’t able to maintain a healthy relationship with a man because she’s only interested in obsessive guys who pursue her.
• Maroon 5 – Trying to explain why he’s getting into the celeb fragrance biz after previously mocking it on Twitter, Adam Levine tells “People” magazine: “I want to do a thing that’s never done properly.“ (BS translation: The money’s good.)
• Reba McEntire – Saturday her 90-minute concert special “All the Women I Am” premieres on Great American Country. It was shot during a gig at the Cajun Dome in Lafayette, Louisiana.
• Rihanna – She’s dropping hints that she’s getting back together with Chris Brown. Quoting the Beres Hammond song “They Gonna Talk”, she has tweeted: “When they see me with you, wonder what the crowd would say? When they find us together, what will all the people say?”
• Rolling Stones – It looks like their planned 50th anniversary tour won’t happen until 2013, partly due to the questionable health of Keith Richards. Rather than a grueling world tour, they may opt to camp out in major cities for multi-night stands.

(Three R-rated comedies opening on the same day … does this make sense?)
• “Casa De Mi Padre” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Will Ferrell is experimenting with indie movies again, this one a bit unhinged and borderline inappropriate. The story follows the ‘Alvarez’ brothers, who find themselves at war with a Mexican drug lord while trying to save their father’s ranch. Co-stars Gael García Bernal, Diego Luna. Directed by Matt Piedmont of “Funny or Die” fame.
• “Jeff, Who Lives at Home” ( Limited Release R-Rated Comedy ) – Jason Segel (“The Muppets”) plays a 30-year-old slacker who lives in the basement of his mom’s house. Susan Sarandon plays his mother and Ed Helms (“The Office”) his estranged brother who, by comparison, seems to have everything going for him … except his wife.
• “21 Jump Street” ( R-Rated Action Comedy ) – In this bigscreen adaptation of the TV show that starred Johnny Depp (1987-91), Jonah Hill & Channing Tatum play a pair of underachieving cops who are sent back to a local high school to blend in and bring down a drug ring. Co-stars Ice Cube and Brie Larson, with a cameo by Depp.


A new University of Warwick study of more than 10,000 people has found that we grow happier as we get older. Although physical quality of life goes down after middle age, mental well-being doesn’t – in fact, it increases. The researchers suggest this could be due to better coping abilities. It could also be due to a lowering of expectations from life, with older people less likely to put pressure on themselves in the personal and professional spheres. (“Did I put on pants today? Yes! How happy for me.”)
– “The Telegraph”

Students may perform better if they’re told that failure is a normal part of learning, according to new research from the University of Poitiers in France. The widespread cultural belief is that academic success equates with a high level of competence, and failure relates to intellectual inferiority. By being obsessed with success, students are afraid to fail, the study says, so they’re reluctant to try to master new material. Acknowledging that difficulty is a crucial part of learning could help overcome feelings of incompetence. (“Dad, I got an ‘F’. Aren’t you proud?”)

The very first NCAA Basketball Tournament was held in 1939 and won by the University of Oregon ‘Tall Firs’. (Now they’re the ‘Fighting Ducks’. Are they mascot-challenged?)


1949 [63] Victor Garber, London ON, movie actor (“Milk”, “Titanic”)/TV actor (“Eli Stone” 2008-09, “Alias” 2001-06)/Broadway actor (“Damn Yankees”)

1954 [58] Nancy Wilson, San Francisco CA, classic rock singer (Heart-“Alone”, “Dreamboat Annie”)

1967 [45] Lauren Graham, Honolulu HI, TV actress (‘Sarah Braverman’ on “Parenthood” since 2010, “Gilmore Girls” 2000-07)/movie actress (“Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs”, “Bad Santa”)

1969 [43] Judah Friedlander, Gaithersburg MD, TV actor (‘Frank Rossitano’ on “30 Rock” since 2006)

1991 [21] Wolfgang Van Halen, Santa Monica CA, rock bassist (Van Halen since 2006)/son of Eddie Van Halen & Valerie Bertinelli

Movie actor Kurt Russell (“Escape From LA”) is 61; TV actor Gary Sinise (“CSI: NY”) is 57; TV actor Christian Clemenson (“CSI: Miami”) is 54; TV actor Rob Lowe (“Parks & Recreation”) is 48; Alt-rock singer Billy Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins) is 45; TV actress Brittany Daniel (“It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia”) is 36; Reality TV personality Rob Kardashian Jr (“Keeping Up With the Kardashians) is 25.

Pop singer-actress Vanessa Williams (“Save the Best for Last”) is 49; Alt-rock guitarist Jerry Cantrell (Alice in Chains) is 46; Movie actress-singer Queen Latifah (“Joyful Noise”) is 42; Pop singer-TV personality Adam Levine (Maroon 5) is 33; Indie-rock drummer Daren Taylor (Airborne Toxic Event) is 32.

• “Annual Coffee Cup Washing Day”, a day to give your scum-laden, germ-infested coffee mug at work its annual clean-out … whether it needs it or not.
• “Freedom of Information Day”, celebrating the idea that all citizens in a democracy can access government information. (If they have a lawyer and a dozen years to burn.)
• “Lips Appreciation Day”, when we’re encouraged to do something nice for our lips … kiss somebody. (Go ahead, pick someone at random and see how big the ensuing lawsuit is.)
• “St Urho’s Day”, celebrating the (tongue-in-cheek) saint who allegedly ‘cleared the grasshoppers out of Finland’. The mock holiday is observed in parts of Canada and the USA. For instance, Finnish-Americans in Rolla, North Dakota are staging their 8th annual parade.
• “World Sleep Day”, an international celebration of sleep and a call to action on important issues related to sleep, including medicine, education, and driving.

• “Clean Your Closet Day”. After all, would once-a-year kill ya? Sort it by junk, charity donations, and giveaways for family & friends. More tips on how to do it …
• “Quilting Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Saturday of March to honor the old-fashioned art-form that’s becoming lost in our hi-tech society. (Sort of a patched together celebration.)
• “St Patrick’s Day”, the Irish national holiday that began as a ‘solemn religious observance’ to honor St Patrick (389-461 AD), patron saint of Ireland. Some fast facts …
– It’s been an Irish holiday for 1,500 years, the first US celebrations being in Boston by the ‘Charitable Irish Society’ in 1737 and at NYC’s Crown & Thistle Tavern in 1756. It was first celebrated in Canada in 1765 in Québec City.
– The first St Patrick’s Day parade did not take place in Ireland, but rather in New York. Irish soldiers serving in the English military marched through NYC on March 17, 1762.
– NYC’s is still the world’s largest “St Patrick’s Parade”, with over a million spectators & 100,000 participants expected each year. The 2-mile parade lasts about 6 hours.
– Since 1965, the Chicago River has been dyed green for the “Chicago St Patrick’s Parade”, an idea conceived when a plumber was observed using green dye to trace leaks from a building.
– Green is associated with “St Patrick’s Day” because it’s the color of Spring, Ireland, and the shamrock.
• “Submarine Day”, celebrating the sandwich also known as a ‘hoagie’ or a ‘hero’.

• “Awkward Moments Day”, a day to celebrate the humor in life’s uncomfortable and embarrassing situations. (Humor which we normally fail to see until years later.)
• “Biodiesel Day”, in honor of the clean-burning fuel that can be used in any diesel engine with no conversion whatsoever. It is derived from 100% renewable resources like soybeans, canola, mustard seed, even recycled cooking oil. It’s celebrated on the anniversary of the 1858 birth of Rudolph Diesel, the German inventor of the diesel engine.
• “Forgive Mom & Dad Day”. No matter how lousy they were as parents, it’s time to let it go and get on with your life.
• “Mothering Sunday”, the UK equivalent of “Mother’s Day” that’s celebrated on the 4th Sunday of Lent to honor all British mums. It’s been an observance since at least the 16th century.

1996 [16] “One Sweet Day” by Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men stays at #1 for a 16th week in-a-row, setting a new record for the longest a single has remained atop the chart

1999 [13] The RIAA gives the 1st ‘Diamond Award’ certification, honoring “The Eagles’ Greatest Hits 1971-1975” for 10 million units sold


2003 [09] Largest coordinated worldwide vigil takes place, a global protest against the Iraq War

[Mon] Chocolate Caramel Day
[Mon] Poultry Day
[Mon] Let’s Laugh Day
[Tues] Spring Equinox
[Tues] Proposal Day
[Tues] Alien Abduction Day
[Tues] Atheist Pride Day
This Week Is … Poison Prevention Week
This Month Is … Eye Donor Month


Sometimes you don’t need the entire joke, just the punchline …
• “That’s not the Blarney Stone, but don’t stop kissing it.”
• “Don’t worry about it Dr Cullen, I’ll come back when you’re sober.”
• “But I thought ‘Dublin’ meant doing it with twins.”
• “Why didn’t ya tell me the dog was Catholic?”
• “Keep looking … I know there’s a shamrock in there somewhere.”
• “She’s out in the barn making Bailey’s Irish Cream.”
• “That is my thick Irish brogue, and yes, I’m happy to see you.”
• “Can’t you tell by the smell of that baptismal water what we are? We’re Pisscopalians.”


What’s the correct response to the Irish greeting “Top of the morning to you”?
a. And the bottom of a pint to you.
b. And the rest of the day to yourself. [CORRECT]
c. Here’s to being single, drinking doubles, and seeing triple.


☎ Should there be repercussions at school or work from your online life? (A 12-year-old Minnesota girl has reportedly been punished by teachers at Minnewaska Area Middle School for things she wrote on Facebook while at home, and using her own computer.)


Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You don’t want to press your luck.


Question: They don’t know it but THIS is true for about 15% of our male listeners right now.
Answer: Their fly is open.


There are only 2 kinds of people in the world … the Irish and those who wish they were.

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