Wednesday, March 16, 2016        Edition: #5648

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ In the upcoming TV-movie reboot of the 1995-2001 TV series “Xena Warrior Princess”, the lead character is going to be openly gay. The cult fantasy was a hit with fans in the LGBT community, leading to the character ‘Xena’ becoming a popular feminist and lesbian icon. In the show, the ‘Warrior Princess’ had a close relationship with the character ‘Gabrielle’, leading many to speculate they were lovers. The reboot is airing on NBC-TV, but it’s not yet been confirmed whether the original ‘Xena’, New Zealand actress Lucy Lawless, will reprise her role.
★ Comedian Jerry Seinfeld has sold off his collection of classic cars for – whoa! – over $22 million. The former “Seinfeld” star has unloaded 15 Porsches and 2 Volkswagens through the Gooding & Co auction house on Amelia Island, Florida. During the auction, Seinfeld told the crowd of bidders he isn’t treating the sale lightly since he has a special relationship with all the cars, but just doesn’t have the time to carefully take care of each of them anymore. The most expensive bid was for a 1955 Porsche 550 Spyder, which went for $5.3 million.
★ And actor Ian McShane has told upset “Game Of Thrones” fans to “get a f—ing life” after receiving backlash for revealing a potential show spoiler. Critics say he’s gone into too much detail about his upcoming one-off appearance on the Season 6 premiere (April 24th) of the fantasy drama. “My character really is like an ex-warrior who’s become a peacenik,” he’s told “BBC Breakfast”. Following his spoiler-filled interview, diehard fans have taken to social media to scold him for giving away plot points. His response? “It’s only tits and dragons.”
– “Telegraph”

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Lil Dicky f/Rich Homie Quan (“Professional Rapper”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Andrew Bird (“Are You Serious”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – 2 Chainz & Lil Wayne (“ColleGrove”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Demi Lovato (“Confident”).
• “The Life & Songs of Kris Kristofferson” (Nashville TN) – Kris Kristofferson brings Dierks Bentley, Eric Church, Lady Antebellum, Willie Nelson and many more together for an all-star concert event taping at Bridgestone Arena.
• “Nashville” (ABC) – The 2nd half of Season 4 debuts after an extended hiatus.
• “Nightly Show” (Comedy Central) – Charlamagne tha God (“South Crack The Album”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Pete Yorn (“Arranging Time”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Seal (“7”).
• The Woodies (Austin TX) – These annual honors from MTV, hosted by A$AP Rocky, are being taped at SXSW. Instead of a traditional awards show, this year MTV is spotlighting 10 artists that are expected to break through this year.

• Katy Perry – Orlando Bloom has treated his rumored girlfriend to a road trip across the UK after introducing her to his mother. The “Lord Of the Rings” star has been linked to the singer since January, when they partied together after the Golden Globes.
• Madonna – She’s denying she’s appeared on stage under the influence during her current tour in Australia. During one show in Melbourne last week she turned up 4 hours late dressed as a clown and reportedly downed vodka cocktails. During another concert she allegedly drank tequila onstage and alcohol from a fan’s hip flask.
• Michael Jackson – He continues to earn a fortune nearly 7 years after his passing, with his estate selling his share in the Sony/ATV Music Publishing catalogue to Sony Corp for $750 million. The new deal means that his estate has relinquished ownership of work from such artists as The Beatles, Bob Dylan, Eminem, and Taylor Swift.
• Radiohead – The Brit band has just dropped a massive tour announcement, but new album artwork suggests they may have more surprises to come. Their upcoming world tour will visit 11 countries and play at least 22 shows. News of the tour has caused fans to speculate that the band’s 9th studio album could be on the way soon.

Must be nice, huh?
✓ Johnny Depp – Owns a 45-acre island in the Caribbean and seems to enjoy the privacy it affords him.
✓ Shakira – She and Pink Floyd co-founder Roger Waters reportedly bought an island north of the Bahamas in 2011 and are building a fancy resort there.
✓ Pamela Anderson – Her ex Tommy Lee reportedly bought an island off Dubai and gave it to her in 2007 in an attempt to win her back. Didn’t work.
✓ Leonardo DiCaprio – Owns a 104-acre island off the coast of Belize and is building an ‘eco-conscious luxury resort’ that’s set to open in 2018.
✓ Tyler Perry – Bought an island in the Bahamas in 2009 to celebrate his 40th birthday, and learned to fly so he could pilot his own plane there.
✓ Tim McGraw – He & Faith Hill have built a 15,000-square-foot vacation home on the Bahamian island they bought in 2006.
✓ Ricky Martin – Reportedly paid $8 million for an island off the coast of Brazil in 2008.
✓ David Copperfield – The magician actually owns 11 islands in the Bahamas, and has a resort there that he’s rented out to the likes of Oprah Winfrey and Bill Gates.
✓ Richard Branson – The Virgin chief rents out his Necker Island for $62,000 a day. He’s owned it since 1978.

It was a floating gathering of people with alternative views on … everything. The cruise ship Ruby Princess was the venue for ‘Conspira-Sea Cruise’, which recently departed San Pedro CA for a trip to Mexico and back. The voyage was aimed at conspiracy theorists and featured a line-up of guest speakers to fan the flames, such as Laura Eisenhower who believes Hillary Clinton is not human; and Sherri Kane & Leonard Horowitz, who like to expose how the media and CIA control people. There were also those with conspiracy theories around vaccinations, prescription drugs, the negative ego, and many more. Some attendees became convinced a new conspiracy was afoot when the ship experienced technical problems, and there was an announcement about Zika virus from the captain. (Hmm. Coincidence?)

A BS breakdown of who we are and what we do …
• 89% of men do not know how to properly tie a bow tie.
• 66% of women say they hate it when someone in the house drinks straight from a container.
• 33% of us say the best thing about going to work is getting all the gossip.
• 12% of us have left the house wearing different colored socks.
• 10% of us will use our tax return money for a vacation.
• 8% of men have changed their phone number after a first date.

Think your memory is starting to slip? Start munching on blueberries. Researchers at the University of Cincinnati say chowing down on the ‘superfruit’ may help treat patients with cognitive impairment. Scientists have conducted 2 new studies, one that’s found improved memory amongst people 68 and older when given a daily dose of blueberry powder; and another that found those aged 62-to-80 who felt their memories were declining experienced less-severe cognition problems after regular consumption of blueberry powder. Interestingly, the secret may lie in the fruit’s deep color, which comes from antioxidants that have been shown to improve cognitive function in animals. (For instance, they allow birds to remember exactly where your windshield is.)

New terms entering the lingo …
• ‘Library of Things’ – A library that lends tools, equipment, and other objects in addition to or instead of books.
• ‘O2O’ [Online to Offline] – Relating to a business model that uses online resources to drive consumers into a company’s offline physical locations.
• ‘Ramen Profitable’ – Description of a startup company that’s making a profit, but not enough to pay salaries to the founders.

Brit journalist Donnachadh McCarthy says something in modern society stinks, and it’s our habit of showering every day. He says he only bathed once a week when he was a kid and doesn’t remember smelling. He blames ‘falsely imposed cultural norms’ for our all-too-frequent showers. McCarthy says he’s now back to 1 shower a week and a daily sink-wash that includes underarms and privates. The only real beneficiaries of over-frequent baths and showers are companies that make and market soaps and shampoos, he argues. McCarthy points to water waste, electricity use, and carbon emissions as proof positive that a daily dousing is a bad habit. (He made his pronouncements from a hermetically sealed room next to a press conference.)
– “The Guardian”

• An average horse is capable of nearly 15 horsepower. (Meaning your old Ford Mustang actually had 1,500 hp.)
• A single strand of spider web long enough to be strung all the way around-the-world would weigh less than a pound. (Argh. Get that thing off my neck!)
• Male and female shrimp are all born male. When they reach a certain age/size they switch to female. (And change their name to Caitlyn.)


1949 [67] Victor Garber, London ON, movie actor (“Argo”, “Milk”)/TV actor (“Alias” 2001-06)/Broadway actor (“Damn Yankees”)

1954 [62] Nancy Wilson, San Francisco CA, classic rock singer (Heart-“Alone”, “Dreamboat Annie”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 2013

1963 [53] Jerome Flynn, London UK, TV actor (‘Bronn’ on “Game of Thrones” since 2011)

1967 [49] Lauren Graham, Honolulu HI, TV actress (“Parenthood” 2010-15, “Gilmore Girls” 2000-07 and the upcoming reboot)

1991 [25] Wolfgang Van Halen, Santa Monica CA, rock bassist (Van Halen since 2006)/son of Eddie Van Halen & Valerie Bertinelli

• “Everything You Do is Right Day”, a day to avoid second-guessing yourself. As long as your decisions are well thought through, just carry them out and let them go. You’ll likely find it saves you a lot of stress.

• “Lips Appreciation Day”, when we’re encouraged to do something nice for our lips … kiss somebody. (Go ahead, pick someone at random and see how big the ensuing lawsuit is.)

• “No Selfies Day”, celebrated ironically on the birthday of Philippe Kahn, inventor of the cellphone camera and 1st person to snap a pic with his phone … although it wasn’t a selfie.

• “St Urho’s Day”, celebrating the (tongue-in-cheek) saint who allegedly ‘cleared the grasshoppers out of Finland’. The mock holiday is observed in parts of Canada and the USA. For instance, Finnish-Americans in Rolla, North Dakota are staging their annual parade.

2005 [11] After a 3-month criminal trial in LA Superior Court, a jury acquits Robert Blake, star of 1970s TV detective show “Baretta”, of the murder of his wife Bonny Lee Bakley

2005 [11] Billy Joel enters rehab for the 2nd time, ostensibly for ‘gastrointestinal distress’ but in reality to cure his alcoholism

2010 [06] ABBA, The Hollies, and Jimmy Cliff, among others, are inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame

2015 [01] Andy Fraser, songwriter, bass guitarist, and a founding member of the Brit rock band Free when he was just 15 (“All Right Now”), dies in California at age 62

2014 [02] Crimea votes in a controversial referendum to secede from Ukraine and join Russia

1999 [17] The RIAA gives the first-ever ‘Diamond Award’ certification, honoring “The Eagles’ Greatest Hits 1971-75” for 10 million units sold

2003 [13] Largest Coordinated Worldwide Vigil takes place, a global protest against Iraq War

[Thurs] St Patricks Day
[Fri] Forgive Mom & Dad Day
[Fri] “The Divergent Series: Allegiant” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Earth Hour
[Sun] Spring arrives
This Week Is … Flood Safety Awareness Week
This Month Is … Kite Month


Use ’em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – You have failed in your life’s goal, but don’t feel too bad: Of all the people who dream of working at a fast food restaurant, only 98% actually make it.
• Taurus – You’ll finally find yourself in a relationship that may not end with you asking the other person if they’d like a bag for that.
• Gemini – Your decision to take up bicycling will cause many in your area to rethink their call for increased bicycle safety.
• Cancer – Your life is about to get a whole lot easier. Unfortunately, the same thing can’t be said for your live-in nurse.
• Leo – No one will be able to describe your death without using a lot of violent hand gestures, making whooping sounds, and generally doing his or her best ‘angry chimp’ imitation.
• Virgo – You will once again lie to your dentist about brushing 3 times-a-day, flossing regularly, and not sleeping with his wife at the nearby motel every other Tuesday.
• Libra – Humiliation will be yours this week when astronomers discover 4 large satellites orbiting around you.
• Scorpio – Don’t waste time developing a healthy body image, as your body will look a hell of a lot different starting Thursday.
• Sagittarius – An attempt at composing the perfect love sonnet will fail time and again this week when you fall for a girl named ‘Orange’.
• Capricorn – Turns out your nightmarish descent into alcoholism and drug abuse will be a lot more fun than expected.
• Aquarius – The events of next week will closely mirror all the other events in your life up to that point.
• Pisces – Remember: It’s not that you can’t find happiness in life, it’s that you won’t find happiness in life.
– Adapted from

Question: There are 6 facial expressions that are universal to all humans. Name them.
Answer: They are … happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, anger, and surprise.

☎ At what age does ‘old age’ begin?

I have told you like a million times to quit exaggerating …

Question: If you’re average, THIS will happen to you at 9:45 this morning.
Answer: You’ll be fully awake.

He who puts his nose to the grindstone is a bloody fool.

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