Wednesday, March 19, 2014        Edition: #5183

Tomorrow’s Show Prep Today!

★ More details are emerging regarding the apparent suicide of 49-year-old fashion designer L’Wren Scott, found hanged in her Manhattan apartment Monday. While she appeared to be a runway success with the likes of Angelina Jolie, Michelle Obama, and Sandra Bullock wearing her designs, her LS Fashion firm was almost $6 million in the red in 2012. Last month she suddenly pulled out of London’s Fashion Week show, blaming ‘production reasons’. Her boyfriend Mick Jagger is said to be ‘completely shocked and devastated’ by her death. The Rolling Stones have cancelled tonight’s show in Perth, Australia.
★ Last night “Undercover Doctor: Cure Me, I’m Gay” aired on Britain’s Channel 4 network. The documentary series’ openly gay host Dr Christian Jessen traveled to the US to test therapies that purportedly ‘cure’ homosexuality. There, he encountered retired Texas doctor John Smid, who claims to be able to turn gay people straight and also warns that Adele songs ‘encourage homosexuality’. Treatments that Dr Jessen encountered during his trek include ‘aversion therapy’, ‘gay rehab’, ‘reparative therapy’, and something called ‘deliverance’.
★ Actress/TV personality Whoopi Goldberg has become a great grandmother … and she’s only 58-years-old. This week on “The View”, she announced that her 25-year-old granddaughter Amarah Dean has given birth to the family’s latest addition, a baby girl that’s been named Charlie Rose (?!?!?). This is the first great-grandchild for the thrilled Oscar-winner (“Ghost”), who has 1 daughter and 3 grandchildren as well. ‘Great-grandma Whoopi’ … weird.
★ “I Can’t Sing!”, a musical spoof of Simon Cowell’s TV talent show “The X Factor” has been hit by more problems after already being postponed twice due to technical problems. A preview performance this week in London’s West End was cancelled …. half-way through. The 2nd act of Monday’s show was called off after a major electrical fault at the London Palladium caused a 45-minute delay. The show, starring “Downton Abbey” actor Nigel Harman, is still scheduled to officially open March 26th. Good luck with that.
★ And movie actress Kate Winslet tells Ellen DeGeneres she gave her baby son the middle name ‘Blaze’ to commemorate the terrifying house fire which brought her together with her husband. She met Ned Rocknroll (née Abel Smith) during a vacation at his uncle Richard Branson’s luxury Necker Island retreat in the Caribbean in 2011, when the property burned down. Winslet and Rocknroll, who both escaped the fire unharmed, decided to mark the dramatic moment by giving their son ‘Bear’ (born in December) a fitting middle name. ‘Bear Blaze Rocknroll’ … yeah, that’s normal.

• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – The finalists perform top 10 songs from 2010-to-present.
• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – TI (“Paperwork: The Motion Picture”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Bad Religion (“True North”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Lea Michele (“Glee”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – YG (“My Krazy Life”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Jenny O (“Automechanic”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Sting (“The Last Ship”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Ricky Martin (“Greatest Hits”).

• Jennifer Lopez – Her new video “I Luh Ya Papi” sees her executing a gender flip, whereby men are objectified rather than women. J-Lo is seen in a mansion, a boat, and by a pool; and wherever she goes, she’s surrounded by toned young men in skimpy Speedos … for no reason.
• Kings Of Leon – They begin the 2nd leg of their North American tour in support of “Mechanical Bull” tonight in Phoenix AZ. The trek runs through April 11th in New Orleans LA. This leg of the tour features opening act Local Natives.
• KISS – Gene Simmons tells that hip hop artists don’t belong in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. While his band will be inducted in April, he’s ticked that rap acts like Run-DMC, Grandmaster Flash, and Public Enemy got in before them.
• Miley Cyrus / Flaming Lips – Beatles purists may be dismayed to hear they’ve hit the studio together to record a cover of “Lucy In the Sky With Diamonds”. Singer-guitarist Andrew VanWyngarden of MGMT has also participated on the recording.
• Nine Inch Nails / Soundgarden – Their rumored co-headlining Summer tour is now official. It kicks off in Las Vegas NV on July 19th.

It won’t be nearly as much fun as eating chocolate bars, but a big study is being launched to see if pills containing the nutrients in dark chocolate can help prevent heart attacks and strokes. The pills are so packed with nutrients that you’d have to eat an untold number of chocolate bars to get the amount being tested. The Boston-based study will be the first large test of cocoa flavonols, which in previous smaller studies improved blood pressure, cholesterol, the body’s use of insulin, artery health, and other heart-related factors. (Perhaps not surprisingly, the study is co-sponsored by Mars Inc … maker of M&Ms and Snickers bars.)

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 80% of us haven’t gone to a public library in at least 10 years.
• 76% of men polled say they would consider dating a neighbor.
• 40% of us never change a password unless we are forced to.
• 28% of married people never watch TV without their spouse.
• 18% of us use the cupholder in the car to store trash.
• 11% of married couples have just one Facebook profile, which they share.

Scientific evidence suggests that secondhand smoke is not only unhealthy for humans, but can cause cancer in pets. Furry friends don’t just inhale smoke, smoke particles are also trapped in their fur and ingested when they groom themselves with their tongues. A recent study finds that dogs in smoking households have a 60% greater risk of lung cancer. Another study shows that long-nosed dogs like greyhounds and collies are twice as likely to develop nasal cancer if regularly exposed to secondhand smoke. (This can be a real problem if your pet ferret’s always bumming smokes.)
– “American Journal of Epidemiology”

New cutting-edge vocab …
✓ ‘Anti-Vaxxer’ – A derogatory term for a person who refuses to have their child vaccinated for a particular disease.
✓ ‘Digital Autopsy’ – A non-invasive autopsy which involves 3-D scanning, rather than cutting open the corpse.
✓ ‘Pop-Up Storm’ – A storm that forms quickly, with little or no warning.
✓ ‘QT3.14’ – A cute, attractive person; a cutie-pie. [QT = cutie + 3.14 = pi]

The single most effective way to free the environment of pollution is by … refusing to have children. So goes the thinking of the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement (‘VHEM’), whose mandate is ‘phasing out the human race by voluntarily ceasing to breed in order to allow Earth’s biosphere to return to good health’. They admit it’s a long-range goal.
The group’s newsletter “These Exit Times” plus ‘Thank You For Not Breeding’ t-shirts and bumper stickers are here …
– “Curious Times”

First impressions are important, so why be boring when there are so many other ways to greet someone? For instance …
• “What’s the craic?” … “What’s up?” in Ireland.
• “How hops it?” … Late 19th-century slang for “How’s it going?”.
• “Ahoy” … Add a little jaunty excitement by getting into pirate mode.
• “There he/she is!” … Make someone feel like the man or woman of the hour.
• “Ciao” … Feeling friendly and cosmopolitan? Add a kiss on each cheek for authenticity.
• “Greetings” … Keep it simple and use the word that means just what it says.
• “Howdy” … Bring out your inner cowpoke. Get fancier with a full-on “Howdydo?”.
• “Aloha” … Bring a little mellow sunshine to your interactions by greeting the Hawaiian way.
• “Namaste” … This peaceful greeting comes from the Sanskrit for “I bow to you”.
• “How’s tricks?” … You gotta smile when you dust off this old gem from the 1920s.
• “Well, look at you!” … The sweet way your grandma expressed she was happy to see you.
(Or be the strong, silent type and forgo words entirely with an elegant tip of your hat.)
– Adapted from

According to a study of professional athletes, those with the longest careers in sports are … bowlers. They average a whopping 17 years in competition. Basketballers and baseballers both average 4.5 years in the biz, while pro footballers survive just 3.5 years. Amazingly, professional bullfighters average 10 years behind the cape. (Before it’s draped over their casket.)

The ‘Cubestormer 3’, built from Legos and powered by a Samsung Galaxy SIV smartphone, has solved the tricky Rubik’s Cube puzzle in just 3.253 seconds, breaking the Guinness World Record by more than 2 seconds. The robot took British engineers David Gilday and Mike Dobson 18 months to build. It was just unveiled at the ‘Big Bang Fair’ in Birmingham, England.

If a kitten doesn’t encounter a human in a friendly context between the ages of 3-to-8 weeks, it is more liable to go feral.
– BBC News


1947 [67] Glenn Close, Greenwich CT, movie actress (“Albert Nobbs”, “Fatal Attraction”)/TV actress (“Damages” 2007-12)/Broadway actress (“Sunset Boulevard”)

1952 [62] Harvey Weinstein, Flushing NY, film producer (“Silver Linings Playbook”, “Django Unchained”)/studio executive (co-chairmen of The Weinstein Co with brother Bob, co-founder of Miramax Films)

1955 [59] Bruce Willis, Idar-Oberstein, Germany, movie actor (“RED” films, “Die Hard” series)

1976 [38] Zach Lind, Mesa AZ, rock drummer (Jimmy Eat World-“Pain”, “The Middle”)

1986 [28] Tyler Bozak, Regina SK, NHL center (Toronto Maple Leafs)

• “Chocolate Caramel Day”, an annual celebration of everything great about chocolate and caramel. (Increased flab, dental cavities …)

• “Last Day of Winter”, as “Spring” officially arrives tomorrow with the Vernal Equinox at 12:57 pm EDT.

• “Poultry Day”, celebrating chicken, turkey, and other farm-raised fowl that we commonly consume. They also give us our breakfast eggs.

• “Registered Dietitian Day in Canada”, the 7th annual recognizing the expertise of these professionals that help us ‘eat right’.

• “St Joseph’s Day”, the day that the swallows traditionally return to the Mission San Juan Capistrano in California, an excuse for the annual “Fiesta de las Golindrinas”. Every March 19th since 1776 (with few exceptions), the birds have come back to usher in Spring in the Southern California seaside town, and their return is now an annual tourist attraction.

• “Teenagers Day”, a day to quit picking on them for their awkwardness and angst in striving to become adults and admit that, compared to ourselves at that age, they ain’t so bad after all.

2009 [05] “Late Show” host David Letterman marries longtime partner Regina Lasko (when he can’t find an intern to ‘date’)

1957 [57] Elvis Presley buys the ‘Graceland’ estate in Memphis, Tennessee for $100,000 (about the same amount it now rakes in … daily)

1988 [26] Michael Jackson begins construction on his 2,800-acre ranch in Santa Barbara, California which he names ‘Neverland’, after the fantasy location where children never grow up in “Peter Pan” (at his Neverland, some are forced to grow up too soon)

1871 [143] 1st ‘Chewing Gum’ is invented (next day, the first wad is found under a theater seat)

1931 [83] Nevada 1st legalizes gambling, and ‘Alka-Seltzer’ 1st goes on sale (coincidence?)

1990 [24] 1st-ever ‘Women’s World Hockey Tournament’ (won by Canada in Ottawa)

1994 [20] ‘World’s Largest Omelette’ is made in Yokohama, Japan using 160,000 eggs and measuring 1,383 square feet

[Thurs] Companies That Care Day
[Thurs] French Language Day
[Thurs] Proposal Day
[Fri] “Divergent”, “Muppets Most Wanted” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Single Parent Day
This Week Is … Termite Awareness Week
This Month Is … International Women’s Month


• Why isn’t there a special name for the tops of your feet?
• Why do people who work in health-food stores always look so unhealthy?
• Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ‘Up Over’?
• If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn’t it reverse up and down?
• Can you buy an entire chess set in a ‘pawn’ shop?

I’m having a few problems doing a little DIY at home. I cut this board 3 times and it’s still too short.

• A friend’s spouse is coming on to you. Do you tell the friend?
• You’re divorcing and must split your assets with your ex, who doesn’t know the true extent of your wealth. Do you disclose it?
• A good friend is having an extramarital affair and asks you to provide an alibi. Do you?
• You’re playing golf/tennis with your boss for the first time. You’re winning and your boss is getting angry. Do you let the boss win?

☎ Who do you think are the worst celebrity parents?

Question: 10 years ago we bought about 15 of THESE a year on average, now we only buy 4.
Answer: DVDs.

Getting angry is when you punish yourself for other people’s faults.

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