BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ The director of the new “Ghostbusters” film  (out July 15th) has confirmed that Bill Murray will be part of the film. After years spent dismissing all reports of a return to the franchise, Murray has been spotted on the set of the new all-female “Ghostbusters”, and now Paul Feig has revealed that the funnyman will make a cameo appearance. His original castmates Sigourney Weaver and Dan Aykroyd are also returning for small roles in the reboot, which stars Melissa McCarthy, Leslie Jones, Kate McKinnon, and Kristen Wiig.
– WENN.com
★ Radiohead, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and LCD Soundsystem are expected to headline the Lollapalooza music festival in Chicago IL this Summer. “Billboard” reports these 3 titanic acts will take to the Grant Park stage from July 28th to 31st, celebrating the event’s 25th anniversary with an added 4th day of festivities. Lana del Rey and J Cole are also expected to perform. Radiohead is making a comeback after a period of laying low. They’re expected to release their 9th studio album soon and their 2016 tour dates have all sold out within minutes.
– Variety.com
★ 94-year-old veteran performer Betty White is being sued by a former employee, the woman claiming she was overworked and underpaid. Anita Maynard, who lived with White for more than 2 decades, is seeking damages for allegedly working 14-hour days, 6 days a week without overtime. She’s also cited poor working conditions, including the lack of uninterrupted meal times, and the claim she didn’t receive all the wages and holiday pay owed to her upon the termination of her employment last week. Bitter, bitter.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ And Apple Music’s Beats1 was supposed to be the future of radio, wasn’t it? It’s not like Apple to stay quiet when they’re onto a good thing, and yet they’re being pretty secretive about their listening figures. As it’s all streaming it should be easy to access accurate data. Well, this could be the answer. Their posterboy signing, Zane Lowe – a guy who commanded an audience of 3 million in his BBC Radio 1 days – is rumored to be drawing more like 25,000 listeners … globally. Apple Music sources say Zane’s ego, which was pretty much the size of Jupiter when he was in the UK, is not coping that well now that he’s not king of the airwaves.
– PopBitch.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – In the Season 22 premiere, the new contestants include such semi-famous faces as “Fuller House’s” Jodie Sweetin, “The OC’s” Mischa Barton, and Donald Trump’s ex, Marla Maples.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Santigold (her tour of North America in support of her new album “99¢” kicks off tonight in Houston TX).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Cam (“Untamed”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/M3) – Lianne La Havas (“Blood”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – The Lumineers (“Cleopatra”, out April 8th).
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Cam performs her #1 country hit, “Burning House”.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Mentors Diddy, Gwen Stefani, Patti LaBelle, and Tori Kelly pitch in as battle rounds continue.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adele – She’s announced herself as the Saturday night headliner at this year’s massive Glastonbury Festival in the UK. She joins Coldplay and Muse in the top slots on the Pyramid stage at the June event.
• Jason Derulo – He’s signed on to host the 3rd annual “iHeartRadio Music Awards” on Sunday, April 3 in Los Angeles CA.
• Justin Bieber – He used to be in the chess club at school.
• Justin Timberlake – He’s teased on Instagram that he’s working in the studio with Pharrell on … something. The photo of the pair in a recording studio simply has the caption: “Currently …”.
• Keith Urban – His 8th studio album “Ripchord” is being released May 6th. It has already yielded hit singles in “John Cougar, John Deere, John 3:16” and “Break on Me”.
• Radiohead – Frontman Thom Yorke is auctioning off handwritten lyrics for the band’s classic song “Airbag”, written inside of his own copy of the William Blake poetry collection “Songs of Innocence and Experience”. The auction is to benefit the Oxfam charity.

WEED-INFUSED NUTELLA IS A THING THAT EXISTS:
We live in a time of great innovation. So it was only a matter of time before someone accomplished what the world has been waiting for … combining weed and Nutella in one glorious package. It makes sense. When you smoke up, you’re going to want a snack. And Nutella always seems like a good idea. Enter ‘Chrontella’, a jar of chocolate & hazelnut spread with 300 mg of cannabis extract swirled throughout. It ain’t cheap. a small jar costs $23 and  only holds around 3 servings. (It’s not recommended you eat the entire jar as you usually do.)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/zufut7c
– Vice.com

BS THINGS NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT GETTING A CAT:
✓ Who knew there were so many breeds? There’s no such thing as ‘just a cat’.
✓ You don’t own the cat, the cat owns you. You are nothing more than entertainment for your cat’s amusement, a food dispenser, and an available lap to curl up on.
✓ Holy expensive! Insurance and vet bills. And the price of cat food! And the amount he can eat!
✓ The noise in the morning. Who needs an alarm when you have a cat meowing in your ear at 5 am wanting food and attention.
✓ The fur. It’s everywhere. Ew, what’s that in your yoghurt?
✓ Your favorite piece of furniture, a treasured heirloom handed down through generations, is destined to become a scratching post for daily claw sharpening.
✓ You’ll never dine alone again. Why on Earth would she settle for a can of Whiskers when she can share the organic salmon with dill sauce straight off your plate?
✓ Your cat will get more ‘likes’ than you. And eventually have its own Instagram account.
✓ You’ll think your house is haunted when your cat sits, paralyzed, in the middle of a room staring at the same spot without blinking for 20 minutes.
✓ Your laptop suddenly becomes the most comfortable surface in the house.
✓ The smell. Because when a cat unloads, it can do it in style.
– Adapted from “Metro”

OFFICE MADNESS:
You’d think all the attention paid to the March Madness office pool would take away from getting things done. Not really. According to more than 1,000 managers asked about the effect of the NCAA Tournament on office productivity, just 8% say it disrupts how much work gets done. Twice as many say the effect on productivity is actually a positive one, while the vast majority of managers surveyed – 75% – say the games have no effect on productivity or morale whatsoever. (Not like those popular ‘Martini Mondays’.)
– OfficeTeam.com

WIND WARNING:
When is the perfect stage in a relationship to let one rip? According to a new study by media company Mic the perfect time to break wind in front of a partner is between 2-and-6 months into the relationship. But the research notes that, if you’re having regular sleep-overs, you’ve probably already ‘broken the barrier’. Not everyone is so relaxed however. Fully 9.3% of people polled would rather wait at least a year. The 2-to-6 month period of a relationship also coincides with when a couple is likely to say “I love you” the first time. (Perhaps unashamedly-farting and true love comes hand-in-hand?)
– TheDebrief.co.uk

TRAINERS FOR LOAFERS:
Nike has unveiled a pair of ‘Marty McFly’-inspired self-lacing trainers. Nike showed off its new HyperAdapt 1.0 trainers in NYC last week and the company has confirmed they will launch later this year. It’s the first shoe line to feature what the sportswear brand is calling ‘Electro-Adaptive Reactive Laces’ (EARL). The laces automatically tighten when you slip your foot into the shoe. The system works using a sensor hidden in the heel, which is triggered when the foot hits it. The EARL system is powered by an in-shoe battery with a lifespan of about 2 weeks between charges. The battery also powers a blue LED light in the base of the shoe, which not only looks cool but acts as an indicator of battery life. (“I had to unplug your phone, dad. My shoes were dead.”)
– Nike.com

BS AMAZING ONLINE FACTS:
• YouTube was originally meant to be an online dating site.
– Gizmodo,com
• Wikipedia has 80,000 monthly editors.
– “The Atlantic”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.21.16

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [58] Gary Oldman, London UK, movie actor (“Dawn Of the Planet Of the Apes”, “The Dark Knight Rises”)

1962 [54] Matthew Broderick, NYC, Broadway actor (Tony Award-“The Producers”)/movie actor (“Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”)/married to actress Sarah Jessica Parker since 1997

1962 [54] Rosie O’Donnell, Commack NY, TV talk show host (“The Rosie Show” 2011-12, “The View” 2005-07, “Rosie O’Donnell Show” 1996-2002)/movie actress (“A League Of Their Own”)

1986 [30] Scott Eastwood, San Diego CA, movie actor (“The Perfect Wave”, “The Longest Ride”)  UP NEXT: “Suicide Squad”, out August 5th.

2004 [12] Forrest Wheeler, LA CA, TV actor (‘Emery Huang’ on “Fresh Off the Boat” since 2015)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Act Happy Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Monday of March, a creation of the optimistic Secret Society of Happy People.
NET: http://sohp.com

• “Common Courtesy Day” … if you please. Thanks for your adherence!

• “Fragrance Day” and “Flower Day”, always observed on the 1st full day of Spring.

• “International Astrology Day”, just as the Aries zodiac sign begins.

• “Single Parents Day”, toughest day of the year to find a babysitter.

• “Teenagers Day”, a day to tell them how special they are … and they’ll grunt at you.

• “Memory Day”, but we can’t remember why.

• “World Down Syndrome Day”, the 9th annual to raise public awareness of the syndrome resulting from the triplication of the 21st chromosome … the reason it’s observed on 3/21.

Other Observances Today:
• “Day of Action on Syringe Exchange”
• “Harmony Day” (Australia)
• “Human Rights Day” (South Africa)
• “International Day For the Elimination of Racial Discrimination” (UN)
• “International Day of Forests & The Tree” (UN)
• “Mothers Day” (most of the Arab World)
• “Well-Elderly Day”
• “World Poetry Day”
• “World Puppetry Day”

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2006 [10] Twitter.com founder Jack Dorsey sends the first-ever tweet over his new social networking site, which reads “inviting co-workers” (not too creative, huh?)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
2009 [07] U2 hits #1 with “No Line On the Horizon”, the band’s 12th studio album

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2011 [05] 1st ‘Full Face Transplant’ is performed by surgeons at Brigham & Women’s Hospital in Boston MA

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
2000 [16] *NSYNC’s “No Strings Attached” sets an all-time benchmark for ‘Single-Day Album Sales’ at 1.1 million units

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] As Young As You Feel Day
[Tues] Goof-off Day
[Tues] World Water Day
[Wed] Full ‘Worm’ Moon
[Wed] Holi (Hindu)
[Wed] World Meteorological Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Act Happy Week / Animal Poison Prevention Week / Button Week / Health Information Professionals Week / Inhalant & Poisons Awareness Week / Tsunami Awareness Week / Week of Solidarity with People’s Struggling Against Racism & Discrimination / Wellderly Week / World Folktales & Fables Week

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
ACTUAL SUBTITLES USED IN FILMS MADE IN HONG KONG:
“I am damn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.”
“Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.”
“Take my advice, or I’ll spank you without pants!”
“Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?”
“Quiet or I’ll blow your throat up.”
“I’ll fire aimlessly if you don’t come out!”
“You daring lousy guy!”
“Beat him out of recognizable shape!”
“Beware! Your bones are going to be disconnected.”
“I got knife scars more than the number of your leg’s hair!”
– First published in “BS” 2002.

BS THINGS TO DO WHILE STUCK IN TRAFFIC:
✓ Roll down your window, ask the person next to you, “Is this the line-up for the iPhone 23?”
✓ Call police, report a stolen car, give the license plate of car in front of you.
✓ Imagine you’re in a line of cars waiting to run over Donald Trump.
✓ Turn on your wipers, have a ‘race’ to see which one goes faster.
✓ Walk up to guy in the car ahead of you, ask him about his grandson.
✓ Use jumper cables to resuscitate roadkill.
✓ Play the exciting game ‘Does My Head Fit In the Glove Compartment?’
✓ Honk your horn … that always helps to get things moving.
– First published in “BS” 2014.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What’s the absolute stupidest movie ever made?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Yesterday was the ‘Vernal Equinox’. So just what was it that was equal?
a. High and low temperatures.
b. Night and day. [CORRECT. They were about equal in length around-the-world … 12 hours each. ‘Equinox’ is Latin for ‘equal night’.]
c. Men and women.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
She’s so slow she can’t get out of her own way.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: About ¼ of us agree that THIS is what annoys us most about our partners.
Answer: Snoring.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
People have one thing in common … they are all different.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Michael Lindsey @ AFN The Eagle, Los Angeles CA; Mike Campbell @ 97-5 K-Rock [VOCM], St John’s NL; Shane Hamelin @ PWNED Radio, Detroit MI; Munya Milimo @ Zi FM Harare, Zimbabwe; Willie Edwards @ Majic 99.9 [WLXN] Lexington NC; Lee Medd @ Alive Radio, Dumfries UK; Jason Galbraith @ Three Is Comedy Podcast, Lancaster CA; and Nick Explicit @ 947, Johannesburg, South Africa.