BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ The funeral for fashion designer L’Wren Scott, who committed suicide at age 49 last week in NYC, will be held in Los Angeles, a rep for her boyfriend Mick Jagger has revealed. Jagger flew to LA to join his children on Thursday after cancelling the Rolling Stones’ tour of Australia and New Zealand. It’s now confirmed he and Scott’s brother Randall Bambrough have decided to have the body flown to LA where they will hold a funeral and a wake. The date and location have not been revealed.
– “New York Post”
★ The Brady bunch is leaving Los Angeles. Celebrity couple Tom Brady (36) & Gisele Bundchen (33) have listed their 14,000-square-foot Brentwood CA estate … for $50 million. The New England Patriots quarterback & his supermodel-wife are planning to build a new home for their family in Brookline MA, closer to where Brady plays football. The eco-friendly property, in which the couple reportedly invested $20 million to build, has 6 bedrooms, a gourmet kitchen, a library, a state-of-the-art gym, a pool and … a koi-filled moat. It was once featured in “Architectural Digest”.
– HuffingtonPost.com
★ Veteran actresses Jane Fonda (76) & Lily Tomlin (74) are set to star in a new Netflix comedy entitled “Grace & Frankie”, about two distrustful women whose lives are turned upside down when their husbands announce they are in love with each other and plan to get married. The comedy debuts in 2015, 35 years after Fonda and Tomlin co-starred in the hit movie “9 to 5”. “Grace & Frankie” joins a rapidly growing roster of original scripted programming on Netflix, including the Kevin Spacey drama “House of Cards” and the upcoming 2nd season of “Orange Is the New Black”.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ And “Crazy Ones” actress Sarah Michelle Gellar has kicked up a firestorm by being the first celeb to publicly slam “Vogue” for putting Kim Kardashian & Kanye West on the cover. “Well I guess I’m canceling my subscription. Who is with me?”, she tweeted. That got a snide retweet from Kardashian pal Jonathan Cheban, who wrote “Do u matter?”. Gellar is no fashion slouch herself, having appeared on the cover of “Elle” and “InStyle” among other mags. The decision by “Vogue” editor Anna Wintour to put ‘Kimye’ on the cover of her fashion bible has certainly been polarizing … to say the least.
– RadarOnline.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The celebrities take on a new style of dance; new voting guidelines are announced.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings (“Give the People What They Want”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV2) – Karmin (“Pulses”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Vampire Weekend (“Modern Vampires Of the City”)
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – Advisers Aloe Blacc, The Band Perry, Miranda Lambert, and Jill Scott offer their help to the competing singers.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Black Keys – Today they release the new single “Fever”, the first taste of their long-awaited follow-up album to “El Camino” (2011). Details about the new album will be unveiled today as well.
• Florida Georgia Line – They’re back atop the ‘Billboard Hot Country Songs’ chart this week with “This is How We Roll”, their hit song featuring Luke Bryan.
• Jess Glynne – The 24-year-old Brit singer has become the 1st artist to have 2 different singles atop the UK charts in 2014, “Rather Be” and “My Love”.
• John Lennon – A 1970s letter he wrote to producer Phil Spector complaining about The Who drummer Keith Moon and singer-songwriter Harry Nilsson peeing on a recording console went up for sale Friday via London auctioneer Cooper Owen. It was expected to fetch circa $9,900.
• Lorde – The New Zealand wunderkind has broken a “Billboard” record with her new song, “Team”. Her second #1 Top 40 hit has made her the 1st female artist to dominate Triple A charts with 2 songs.
• Rolling Stones – Postponing the last leg of their Australia tour may cost them up to $10 million due to a variety of expenses such as travel, venue deposits, and equipment storage. For instance, there were 60 trucks on standby to transport their gear from venue-to-venue.
• Roy Orbison – The 3 sons of the late rock & roll legend have helped piece together an unreleased song by their father, “The Way Is Love”, after finding it on a home tape machine. The track will appear on the 25th anniversary edition of Orbison’s “Mystery Girl”, due this May.
• Rush – Guitarist Alex Lifeson tells “Rolling Stone” there are already plans being made for another tour in Spring 2015. It’s going to be a 41st anniversary tour, he says, or “whatever they’re going to call it.”
• Taylor Swift – She’s writing songs to contribute to the soundtrack of the upcoming musical “Finding Neverland”. The production will open in London in Spring 2015 and make its way to Broadway later in the year.

IS SEA SALT HEALTHIER THAN TABLE SALT?
Clearly of late, the food industry has decided salt from the sea is preferable. But why? Sea salt and table salt contain the same percentage of sodium, about 40%. Sea salt, made from evaporated seawater, is coarser and grainier because it undergoes less processing. Table salt, on the other hand, comes from underground mines and is processed into finer crystals. One thing sea salt doesn’t have is iodine, which has been added to table salt since the early 1900s. But these days, we get plenty of iodine in our diet so it’s not really required. According to nutritionists, both types have the same nutritional value, so sea salt isn’t any healthier. What it does have is texture and crunch. (In France, some market vendors specialize solely in salt. Sel Gris from Brittany … mmm!)
– RelaxNews.com

HIDE & SEEK:
There are days when you just don’t feel like running into anyone you know, right? Well now there’s an iOS app called ‘Cloak’ that uses geo-location technology to track your friends and acquaintances … so you can avoid them. The app compiles the info by sourcing Instagram and Foursquare check-ins; the makers hope to add more social networks in the future. Cloak is just the latest app in what’s been tagged the ‘anti-social network’ trend, whereby users are increasingly valuing privacy over publicizing their every move. (Unfortunately, much of the privacy so freely given away on social networks over the past decade can never be retrieved.)
– AFP

START STOCKPILING TISSUES:
The worst Winter in years in much of North America is about to give way to the worst allergy season. Allergists are predicting a sneezy Spring because of the long, cold Winter and higher-than-average snowfall. A few tips on how to survive …
✓ Start medicating early. The chilly weather may have put your mind off allergies, but allergists advise starting your usual course of medication a week or two before the regular season.
✓ Know what you’re allergic to. If you’re experiencing symptoms for the first time, an allergist can tell you whether you’re allergic to trees, grass, mold, or something else.
✓ Take care during spring workouts. The best time to exercise outdoors during allergy season is midday, when trees decrease their pollen production.
✓ Keep pollen out of your home. Take off your shoes before you come in from outdoors, don’t throw your clothes on your bed, and take a quick shower to get the pollen out of your hair.
– NYDailyNews.com

NEW JOB FOR THE 21 CENTURY:
Whether librarians and faculty like it or not, Wikipedia remains at the heart of the research process for many undergraduate students. Rather than trying to stem the tide, the University of California (UC) Berkeley is trying to make students there into more responsible and effective users of the online encyclopedia. To that end, the university’s American Cultures program has hired alumni Kevin Gorman as the first ‘Wikipedian-in-Residence’ at an American university … and perhaps anywhere else. (Can ‘Dean of Twitter’ be far behind?)
– LibraryJournal.com

WAXING WISE:
Earwax is one of those bodily substances that few of us want to discuss in polite company. Like other secretions, it is something that most of us deal with in private. Yet it also holds a fascination for many. In the past, it has been used as a lip balm and as a salve for puncture wounds. But it can do a little more than that. Recent research suggests it can also indicate a build up of pollutants in the body, and can even be used to diagnose some rare metabolic disorders that affect it. (Warning: Shoving a Q Tip in to get at it can cause injury. Mom always said ‘never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear’. She was a contortionist.)
– BBC News

DIGITAL DETOX:
Most of us have become so hyper-connected that some even check their email in the shower. But there are some renegades who don’t own – and never use – a cellphone. In fact, there’s a bit of a trend whereby people are hanging up on cellphones and plugging back into landlines. And they don’t miss it, many saying they feel released from the pressure of having to constantly respond to others. Even celebs like Sarah Jessica Parker and “Divergent” star Shailene Woodley are now shunning the cell. Recent Woodley quote: “The more you get away from all the technological buzz, the more freedom you have.” (‘Off the grid’. Could this be the chic wave of the future?)
– DailyBeast.com

DID YOU KNOW?
World chess champion Magnus Carlsen of Norway has a bit of a mean streak. He will occasionally go to online chess sites using a beginner’s account … and demolish anyone who plays him.
– PopBitch.com

BS CHRONOMETER 03.24.14

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1936 [78] David Suzuki, Vancouver BC, scientist/environmentalist/TV host (“The Nature of Things” since 1979)/author of 52 books/Order of Canada (1976)

1951 [63] Tommy Hilfiger, Elmira NY, fashion designer (‘Tommy Girl’) who’s name on anything jacks the price about 200%

1973 [41] Jim Parsons, Houston TX, TV actor (‘Sheldon Cooper’ on “The Big Bang Theory” since 2007)

1974 [40] Alyson Hannigan, Washington DC, TV actress (‘Lily Aldrin’ on “How I Met Your Mother” 2005-14, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” 1997-2003)/movie actress (“American Pie” series)

1976 [38] Peyton Manning, New Orleans LA, NFL QB (Denver Broncos since 2012, 2007 Super Bowl MVP-Indianapolis Colts)/5-time NFL MVP/13-time Pro Bowl selection

1977 [34] Jessica Chastain, Sacramento CA, movie actress (“Zero Dark Thirty”, “The Help”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Chocolate Covered Raisins Day” … but not the kind you find in your kid’s bunny cage.

• “Inspect Your Cat’s Tongue Day”. You know you’ve always wanted to see what makes your cat’s tongue feel like sandpaper … today’s the day to find out!

• “World Tuberculosis Day”, to build public awareness that tuberculosis remains an epidemic in much of the world, causing the deaths of about 1.6 million people each year, mostly in Third World nations.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2002 [12] Halle Berry (“Monster’s Ball”) & Denzel Washington (“Training Day”) take home the top acting Oscars at the Academy Awards

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2001 [11] During an exhibition game against the San Francisco Giants, Phoenix Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson hurls a fastball that accidentally hits and instantly kills a dove flying in front of home plate, onlookers saying the bird appears to explode (“OK Tommy, let’s check the dove gun and get a reading on that last pitch … whoa, it’s a real gullet buster!”)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1936 [78] ‘Longest NHL Game Ever Played’ as the Detroit Red Wings @ Montréal Maroons Stanley Cup Playoff semi-final match finally ends when Detroit’s Mud Bruneteau scores the game’s only goal in the 6th overtime period after 176 minutes, 30 seconds of playing time

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Pecan Day
[Tues] Waffle Day
[Wed] Legal Assistants Day
[Wed] Make Up Your Own Holiday Day
[Thurs] Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Cleaning Week / LGBT Health Awareness Week / Meat-Free Week / Pediatric Nurse Practitioner Week / Protocol Officers Week / Tsunami Awareness Week / Week of Solidarity with Peoples Struggling Against Racism & Discrimination

BULL’S BITS

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 20 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS BATHROOM FACTS:
As compiled by the venerable “Bathroom Readers Institute” …
• The odds of being injured by a toilet seat in your lifetime are 1-in-6,500.
• The Scott Brothers marketed the 1st successful toilet paper roll in 1867.
• Those little bumpers on the underside of your toilet seat are called ‘buculets’.
• Most toilets flush in the key of E-flat, while most electric razors buzz in B-flat.
• The average water temperature for showers is 105 F (41 C).
• If you took an average shower this morning, you used about 30 gallons of water (114 liters).
• On average, males spend 11.4 minutes taking a shower. Females take 13 minutes.
• 3% of pet owners wash their pets by showering with them.
• 7% of us have a radio in the bathroom.
• Over 500 North Americans are injured in their bathtubs each day.
– First published in “BS” 2004.

COLLECTIVELY SPEAKING:
Herd of cows? Sure we’ve heard of cows. But have you heard of these collective nouns, courtesy of “The Old Farmers Almanac”?
• A group of jellyfish … are they called a ‘smack’, a ‘smock’, or a ‘smuck’? [SMUCK]
• A bunch of trout … are they a ‘haver’, a ‘hover’, or a ‘hoover’? [HOVER]
• A gathering of goldfish … a ‘bubbling, a ‘troubling’, or a ‘doubling’? [TROUBLING]
• A group of unicorns is known as … a ‘blessing’, a ‘prayer’, or a ‘benediction’? [BLESSING]
• Twelve or more cows are … a ‘flink’, a ‘flank’, or a ‘flunk’? [FLINK]
• A whole mess of kangaroos … are they called a ‘mafia’, a ‘mob’, or a ‘gang’? [MOB]
– First published in “BS” 2004.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ How old is the oldest person you know?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
What causes Uranus to appear green?
a. Carbon monoxide.
b. Constant cloud cover.
c. Methane gas. [CORRECT]
– “Trivia Quest”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I asked the boss what I could do to improve my show. When I left he was still talking.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 10 years ago virtually everyone did THIS; now 20% only do it once or twice a year and 38% don’t do it at all.
Answer: Write cheques (checks).

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Look out for number one but don’t step in number two.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Big Dog @ MiTunes 101-9 [WARU] Peru/Roann IN; Chris Koppin @ Durham’s Classic Hits [CKDO] Oshawa ON; Jose Valenzuela @ La Preciosa 100.7 [KPRC] Salinas CA; Todd Feinburg @ J4Traffic Radio, Boston MA; Brandon Holliday @ Eagle 102.3 [WELR] Roanoke AL; Jimmy McBride @ Thunder 104.3 [WZTR] Dahlonega GA; Edward Owusu @ 101.7 Okay FM, Accra, Ghana; Maui Uhatafe @ The Mixx [KNUW] Silver City NM; Rachael Howarth @ Heart North West & North Wales Radio, Wrexham UK; Kathy Lepak @ 1320 KOZY Grand Rapids MN; Stephanie Wall @ Hot 105.5 [CKQK] Charlottetown PEI; and Chris Williams @ Total FM Javea, Spain.