Thursday, March 29, 2018 – Edition: #6187

Sheet Happens!

 

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“The Bull Sheet” will not be publishing on Friday, March 30 to observe Good Friday. All subscribers will receive credit for the missed service day. The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Monday, April 2.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Corey Feldman was rushed to hospital after he said a man opened his car door and “stabbed him with something.”  Feldman says he believes the attack could have been related to threats he’d been receiving on social media.  Police say Feldman’s injuries were “minor” and he was unable to give a description of the suspect.  An investigation is ongoing.
-TheBlast
★ Everyone always thinks Jeff Goldblum is dead. Even Jeff Goldblum’s own mother fell for a Goldblum death hoax. On Monday, Andy Cohen asked him about the seemingly relentless false reports of his passing — and if anyone close to him has ever believed any of them. Goldblum replied that there was a story circulating about him supposedly falling off a cliff in New Zealand, and before he could put the word out that the story was false, he says, “My mom called and was [saying] ‘J-J-Jeffrey? J-Jeffrey, are you alright?’”
(Only he said it WAY more dramatically!)
-PageSix
★ Sean Penn opened up about his ex-wife Robin Wright while speaking with comedian Marc Maron on his “WTF” podcast, revealing that he Robin don’t have a lot of communication these days. According to Penn, the two “Don’t not get along…We have very separate relationships with our kids at this point and it’s better that way because they are making their own decisions. As it turned out she and I did not share the same ethical views on parenting including the continuing parenting of adult children.” Despite all that, Penn says their children — Dylan, 26, and Hopper, 24 — are doing well.
-MSN
★ Jim Caviezel stopped receiving film offers after he starred in Mel Gibson’s controversial movie “The Passion of the Christ”. Caviezel, who played Jesus in the film, explains he hasn’t received a lot of offers to play different roles in other projects because many Hollywood executives are a little wary to work with him. He says that “If there was a comedy out there, I would do it, but after playing Jesus you don’t really get offers like that anymore.” Meanwhile, he’ll will reprise his role in Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ sequel, “The Resurrection”.
(At least that opens things up for more sequels!)
-MSN
★ The full voice cast of the upcoming re-boot of the ‘Doctor Dolittle’ franchise has finally been announced…by none other than the star of the new movie himself, Robert Downey Jr. – and it’s an all-star extravaganza.  There’ll be a host of recognizable voices including Rami Malek, Selena Gomez, Octavia Spencer, John Cena, Marion Cotillard and Craig Robinson. ‘The Voyage of Doctor Dolittle’ will be released on April 12th 2019.
-ContactMusic

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Kobe Bryant, Mike Epps, Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds ( R )
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Bill Hader, Jimmy Buffett, Troye Sivan ( R )
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Emily Blunt, John Heilemann, Alex Wagner, Kacey Musgraves
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Alan Cumming, Christiane Amanpour, Beth Ditto, Brendan Canty ( R )
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Helen Hunt, Ben Schwartz, Chris O’Dowd, the Slo Mo Guys
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Sean Penn, Claudia O’Doherty
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Chrissy Metz, Sara Gilbert
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Neil Patrick Harris, Nancy Grace, Dan Abrams
• “The Talk” (CBS): Cameron Mathison
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Ben Affleck, Tyra Banks, Cole Sprouse
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Steph Curry, Ayesha Curry ( R )
• “Major League Baseball”: The 2018 Major League Baseball regular season begins today — the earliest Opening Day in league history. All 30 teams will see action.
• “Marcia Clark Investigates The First 48” (A&E): In the premiere ‘Casey Anthony’, Marcia Clark investigates the death of toddler Caylee Anthony. Questions are asked about whether or not the girl was murdered by her mother, Casey Anthony.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Drake – makes an appearance in Trouble’s new video for the song they collaborated on, ‘Bring it Back’. The clip features Drake rapping into a smartphone, meeting friends at his house and boasting about his “Crest white smile.” Trouble’s debut studio album ‘Edgewood’ was released this past Friday.
• Charlie Puth – has teamed up with James Taylor on a new song, ‘Changes’. It will appear on Puth’s upcoming album, ‘Voicenotes’.
• Kylie Minogue – has cancelled an intimate gig in Sydney, Australia due to a throat infection. She was set to play an invite-only set tonight. She has vowed to make it up to fans who were hoping to attend.
• Britney Spears – her finances could soon be back in her control as her father is reportedly in talks to have her conservatorship removed. Her assets have been supervised by Jamie Spears and her lawyer since her public breakdown in 2008, but insiders say her dad is in talks to have it lifted. It comes after a source said Britney is ready to ”take control” of her life again.
• Def Leppard – will be releasing 4 box sets on CD and vinyl, covering their entire career. Volume One comes out June 1, featuring bonus live and studio material, including rare B-sides and early recordings, plus for the first time on vinyl, the “Live At The LA Forum 1983” recording.
• David Bowie – Two days after his statue was unveiled in Aylesbury, England, it has been vandalized with spray paint. Social media photos show the phrases “RIP DB” and “Feed the Homeless First” scrawled in green across the brick wall behind it and on the sidewalk in front.
• 3 Doors Down – will team up with Collective Soul for ‘The Rock & Roll Express Tour’ across North America, which will also include Soul Asylum on select dates. The tour kicks off July 6th in Atlanta, GA and wraps up on September 16th in Phoenix, AZ.
• George Strait – has been named “Texan of the Year” by the Texas Legislative Conference. He was recognized for his many contributions to the state of Texas, particularly within the last year for leading recovery efforts following the devastation of Hurricane Harvey.
• Chris Stapleton – will headline ‘The Pilgrimage Music & Cultural Festival’ Sept. 22 and 23 in Franklin, Tenn. Jack White, Lionel Richie, Counting Crows and Brand Carlile are also among those slated to take the stage during the festival.

FRIDAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Ready Player One” (PG-13, Action/Fantasy): When the creator of a virtual reality world called the OASIS dies, he releases a video in which he challenges all OASIS users to find his Easter Egg, which will give the finder his fortune. (Tye Sheridan, Olivia Cooke, Ben Mendelsohn)
• “Tyler Perry’s Acrimony: (R-Rated, Mystery/Suspense): A faithful wife, tired of standing by her devious husband, is enraged when it becomes clear she has been betrayed. (Taraji P. Henson, Lyriq Bent, Crystle Stewart)
• “Finding Your Feet” (PG-13, Comedy/Drama): On the eve of retirement, a middle class, judgmental snob discovers her husband has been having an affair with her best friend, and is forced into exile with her bohemian sister who lives on an impoverished inner-city council estate. (Timothy Spall, Joanna Lumley)
• “Gemini” (R-Rated, Mystery): A heinous crime tests the complex relationship between a tenacious personal assistant and her Hollywood starlet boss. As the assistant unravels the mystery, she must confront her own understanding of friendship, truth, and celebrity. (Lola Kirke, Zoë Kravitz)

HOW CANDIES PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS?
One of the biggest reasons that people start a new exercise regimen is to lose weight. Entire industries have been created on that principle. But new evidence published in the British Journal of Sports Medicine says that no matter how much you exercise, you just aren’t going to lose weight unless you lay off the sugar. The report notes that exercise alone doesn’t really lead to weight loss. It may lead to a number of excellent health benefits, but weight loss – if you’re not also restricting calories and sugar – isn’t one of them. They point out that “sugar calories promote fat storage and hunger. Fat calories induce fullness or satiation.” They found that the single most effective thing people can do for their weight is to restrict calories – and especially, restrict carbohydrates.
(Happy Easter!)
(Anyone know where I can get some low-carb sugar?)
(When life gives you lemons, make lemonade…with Splenda!)
-Forbes

DRAFT PICKS:
The New York Yankees are one of the most historic teams in baseball. But that doesn’t mean that nothing ever changes. Just in case you were worried that Yankee Stadium didn’t have enough ways for you to drain your wallet, they’ve introduced a new reason for you to fork out the outrageous price of a ballpark beer. Beginning with Monday’s home opener versus Tampa, Blue Point Brewing Company will be offering beer with the faces of some Yankees players showing up in the foam. That’s right, you can drink a face-full of Giancarlo Stanton, Aaron Judge, Gary Sanchez, or Aroldis Chapman. You can also get the Yankees logo in your beer foam. The printing is done with a machine which combines 3D printing mechanics and inkjet printing technologies. You can get the same thing done to coffee and some food at the ballpark this season. No word on cost.
(It’s the gift that keeps on giving…at least until you’re halfway back to your seat!)
(Now you’ll be able to tell when the Yankees come out flat to start the game…)
(And you’ll know you’ve had enough when you see two Aaron Judges!)
-MarketWatch

BEST BASEBALL NAMES OF ALL-TIME:
The game of Baseball is rich in history. And in awesome names. With opening day today, here are some of the best players’ names of all-time:
• Chicken Wolf
• Chet Lemon
• Mysterious Walker
• Heinie Meine
• Grant Balfour
• Al Kaline
• Dizzy Nutter
• Boog Powell
• Jumbo Diaz
• Rollie Fingers
• Gregg Leg
• Bud Wiser
• Coco Crisp
• Johnny Dickshot
–Ranker, Brobible

BS CHRONOMETER 03.29.18

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1942 [76] Scott Wilson, Thomasville GA, TV actor (‘Hershel Greene’ on “The Walking Dead” 2011-2014, “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” 2001-2006)

1959 [59] Perry Farrell, Queens NY, rock singer (Jane’s Addiction-‘Been Caught Stealing’, Porno for Pyros-‘Pets’)/”Lollapalooza” founder (1991)

1964 [54] Elle Macpherson, Killara Australia, model (nicknamed “The Body” by members of the press and fashion industry, 5-time Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model), actress (“Batman and Robin”, “Friends”), TV host (“Fashion Star”, “Britain and Ireland’s Next Top Model”)

1968 [50] Lucy Lawless, Mount Albert, New Zealand, TV actress (“Xena: Warrior Princess” 1995-2001, “Battlestar Galactica” 2005-2009)

1971 [47] Lara Logan, Durban, South Africa, TV correspondent (“60 Minutes” since 2005)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Mom & Pop Business Owners Day”, honoring family-run, small-time business operations. (***Ask listeners for the most unusual combination of services offered by a single business that they’ve come across, ie: “Sam’s Roofing & Dry Cleaning”.***)

• “Smoke & Mirrors Day”, The source of the name is based on magicians’ illusions, in which they make objects appear or disappear by extending or retracting mirrors amid a confusing burst of smoke. Generally, ‘smoke and mirrors’ may refer to any sort of presentation by which the audience is intended to be deceived. (A press conference, for instance.)

• “Vietnam Veterans Day”. The last US troops left Vietnam 45 years ago today in 1973. In 1971, at the height of the conflict, some 33,000 soldiers deserted, many moving to Canada.

• “Knights of Columbus Founders Day”, the world’s largest Catholic fraternal service organization. Founded by Father Michael J. McGivney in New Haven, Connecticut, in 1882, it was named in honor of the explorer Christopher Columbus.

• “National Lemon Chiffon Cake Day”, the recipe for chiffon cake debuted in a 1948 edition of Better Homes and Gardens. General Mills marketed it as “the first new cake in 100 years” and it quickly became a nationwide sensation. The secret recipe called for vegetable oil instead of butter or shortening, and instructed the baker to beat the egg whites and egg yolks separately.

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Good Friday
[Fri] Pencil Day
[Sat] Brothers’ and Sisters’ Day
[Sat] Crayola Crayon Day

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2007 [11] ‘Umbrella’ by Rihanna f/Jay-Z is released and goes on to become the longest-running #1 hit by a female artist since Whitney Houston’s ‘I Will Always Love You’

2009 [09] Nickelback rules Canada’s Juno Awards, winning ‘Album Of the Year’, ‘Group Of the Year’, and the ‘Fan Choice Award’

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
2004 [14] Ireland becomes the 1st country in the world to ban smoking in all workplaces, including bars and restaurants

2008 [10] 35 countries and more than 370 cities join in “Earth Hour” for the first time

2014 [04] 1st same-sex marriages in England and Wales are performed

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1990 [28] ‘World’s Largest Yo-Yo’ goes up-and-down 12 times while suspended from a 160-foot crane (built by a Jasonville, Indiana high school woodworking class, it measures 6-ft in diameter and weighs 820 lbs)

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ 1 in 3 children can use a tablet before they can speak.
✓ Norway’s Coat of Arms has a lion depicted, although there are no lions in Norway.
✓ The cuckoo in the world’s largest cuckoo clock weighs 330 pounds.
✓ Coffee is the world’s second most valuable traded commodity, behind only petroleum.
✓ Ounce for ounce, nutritious food costs up to 10 times more than junk food.
✓ Dynamite was originally going to be called ‘Nobel’s Safety Powder’.
-FactSlides

BS WARNING SIGNS YOUR BASEBALL TEAM IS REALLY BAD:
✗ Players routinely leave the game early to beat traffic.
✗ Mascot doubles as starting outfielder.
✗ Your team name contains the words ‘Detroit’ and ‘Tigers’.
✗ Spirited locker room debates about how many strikes to an out.
✗ Your cleanup hitter is 5-months-pregnant.
✗ Your 9 starters who made the ‘Performance Enhancing Drug All-Star Team’ have all been suspended.
✗ Team owner has changed team name to ‘Losers’.
– Adapted from BleacherReport.com

BS SIGNS THE EASTER BUNNY’S NUTS:
• Neighbor bunnies describe him as ‘a quiet loner’.
• Just — can’t — stop — washing — his — paws.
• Loves to bite the heads off chocolate bunnies.
• Hides all the eggs in his pants.
• Had the words ‘bite me’ shaved into the fur on his back.
• Keeps rubbing himself for good luck.
• He is a bunny and he’s handing out eggs. Shouldn’t that be enough?
-First published in BS in 2002

BS RANDOM JOKE:
It’s better to be looked over than overlooked.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What is your biggest concern about the future?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Name 2 of the top 3 things people wonder if they are safe to eat raw.
Answer: eggs, cookie dough and fish

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.


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