Friday, March 4, 2011        Edition: #4455
March Forth! [SFX]

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
The latest embarrassment in the Charlie Sheen saga has his ex, Brooke Mueller, accusing him of sending her an anti-Semitic text message which he denies, claiming she probably sent it to herself from his phone (is there any immoral or illegal behavior left for him to try?) . . . Just as Christina Aguilera’s friend is reportedly begging her to enter rehab, the booze-addled singer has agreed to join Cee-Lo Green & Adam Levin (Maroon 5) as a coach to new talent on the upcoming NBC-TV singing competition “The Voice” (debuts April 26th) . . . In other TV music competition news, Jessica Simpson might be a judge on Simon Cowell’s upcoming US version of “The X Factor” (what, they couldn’t get Hanson?) . . . Today’s bizarre couple rumor: 64-year-old actress Susan Sarandon & 41-year-old “30 Rock” actor-comedian Judah Friedlander, whom on-set sources say hooked up after she filmed a guest appearance on the show last month (ick, thanks for that mental pic!) . . . 47-year-old actor Johnny Depp has just pulled a Brad Pitt – he’s shaved off his beard (it couldn’t be for his new film “Rango” – it’s animated) . . . Lindsay Lohan’s dysfunctional dad Michael Lohan will appear on the next season of “Celebrity Rehab” (he’s so starved for attention, he performs when the fridge door opens and the light goes on) . . . And in her new interview with “Rolling Stone” magazine, Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi admits: ‘I just look like sh-t’ on “Jersey Shore” (good grief, is the pickle-loving oompa loompa becoming self-aware?).

WEEKEND SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Celebrity Apprentice” (NBC) – Sunday in the 11th season debut Donald Trump introduces 16 new contestants that include country singer John Rich; wacky actor Gary Busey; oldies singer Meat Loaf; former Sugar Ray singer Mark McGrath; original “Survivor” winner Richard Hatch; former baseball star Jose Canseco, and others.
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – Tonight Canadian hip-hop pioneer Maestro Fresh Wes.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Cee-Lo Green (“The Lady Killer”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Lupe Fiasco (“Lasers”, to be released Tuesday).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Tonight Wanda Jackson (“The Party Ain’t Over”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Today guest co-host Josh Groban (“Illuminations”).
• “NAACP Image Awards” (FOX) – Tonight Holly Robinson Peete & Wayne Brady host the 42nd annual salute to artistic achievements.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – First-time host Miley Cyrus (“LOL: Laughing Out Loud”); musical guest The Strokes (“Angles”, out March 21st).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight husband & wife country music duo Thompson Square perform “Are You Gonna Kiss Me Or Not” from their self-titled debut album.
• “Unplugged” (VH1) – Tonight Adele (“21”, the biggest selling album of 2011 so far according to Nielsen SoundScan).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Alan Jackson – Tonight he kicks off a tour of Australia in Melbourne. He’ll also play Sydney (March 7) and Brisbane (March 10-11).
• Brad Paisley – Saturday he performs as part of the ‘Opry All-Star Weekend’ line-up at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville TN. Also on the bill: The Band Perry and Blake Shelton.
• Def Leppard – This Summer they’ll release their first-ever live album, “Mirrorball”, as they head out on the road with Heart beginning June 15th in West Palm Beach FL.
• Joe Nichols – Saturday he headlines the first day of the 2-day “CMC Rocks the Hunter” country music festival at Hope Estate in The Hunter Valley, Australia.
• Justin Bieber – Tonight his first UK arena tour begins with the first of a 2-night run in Birmingham. The 10-date trek wraps March 24th in Nottingham.
• Lady Gaga – This week she made her debut as a runway model at Paris Fashion Week, also directing the music for fashion designer Thierry Mugler. During the show she previewed another track from her new “Born This Way” album called “Government Hooker”.
• Soundgarden – Chris Cornell tells “Spin” magazine that the band is set to hit a studio in Seattle in about a week to begin work on their first new album in 15 years.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Adjustment Bureau” ( PG-13 Thriller ): Matt Damon plays a rising politician who falls for a ballet dancer (Emily Blunt), which displeases the world’s puppet-masters. Adapted from Phillip K Dick’s short story “The Adjustment Team”. Shot in NYC.
NET: http://www.theadjustmentbureau.com
• “Beastly” ( PG-13 Romantic Fantasy ): In this updated take on the “Beauty & The Beast” tale, Alex Pettyfer (“I Am Number Four”) plays a NYC teen who is transformed into a hideous monster in order to find true love. Co-stars Vanessa Hudgens, Mary-Kate Olsen.
NET: http://beastlythemovie.com
• “Rango” ( PG Animated Adventure ): Johnny Depp voices the role of an ordinary chameleon who accidentally winds up in the town of ‘Dirt’, a lawless outpost in the Wild West in desperate need of a new sheriff. Voice cast also includes Alfred Molina, Bill Nighy, Isla Fisher.
NET: http://www.rangomovie.com
• “Take Me Home Tonight” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Set over Labor Day Weekend in 1988, Topher Grace plays an aimless college grad who dives into a wild party in hopes of finally winning over his high-school crush (Teresa Palmer). Co-stars Anna Faris, Dan Fogler.
NET: http://www.iamrogue.com/takemehometonight

A LITTLE BIRDIE TOLD ME:
As part of a series of experiments in nanotechnology, Monrovia CA-based AeroVironment Inc has developed a mini spy-plane capable of maneuvering both on the battlefield and in urban areas. The pocket-sized, battery-powered drone has been dubbed the ‘Nano Hummingbird’ for the way it flaps its tiny robotic wings. Equipped with a camera, the little flying machine is built to look like a bird. It can fly at speeds up to 11 mph (17 km/hr) forward, backward, and sideways; and can also hover. It’s thought it will eventually be capable of flying through open windows or sitting on power lines, capturing audio & video while enemies are none the wiser. (This will be a real boon for future divorce cases!)
– “Los Angeles Times”

DEAL OR NO DEAL?
When you’re trying to save money, the ‘dollar store’ can seem like a magical place. But just because something’s inexpensive doesn’t make it a good buy. Retail experts offer the following review of the best and worst ‘buck store’ buys …
• Cleaning Supplies: According to Good Housekeeping Institute, the cleaners you buy at the dollar store work just fine. You won’t find many name brands, but the ingredients are similar.
• Cooking Accessories: You’ll find spoons, spatulas, cheese graters, ice cream scoops and more at the dollar store for 50%-to-90% off department store prices.
• Gift Wrap: You can get a 20-foot roll of gift wrap at the dollar store for a buck, while you’ll pay at least 3 times that at big-box and party-supply stores. Gift bags are a deal as well.
• Greeting Cards: Cards are nice but are they really worth $5? Dollar stores offer a big selection and they’re good-quality, so the recipient won’t even guess that you scrimped.
• Party Supplies: Everything from invitations to decorations to balloons are worth buying at the dollar store.
• Seasonal Items: Whether you need to stuff Easter baskets or Valentine’s Day boxes, you’re likely to save a few bucks at the dollar store.
• Toys: It’s tempting to buy toys for only $1, but there’s definitely a trade-off in quality. Many dollar-store toys are cheaply-made and can be dangerous when they break.
• Vitamins: Don’t scoop up your vitamins at the dollar store. “Consumer Reports” found that dollar-store multi-vitamins don’t always contain the amount of nutrients claimed on the label.
– Kiplinger.com

DO UNTO YOURSELF:
Do you treat yourself as well as you treat friends & family? That simple question is the basis for a burgeoning new area of psychological research called ‘self-compassion’. People who find it easy to be supportive and understanding to others, it turns out, often score surprisingly low on self-compassion tests, berating themselves for perceived failures like being overweight or not exercising. New research in the field suggests that giving ourselves a break and accepting our imperfections may be the first step toward being happier and more optimistic. (The opposite of the common show biz malady … self-absorption.)
– “New York Times”

BS AMAZING FACT:
In Albania, nodding your head means ‘no’ and shaking your head means ‘yes’.
– GreatFacts.com

BS CHRONOMETER 03.04.11

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [57] Catherine O’Hara, Toronto ON, movie actress (“Where the Wild Things Are”, “Home Alone”)/former TV comedian (“SCTV” 1976-81)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2007)

1958 [53] Patricia Heaton, Bay Village OH, TV actress (“Back to You” 2007-08, “Everybody Loves Raymond” 1996-2005)

1977 [34] Jeremiah Green, Oahu HI, rock drummer (Modest Mouse-“Dashboard”, “Float On”)

1985 [26] Whitney Port, LA CA, reality TV personality (“The City” 2008-10, “The Hills” 2006-08)

SATURDAY –
Comedian-magician Penn Jillette is 56; Rock guitarist John Frusciante (ex-Red Hot Chili Peppers) is 41; TV actor Kevin Connolly (“Entourage”) is 37; Movie actress Eva Mendes (“Ghost Rider”) is 36.

SUNDAY –
Classic rock singer-guitarist David Gilmour (Pink Floyd) is 65; Movie actor-director Rob Reiner (“The Bucket List”) is 64; TV actress Connie Britton (“Friday Night Lights”) is 43; NBA star Shaquille O’Neal (Boston Celtics) is 39; Rock drummer Chris Tomson (Vampire Weekend) is 27.

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Employee Appreciation Day”, observed annually on the first Friday in March. Hey, you’re so appreciated … you get to keep your job!
• “Frozen Dead Guy Days” festival weekend in Nederland CO, an annual celebration of Grandpa Bredo Morstoel, who died in 1989, was frozen by his grandson, and stored in a shed. Among the events: ‘Kids Coffin Races’. Huh!?!?
NET: http://www.nederlandchamber.org/events_fdgd-home.html
• “Grammar Day”, a day to celebrate clean, correct sentences and shun ungrammatical writing. Sponsored by the Society For the Promotion of Good Grammar.
NET: http://nationalgrammarday.com
• “International Scrapbooking Industry Day”, honoring the hobby that’s experienced a huge surge in popularity. More than just saving mementoes, modern scrapbooking involves sorting, cropping, pasting, and writing captions for chosen pictures.
NET: http://scrapbooking.com
• “March Forth and Do Something Day!”, a day of motivation celebrated each March 4th.
• “Salespersons Day”, observed on the first Friday of March to honor those gifted and creative individuals whose big kick in life is persuading others to spend a buck.

SATURDAY –
• “Act Goofy Day”, a day to do silly things just for the fun of it. At least wear a goofy hat.
• “Hug a GI Day”, a salute to all military personnel, some of America’s most overworked and underappreciated people.
• “Iditarod Sled Dog Race”, the 39th running of ‘The Last Great Race on Earth’ that treks 1,150 miles through Alaskan wilderness from Anchorage to Nome. Sixty 16-dog teams compete.
NET: http://www.iditarod.com
• “Mother-in-Law Day”, first celebrated 77 years ago on March 5, 1934. A similar “Mother-in-Law’s Day” is held on the 4th Sunday in October. To stay out of trouble, best to remember both!
• “Nenana Ice Classic”, the 94th annual in Nenana, Alaska where they erect a 26-foot wooden tripod on the frozen Tanana River. Since 1917, when the first tripod was built by bored engineers, people have been betting on the day & date of the Spring breakup. Because of the high stakes (close to $300,000), the ice is closely watched by lottery participants.
NET: http://www.nenanaakiceclassic.com
• “Tim Hortons Brier”, the 82nd Canadian Men’s Curling Championship through March 13th in London ON. Hurry hard!
NET: http://www.curling.ca/championships/brier/

SUNDAY –
• “Dentists Day”, honoring the professionals who help us maintain a big, toothy smile … for a really big fee.
• “Frozen Food Day”, commemorating the first ‘Individually Packaged Frozen Foods’, created by Clarence Birdseye in Springfield MA 81 years ago (1930). He got the idea after seeing  Canadians thawing and eating naturally frozen fish.
• “Namesake Day”, kicking off “Celebrate Your Name Week”, a day to research the origin of your name and reflect on whomever you may be named after.
NET: http://www.namesuniverse.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1974 [37] “People” magazine is launched (actress Mia Farrow is on the cover)

2005 [06] Multimedia style maven Martha Stewart (“Martha Stewart Living”) is released from prison in West Virginia after serving 5 months for securities fraud & obstruction of justice

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1966 [45] John Lennon creates an international controversy by telling a press conference that The Beatles ‘are probably bigger than Jesus right now’

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1877 [134] The 1st ‘microphone’ is developed (thanks to Emile Berliner, you have a job!)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1943 [68] Actress Greer Garson takes 5.5 minutes to accept her Academy Award for “Mrs Miniver”, considered an Oscar acceptance speech record (a tedious total that becomes more and more exaggerated over the years)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Mon] Be Heard Day
[Mon] Fun Facts About Names Day
[Mon] Shrove Monday
[Tues] International Pancake Day
[Tues] Mardi Gras
[Tues] International Women’s Day
[Tues] Napping Day
This Week Is … Poison Prevention Week
This Month Is … Humorists are Artists Month

BULL’S BITS

USEFUL BS CONVERSIONS:
• 2,000 lbs of Chinese soup = won ton.
• 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microScope.
• Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond.
• 2,000 mockingbirds = 2 kilo-mockingbirds.
• 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton.
• 1,000 grams of wet socks = 1 liter-hosen.
• Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knot-furlong.
• 365 days of drinking low-cal beer = 1 lite year.
• Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon.
• 1,000 aches = 1 megahertz.
• Shortest distance between 2 jokes = A straight line.
• 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn’t have to wait for it to age.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What were your favorite toys as a kid? Do you still have any of them?

BS WEB GOODIE:
The Prince William & Kate Middleton wedding website has made its official debut. Now you can spend hours upon hours reading about your favorite royal couple. Take a virtual tour of Buckingham Palace, watch the latest video footage, even follow them on Twitter. The website promises it will be THE place to get all those juicy wedding details.
NET: http://www.officialroyalwedding2011.org/

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 2010 was the first year that saw a decline in THIS since it was invented.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Spam email.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Health is the slowest possible rate at which one can die.