BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ “Breaking Bad” star Aaron Paul is reportedly in ‘serious talks’ to reprise his role in the show’s upcoming spin-off series, “Better Call Saul”, a prequel about the dodgy dealings of sleazy lawyer ‘Saul Goodman’ (Bob Odenkirk). Paul would play low-level drug dealer ‘Jesse Pinkman’ before he joined forces with his high school chemistry teacher-turned-drug lord ‘Walter White’ (Bryan Cranston). “Better Call Saul” is due to debut on AMC in November.
– ContactMusic.com
★ Bill Clinton is a wanted man … for “Dancing With the Stars”. Show dancer Karina Smirnoff, who won the 13th season with JR Martinez, claims she’ll be speaking to the 67-year-old former prez about taking to the dance floor on the show and predicts that, if he’d agree to appear, he’d take home the mirror ball trophy. Although Clinton has been shown slow-dancing at a few events, it’s not know how his cha-cha-cha and foxtrot would look on live TV. Smirnoff claims it wouldn’t matter, quote: “He could just stand there and we are all going to vote for him.”
– RadarOnline.com
★ And music mogul Simon Cowell is drawing a line in the sand – paparazzi who want a piece of him will have to answer to his bitches … his Yorkshire Terriers ‘Squiddly’ and ‘Diddly’, that is. Last week the pint-size poochies got their owner in trouble for allowing them on the beach in Miami FL. Cops gave Simon a warning, one which he clearly hasn’t heeded as the Yorkies have been spotted since patrolling the playa and – at least on one occasion – scaring the bejeepers out of a photog trying to snap ‘daddy’.
– TMZ.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Chelsea Lately” (E!) – Kid Cudi (“Satellite Flight: The Journey to Mother Moon”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – American Authors (“Oh, What a Life”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Miley Cyrus (“Bangerz”). Rerun.
• “Great Performances” (PBS) – Steve Martin & Edie Brickell w/Stone Canyon Rangers (Grammy Award-‘Best American Roots Song’) perform their 1st-ever live TV concert.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Amos Lee (“Mountains of Sorrow, Rivers of Song”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Kodaline (“In a Perfect World”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Glasvegas (“Glasvegas”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni1) – Phantogram (“Voices”).
• “Today” (NBC) – Eli Young Band perform the new single “Dust” (“10,000 Towns”, out today).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Lea Michele (“Glee”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – kd lang & the cast of Broadway’s “After Midnight”.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – More vocalists participate in blind auditions.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyoncé / Jay Z – The superstar couple wound down after performing together at her SRO concert in London’s O2 Arena by visiting the quirky pub White Lyan, where they sipped on unusual concoctions such as the ‘Bone Martini’ made from … chicken bones.
• Coldplay – They’ve announced their new album is called “Ghost Stories”. Their 6th studio album will be released May 19th and will be preceded by the single “Magic”.
• Fuel – With singer Brett Scallions back in the lineup, the band is offering its 1st new album release in 7 years today, “Puppet Strings”.
• Katy Perry – She’s taking her “Prismatic” tour to Australia later this year, visiting 5 cities in November. The North American leg begins June 22nd in Raleigh NC.
• Lil Wayne – He’s accused of failing to pay $5.8 million in income tax for 2011 and $6.3 million for 2012, according to an IRS lien. His rep says the matter is being worked on. Weezy was previously charged with failing to pay $7 million for 2008-09 but has since cleared that debt.
• Rick Ross – Today he releases his new album “Mastermind”, which includes collaborations with Big Sean, Jay Z, Jeezy, Kanye West, Lil Wayne, and Meek Mill.
• St Vincent – The 31-year-old singer-songwriter’s real name is Annie Clark. She grew up in Dallas TX and attended Lake Highlands High School, where she participated in theater and the school’s jazz band and was a classmate of Mark Salling (“Glee”).
• Sara Evans – Today she releases her 7th studio album, “Slow Me Down”. The album comes over 2 years after the release of “Stronger”, her previous #1 on the ‘Billboard Country Album’ chart.
• Tool – Tonight in Spokane WA they kick off their 1st North American tour since 2012.
• Ylvis – Warner Music Norway says their quirky novelty tune “What Does the Fox Say” has now sold more than 3 million copies around-the-world.

ARE YOU A SHORT SLEEPER?
As opposed to most of us who need a solid 8 hours, so-called ‘short sleepers’ feel rested after a just a few hours of shut-eye. Late to bed and early to rise, these seemingly superhuman nappers are ready to start their day after less than 6 hours of sleep; some function on less than 4. No, they don’t have insomnia, aren’t sleep-deprived, and don’t rely on caffeine to stay awake. And they rarely have to set an alarm clock; they just wake up after a short snooze. Researchers think they likely have some kind of genetic mutation that impacts their wake-sleep cycles. It’s estimated short sleepers make up less than 1% of the population. (Most of them morning radio personalities.)
– ABC News

TONGUE TUNES:
If you thought ice cream couldn’t get any better, check this out. A pair of NYC-based artists have created ‘Lickestra’, a performance art project that senses when ice cream is licked and when it is … it plays music. The brainchild of food designer Emilie Baltz and smart object designer Carla Diana, the interactive food is placed in a plastic cone embedded with sensors. When a tongue makes contact with the ice cream, a signal is sent to a computer with stored sound loops of melodies and beats. Licking the ice cream in different ways produces different sounds. (Isn’t all ice cream like music in your mouth?)
NET: http://www.emiliebaltz.com/2014/01/lickestra
– AFP

4 WAYS TO CURB CRAVINGS:
Jones-ing for junk food? A few tips on odd ways to get beyond your crave …
✓ Grab your old Game Boy. Playing “Tetris” for 3 minutes is enough to slash food, caffeine, and nicotine cravings by 24%, according to researchers at Britain’s Plymouth University.
✓ Stop and smell the jasmine. Sniffing this flower lowers people’s cravings for sweets 13% more than smelling green apple, according to research from Flinders University in Australia.
✓ Mix up your mains. The ‘sensory monotony’ of eating the same thing day-after-day nearly triples the frequency of men’s food cravings, reveals a study in “Physiology and Behavior”.
✓ Take a walk. Scientists at UK’s University of Exeter say a 15-minute stroll is enough to curb sugary food cravings by almost 50%. In fact, brief bouts of any physical activity will work.
– MensHealth.com

BUTT LIFTS ON THE RISE:
No ifs, ands, or butts about it … seems a lot of us want bigger booties. New figures from the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS) show that ‘Brazilian butt lifts’, procedures where fat is taken from another part of the body and injected into the backside, were up 16% in 2013. That means surgeons performed nearly 10,000 buttock augmentations with fat grafting. Eyelid surgery, facelifts, and neck lifts also saw a boost last year; while nose jobs, laser hair removal, and liposuction were down compared to the year before. Overall, 15.1 million cosmetic procedures were performed in 2013, a 3% increase over 2012. (Seems plastic surgery’s popularity isn’t … er, sagging.)
– NYDailyNews.com

FOR THE TRULY LAZY:
Being in a relationship can sometimes mean having less time to hang out with your bros. But lazy boyfriends will be delighted to hear about a new app that sends automated texts to their better halves. ‘BroApp’ promises to make communication-challenged boyfriends seem more attentive by sending pre-programmed text messages. The app allows users to write and store sweet nothings, to be sent to their loved ones at a pre-set time and date. It even provides a list of pre-written generic messages that can be added to or simply sent without editing. (“Dear [her name here], I’m not at the sports bar with my buds, honest. I’m home alone thinking about you …”)
– RelaxNews.com

LOST IN TRANSLATION:
(The foreign equivalent to some common English expressions.)
• In English we say “Save your breath” when we want someone to stop talking, while in France they say “Save your saliva.”
• The Chinese equivalent of “You’re in over your head” is “You’re a baby with a runny nose who became emperor.”
• In English we say “Go fly a kite” while the Spanish say “Go fry asparagus!”
• In the Hawaiian language “It’s nothing to lose sleep over” becomes “It’s a heap of relish made of octopus liver.”
– PA News

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Monkeys open bananas at the other end from humans.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• The Dominican Republic has the world’s deadliest roads.
– “The Economist”

BS CHRONOMETER 03.04.14

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1954 [60] Catherine O’Hara, Toronto ON, movie actress (“Where the Wild Things Are”, “Home Alone” films)/former TV comedian (“SCTV”)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2007)

1958 [56] Patricia Heaton, Bay Village OH, TV actress (‘Frankie Heck’ on “The Middle” since 2009, “Back to You” 2007-08, “Everybody Loves Raymond” 1996-2005)

1977 [37] Jeremiah Green, Oahu HI, rock drummer (Modest Mouse-“Dashboard”, “Float On”)

1986 [28] Margo Harshman, San Diego CA, TV actress (recurring role on “NCIS” since 2013, recurring role on “The Big Bang Theory” since 2012)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Courageous Follower Day”, to dispel the myth that followers are passive or weak individuals. We often celebrate the concept of leadership, but all leaders require followers and, in fact, virtually all of us are followers at some times and leaders at others.

• “Grammar Day”, a day to celebrate clean, correct sentences and shun ungrammatical writing. Sponsored by the Society For the Promotion of Good Grammar.
NET: http://nationalgrammarday.com

• “March Forth and Do Something Day!”, a day of motivation celebrated each March 4th.

• “Mardi Gras”/”Fat Tuesday”/”Shrove Tuesday”/”Pancake Day”/”Carnaval”, always 46 days before Easter and traditionally the final chance to indulge before the austerity of Lent. In Latin, ‘carne vale’ means ‘farewell to meat’. The day is marked by masked balls, lavish costumes, floats, parades, torchlight processions, dancing, fireworks, and feasting on all sorts of foods. Some of the biggest celebrations are in New Orleans, Louisiana; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; and Nice, France. Many of the traditions date to the 14th century.

• “Olney Pancake Race”, when the women of Olney, England run a 415-yard course while carrying a pan of pancakes. The tradition goes back more than 500 years.
NET: http://www.olneytowncouncil.gov.uk/38/
For the past 60-odd years, a mirror event has been staged in Liberal, Kansas in which the town women compete against those in Olney UK for best time in the “International Pancake Race”.
NET: http://www.pancakeday.net

• “Unique Names Day”, a day to appreciate people who have unusual names as part of “Celebrate Your Name Week”. Many of those saddled with the most unusual names are the offspring of celebrities such as: ‘Apple’ (Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow); ‘Audio Science’ (actress Shannyn Sossamon); ‘Blue Angel’ (U2’s The Edge); ‘Fuchsia’ (Sting); ‘Gulliver’ (actor Gary Oldman); ‘Jazz Domino’ (The Clash’s Joe Strummer); ‘Lark Song’ (actress Mia Farrow); ‘Memphis Eve’ (U2’s Bono); ‘Pilot Inspektor’ (actor Jason Lee); ‘Poppy Honey’ (chef Jamie Oliver); and ‘Seven Sirius’ (singer Erykah Badu).
NET: http://www.namesuniverse.com

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1994 [20] Actor-comedian John Candy dies of heart failure at the age of 43 while in Mexico filming the movie comedy “Wagons East”

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1877 [137] The 1st ‘microphone’ is developed (thanks to Emile Berliner, you have a job!)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1943 [71] Actress Greer Garson takes 5.5 minutes to accept her Academy Award for “Mrs Miniver”, considered an Oscar acceptance speech record (a tedious total that becomes more and more exaggerated over the years)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Ash Wednesday
[Wed] Discover What Your Name Means Day
[Thurs] Day Of the Dude
[Thurs] Oreo Cookie Day
[Thurs] World Book Day
This Week Is … Cheerleading Week
This Month Is … Humorists are Artists Month

BULL’S BITS

WORST ONLINE DATING HEADLINES:
Not finding love online? Your profile headline may be to blame. For instance …
✗ “I’ll try anything once.” (Driving blindfolded? Going to prison?)
✗ “Live, laugh, love.” (Might as well say, “Eat, breathe, blink.”)
✗ “My spirit animal is a wolf.” (Hopefully, you’re at least paper-trained.)
✗ “I’m a poet” or “I’m a Renaissance Man.” (Introspection and turtlenecks are just not sexy.)
✗ “Carpe Diem” or “YOLO” (You’d be better off picking an inspirational quote from your Successories poster collection.)
✗ “I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.” (No disrespect to ‘Ron Burgundy’, but when 1-out-of-5 guys uses a line, its humor diminishes.)
✗ “Work hard, play hard.” (Unoriginal. Party of one, your table is ready!)
– MissWingman.com

MARCH FORTH!
Here’s a quick little gimmick to run today. Find a 5-second snippet of marching band music, then play it as an on-going gag every time you casually mention that today is … March 4th.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
My granddad gave me some ‘sound advice’ on his deathbed: “It’s worth spending money on good speakers.”

BS WEB GOODIE:
It’s “Pancake Day” … the (so-bad-it’s-funny) song.
NET: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gj_aHCpZl4k

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
It’s estimated that 4% of women do not wear what?
a. Perfume.
b. Deodorant.
c. Underwear.[CORRECT]

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ Which Internet meme/topic has simply worn itself out from overexposure? Zombies? Bacon? Cats?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Asked in a poll “If your were a flavor, which flavor would you be?”, most people picked THIS one.
Answer: #1 was coffee; #2 banana.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are on it.