Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Thanks to You, This is BS Edition: #4700!

Quote from a new “Washington Post” ad: “Do you have information about infidelity, sexual impropriety or corruption concerning a current United States senator, congressperson or prominent government official? Larry Flynt and ‘Hustler Magazine’ will pay you up to $1 million if we choose to use your material and publish your verified story” (classy, huh?) . . . Actress Courteney Cox has taken to Twitter to urge fans to spread the word about the new season of her TV sitcom “Cougar Town” amid fears it’s facing cancellation due to falling ratings (here’s an idea – why not make it funny?) . . . “Grey’s Anatomy” creator/producer Shonda Rhimes says that actress Katherine Heigl will not be returning to the show anytime soon despite her recent expression of willingness (nobody wants the whiny ‘witch-with-a-b’ back on the set!) . . . Here’s an odd couple: Michelle Williams (“My Week With Marilyn”) & Jason Segel (“The Muppets”), spotted hanging out at Hollywood’s infamous Chateau Marmont in the wee hours (maybe she’ll play ‘Miss Piggy’ in the sequel?) . . . It’s official: ABC-TV’s “GCB” (based on the book “Good Christian Bitches” by Kim Gatlin) looks like a flop, its premiere drawing even fewer viewers than the debut of the now-canceled “Charlie’s Angels” remake (sayonara!) . . . A decade after Ozzy Osbourne & family had one of the earliest reality TV shows, a new animated sitcom called “The F’n Osbournes” is set to begin production this Summer in Toronto, with the family members voicing their own roles (haven’t we had enough of these people yet?) . . . Now that he’s 18, Justin Bieber has reportedly bought his own crib, a $10.8-million mansion in the Hollywood Hills and “Daily Mail” is reporting that his 19-year-old girlfriend Selena Gomez is moving in (not too shabby for a former YouTube phenom) . . . And a stage musical based on the 1978 John Belushi film comedy “Animal House” is in development, with a score being written by Barenaked Ladies (if we had a million dollars, we couldn’t make up something this weird!).


• “American Idol” (FOX/CTV) – Mary J Blige mentors the singers; the finalists perform songs by Whitney Houston and Stevie Wonder.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Sara Bareilles (“Kaleidoscope Heart”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Jake Owen (“Barefoot Blue Jean Night”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Gavin Rossdale (Bush-“Sea Of Memories”); Laura Marling (“A Creature I Don’t Know”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Joseph Arthur (“Graduation Ceremony”). Rerun.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Cee-Lo Green (“The Lady Killer”). Rerun.

• Adele – “Rolling In the Deep” is now the all-time best-selling digital single by a female artist, with 6.68 million sales. Black Eyed Peas’ “I Gotta Feeling” remains the overall record-holder at 7.82 million downloads.
• Carrie Underwood – “Blown Away” will be the title of her new album, coming May 1st.
• Cee Lo Green – He’s signed for a semi-permanent residency at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas, unfathomably titled “Cee Lo Green Presents Loberace” (not a typo). It opens August 29th.
• Depeche Mode – Frontman Dave Gahan tells “Rolling Stone” they already have about 20 songs demo-ed and are set to begin recording their 12th album at the end of April.
• Kenny Chesney – He’s scored his 23rd #1 country single this week with “Reality”.
• Metallica – They’re currently writing new music and plan to start recording very soon. Drummer Lars Ulrich tells “Spin” magazine they work in stages, continually throwing ideas around and rarely writing a song from beginning-to-end in one go.
• The Monkees – Davy Jones’ bandmates are planning to stay away from the late singer’s funeral in Florida in order to respect the family’s wishes that they be allowed to hold a low-key memorial and avoid a media circus.
• Taylor Swift – Her “Speak Now World Tour” played 98 shows in stadiums & arenas in 17 countries around-the-globe in 2011. It concludes this month with 12 shows in Australia and New Zealand. Tonight she plays Brisbane, Australia.
• Tupac Shakur – A Broadway musical about the rapper who was shot to death in 1996 has just been given the nod by his mother, who apparently loves the idea. (Presumably it will feature more than one incident of her beloved son getting shot … while singing.)


A device that silences incessant talkers or mutes people who talk too loudly has been created by Japanese scientists. Dubbed the ‘SpeechJammer’, the prototype device takes advantage of the discovery that it’s virtually impossible to speak when your own words are being played back to you with a slight delay. This hand-held device records and then plays back the target’s words after 0.2 seconds. Both the microphone and the speaker are directional so the device can be aimed at a subject from a distance … like a gun. (BTW, an actual gun also works.)


A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 66% of us are expecting an income tax refund this year. (Making ‘reassessment’ that much more of surprise.)
• 54% of families say they play board games. (Are they making a comeback?)
• 33% of businesses have a policy discouraging ‘inter-office romance’. (It’s okay if you share an office.)
• 25% of women are dissatisfied with the size of their posterior. (Way too small?)
• 15% of women ‘feel guilty’ if they don’t make their bed each day. (For guys, once a year.)
• 13% of us hate going to the gym because we get ‘hit on’. (You wish.)


New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Nukebot’ – A robot designed to operate in high-radiation areas. (Will this be the subject of “The Hurt Locker 2”?)
• ‘Hackathon’ – A collaborative programming session that may last days, an increasingly popular method to build software that addresses specific needs. (“I’m busy this weekend, attending a hackathon put on by some group called ‘Anonymous’.”)
• ‘Workamper’ – A person who uses a recreational vehicle to travel from one temporary job to another. Typically, workampers drive RVs to where the jobs are, then camp out at local trailer parks. (If they’re from out of the country, they’re called ‘migrants’.)


A few simple changes you can make that will slash your energy bill …
✓ Heat food in your toaster oven. It uses up to 50% less energy than a full-size oven.
✓ Opt for white window shades during warmer weather and keep them closed during the day to reflect the Sun’s heat away from your house.
✓ Store refrigerated food and beverages in closed containers. If left uncovered, they release moisture and overburden the appliance’s compressor.
✓ Choose an Energy Star-compliant computer, which uses 70% less electricity than a non-designated model.
✓ Don’t believe the screensaver myth. Computer screensavers do NOT cut energy use! Enable the ‘auto-sleep’ mode or turn off the monitor for more eco-friendly operation.
– Condensed from


As of March 1st, the state of Nevada has been allowing robot researchers to apply for a special permit to test robotic vehicles on open roads. Vehicles driven by robots are marked with a red license plate during the testing phase. Once the robot drivers prove they’re not a safety hazard, the license plates will be changed to green. Robot drivers have already racked up more than 200,000 miles in California semi-legally, but experts believe Nevada’s openness will help researchers more easily perfect the robotic technology. (See that driver in the next lane? The one with the laser eyes?)

This week Lady Gaga has set a new world record by becoming the first person to land 20 million followers on (@ladygaga). That puts her well ahead of Justin Bieber (18.1 million); Katy Perry (15.7 million); Shakira (14.5 million); and Britney Spears (13.6 million).


• Cat’s urine glows under a black light. (Who discovered this … and why?)
• Polar bears are left-handed. (This is why they have trouble using scissors.)
• A squirrel cannot contract or carry the rabies virus. (So it’s not acting weird because it’s a rabid squirrel it’s just, well …. squirrelly.)


1956 [56] Bryan Cranston, Canoga Park CA, TV actor (3 Emmy Awards for ‘Walter White’ on “Breaking Bad” 2008-12, “Malcolm In the Middle” 2000-06)  COMING UP: “John Carter” (opening in movie theaters Friday); “Rock of Ages” (June 15th).

1971 [41] Rachel Weisz, London UK, movie actress (Oscar-“The Constant Gardener”, “The Mummy”)

1974 [38] Jenna Fischer, Fort Wayne IN, TV actress (‘Pam Beesly’ on “The Office” since 2005)/movie actress (“Hall Pass”, “Blades of Glory”)

1975 [37] TJ Thyne, Boston MA, TV actor (‘Dr Jack Hodgins’ on “Bones” since 2005)

1980 [32] Laura Prepon, Watchung NJ, TV actress (‘Chelsea Newman’ on “Are You There, Chelsea?” 2012, “That ‘70s Show” 1998-2006)

• “Be Heard Day”, a time for entrepreneurs, small business owners, and solo professionals to find their voice, tell their story, and be heard.

• “Cereal Day”, a day to share in the delights of crunchy ‘n crispy breakfast cereals. Celebrated on the anniversary of the world’s first corn flakes being served to Dr John Kellogg’s sanatarium patients in Battle Creek, Michigan (1897).
● BS FACTOID: You can invent your own breakfast cereal by selecting options from 4 different categories in the ‘Cereal Name Creator’ here …

• “Discover What Your Name Means Day”, when we’re encouraged to look up interesting tidbits about names as part of “Celebrate Your Name Week”.

• “Purim” begins at sundown, the 2-day Jewish holiday that commemorates deliverance from the ancient Persian Empire, as recorded in the Book of Esther. Traditions include giving gifts to the needy, sending food as gifts, and eating a festive meal.


2002 [10] A judge awards reality TV star Anna Nicole Smith more than $88 million in the legal battle over the estate of her late husband, J Howard Marshall II

2007 [05] A British movie theater allows a patron to propose to his girlfriend with a 3-minute video inserted among the trailers before the main feature


1987 [25] “Licensed to Ill” by the Beastie Boys becomes the 1st rap album to hit #1


2010 [02] Kathryn Bigelow (“The Hurt Locker”) becomes the 1st female director to win an Oscar


1992 [20] ‘World’s Largest Crêpe’ is fried and flipped in Bloemfontein, South Africa (41 feet, 2 inches in diameter; an inch-and-a-half deep; weighing 5,908 lbs)


[Thurs] Full ‘Worm’ Moon
[Thurs] International Women’s Day
[Thurs] Proofreading Day
[Thurs] Organize Your Home Office Day
[Thurs] World Kidney Day
[Fri] “A Thousand Words”; “Friends With Kids”; John Carter”, “Salmon Fishing In the Yemen” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Women in Construction Week
This Month Is … Humorists are Artists Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – You’re getting married this month! He’s a wonderful guy and you’ll never find out about that affair he had while you were visiting your dying grandmother.
• Taurus – Acne is no laughing matter … although the 27 men who sit opposite you at speed dating tonight may seem to disagree.
• Gemini – Today you will discover an astounding new use for celery. It will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams!
• Cancer – So you may not have a date for this evening but that doesn’t mean that no-one finds you attractive. Oh wait. Yes it does.
• Leo – Those born under the sign of Leo are incredibly intelligent. They also keep their socks on during sex.
• Virgo – By Friday you’ll feel more positive about your career when your boss mysteriously disappears. You’re welcome.
• Libra – It’s your cheating girlfriend’s birthday and you buy her a gold necklace with her name on it. However, the stars predict you and ‘SLUT’ won’t stay together much longer.
• Scorpio – We know you’re feeling low this week … you’ve posted it 189 times on Coincidently that’s also the number of people who will un-follow you if you don’t shut-up.
• Sagittarius – Soon you will change careers and get into accounting … ‘just for the thrill of it’.
• Capricorn – Today someone will tell you that you ‘run funny’. Just ignore them … and be glad they didn’t see you throwing a baseball.
• Aquarius – Pinch your pennies this week. Next week, fondle your nickels.
• Pisces – No one wants to hear how disappointingly average they are. You Are Disappointingly Average! See? Told you.


A rapid-fire on-air poll or something to use on your website. Which is worse …
• Dropping your iPhone in the toilet OR dropping your iPad in the litter box?
• Licking the inside of a trashcan OR licking the public library’s computer keyboard?
• Being able to communicate only in song OR being able to communicate only via carrier pigeon?
• Making out with your unknown long lost brother/sister OR making out with a man you thought was a woman?
• Finding out the chicken you ate wasn’t chicken OR finding out the tofu you ate really was tofu?
• Swimming with alligators OR swimming with sharks?
• Having a cool job with people you hate OR having a sucky job with people you like?
• Being really bored for the rest of your life OR being frenetically busy for the rest of your life?
• Not being able to control your temper OR not being able to control your bladder?
• Getting telemarketing calls every day OR having to make telemarketing calls every day?


☎ About 20% of pet owners feed their pets ‘people food’ under the table on a daily basis. What weird food item does your critter love? (And how fat is it?)

There are 3 stages in life … youth, middle age, and ‘you’re looking wonderful’.


Question: Two-thirds of college students are embarrassed to admit they’ll likely do THIS during Spring Break.
Answer: Call their parents.


When people share their fears with you, share your courage back.

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