Thursday, May 11, 2017 Edition: #5972

Good Morning, Sheetheads!

★ Harrison Ford has revealed he ended up green with envy when he saw Ryan Gosling ‘working with a naked woman’ as they shot ‘Blade Runner 2049′.  Ford says that the first time he walked on set, not was it very large and elaborate, but one of the first things he noticed was that “Ryan was working with a naked woman – that made me a little sad. But she was a holographic projection, which made me happy again.” The movie comes out Oct. 6
★ If you haven’t heard, it’s official: ABC has revived American Idol.  What’s more, ABC Entertainment president Channing Dungey took a swipe at Fox for canceling the series in the first place, suggesting its rival misstepped by dumping the show prematurely.  (No word on a host yet, but Kelly has been pestering Ryan about it…)
★ Channing Tatum created his saucy ‘Magic Mike Live’ revue to offer women a place where they could be comfortable about their sexuality.  He wrote that he wanted to be able to offer women a the chance to be in a place “where men really listen to them, where they treat them like goddesses, and where they can feel comfortable and proud to express the full force of their sexual energy together.” (Whoah!  What kind of a place is this?  And how can I get in?)
★ Fuller House’s Jodie Sweetin’s ex Justin Hodak was given a suspended sentence of six years and eight months after he was found guilty on felony charges of possession of a deadly weapon and falsifying evidence by threatening a witness with force or implied force.  The judge said he’ll only have to serve 120 days in jail. In an ironic twist, just six months ago, Hodak and Jodie posed for a jail-themed shot for photographer Jenna Hagel.
(Fuller BIG House?)
-Daily Mail
★ Fans of the ‘Hellboy’ film franchise are furious Guillermo Del Toro and Ron Perlman are reportedly not involved in a planned third movie.  Guillermo directed the cult 2004 film and its 2008 follow-up and has often spoken of his desire to make a third film.  Apparently a third film is planned without the involvement of either man. ‘The Descent’ director Neil Marshall is reportedly in line to take the reins, with ‘Stranger Things’ star David Harbour set to take the title role.  (Cue the online petition!)


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global):  Ewan McGregor, Katie Lowes, At the Drive-In
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV):  Michelle Pfeiffer, Kyle MacLachlan, Mark Normand
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global):  Mayim Bialik, Andy Karl, Ramy Youssef
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV):  Aziz Ansari, Jenna Dewan Tatum, Lany, Thaddeus Dixon
• “Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV):  Goldie Hawn, Kevin Bacon, Dreamcar
• “The Daily Show with Trevor Noah” (Comedy):  D.L. Hughley
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Charlie Hunnam, Kristen Schaal, Narek Margaryan & Sergey Sargsyan
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Amy Schumer, Goldie Hawn
• “The View” (ABC/CTV):  Patti LaBelle, Drew Brees
• “The Talk” (CBS):  Wanda Sykes
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV):  Glenn Close, Guillermo Diaz
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV):  Amy Schumer, Goldie Hawn
• “Wendy Williams” (FOX): Jesse Tyler Ferguson
• “Harry” (NBC/CTV): Freida Pinto, Warren Kole
• “The Real” (FOX):  Tracee Ellis Ross, guest co-host Kelly Osbourne
• “The Big Bang Theory” (CBS/CTV) Season 10 finale: With Amy away, an admiring grad student returns to make a romantic overture to Sheldon.
• “Riverdale” (CW) Season 1 finale

• Katy Perry – says she wrote about 40 songs and has now whittled that number down to 15 for her forthcoming album, the title of which is still unknown. She calls it “fun and dance-y and dark and light” and “definitely a change.”
(And that is a change how?)
• Blondie – will perform an intimate gig for Amazon Prime customers in London on May 23.  The show will mark 40 years since the band’s UK debut.
• Grateful Dead – one of their greatest and most bootlegged concerts has finally been officially released on the 40th anniversary of the classic concert.  “Get Shown the Light” is a limited-edition box set with 3 additional concerts from the same era as the classic show May 8, 1977 at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York.  The tapes of the concert had already been selected by the Library Of Congress for the esteemed honor of inclusion in the National Recording Registry.
• The Rolling Stones – will embark on a 13-date stadium tour of Europe this September and October.  The band promises a few ”surprises” along the way and a new production and stage design.
(What are the surprises?  Keith not smoking?)
• Meat Loaf – is asking fans NOT to buy an upcoming reissue of “Bat Out of Hell”.  He says the record company has stiffed him for royalties ever since its original release in 1977 and even though it has sold 44 million copies worldwide, he and songwriter Jim Steinman have only received ‘pennies’.
•  Darius Rucker – will appear on “Undercover Boss” tomorrow. The CBS show is getting a new twist this year by having known people look for talent in their own field. In the show, Rucker goes to Austin and  runs an open mic night, works as a roadie and strolls along Austin’s Sixth Street in search of standout street performers.
• Sam Hunt – his “Body Like a Back Road” is at #1 on the Billboard Hot Country Songs chart for a 13th week.
• Willie Nelson – his new album “God’s Problem Child” debuts at #1 on the Billboard Country album chart this week.

A BS Selection of movies in the making…
• “Woodshock” – Kirsten Dunst is taking a deep (and trippy) dive into a role unlike anything else in her career. She plays Theresa, a woman who, after suffering a profound loss, copes with the resulting anxieties by ingesting a powerful cannabinoid drug. It hits theaters Sept. 15.
• “Avatar” sequels – “Fear the Walking Dead” star Cliff Curtis has signed on for James Cameron’s four  Avatar sequels. The New Zealand native will return to his home country to work on the films.  Curtis joins returning cast members Zoe Saldana, Sam Worthington, Stephen Lang, and Sigourney Weaver in the science-fiction series. ‘Avatar 2′ is now set for a Dec. 2020 release.
• “Good Time” – Robert Pattinson’s crime caper follows a bank robber’s race to evade the police dragnet that threatens to send him behind bars. Josh and Benny Safdie directed the movie from a screenplay by Josh Safdie and Ronald Bronstein. Release date: Aug. 11.
• “Beats” – This 90s rave movie is set in a small Scottish town in the mid 90s. It tells the story of best friends Johnno and Spanner as they experience the explosion of the free party scene and become part of a hedonistic youth movement across the UK.  Ocean’s Eleven director Steven Soderbergh will serve as executive producer on the project.


Many people now use their smartphone to wake them every morning.  Thanks to a little-known Apple iphone feature, you can now use it to tell you when to go to bed.  If your iPhone runs i.o.s 10, you have the ‘Bedtime’ feature which can learn about your sleep patterns, analyze them, and them provide you with what it believes to be the best time for you to turn in for the night.  It is found within the ‘clock’ app, and the idea is that you input the time that you wake each morning, how many hours of sleep per night you think that you need, and the ‘Bedtime’ feature will tell you what time to go to bed..  You can set it to go off when it is actually bedtime, or ask it to give you up to an hour’s notice beforehand.    It integrates with Apple’s Health app, allowing for sleep tracking data.  There is also a quick link to “Sleep Analysis” data.
(If my battery dies, I’ll be up all night!)
(I’d need at least an hour’s notice just so I can have my bedtime snack!)
(So now my phone can tell me when to go to bed, when to wake up AND how broke I am.  I might as well just call it ‘Mom’.)
(My phone tells me to go to sleep?  There’s a nap for that!)


If you would like to get more out of your workout, the gym might just be your new swearing safe space. New research has found that cursing aloud while you pump iron or jam on those push-ups may actually make you stronger. Researchers from Keele University in Britain and Long Island University Brooklyn in the U.S. ran two experiments to test their theory. First, they had study participants pedal intensely on an exercise bike in short bursts; one time, swearing before starting, and a second time, abstaining from bad language. Then, they had study participants do an “isometric hand grip test,” in which one squeezes a little bar really hard until muscle fatigue sets in. Again, they did this twice — swearing and then not swearing.
They found that people exerted more power on the bike after spewing a few good curses, and kept a firmer clutch during the second hand grip test after unleashing a bit of blue into the air.
The researchers point out that it is already accepted that swearing makes you better able to tolerate pain, and increased strength from swearing might be because the body’s nervous system is stimulated in the same way.

(Then he said 11 words that we can’t say on the radio and ripped a phone book in half.)
(I don’t know if swearing makes me stronger, but it sure feels good!)
(Maybe NOT swearing makes you weaker…)

WHAT MOM REALLY WANTS (besides reservations):
According to a poll of Moms, here are the top 10 things that they would like to receive for Mother’s Day:
1. UTO (Unpaid Time Off)
Every mom has a list of about 20 things she’d like to get done on any given day, but she usually only has time to successfully conquer three. Moms would love a day to tackle their To-Dos or just to be free to do whatever they want, no questions asked.
2. Sleep
Moms think going to sleep when they are tired on Saturday and awakening on their own without the alarm clock or the voice of a child on Sunday is a dream come true. Plus, it’s 100 percent free!
3. Clean House
Being a mom is stressful, and coming home to a clean house, even if it only lasts 10 minutes, is like a little slice of heaven. Hire a professional or, at the very least, get the kids to help pick up around the house.
4. Spa Day
A massage, mani/pedi or facial are all wonderful gifts. Older kids could get creative and set up a home spa with candles, homemade scrubs, etc.
Extra credit: A whole spa day full of pampering.
5. A Day Free from the “Mom Routine”
Moms love being moms. But they also love a day free from the “mom routine.” That means no dishes, laundry, chauffeur duty, dressing little ones, getting kids out the door, mediating sibling arguments, etc.
6. Car Wash
A vehicle free from crumbs and clutter is like a commuting oasis.
Extra credit: Get it detailed.
7. Home Delivery Service
For $79 a year through Amazon Mom, you can get free, two-day shipping on millions of items with Amazon Prime. Moms can save a ton of time, not to mention their sanity, when they don’t need to run errands with small kids in tow. (This Mom survey brought to you by…)
8. Turn the Honey-Do into a Honey-Done List
Every time they walk by that broken _______ (fill in the blank), it drives them crazy. Look after whatever you are able to get done on the Honey-Do List of lingering household projects.
9. What’s for Dinner?
Have dinner taken care of, including the grocery shopping, for one week.  That frees Mon up to enjoy more quality time as a family, which is what they really want.
10. The Best Things in Life are Free
The gifts Moms will treasure forever are the homemade cards, handprints and photo frames from our children that remind them what a blessing it truly is to be a mom.
(I can’t help but think how much shorter…and different…the corresponding Dad’s list is going to be come Father’s Day…)


1980 [37] Holly Vallance (Vukadinović), Fitzroy, Australia, TV actress (“Prison Break” 2005-06, “Neighbours” 1999-2005)/pop singer (“Naughty Girl”, “Kiss Kiss”)
1982 [35] Jonathan Jackson, Orlando FL, TV actor (‘Avery Barkley’ on “Nashville” since 2012)
1988 [29] Blac Chyna (Angela Renee White), Washington, DC, model, reality star (“Rob & Chyna” 2016)
1989 [28] Cam Newton, Atlanta GA, NFL quarterback (Carolina Panthers since 2011)

• “Eat What You Want Day”, a day to ignore all the warnings, avoid worrying and counting calories, and thereby fight our obsession with being thin. (Okay, so if healthfulness is not in play, what do you really, really want?)
• “Twilight Zone Day” is that mysterious day highlighted with eerie background music and unexplainable occurrences.  Why today?  It isn’t the anniversary of the first episode.  It isn’t the anniversary of the birth or death of its creator, Rod Serling.  It’s just totally unexplainable….
• “Foam Rolling Day” Foam rolling has been called the poor man’s massage.   We can’t get a massage every day, so foam rolling is the next best thing!  A once-mysterious technique used only by professional athletes, coaches, and therapists, it is now a familiar everyday practice for people at all levels of fitness.  But why does it HURT?
• “Hostess Cupcake Day” a day to celebrate and enjoy one of America’s most beloved snack cakes.

[Fri] Nurses Day
[Fri] Limerick Day
[Sat] Brunch for Lunch Day
[Sat] Frog Jumping Day

2000 [17] George Clooney makes a surprise return appearance on NBC-TV’s “ER” as ‘Dr Doug Ross’ (he’d left the show in 1998 after 5 seasons to pursue bigscreen stardom)

1981 [36] Legendary reggae musician Bob Marley dies of brain cancer in Miami FL at age 36 (today is “Bob Marley Day” in Jamaica)

2011 [06] One of the rarest rock T-shirts in the world, a 1979 Led Zeppelin tee, sells on eBay for $10,000, the largest sum ever paid for a vintage tee

2000 [17] The population of India officially crosses the 1 billion mark, making it the world’s 2nd billionaire country after China

2003 [14] Virginia resident Gary Duschl who began a chain of chewing gum wrappers as an 11-year-old in Canada in 1965 passes the 1 million mark (his chain of wrappers stretches over 8 miles and weighs 600 lbs)

2002 [15] ‘World’s Largest Omelette’, created as a fundraiser by the Lung Association in Brockville ON, weighs in at 2.95 tonnes (6,510 lb).  (Record since broken…now stands 6.466 tonnes/14,225lb….Portugal)

2011 [06] In Nepal, Sherpa Apa Sherpa achieves a new record by climbing Mount Everest for the 21st time

2015 [02] Two art works set world records at a Christie’s auction in NYC, as Pablo Picasso’s painting “Women of Algiers Version O” sells for $160 million and Alberto Giacometti’s sculpture “Pointing Man” sells for $141.3 million



▸ You do more in seven minutes than most people do all day.
▸ Happy hour has become the 60 minutes between your kids going to bed and you going to bed.
▸ A glass of wine counts as a serving of fruit.
▸ You have mini-therapy sessions all day long with anyone who will listen.
▸ Going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.
▸ Instead of running from projectile vomit, you run towards it.

☎What’s the strangest thing that scares your pet?

Basketball players make plenty of money.  We should start charging for those free throws.

Question: 1/3 of us think THIS is the most annoying sound in the workplace. What is it?
Answer: Sniffing or Sniffling.

The great thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing respectable.

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