Thursday, May 26, 2011       Edition: #4514
More From the Sheethouse!

Ronnie Ortiz-Magro & Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino have allegedly gotten into a brawl while filming the 3rd season of “Jersey Shore” in Italy (yeah sure, just like the script called for on page 72) . . . “Glee” star (and Emmy winner) Jane Lynch is being wooed to host this year’s “Emmy Awards” on FOX-TV (isn’t her act wearing a tad thin?) . . . Those Leonardo DiCaprio-Blake Lively rumors keep coming, the twosome now spotted hanging in Italy (apparently she’s traded up from Penn Badgley) . . . The Red Sea Astrarium (TRSA), a 184-acre “Star Trek” theme park is being planned for Aqaba, Jordan (about 20 years late and 4,000 miles too far east) . . . Lindsay Lohan is now blaming the paparazzi for ruining her life because of all the attention she gets every time she goes out (you asked for & it you got it, girl!) . . . Maria Shriver has hired a private detective to probe her philandering husband’s double life as she readies a divorce filing (it takes a dick to track a dick) . . . Courtney Love says she’s tired of her ‘drug freak’ rep, contending she doesn’t do smack or crack anymore and never took Special K or Ecstasy (sounds like she should go into pharmacology) . . . And sorta actor David Hasselhoff is convinced he has special healing powers after a motivational message he recorded for a sick boy in London, England helped the youngster come out of a coma (the kid woke up to say, “Turn that idiot off!”).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Tinie Tempah (“Disc-Overy”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – John Rich (“Celebrity Apprentice”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – 1980s Canadian singer Corey Hart (“Boy In the Box”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Big Sean (“Finally Famous: The Album”, out June 28th); Christina Aguilera (“The Voice”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Ra Ra Riot (“The Orchard”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Amos Lee (“Mission Bell”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni) – Arctic Monkeys (“Suck It & See”, out June 7th).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – Dancers audition for the judges as a new season begins.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots).

• Adele – The chart-topping soul singer tells Britain’s “Q” magazine she’ll never ‘sell out’ by signing ‘shameful’ endorsement deals, meaning her music will never be used to advertise products.
• Ke$ha – Here’s a couple we didn’t see coming: the pop star and rapper T-Pain, who have partied their way through Vegas while documenting their antics via Twitter.
• Lady Gaga – She reveals intimate stories from her youth and her path to stardom in a new 1-hour documentary, “Lady Gaga: Inside the Outside”, which premieres tonight on MTV.
• LeAnn Rimes – The singer/actress & actor-hubby Eddie Cibrian weren’t able to take a honeymoon right after their April wedding, but have finally managed to carve out time for a trip to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico this week.
• Nickelback – Frontman Chad Kroeger is on the hook for $25,000-a-month after the British Columbia Supreme Court ruled he must make spousal support payments to his former common law spouse Marianna Goriuk. They’ll meet in court August 15th to divide up property and assets.
• Taylor Swift – She tells the new edition of “InStyle” magazine she just loves chick flicks. Her favorite five are “Easy A”, “Going the Distance”, “He’s Just Not That Into You”, “Life as We Know It”, and “Love Actually”.
• Tim McGraw – He’s filed a countersuit against his longtime record label, Curb Records, after the company sued him earlier this month for breach of contract. McGraw is seeking advance payment, reimbursement for recording expenses, unspecified damages, and a jury trial.

This week’s films open a day earlier than usual thanks to the Memorial Day weekend …
• “The Hangover Part II” ( R-Rated Comedy ): ‘The Wolf Pack’ (Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Justin Bartha, Zach Galifianakis) travels to Thailand for ‘Stu’s nuptials where a pre-wedding brunch goes off the rails. In the aftermath, they try to piece things together and locate a missing future brother-in-law. Co-stars former heavyweight champ Mike Tyson and Ken Jeong (“Community”). The original is one of the highest-grossing comedies in history.
• “Kung Fu Panda 2” ( PG Animated Comedy ): ‘Po the Panda’ (Jack Black) has mastered kung fu and now needs it as he and the ‘Furious Five’ venture to China to battle villain ‘Lord Shen’ (Gary Oldman) and uncover the secrets of his mysterious origins. Heavyweight voice cast also includes Angelina Jolie, Seth Rogen, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jackie Chan, Dustin Hoffman. The first film racked up over $630 million worldwide. Also screening in 3-D and Imax 3-D.

So how do you get in a good workout without walking for several hours? A few tips on boosting your calorie burn …
• Maintain Good Posture – Make sure you’re ‘walking tall’ by keeping your shoulders back, your eyes looking forward, and your chin level.
• Think Quicker, Not Longer – 40 steps in 20 seconds is a healthy pace; 45 is moderately aerobic; 50 is power walking.
• Bend Your Arms – Bent arms move faster than straight, and they won’t slow down the pace of your feet. When’s the last time you saw a runner with straight arms?
• Use Your Feet – Consciously push off at the end of every step, pretending you’re showing someone behind you the sole of your shoe on each stride. This visualization will help push you forward faster.
– “Best Health Magazine”

An employer can’t discriminate hiring an employee on the basis of race, religion, gender, age, or disability … but can a company refuse to hire you simply for the fact that you don’t have a job? Some employers say yes, arguing they have the right to weed out the unemployed because it’s just good business. People who’ve lost jobs or who’ve never been hired are less qualified as a group than those who are currently working, they say, plus people who are out of the workforce for a significant period may also fall behind in skills. (Like being turned down for a bank loan … because you need one.)
– “TIME Magazine”

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … highly cheerful people die younger. That may be because they tend to lead more carefree lives full of danger and unhealthy lifestyle choices. Being too cheerful at inappropriate times can also rouse anger in others, increasing the risk of a person coming to harm. (These people are killing themselves laughing!)
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Scientists say … musicians’ brains are highly developed. And in a special way that makes them calm & playful, alert, interested in learning, and disposed to see the ‘whole picture’. The same traits have previously been found among world-class athletes, top-level managers, and among those who practise transcendental meditation. (David Lee Roth … highly developed brain?)
• Scientists say … one of the hardest things for us to do is to control our appetites. A new study finds the solution may be as simple as paying attention. In experiments, those who really focused on the sensory experience of eating were less hungry 2 hours later and less likely to snack. It’s thought the effect is triggered by a more vivid memory of the meal. (Keep that in mind as you enjoy that mashed potato sandwich you threw together for lunch today.)
– “Boston Globe”

• Meeting Before the Meeting – A select group of people, usually from the same team, meet to decide what the ‘correct outcome’ of the main meeting should be.
• Meeting After the Meeting – The people who were run over by the pre-meeting decision have a meeting afterward to discuss what the heck happened.
• Mutually Ignored Meeting – Everyone participates by speaking in turn, yet no one actually hears anything that the other participants are saying.
• Sub-Meeting – A side discussion that starts by distracting major participants in the main meeting, and eventually overtakes the main meeting’s purpose.
• Party Meeting – Called to recognize a special occasion such as a milestone birthday. Often characterized by a lot of standing around in clusters after congratulating the honoree.
• Project Status Meeting – A regular update meeting where everyone pitches in an ‘A-okay’ status, regardless of what part of the project is crashing and burning.
• Virtual Meeting – A remote meeting that everyone dials into and then immediately mutes, proceeding to spend their time more productively, such as by watching YouTube.
(A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours wasted.)
– Condensed from

The idea for a 100-year starship has been tossed around recently and now DARPA, the US Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, has put out a request for information looking for ideas from experts and the public at large on how a long-term human mission to the stars could possibly happen. It’s been estimated that such a mission would cost over $10 billion. So far NASA has chipped in $100,000 and DARPA $1 million, which means that as of now it is just that … an idea. (So what’s William Shatner doing these days?)

59-year-old Don Gorske of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin loves a Big Mac so much he’s just eaten his 25,000th. And he stays perfectly healthy despite gobbling all those burgers over the past 39 years … almost 2 per day. His cholesterol level is low and he was given a clean bill of health 2 months ago during his last physical, even though he exercises minimally. Quote: “I plan on eating Big Macs until I die.”
– ABC News

We stare longer at people with bad reputations. Lingering glances across the office may not be a good thing, as it could mean you are the victim of malicious gossip being spoken about you.
– “Daily Telegraph”


1948 [63] Stevie (Stephanie) Nicks, Phoenix AZ, oldies singer (“Secret Love”, Fleetwood Mac-“Dreams”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1949 [62] Hank Williams Jr, Shreveport LA, country singer (“That’s How They Do It In Dixie”, “All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight”)

1964 [47] Lenny Kravitz, NYC, rock singer/guitarist (“Fly Away”, “Are You Gonna Go My Way”)

1966 [45] Helena Bonham Carter, London UK, movie actress (“The King’s Speech”, “Alice in Wonderland”)/filmmaker Tim Burton’s partner since 2001

1969 [42] John Baird, Nepean ON, Conservative politician (Ottawa West-Nepean MP, current Minister of Foreign Affairs in the cabinet of Prime Minister Stephen Harper)

1971 [40] Matt Stone, Houston TX, TV writer & producer (“South Park” co-creator with Trey Parker)/movie producer (“Team America: World Police”)

1981 [30] Isaac Slade, Denver CO, rock singer/pianist (The Fray-“You Found Me”, “How to Save a Life”)

• “Blueberry Cheesecake Day”. Well okay … if we have to!

• “Bob Day”, honoring anyone with the name. Why is it they always seem to turn out to be the ultimate OK guy?

• “Go Barefoot Around the House Day”. Why? Because it feels great! The members of the ‘Society For Barefoot Living’ believe you should go barefoot all the time.

• “Paper Airplane Day”, an unofficial observance to commemorate the simple aeronautical toy. You’re encouraged to stage contests for ‘greatest distance’ and ‘longest time aloft’.

2004 [07] Fantasia Barrino is named “American Idol” Season 3 winner

1971 [40] Don McLean records the classic “American Pie” (mispronounces February as ‘Fe-BU-ary’)

1977 [34] KISS announces its Marvel Comic book debut and deposits band members’ blood in the comic book ink at the Marvel printing plant

1994 [17] Michael Jackson secretly weds Elvis Presley’s daughter Lisa Marie in the Dominican Republic (she files for divorce in January 1996 … on the grounds of temporary insanity?)

1913 [98] A ‘grasshopper cloud’ measuring 5 miles by 18 miles is reported in New Mexico

[Fri] Cellophane Tape Day
[Sat] International Jazz Day
[Sun] Indianapolis 500
[Sun] International Day of UN Peacekeepers
[Sun] Rural Life Sunday
[Mon] Memorial Day (USA)
This Week Is … Frozen Yogurt Week
This Month Is … Haitian Heritage Month


• I like my coffee like I like my women … hot. Of course, the difference is I can actually get hot coffee.
• I like my coffee like I like my one-night stands … stale, bitter, smoking like a chimney, with a butt-ugly mug.
• I like my Irish coffee like I like my women … loaded with whiskey.
• I like my coffee like a Major League Baseball catcher likes his privates … in a large, strong cup.
• I like my coffee like divorce attorneys like their clients … very rich, very bitter, and with lots of grounds.
– Adapted from

What have you divulged about your guy to your parents that you wish you hadn’t? What would you not want to hear about your daughter’s boyfriend? How about …
• That he’s ever had an addiction.
• That he cheated on his ex.
• That he also likes guys.
• That he believes in something strange like extraterrestrials.
• That he plays videogames 10 hours a week.
• That he has zero ambition.
• That he is estranged from his parents.
• That he has a criminal record.

If you don’t have someone tracking you down, you haven’t exhausted your credit options.

Today’s Question: Over 500 million of THESE will end up in landfills this year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Shoes.

Diplomacy is letting them have it your way.

Printer Friendly Version