Friday, May 31, 2013        Edition: #4997

Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s BS!

✳ It’s a big weekend for the Kardashian family. The new season of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” premieres on E! on Sunday, the same day as Kim’s baby shower, where family and friends will gather to celebrate her and Kanye West’s first baby. Khloe is co-hosting the event with her mom, Kris; sister, Kourtney; and music manager Irving Azoff’s wife, Shelli. According to the invites tucked in music boxes, the attire is ‘garden chic’. (So trowel on the makeup, girls.)
– MTV News
✳ The music of Muse will be heavily featured in the upcoming movie “World War Z”, and the band will even play a live concert for the movie’s London premiere on Sunday. Muse is set to perform in St James’ Park after the film screens in Leicester Square. Paramount Pictures will film the concert and make the footage available at a later date. ”World War Z” opens in theaters on June 21st. It stars Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos, and James Badge Dale. (Angelina Jolie is expected to make her 1st post-mastectomy public appearance at the gala.)
✳ “Two-and-a-Half Men” just might need a name change when it returns next season. The CBS-TV sitcom, which saw the departure of Angus T Jones as a regular cast member after its most recent season, plans to fill the void with the addition of a female cast regular, a woman who claims to be the daughter of ‘Charlie Harper’ (formerly played by Charlie Sheen). If plans go through, she’ll move in with Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher) and ‘Alan Harper’ (Jon Cryer). (They’re really reaching for new angles now.)
✳ British author Helen Fielding’s two ‘Bridget Jones’ novels have sold more than 15 million copies worldwide. So it’s no surprise her comical character is returning to battle her insecurities in a 3rd novel, “Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy”, due this October. In the new book, a slightly older ‘Jones’ will lament the nightmares of drunken texting, skinny jeans, and the fact she has zero Twitter followers. (No please, not another lame movie with chubby-cheeks Zellweger!)
✳ And several Hollywood maitre d’s have revealed the most bizarre requests they’ve received from stars visiting their restaurants. Among the more outrageous: A separate table for a pet pooch; having the entire menu read out loud upon every visit; steak served in a private dining room in order to keep up the pretense of being a vegetarian; beef tenderloin prepared in the shape of an elephant for a son’s 3rd birthday; and grilled cheese sandwiches for an A-list star and his entire movie crew (not on the menu), forcing restaurant employees to hustle to the nearest supermarket. (Juicy … but we want names!)

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Today OneRepublic (“Native”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres: The Mark Twain Prize” (PBS) – Tonight the gala that awarded the TV talk show host the ‘Mark Twain Prize for American Humor’ last year. Rerun.
• Free Press Summer Fest (Houston TX) – Saturday-Sunday performers include Arctic Monkeys, Iggy & The Stooges, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Passion Pit, The Postal Service, and 2 Chainz among others.
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – Today Pitbull performs live for the ‘Summer Concert Series’.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Zac Brown Band (“Uncaged”). Rerun.
• “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” (E!) – Sunday the 8th season debut, when the gender of Kim Kardashian’s expected baby will reportedly be revealed. Be still, our collective heart!
• “The Killing” (AMC) – Sunday the series return/revival as the dark and moody show  re-surfaces for a 2nd season after its cancellation was announced.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Tonight Shiny Toy Guns (“We Are Pilots”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Tonight Bad Rabbits (“American Love”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Blake Shelton (“Based On a True Story …”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Tonight Yeah Yeah Yeahs (“Mosquito”). Rerun.
• The Sound of Change Live (London) – Saturday this globally-broadcast benefit concert at Twickenham Stadium includes performances by Beyoncé, Ellie Goulding, Florence + The Machine, Jennifer Lopez, Rita Ora, Timbaland and others. Appearances by Madonna and Salma Hayek. The event is on behalf of Chime for Change, founded by Gucci, which supports equal opportunities for girls and women around-the-world. Airs on NBC-TV Sunday.
• “Today Show” (NBC) – This morning New Kids On the Block, 98 Degrees, Boyz II Men. Tonight the 90s boy-bands’ 28-date so-called “Package Tour” (double entendre intended) kicks off in Uncasville CT. The trek wraps July 13th in Minneapolis MN.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tonight Billy Ray Cyrus (“Hillbilly Heart”). Rerun.
• “The Wanted Life” (E!) – Sunday the debut of a new reality series follows the Brit boy-band around while they make tween-age girls scream. Another cheesy Ryan Seacrest production.
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Today Eve (“Lip Lock”). Rerun.
• Yahoo! On The Road – The streamed-live tour wraps tonight in San Francisco CA with a performance by fun..

• Beyoncé – She’s increased security for her London gig this Saturday at the “Sound Of Change” concert over concerns about a British stalker. The deranged fan has reportedly been sending her threatening letters labeling her ‘an imposter’. Hey, there’s only one B.
• Madonna – She’s taken a hit on the 6-bedroom Harperley Hall penthouse on Manhattan’s Upper West Side that she bought in 2009 for a reported $32.5 million. In order to offload the pad after more than 6 months on the market, she’s sold it to business tycoon Deepak Narula for ‘considerably less’ than the asking price, which was recently dropped to just under $20 million.
• One Direction – Harry Styles already has a large collection of ink scattered across his arms and chest, but plans to take things to another level by sitting for an entire back piece. LA-based tattoo artist Freddy Negrete says completing the whole thing could take months.
• The Roots – Saturday the “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” band are going back to their roots in Philadelphia PA for their 6th annual “Roots Picnic” at the Festival Pier. Guest performances by Gary Clark Jr, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Grimes, Naughty By Nature, Solange and more.

• “After Earth” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): M Night Shyamalan’s latest sci-fi flick is set 1,000 years after events have forced humanity to exit from Earth. A crash landing leaves a boy and his father stranded on the people-less planet, causing them to embark on a perilous journey to signal for help. Stars Jaden Smith and real-life pop Will Smith.
• “Now You See Me” ( PG-13 Crime Thriller ): An FBI agent and an Interpol detective track a team of illusionists who pull off bank heists during their performances and reward their audiences with the money. Stars Jesse Eisenberg, Mark Ruffalo, Woody Harrelson, Common.
Musical score by the Chemical Brothers.
• Opening in limited release: ”The East” (Action Thriller); “Hannah Arendt” (Biography); “The History of Future Folk” (Musical Comedy); “The Kings of Summer” (Comedy); and “Shadow Dancer” (Thriller).

“Unfortunately, because of equipment failure, we lost all the gerbils.” That was the announcement from the Russian space program about one of their satellites recently returned to Earth which also carried various microorganisms, plants, crayfish, snails, geckos, and mice in an attempt to better understand the effects of micro-gravity on life in space. Happily, the geckos returned alive, though more than half of the mice and all of the gerbils gave their lives in the name of science during the month-long orbit. It was the longest animals-in-space study of its kind. (Could we volunteer the neighbor’s dog for the next one?)

• Two sandwiches have been thrown at Australian prime minister Julia Gillard in two separate incidents. The reporting has been faultless. is all over it like mayo on egg salad with full details of the sandwich filling, bread type, toasting level, and slicing, plus the exact trajectory and timing of the 2nd sandwich’s flight.
• Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police say a North Carolina woman has called in to have her juvenile son arrested for … stealing her Pop-Tarts. The boy was subsequently placed under arrest on a charge of larceny/misdemeanor. WCNC-TV reports the unnamed woman refused to comment at her home, choosing instead to shout an obscenity and slam the door.
– United Press International
• Thank goodness for the Internet! Website ‘Dull Men’s Club’ has more than lived up to its name by posting a new listing of … the direction of luggage carousels around-the-world. Seriously, a country-by-country, airport-by-airport analysis of each luggage carousel and whether is rotates clockwise or counter … zzzZZZZZZ.

Just one cow gives off enough harmful methane gas in a single day to fill around 400 liter bottles. (About the same volume as a men’s locker room.)
– BBC News


1930 [83] Clint Eastwood, San Francisco CA, movie director (Oscars-“Million Dollar Baby”, “Unforgiven”)/movie actor (“In the Line of Fire”, “The Bridges of Madison County”)

1965 [48] Brooke Shields, NYC, model/movie actress (“The Blue Lagoon”)/author (“Down Came the Rain”)/former TV actress (“Lipstick Jungle” 2008-09, “Suddenly Susan” 1996-2000)  BS FACTOID: Insiders say she’s likely to get a seat on the panel of “The View” next season.

1966 [47] Jeremy Hotz, Cape Town, South Africa, stand-up comedian (“What a Miserable DVD This Is”)

1967 [46] Phil Keoghan, Lincoln, New Zealand, TV personality (“The Amazing Race” since 2001, “No Opportunity Wasted” 2004-07)  BS FACTOID: He hosts “The Amazing Race Canada”, beginning July 15th.

1972 [41] Archie Panjabi, London UK, TV actress (‘Kalinda Sharma’ on the “The Good Wife” since 2009)/movie actress (“Bend It Like Beckham”)

1976 [37] Colin Farrell, Dublin, Ireland, movie actor (“Total Recall”, “In Bruges”)

1980 [33] Andy Hurley, Menomonee Falls WI, rock drummer (Fall Out Boy–“Thnks fr th Mmrs”, “I Don’t Care”)

Movie actor Morgan Freeman (“Now You See Me”) is 76; Rock guitarist Ronnie Wood (Rolling Stones) is 66; Country singer Ronnie Dunn (ex-Brooks & Dunn) is 60; TV personality Heidi Klum (“Project Runway”) is 40; Pop singer Alanis Morissette (“You Oughta Know”) is 39; Folk rock singer-songwriter Brandi Carlile (“The Story”) is 32; Movie actress Willow Shields (“Hunger Games”) is 13.

Rock drummer Charlie Watts (Rolling Stones) is 72; Actor-comedian Dana Carvey (“Jack & Jill”) is 58; NHL commissioner Gary Bettman is 61; TV personality Wayne Brady (“Let’s Make a Deal”) is 41; Movie-TV actor Zachary Quinto (“Star Trek”) is 36; Rock drummer-vocalist Fabrizio Moretti (The Strokes) is 33.

• “Macaroon Day”, honoring those ooey-gooey coconut cookies that stick to your fillings. (A red letter day for dentists everywhere!)
• “Save Your Hearing Day”. I SAID, TODAY IS “SAVE YOUR HEARING DAY” … if you’d turn down your iPod you’d be able to … oh, never mind.
• “Take a Kid Fishing Weekend”. Even if they aren’t biting, everyone can have a good time outdoors in the fresh air. (Sorry li’l dude, but you gotta bait your own hook.)
• “World No-Tobacco Day”, as declared by the UN’s World Health Organization to encourage people to kick their butts.

• “Atlantic, Caribbean & Gulf Hurricane Season” begins. Forecasters are expecting a busy season with 13-to-20 named storms over the next 6 months, including 7-to-11 that could grow to hurricane strength. Storms are named in order from alphabetical lists. 2013’s first 5: Andrea, Barry, Chantal, Dean, Erin. (Hurricane Barbara that just slammed Mexico is a Pacific storm.)
• “Go Barefoot Day”, a day to enjoy the comforts and pleasant sensations of shedding footwear. Why? Because it feels great! The members of the ‘Society For Barefoot Living’ believe you should ideally go barefoot all the time.
• “Say Something Nice Day”, a day to thank someone, encourage someone, compliment everyone. Remember, if you can’t say something nice … mum’s the word!
• “Trails Day”, celebrating nature trails as a great way to experience the outdoors by hiking, biking, horseback riding, etc.
• “World Milk Day”, initiated by the UN’s Food & Agriculture Organization to focus attention on milk and the milk industry. (Humans are the only animal that drinks another animal’s milk.)

• “Bubba Day”, honoring those formally named or just informally called ‘Bubba’. (We’re betting most of ‘em live in ‘Dixie’.)
• “Cancer Survivors Day”, the 26th worldwide celebration of life on the 1st Sunday in June. Famous cancer survivors include actresses Christina Applegate, Cynthia Nixon, and Suzanne Somers; singers Melissa Etheridge, Olivia Newton-John, and Sheryl Crow; TV personality Sharon Osbourne; and we’re hoping … Angelina Jolie.
• “Yell Fudge At the Cobras in North America Day”. To keep the poisonous snakes off the continent, you’re supposed to go outdoors at noon and yell ‘fudge!’ (Seems to be working!)

2000 [13] “Survivor” TV reality series debuts as a 3-month Summer show on CBS-TV (Richard, Rudy, Susan, Sean, Colleen, Kelly, Greg, and Gervase quickly become household names as do the tribes ‘Tagi’ and ‘Pagong’)

1998 [15] Ginger Spice (Geri Halliwell) announces she’s leaving the Spice Girls (they continue on as a foursome before splitting in 2000)

1997 [16] Ila Borders becomes 1st female pitcher in a Minor League Baseball game, as she enters a game in relief for the St Paul Saints (she goes on to pitch in the Northern League for 3 years)

1976 [37] Guinness Record ‘Loudest Concert’ as The Who put out a total of 76,000 watts of power at 120 decibels (no wonder it’s “Save Your Hearing Day”. Pete Townshend should be poster boy!)

[Jun 3] “Mistresses” debuts (ABC/CTV) / Leave the Office Early Day
[Jun 4] “America’s Got Talent” season debut (NBC/CityTV) / International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression
[Jun 5] “CMT Music Awards” (CMT) / Hot Air Balloon Day / Running Day / Tailors Day / World Environment Day
[Jun 6] CMA Music Festival begins (Nashville) / Drive-in Movie Day
[Jun 7] “The Internship”; “The Purge” open in movie theaters / VCR Day / Banana Split Day
[Jun 8] “The Voice UK” season debut (BBC 1) / “Britain’s Got Talent” season debut (ITV) / Belmont Stakes (Queens NY) / Upsy Daisy Day / Knit in Public Day / World Oceans Day
[Jun 9] Abused Women & Children Awareness Day / Children’s Sunday / World Wind Day
[Jun 10] Alcoholics Anonymous Day / Ball Point Pen Day / Iced Tea Day
[Jun 11] Corn On the Cob Day
[Jun 12] “This Is the End” opens in movie theaters / Jerky Day / Peanut Butter Cookie Day
[Jun 13] Bonnaroo Music Festival begins (Manchester TN) / Songwriters Hall of Fame Induction (NYC) / Nurse Assistants Day / Queen’s Official Birthday (UK)
[Jun 14] “Man of Steel” opens in movie theaters / Download Festival begins (Donington Park UK) / Isle Of Wight Festival begins / Family History Day / World Blood Donor Day / Work @ Home Fathers Day
[Jun 15] World Gin Day / Nature Photography Day / World Elder Abuse Awareness Day / World Juggling Day
[Jun 16] Fathers Day / MuchMusic Video Awards (Toronto) / “40th Daytime Emmy Awards” (HLN) / “True Blood” season debut (HBO) / Fudge Day / Husband Caregiver Day
[Jun 17] World Day to Combat Desertification & Drought / Ride Your Motorcycle to Work Day
[Jun 18] “The Voice” season finalé (NBC/CTV) / International Sushi Day
[Jun 19] “O Music Awards” (MTV) / Garfield the Cat Day / World Sauntering Day
[Jun 20] Recess at Work Day / World Refugee Day
[Jun 21] “Monsters University”; “World War Z” open in movie theaters / 1st Day of Summer / Firefly Music Festival begins (Dover DE) / Atheists Solidarity Day / Go Skateboarding Day / Flip Flop Day / World Handshake Day / World Humanist Day / Take Your Dog to Work Day / Ugliest Dog Day
[Jun 22] Stupid Guy Thing Day
[Jun 23] Full ‘Strawberry’ Moon / “Devious Maids” debuts (Lifetime) / “Celebrity Wife Swap” season debut (ABC) / “Whodunnit?” debuts (ABC) / Baby Boomer Recognition Day / Let It Go Day / Public Service Day
[Jun 24] “Under The Dome” debuts (CBS/Global) / Celebration Of the Senses / International Fairy Day
[Jun 25] Global Beatles Day / Columnists Day / Please Take My Children to Work Day
[Jun 26] Summerfest begins (Milwaukee) / “Big Brother” season debut (CBS/Global) / International Day Against Drug Abuse & Illicit Trafficking / International Day in Support of Victims of Torture / National Canoe Day
[Jun 27] “Hannibal” season finalé (NBC/CityTV) / Decide to Be Married Day / Industrial Workers Of the World Day
[Jun 28] “The Heat”; “White House Down” open in movie theaters / Glastonbury Festival begins (Pilton UK) / British Summer Time festival begins (London) / BET Experience beings (LA)
[Jun 29] “American Idol Live!” tour begins (St Louis) / Roskilde Festival begins (Roskilde, Denmark) / Tour de France begins
[Jun 30] “Dexter” season debut (Showtime/TMN) / “BET Awards” (BET) / Descendants Day / Log Cabin Day / National Organization for Women Day


This week the IOC short-listed new sports that will be considered for the 2020 Olympics: Baseball/Softball, Squash, and Wrestling. That means Climbing, Karate, Roller Sports, Wakeboard, and Wushu have been eliminated. And here are a few …
✗ Uninflated Basketball
✗ Synchronized Running
✗ Nude Rugby
✗ Fat Guy Hacky-sack
✗ Shirts-and-Skins Speed-Typing
✗ Octuples Tennis
✗ Aquatic Showjumping
✗ Dog Hockey

☎ What’s your best tip on avoiding jet lag? (Scientists say a combination of these tactics: adjusting sleep schedule days before a trip; taking the hormone melatonin; seeking out bright lights at certain times; forcing the body to eat and sleep on local time immediately upon arrival.)

… eyewitnesses were on the scene in minutes.

Question: THIS doubles your odds of living to the age of 100 and beyond.
Answer: If your mother was under 25 when she gave birth to you.

All things are difficult before they are easy.

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