November 21, 2016

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Monday, November 21, 2016 – Edition: #5855

Another Sheetload of Bull!

★ Kim Kardashian has reportedly decided against making a red carpet appearance at tonight’s charity event in honor of her late father. The 36-year-old had been scheduled to attend the Angel Ball in NYC alongside mother Kris and sisters Kourtney and Khloe. However, she’s been keeping a low profile ever since that armed robbery incident in Paris, France. A rep for the event says: “Kim is not expected to attend at this time.” The Angel Ball, supporting Gabrielle’s Angel Foundation for Cancer Research, pays tribute to attorney Robert Kardashian, who died of cancer in 2003.
★ Brad Pitt is said to be concerned estranged wife Angelina Jolie is trying to turn their 6 kids against him as they have stopped calling him ‘Daddy’. A bodyguard claims the 52-year-old actor’s 2 supervised visits with his brood have not gone well. After none of the kids would talk to him, Pitt reportedly stormed out of the second one extremely really angry. A related report suggests Brad has already moved on from Angelina and is secretly seeing someone else, said to be another ‘famous actress’. Some say it’s Margot Robbie (“Suicide Squad”).
– “Grazia Magazine” /
★ Are Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner having couples therapy? The estranged twosome, who announced they were divorcing back in early 2015, have been spotted heading out of a counseling center and heading home – together – after 2 hours inside. An insider says Ben & Jen really seem to want their marriage to work for the sake of their family. The acting couple’s children include Violet (10), Seraphina (7), and Samuel (4).
– Bang Showbiz
★ And actor Tobey Maguire has bought a circa-$13-million mansion in Brentwood CA following a breakup with his 9-year wife. The 41-year-old recently split from Jennifer Mayer, after which they sold their Santa Monica CA home for $3 million. Real estate reports show that Maguire’s new bachelor pad has 6 bedrooms, 9 bathrooms, a wine cellar, gym, library, barbecue area, and an infinity pool. Not bad for a guy who’s last hit movie was “Spider-Man 3” … in 2007.
– Bang Showbiz

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – The Head & The Heart (“Signs of Light”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The remaining 4 couples each perform 2 dances; one couple is eliminated; Train performs.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Dawes (“We’re All Gonna Die”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Caspian (“Castles High, Marble Bright”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – Idina Menzel (“idina.”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Margo Price (“Midwest Farmer’s Daughter”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Nickel Creek’s Chris Thile.
• “Search Party” (TBS) – Series debut of a dark comedy about 4 self-absorbed 20-somethings who get entangled in an ominous mystery when a former college acquaintance suddenly disappears.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Little Big Town (“Wanderlust”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – The top 11 perform for the coaches and for viewer votes.

• Bon Jovi – Vinyl reissues seem to have become a thing and the veteran rockers are jumping on the bandwagon with a re-release of their back catalogue as a massive box set of 25 LPs simply titled “Bon Jovi: The Albums”. It’s due in February.
• Bruno Mars – He’s set to take a ride alongside James Corden for “The Late Late Show” feature ‘Carpool Karaoke’. He’s been spotted filming with Corden in Los Angeles and later confirmed his upcoming appearance on Instagram.
• Dan + Shay – Dan Smyers has just proposed to his girlfriend Abby Law on Waikiki beach in Hawaii. Both have shared the news on social media along with a picture of Law’s diamond solitaire engagement ring. She formerly worked in promotions at Warner Music Group.
• Fifth Harmony – Lauren Jauregui has come out as bi in “Billboard” magazine. In an open letter she proudly declares herself ‘a bisexual Cuban-American woman’.
• Green Day – Speaking to “NME”, Billie Joe Armstrong says the upcoming HBO adaptation of their “American Idiot” Broadway show might offend some, but he’s unapologetic. Quote:”I think it’s a great time to offend people.” The singer is reprising his role as ‘St Jimmy’ in the project.
• Johnny Cash – His historic lakefront property in Hendersonville TN is up for sale again. No asking price is listed because it’s touted as ‘one of the most priceless pieces of property in all of country music’. Cash bought the place in 1968 and lived there with wife June Carter 35 years.
• Mariah Carey – Settlement talks between her & former fiancé James Packer have broken down. She’s demanding $50 million, claiming she had to uproot her life and move to LA for him. But he insists there’s no legal basis for him to pay her anything because they weren’t married.
• Justin Bieber – The singles from his hit album “Purpose” are going to be released as a vinyl box set early next year. “The Purpose Singles Box Set” is limited to 5,000 copies. It includes 3 vinyl records and a 12-page book with photos and lyrics.
• Rolling Stones – They recently released a blues covers album “Blue & Lonesome” and during that recording hey put together some tunes for another album of their own material. Keith Richards confirms they have several new songs just waiting to be recorded.
• Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings – Soul singer Jones passed away Friday at age 60 after a battle with pancreatic cancer.
• Zac Brown Band – Their annual festival in Charleston SC is returning for a 6th year next May. The ‘Southern Ground Music & Food Festival’ is being staged at MUSC Health Stadium on May 20th and 21st.

According to a dating survey, most guys (74%) think that cheating starts with a kiss. But for women, a kiss doesn’t have to happen; it can be any number of other things. Here’s what some women consider to be cheating …
• Flirting provocatively … 35%.
• Confiding in other women … 36%.
• Dancing closely … 41%.
• Getting private dances at strip-joints … 79%.
• Engaging in online ‘relationships’ … 80%.
• Any sort of sexual contact … 100%.

A new ranking of the critters we keep in our homes …
1. Dog
2. Cat
3. Fish (actually most popular in overall number, as fish people usually have several swimmers)
4. Bird
5. [tie] Hampster / Rabbit
(Also in the top 10: guinea pig, lizard, snake.)

A group of real-life 9-year-olds share what they don’t like about being male …
✗ “Not being able to be a mother.”
✗ “Not supposed to cry.”
✗ “Not allowed to be a cheerleader.”
✗ “Supposed to like science.”
✗ “Supposed to play football.”
✗ “Boys smell bad.”
✗ “Having an automatic bad reputation.”
✗ “Hair growing everywhere.”

Dating app Tinder now has 37 options for defining gender, beyond ‘male’ or ‘female’.


1966 [50] Troy Aikman, West Covina CA, TV football analyst (FOX-TV since 2001)/former NFL QB (Dallas Cowboys 1989-2000)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (2006)

1968 [48] Alex James, Boscombe UK, rock bassist (Blur-“Out of Time”, “Country House”)

1971 [45] Michael Strahan, Houston TX, TV personality (“Good Morning America” 2016, “Live With Kelly & Michael” 2012-16, “FOX NFL Sunday” since 2008)/former NFL player (NY Giants 1993-2007)

1975 [41] Jimmi Simpson, Hackettstown NJ, TV actor (‘William’ on “Westworld” 2016, ”It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” since 2005)

1985 [31] Carly Rae Jepsen, Mission BC, pop singer (w/Owl City-“Good Time”, “Call Me Maybe”)

1987 [29] Sam Palladio, Pembury UK, TV actor (‘Gunnar Scott’ on “Nashville” since 2012)

• “Pumpkin Pie Day”, celebrating a truly North American food phenomenon. What’s your secret ingredient? And your favorite topping? Ever try it with honey?

• “World Fisheries Day”, designed to draw attention to overfishing, habitat destruction, and other serious threats to the sustainability of our marine and freshwater resources.

• “World Hello Day”, the 44th annual celebration of the simplest salutation that now takes place in some 180 countries. Participants are asked to spread goodwill by saying ‘hello’ to 10 people.
Here’s how to say ‘hello’ in 20 languages …

• “World Television Day”, established in 1996 by the UN to encourage nations to exchange cultural programming focusing on peace, security, and economic & social development.

2006 [10] “No Music Day” in Britain, when conceptual artist Bill Drummond calls for all citizens to refrain from extraneous noise (London radio station Resonance 104.4 airs … silence)

2014 [02] “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1” opens in movie theaters

2003 [13] The acoustic guitar on which The Beatles’ George Harrison learned to play is sold at a London auction for £276,000 (original price … £3.50)

2006 [10] Black Eyed Peas take home 3 awards at the American Music Awards in LA

2010 [06] Jimmy Johnson becomes the 1st driver ever to win 5 straight NASCAR Sprint Cup Series championships

2000 [16] Backstreet Boys’ “Black & Blue” album debuts with one of the biggest initial retail shipments ever, circa 6 million units

2014 [02] Snowstorms finally end in the Buffalo NY region, leaving behind 13 dead and hundreds of stranded motorists in up to – whoa! – 7 feet of snow

[Tues] Go For a Ride Day
[Tues] International Start Your Own Country Day
[Wed] ARIA Awards (Sydney NSW)
[Wed] Doctor Who Day
[Wed] International Image Consultant Day
[Wed] Espresso Day
[Thurs] Thanksgiving (USA)
[Thurs] “The Simpsons” 600-episode marathon begins (FXX)
[Thurs] Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day

Better Conversation Week / Deal Week / Farm-City Week / Game & Puzzle Week / Global Entrepreneurship Week / International Fraud Awareness Week / Restorative Justice Week


Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
According to NYC matchmaker Lisa Ronis, pickup lines aren’t just for guys. She suggests women try these lines next time they’re waiting for service at a bar …
• “Takes forever to get a glass of wine around here.”
• “Wow, somebody smells so good.”
• “You live around here?”
• “So what do you do?”
• “You guys on business?”
(Another line a woman can use that always seems to work is … “Hi.”)
– First published in “BS” 2008.

“Sorry For Your Loss … But Your Boyfriend Is Happier With Me.”
“Wish You Were Here … So You Could Watch Me Walk Away.”
“Thank-you For Being My Friend … Who Makes Me Look Hot When I’m Next to Them.”
“Congrats On Your Marriage … Who Would’ve Thought?”
“You Are Always in My Thoughts … As a Second-Rate Version of Me.”
“Happy Birthday … Good Thing Vintage is In!”
“Happy Valentines Day … Because No One Else Will Say It to You.”
“Happy Anniversary … Of When I Lowered My Expectations.”
“Congrats On the Newborn … Here’s a Paternity Test.”
“Good Luck … He Sucks in Bed.”
– First published in “BS” 2014.

☎ Which sports team has the ugliest uniforms? A few of our least-faves …
✗ Virginia Tech University (maroon & reddish-orange … looks like something that needs to be mopped up).
✗ Calgary Flames really, really red retro jersey (enough to ‘flame’ out your TV screen).
✗ Pittsburgh Steelers throwback uniform (bee-like stripes).
✗ Miami Dolphins (tough guys don’t wear aqua).
✗ New York Mets (really, really, really) blue jersey.
✗ New Zealand’s 2008 Olympic outfit (stolen form a bowling alley?).
✗ Cincinnati Bengals (every game looks like Halloween).
✗ Vancouver Canucks 1990s ‘chocolate bar’ uniform.
✗ Tampa Bay Bucaneers’ 2016 ‘color rush’ uniform (pass the sunglasses).
✗ Oregon Ducks (neon yellow & greyish green … erp!).

According to research, having which in your neighborhood has all kinds of benefits, including lower rates of crime, domestic violence, and stress?
a. Playgrounds.
b. Trees. [CORRECT]
c. Armed troops.
– “Psychology Today”

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Question: You’re likely to make more than $2,000 extra per year if you have THIS trait.
Answer: Being left-handed.

If it is to be, it is up to me.

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