Thursday, November 22, 2012        Edition: #4874

Can You Believe This Sheet?

“NY Times” is reporting that ‘Elmo’ puppeteer Kevin Clash has handed in his notice to “Sesame Street” after a 2nd accuser has come forward claiming he too had a sexual relationship with the voice actor while a minor; he’s suing for over $5 million in damages (just when you thought it was safe to tickle ‘Elmo’ again) . . . Kelsey Grammar’s TV series about Chicago politics, “Boss” (Starz), has been cancelled after 2 seasons due to low ratings, even though it earned him the ‘Best Actor’ Golden Globe Award this year (this is not a good time for another divorce, Kels!) . . . The good news for 14-year-old “Modern Family” actress Ariel Winter is, Children’s Services has testified in court her mom should lose custody; the bad news is, her father wants it (amazing how some actors succeed despite show biz parents) . . . 40-year-old actress Cameron Diaz tells “Times of London” that stripping down to her skivvies and appearing in sexy magazine spreads is ‘empowering’, and ‘every woman wants to be objectified’ because – tell her to shutup, please! – ‘it’s healthy’ (the 3rd wave of feminism thanks you for your help) . . . The stylist for “Twilight Saga” actress Kristen Stewart says she has to ‘beg’ the star to wear heels on the red carpet (Stewart famously dumps them for sneakers ASAP) . . . And 66-year-old Brit actress Joanna Lumley (“Absolutely Fabulous”) has spent an entire day this week filming a scene with 38-year-old co-star Leonardo DiCaprio on the NYC set of their new movie “Wolf of Wall Street” – a passionate kissing scene (“Cut! OK, let’s try it again with the teeth in this time … and action!”).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Big KRIT (“Live From the Underground”). Rerun.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Justin Bieber (“Believe”); Philip Phillips (“The World From the Side Of the Moon”). Rerun.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Boys Like Girls (“Crazy World”, out December 11th). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Metric (“Synthetica”). Rerun.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Lynyrd Skynyrd (“Last Of a Dyin’ Breed”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Taylor Swift (“Red”). Rerun.
• “Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade” (CBS/NBC): This year’s 86th annual in NYC features performances by Carly Rae Jepsen, Chris Isaak, Colbie Caillat, Flo Rida, Jimmy Fallon & The Roots, Karmin, Martina McBride, Neon Trees, Trace Adkins, and The Wanted.
• “Michael Jackson: BAD25” (ABC) – The TV premiere of Spike Lee’s documentary celebrating the 25th anniversary of the “Bad” album by chronicling the making of the 1987 opus, as well as showing music videos and footage from the King of Pop’s “Bad” tour.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – PSY (“Gagnam Style”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Susan Boyle (“Standing Ovation: The Greatest Songs From The Stage”). Rerun.
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – Cher Lloyd (“Sticks + Stones”) performs; contestants face elimination.

• Deadmau5 – The Niagara Falls-born DJ (real name Joel Zimmerman) is seemingly back together with tattoo artist-girlfriend Kat Von D, according to pics he’s tweeted of their date night earlier this week. (How can your relationship last if you’re continually tweeting pics of it?)
• Fiona Apple – She’s announced on her Facebook page that she’s postponed her upcoming tour of South America … to be with her dying dog Janet. She was slated to kick off the trek in Brazil on November 27th. (Seen recent photos of her? Looks like the china white is winning.)
• Kelly Clarkson – She tells Ellen DeGeneres she isn’t engaged to boyfriend Brandon Blackstock … but just give it a little time. Quote: “We are totally going to get married.” (Feeling the heat, dude?)
• Kid Rock – The Detroit native performs at halftime of the traditional Detroit Lions Thanksgiving Day game today. He tells it means a lot to him because he used to go to these games with his dad and brother every year when he was a kid.
• Kenny Chesney – His halftime concert at today’s Dallas NFL game marks the 16th year of the Thanksgiving Day partnership between the Cowboys and the Salvation Army, during which time its Red Kettle Campaign has raised more than $1.5 billion.
• Lenny Kravitz – He performs tonight during NBC-TV’s first-ever primetime NFL game on Thanksgiving. Former coach/broadcaster John Madden kicks off the coverage of New England Patriots vs NY Jets. (Are 3 games on Thanksgiving too many? Mom likely thinks ‘hell yeah’.)
• Madonna – The 54-year-old and her breasts (likely not 54) are on display in her ad for ‘Naked’, a new fragrance from her company Truth or Dare. (The ad’s a mash-up of bravery … and Photoshop.)
• Rolling Stones – Organizers of the upcoming “12-12-12” benefit concert for victims of Super Storm Sandy have been talking to them about appearing, perhaps in a full dress rehearsal for their 50th anniversary shows in Newark NJ December 13th and 15th.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Epstein” – Actor Tom Hanks is producing this film about Brian Epstein, the mild-mannered, dapper visionary who was running his family’s Liverpool furniture & record store when he heard The Beatles perform at the Cavern Club and decided to become their manager. Benedict Cumberbatch (“The Hobbit”, “War Horse”) will star.
• “The Judge” – Robert Downey Jr plays a successful lawyer returning to his hometown for his mother’s funeral only to discover his estranged father – the town’s judge, who is stricken with Alzheimer’s – is the main murder suspect. 75-year-old Hollywood veteran Jack Nicholson is being courted to play that role.
• “MacGyver” – After being kicked around for a decade, the cult 1980s TV series may finally be hitting the bigscreen. 35-year-old James Wan (“Saw”) is being wooed to direct. Richard Dean Anderson portrayed the TV hero, a resourceful agent who solved problems by tinkering with objects at hand. A film parody starring Will Forte, “MacGruber”, was released in 2010.
• “Midnight Love” – Rocker Lenny Kravitz has reportedly been tapped to portray late Motown legend Marvin Gaye in filmmaker Julien Temple’s upcoming biopic. Kravitz has had small roles in “Precious” and “The Hunger Games”, but this would mark his debut as a leading actor. The film will focus on Gaye’s final studio album, which provides the movie’s title.
• “Reach Me” – Sylvester Stallone has just joined the cast of this now-shooting ensemble drama, which follows a group of people who all have a connection to a self-help book authored by a reclusive former football coach. The film also stars Nelly, Omari Hardwick, Elizabeth Henstridge, Danny Aiello, and Rebekah Chaney among others.

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … children who never climb trees are more likely to develop a fear of heights, at least, according to a new study from Norway. (But not as likely as children who fall out of trees.)
– “Wall Street Journal”
• Scientists say … that the majority of heart attacks occur at 8 o’clock in the morning, according to a review of thousands of medical cases. (So have a nice day. Actually it’s 7:55 … have a nice 5 minutes.)
– “Harvard Medical Journal”
• Scientists say … happy adolescents are likely to earn more money as adults, likely because happy people are more likely to get a degree, find work, and get promoted more quickly. (The squeaky wheel may get the grease … but not the green.)

According to a recent LinkedIn survey of some 8,000 professionals, less than 30% of us ever land our dream job or even find work in a related field. The top dream jobs …
3. Writer
2. Veterinarian
1. Teacher
3. Athlete
2. Scientist
1. Pilot

A new Gallup survey in 152 countries compares how people in each feel about their lives. Singapore ranks as the world’s most emotionless society. Singaporeans are unlikely to report feelings of anger, physical pain, or other negative emotions. They’re not laughing a lot, either. Danes are the most satisfied, while citizens of Togo in West Africa are the least. The award for most pessimistic goes to Greece, ground zero of the euro debt crisis. The people most likely to report feeling stress, anger, sadness, worry, or pain are Iraqis. And the most emotional nation overall? The Philippines. (That won’t surprise you if you’ve ever been to a Filipino wedding.)

This week Jack Taylor of Iowa’s Grinnell College set a new NCAA basketball scoring record by dunking 138 points in the Pioneers’ 179-104 victory over Faith Baptist Bible College Eagles (who didn’t have a prayer). That eclipses the previous record of 113 points, set way back in 1954. (To his teammates, JT is known as ‘Ball Hog’.)
– ESPN Stats & Information


1950 [62] Steven Van Zandt, Winthrop MA, rock guitarist (Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band)/TV actor (“The Sopranos” 1999-2007)

1958 [54] Jamie Lee Curtis, LA CA, movie actress (“Freaky Friday”, “True Lies”)/daughter of actors Janet Leigh & Tony Curtis

1970 [42] Chris Fryar, Birmingham AL, country music drummer (Zac Brown Band-w/Alan Jackson-“As She’s Walking Away”, “Chicken Fried”)

1978 [34] Karen O (Orzolek), South Korea, indie rock singer (Yeah Yeah Yeahs-“Heads Will Roll”, “Zero”)

1984 [28] Scarlett Johannson, NYC, movie star (“Iron Man” films, “Vicky Cristina Barcelona”)/wed to actor Ryan Reynolds (2008-10) UP NEXT: Plays Janet Leigh in “Hitchcock”, opening tomorrow.

• “Go For a Ride Day”, a day to take a breather and go for a relaxing ride in a car, a bus, on a motorcycle or a boat … whatever! (We went to the used car dealer and got ‘taken for a ride’.)

• “St Cecilia’s Day”, honoring the patron saint of music and musicians.

• “Start Your Own Country Day”, a good excuse to ask listeners what 3 things would be different if they ran their own nation. (How about no taxes, no taxes, and no taxes?)

• “Stop The Violence Day”, observed annually on the anniversary of the assassination of US President John F Kennedy (1963).

• “Thanksgiving Day” in America, a yearly tradition on the 4th Thursday of November since 1879. November 22nd is the earliest day on which the holiday can fall.

1995 [17] Disney’s “Toy Story” opens in movie theaters, the 1st computer-animated movie

2002 [10] “Die Another Day”, starring Pierce Brosnan, is released 40 years after the first ‘Bond’ film, “Dr No”

1934 [78] 1st performance of the holiday classic “Santa Claus Is Comin’ to Town” (Eddie Cantor radio show)

2003 [09] ZZ Top plays the final show at the Compaq Center (formerly The Summit) in Houston TX before it is closed down (and renovated into TV evangelist Joel Osteen’s mega-church)

2005 [07] Angela Merkel becomes the 1st female Chancellor of Germany (remains one of the world’s most powerful women)

1986 [26] At age 20, Mike Tyson becomes ‘Youngest World Heavyweight Boxing Champion’, after a 2nd-round  knockout of Trevor Berbick in Las Vegas

[Fri] Black Friday
[Fri] Buy Nothing Day
[Fri] Flossing Day
[Sat] Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day
[Sun] International Day For the Elimination of Violence Against Women Day
[Sun] Shopping Reminder Day
This Week Is … Game & Puzzle Week
This Month … Pomegranate Month


✓ The first indoor Grey Cup was played on shag carpet.
✓ No team trailing at the end of the game has ever won the Grey Cup.
✓ Officials at the 1957 Grey Cup were dressed as Zorro.
✓ Every Grey Cup since 2006 has been decided a week in advance by the Prime Minister’s Office.
✓ Before Gatorade, players dumped poutine on their coach.
✓ Pinball Clemons is the only person to win a Grey Cup as a player, coach, and cheerleader.
✓ Due to a football shortage during WW2, the 1941 Grey Cup was played with moose poop.
✓ Olive Diefenbaker slept with every member of the 1960 Ottawa Rough Riders backfield.

In old Sicily, if a young woman tied a red ribbon in her hair, you knew she had just …
a. Become engaged. [CORRECT]
b. Graduated from school.
c. Had her pasta boiled.
– Halife

As every fine-print challenged person has discovered while frantically squinting through the shower spray, searching for the right bottle …
• ‘New Advanced Technology’
• ‘Damage Control’
• ‘Scientific Formula’
• ‘Salon Performance’
• ‘Advanced Care & Repair’
• ‘Climate Protection’
• ‘Aromatherapy’
• ‘Self-Adjusting’
• ‘Used by Professionals’
And in the tiniest font somewhere down near the bottom … ‘Shampoo’.

☎ At projected rates of consumption, all the currently available helium on Earth will be depleted in 40 years. Should we be wasting the dwindling supply on floating cartoon characters in parades?

I told my girlfriend last night how much I loved her, and she said that I must have been out drinking again. I asked her why she would say that and she said, “Because I’m your father.”

Question: About 90% of women polled say they hate THIS about their guy, but only 40% have actually mentioned it.
Answer: A surplus of back hair.

If it’s seems too good to be true … it is.

Printer Friendly Version